2012

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Az_RedDragon

Welcome to the smooth sultry sounds of today’s re-cap. It might be all that but it doesn’t hold a candle to Rawdog’s sexy voice. Tully made him use it and seduce him, and I don’t

¿Quién es este Van Halen hablas de?

know about the rest of you, but my pants were ankle bound in no time. Josh’s now regular lucha libre partner has never heard of some of the most iconic bands in my lifetime and for sake of time I will not rant about that. Instead I will wait until Josh unleash this epic ten song selection of “white boy” rock and see what she says, then I shall unleash the feathered hair fury! Ellis finally arrived, probably traffic again, and noticed that someone ate the fucking mint. WHO ATE THE FUCKING MINT! It was Jude, apparently he had a bad case of the zactlys and the mint was necessary at the time. He apologized and will promptly replace the fucking mint. Then I’m pretty sure they started talking about eating in the bathroom, the “bitchen.” I think my brain blocked this from itself because that’s fucking gross. The 5 second rule DOES NOT apply in the bitchen, it it falls, tough shit.

I used this hand!

The actor, Fred Willard was caught with his dick in hand at an adult movie theater and was arrested by a peeping tom cop who claimed he was “Jacking his rod.” What kind of a world do we live in when a man can’t watch porn in a public porn place and flog the bishop or pet the one eyed snake, wax the wood, butter the corn, choke the chicken, fumble your frank, hump your hand, flick your dick, whack your pud, shag your shank, shampoo the moose, wrestle with Jimmy, wait, what was I talking about? Oh well, moving on. Hey fatty, money you used to buy that double bacon four pounder you got a Shit Donalds King is going to support some sort of religious based, hate the different, owners and their charities. Enjoy.

CumTard came in the studio today. I think it was to talk a little about his fight with @Shit_Toboggan but it was probably just to give the guys another bag of pubes. He left after only a short time which was my favorite part of the segment. A tuna diver off the coast of Mexico wrestled and killed a great white shark. I have officially put this guy in the Hall of Manly Men for being the Manliest Man in the world. Take that Dos Equis guy! The Kottonmouth Kings came into the Swinghouse today promoting their new album. Instead of the straight forward boring interview, Ellis decided that they needed to play a game and the loser has to smoke the pubes that Kevin brought in. The game was created by Josh and much like the flaming plane crash that is associated with NMT, this was no different. He made a game that consisted of a number of brain teasers and tests. The KMK’s did suprisingly well and Tully and Ellis then had to smoke the crotch garden that was given earlier. It was a good appearance and they mentioned a few times that people should go to www.kottonmouthkings.com, they even mentioned that they will post video of Ellis and Tully smoking the pubie doobie.

Final calls were pretty standard and the “Matterdaddy” guy called in again. I think that i am starting to enjoy his persistence, he is truly dedicated to his shitty joke. Before I forget, Ellis will be on vacation next week, so plan your whining and bitching accordingly. Me on the other hand will have afternoons free to spend with yer mum, trying to figure out which wrist watch is mine that I found in her vagasaurus, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 7/18/2012

Posted on July 18, 2012 by Az_RedDragon

As many of you are hobbling through this week, some still suffering your post EllisMania depression, we learn that Jason’s love tap he received from Mayhem is a torn MCL. For those not too familiar with human anatomy, the MCL is the doohickey that is connected to the thingamajig and controls the whatsit. Pretty basic stuff. Ellis’s vacation in Cabo is set and he is looking forward to it. He believes that he will return a changed man, and Mexico has a strange way of doing just that. I myself can never look at a donkey and a middle aged Senorita in fishnets the same way again. Matthew McConaughey was mentioned and due to the noise of heavy machinery all i heard was bits and pieces that not only declare but support the reason that he is one of the coolest dudes ever.

Paul Gaylord, from Prineville, Oregon, got the Bubonic Plague when he was wrestalin with some pusssayyyyy! If you live in Oregon and like your fingers don’t pet the stray kitty. This public service announcement has been brought to you by this guy. A pair of girls was attacked by a beaver. I swear I’ve heard this joke in a bar somewhere. And in New Guinea there are Cannibal Cults, not to be confused with Cannibal Corpse, that are eating the dicks of men, not to be confused with Nickelback. Also in New Guinea there is a fish that loves the nuts, but unfortunately we all know fish don’t have lips so this is a rather toothy fellating. Wear a cup. Speaking of sucking nuts, Chick-Fil-A doesn’t back gay marriage. In fact the owner or CEO or Head Fucktard came out in the press saying that they don’t think its right or some shit. This is going to start a massive protest at their chicken sandwich franchises and they should be prepared for absolutely fabulous looking picketers, glitter bombings, and the endless hours of Cher songs.

Today was Worlds Greatest Wednesday and the subject was, The Worlds Greatest Thing To Do In The Last Hour Of Your Life. And your final top 10 are…..

10. Hunting deer with a cruise missle

9. Have gay sex in a Chick-Fil-A resturant

8. Make a celebrity sex tape with Oprah on a pile of money

7. Smoke a joint with Willie Nelson

6. Viewkkake: Shooting your load on the entire cast of The View

5. Impregnating maids with Arnold Schwarzenegger

4. Real life “Fuck, Marry, Kill”

3. Charity jam a bunch of hot chicks with AIDS and Herpes

2. Create a rollerblading contest, hosted by Nickelback, and blow up the building

and your winner, thanks to Shantanee and her mega 10 million vote, is…..

1. Frame Jay Leno for murder!

I’m really going to need some Preparation H

Speaking of murder, I saw yer mum at the Chick-Fil-A, and no, she wasn’t giving blow jobs for sandwiches, that’s uncalled for. She was however, taking bets on how many she could fit up her slam box. Want to know the winning number? So do I, when I last checked she was still cramming them up her greasy snatch hole like it was a garbage disposal, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 7/17/2012

Posted on July 17, 2012 by bitPimps 中

More than meets the brown eye, fear the fabulousness!

Hey, hey, AD from Houston here with another re-cap. Seriously though, who the fuck is AD? Why is he in Houston, what the fuck is there? Does he do anything besides Faction updates? Is AD even a real human or is it a computer? Questions like these are what made Arsenio Hall go “hmmmm”. Jude came on to talk about how pilled out he was during the first part of EllisMania 8 and how he had a great time hanging out with Ellis fans. And there was more talk about Rawdog potentially being known as “Fag-a-tron” since his Shade 45 rap debut, which of course he isn’t, just as long as you don’t ask Jude’s listeners. Ellis’ knee is all filled up with fluid and looking pretty gnarled, that’s gotta feel great, shout out to Mayhem – ya dumb shit. He also took the liberty of steeling the motorcycle helmet that Chad Reed (the guitarist in D!D!D!) wears during shows, and won’t give it back. Props again to that dude for upping his douche level on the market by a solid 3 points.

As we age, we all get to a point where we just don’t care about some things anymore.

Ellis wants to make EllisMania 9 even bigger, but he knows that the bigger it gets, the more stressful things will become and more chances of pissing someone off. But, like a lot of people, he’s always striving for more, so much so in fact that he tends to never be satisfied with what he has recently accomplished. That spawned some interesting conversation from the guys concerning their own work ethics, how they feel about where they’ve come from to where they are now in their lives, etc. Tully talked about how while working for Carson Daly, his highlight was getting Carson to read something he wrote. A very familiar feeling for some of us who tweet the show like we’re mute and suffer from tourettes syndrome, I’m sure most of us enjoy hearing our tweets get read on the show. I don’t know if it’s so much for the recognition as it to just hear something you’ve created be good enough to be repeated to listeners. The whole conversation was actually pretty interesting, maybe more so to the older crowd versus the younger crowd, but it had some pretty good insights and retrospectives for everyone.

AIDs sandwich: Bread, mayonnaise, cheese, and extra AIDs.

Some dude was eating airplane food and got stabbed in the mouth with a needle, and now he’s on AIDs medication. Nope, that’s not a joke, it’s for real. Where’s the fuckin’ TSA on that one? Probably busy putting AIDs infected needles in airplane food. Take that TSA! Internet balls are all swollen! The Boy Scouts are still banning homosexuality, shocking, I know – a religion based group against homosexuality? Some listener called into say he was once a Boy Scout and that they are some hardcore brother fuckers. I can only assume that is very true. Speaking of AIDs sandwich, your mom used to employee of the month at Subway for several years running. Not because she did a great job at making AIDs sandwiches, but because she was the one that came up with the $5 footlong specials, and as you might have guessed, it wasn’t about sandwiches at all. She was the talk of North America and doing great until it was revealed that instead of using mayonnaise, she would regurgitate all the loads she swallowed into the dispenser – essentially baby birding everyone with cum. At that point, Jared broke up with her and began his new diet. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 7/16/2012

Posted on July 16, 2012 by bitPimps 中

DanOD5 getting his interview on after some thuggery

Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.

MMA Sasquatch lurking and rubbing his jerky in the background

Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.

Mayhem Bot making his rap debut with Death! Death! Die!

Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!

Ellismania 8 Results – 7/14/12

Posted on July 15, 2012 by CobraTits

Musical Chair Fight: Belly Dancer (?) defeats Ballerina (@Cogdeth) via split decision in the final.

Hot Dog vs. Taco: Hot Dog (@KevinKraftSucks AKA Cumtard) defeats Taco (@shit_toboggan) via TKO.

Big Bitch Fight: Lauren (@FacePlantLauren) defeats Shantanee (@Shanwize1) via split decision in a brutal fight.

Blindfolded Shock Collar Fight: ‘Dutch’ (@Dutch_RDS) is declared the winner.

Rawdog vs. Ruby Renegade: Ruby (@TheRealRubyR) defeats Rawdog (@RadioTFB) in a controversial unanimous decision.

Dan vs. Alicia: Dan (@DanOD5) defeated Alicia (@AliciaLeii ). After 3 rounds ‘The Incredible Hulk’ (@possiblyTully) entered the ring and Dan defeated Tully!