Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/16/2015

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Nana Ellis

Top of the afternoon to you! It’s Monday, there’s a live show, the white boy is back, and therefore there’s a fresh re-cap for your ass. Ellis feels pretty glorious, he’s facing massive decisions, but everything is going to be okay. It could be worse. Verne Troyer is most likely going to die – unlike M&M’s. They’ll live forever. Jesus isn’t real, but you keep trying to guilt trip yourself into believing he exists. Metallica is real though. Wilson purchased a budget puppet for Ellis to use while he’s revealing things he maybe shouldn’t – it’s a Devil puppet. First confession from Devil puppet? Ellis is trying to have sex with Katie but she’s on her period and he’s not into it, there’s blood, there’s mood swings, all that shit man. Continue reading

Show Recap for Wednesday 1/28/2015

What? Y’all motherfuckers forgot about Dre, didn’t you? I KNEW IT! So it’s #WolfknivesWednesday and shit, and welcome to the fiercely intense Jason Ellis Show. He’s like a knife cutting into your ears, metaphorically, but still – watch your ass. Have you noticed most Korean men are not that good looking? Can you punch someone in the face through the phone? You’d be a lot cooler if you could. Continue reading

Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/25/2014

Welcome to a very special Friday recap of The Jason Ellis Show. Ellis started off by educating is an d shit. He said when you truly give it all you got you can accomplish anything and be awesome or something like that. Ellis also says that he’s been getting a barrage of hateful tweets from O&A fans saying he’s a fag and hopes he has AIDS but thankfully Tully says that hate deaths are down and that’s a good thing. Jetta doesn’t hate other people but he is completely shoe racist and won’t wear Adidas. Ellis won’t wear Rebok or Affliction either unless you pay him enough, so I guess he’s kinda brand racist too but that’s okay because anybody wearing Affliction clothing is probably too stupid to know anyway. The UFC this weekend (yesterday) with crazy bones jones (guess who won). I’m not gonna give you any spoilers though, that’s Twitters job. Ellis also got his beard trimmed in Hollywood and he remembered why that place sucks balls so much, it’s all the Persians and their richer than you, I know P Ditty bullshit. Nobody cares if you know P Diddy, my friend once got kicked in the chest by Phil Anselmo so suck it! Ellis then talked about the surgery he needs to fix his heart so it doesn’t get all crazy fucked up again. Speaking of getting all fucked up (Segway pro!) Tully went to a Cochella party and smoked a bunch of weed, which he never does, and then went to bed. That mother fucker is a party animal! Then a guy called in and asked when it’s time to get divorced. The answer is now, now is a good time. If you’re asking that question then run like your head is on fire and your ass is catchin!

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In Cock News there was a story on the TV show Sex Sent Me To The ER, a dude named Sean went into the great out doors naked because his chick laughed at his performance between the sheets and a legless lizard climbed up inside of his pee hole. After they did that riveting story of nature and pee holes the guys then gave some new Wolfknife members their names. I’d tell you what they all are but I didn’t write them down so tough shit. If you want some Wolfknife gear of your own go to http://www.shopbenchmark.com/jasonellis and hook yourself up. Use promo code NoYouAre for a 0% discount.

The Grenade Games 10 is this weekend also (hell it’s probably over by now) hosted by Danny and Dingo. If you want more information on this epic event go to Grenadegloves.com. They played a video of John Dailey hitting a golf ball out of a woman’s

This is why girls aren't allowed to play i the Grenade Games.

This is why girls aren’t allowed to play in the Grenade Games.

mouth but she left with all her teeth so I’m not gonna waste my time looking for it. Dan Bilzarian is a millionaire playboy guy who has way too many Instagram followers and also has a video of him throwing some chick off his roof into his pool. I did find this video because she busted her foot and I know what my readers want! That and she’s naked. Cosmos wrote a story on the things men do in secret. Some of those things are:

  • Hang towel off penis, yup
  • Dries balls with blow dryer, allegedly
  • Tinker with things AKA fix shit, duh
  • Tuck their penises between their legs, no comment
  • Try to suck ourselves off, nope, can’t reach
  • Rub their stomachs, why is this on here
  • Eat things without proper bowls, dishes, or proper utensils, less shit to wash later
  • Flex in the mirror, welcome to the gun show
  • And they think what they would do if the building they were in were attacked by assassins, whoop ass, period!

In Canadian News Prime Minister Bigfoot’s kid had a party at the Canadian White House (probably just a really big log cabin) and there was a lady barfing outside in the drive. I think download (5)this made the news because most of the snow is melted so the weather department doesn’t have much else to do. Cumtard came in with a new bit he put together while on vacation. He showed pictures of everyone on the show to random people at Comicon and asked them questions about the people in the photos. The general consensus is that Will is an angry cho-mo, Kevin should work at a video game store, Jetta is a raging weiner wrestler, Tully looks suspiciously normal, and Ellis probably committed a felony. They were almost right. This inspired me to show people pictures of yer mum and the general reply was raging boners and a stinging burning feeling during urination, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/19/2013

What happens when you come into the show a couple minutes late? You hear that Ellis wants to kill and is full of bloodlust. But I’m sure that it’s just a misunderstanding because even Katie says that Ellis is getting depressed less and handling shit better. Ellis is going to be able to punch people in de face everyday now because he is moving from his current house to a home in Gymville, next door to Blackeyetropolis. Punching your friends in de face is all in good fun, but if you knee them in de face then your just a dick. Unless it’s some fakey spinning flying knee to de face then it’s just fucking awesome! Before the show the guys, Ellis, Tully, Rawdog, Dom, Will and celebrity EllisFam guest Butterballs, played a game of street ball as discussed earlier in the week and during the basketball MMA-knee-to-the-face-fights-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-903game Will sprained his labia and finally got his first legitimate sports injury. It was described as a very retarded version of prison ball with as much butt rape as one would imagine. Back to Will’s sprained cervix, he said that he heard two snaps in his knee and claims its fractured compoundedly but most likly he just tore a ligament. Rawdog can’t make 3 out of 10 layups as expected but he can dribble way better now than he could before. Ellis’s pool party this weekend will have a real mermaid there for the kids and also to save Josh when he falls into the pool and forgets to plug his nose. The discussion turned to cool kid names and what names the guys would name their sons of they were to have one, but Josh just seems to want to name his son a name that will guarantee himself a lineup with The Chippendale’s.

Dom Ass News was almost an hour long conversation on the conspiracy of the lost city of Atlantis and that it never existed. It was a  very confusing conspiracy theory mainly because there seemed to be no conspiracy behind it at all. Dom said that someone is Bermudaclaiming that he city never existed but Dom says it did and that they are living below the sea in a bubble with a hotel and indoor plumbing and seaweed technologies and sushi and somehow have electricity for lighting because it is dark at the bottom of the ocean. With an argument like that how could Dom be wrong! They also talked about the Bermuda Triangle and that is another place that Dom doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t want to mysteriously disappear. But Josh solved the entire mystery by reading one tweet, Atlantis is under the Bermuda Triangle and planes and ships disappear because of their centuries old yet incredibly advanced technologies. Makes perfect sense now.

Did you hear the one about the beached whale and the Gordons Fisherman? Jeremy Stenburg, aka Twitch, called in and talked some shit and then something about the Best Whip contest on ESPN and you can vote here but by the time you read this part, wipe, and flush the toilet, the contest will be over so just sit back and relax a little longer. Here’s the Jake brown ollie 720 video. Burt McKracken came in and discussed a few things, like the

And that's just the foreplay!

And that’s just the foreplay!

micro ramp, rollerblades, and something new with methed out whores picking at their faces and partying. Oh yeah, also to debut Cunt Kicker, if you haven’t heard it then listen to it here! The song kicks ass and I can’t wait to see what the other songs are brought to the table. They also talked about how annoying it would be of their spouses were into their music or careers and thats when Tully revealed that his wife secretly runs NoYouAre. The mystery of who bitPimps is has been revealed, I always thought you had really nice tits for a dude. And a new game was played today called Freak The Fuck Out Of Burt With A Spider While We All Laugh. Guess how that went? He manned up after screaming like a girl and let the tarantula crawl on his hand. After that they talked about snake bites, death, trippin balls, unicorns, and jewnicorns.

Dom’s Sasquatch sound clip that is definitive proof that Bigfoot is real, seriously, how can you argue against this?! Tully’s Cock News was a compilation of some of the greatest cock injuries of all time. A doctor circumcised a kid and almost cut off his baby winky, a man at Arby’s had his junk sprayed by scalding hot water in the bathroom after flushing the urinal, a young man in India “accidentally” had his pet fish “accidentally” slide into his urethra when he took it with him to go pee “accidentally.” A man claimed that a street gang knocked him out, robbed him, and slid a nail up his pee hole. And aother dude injected cocaine into his urethra, got gangrene and lost his dick, both legs, and nine fingers. Thats why you never should shoot up coke in your weenis. Do you hate Ellis? You should tell him that, but more importantly do you hate NoYouAre? If you do then watch this last video. Now do you? Well if you do then just know this one thing, we don’t want to hear about it. Besides, yer mum loves us, all of us, at the same time, OH!