Tag Archives: Jason Ellis

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/25/2012

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So its the last time you have to give a fuck this week and all you need to do is go back and listen to todays show.  You know its a Fucking Classic by the intro and by Ellis admiting he’s not the smartest man in the world.  He was smart enough to con Cumtard into testing Nair hair removal on his ballsac, but we’ll get to that later since Cumtard had to run and buy the shit first, and thats why he isn’t the producer of the show.  Anyways, lets get to RawDogs dream of receiving oral from Prometheus, how fucking creepy is that? Not as creepy as Ellis chasing his kids around the house in a wig as their “other mommy” and freaking poor Tiggy and Snookie out. Oh that reminded Tully  about some male/female couple he saw this weekend battling over who was the mommy, for real!  This got the show started on if its worse to have a weird straight parent, or a weird gay parent?  Not that gay is weird, but on top of being weird they are gay.  We didn’t find the answer out to that, but we did find out a few big names that have struggled with such a task, like one of the dudes that directed The Matrix and Cloud Atlas, the singer from Against Me, and and of course legendary rocker Dave Mustaine.  Whatever the situation is, Tullys cool if his wife wants to be a dude.  Eiffel Tower and all man thats his best friend.  Its just the potential Barry White voice that comes with the hormones that freaks him out the most.

Hi kids, mommies home!

 

LTIFOOYMWIFH, which means Laugh Til I Fall Out Of Your Mom While Im Fucking Her….you had to be there!  Whoever was their at the studios before the show is into some creepy shit.  Tully came across some legal pad with a To-Do list on it that was left behind in the studio.  What was on it? Shit like “Buy fuck pinata” and “DVR Boston Legal”, sick right!  Well we never found out what a fuck pinata is, and we don’t give a fuck about Boston Anal, but we did get a new sweet website out of the deal (Only if your 18 of course).  We did find out that yesterdays trial producer Valerie left behind some perfect audio for pranking your friends.  Don’t believe me, just ask Sluggo or Katie, both of whom were put up to the task.  Sluggo wasn’t phased one bit, but Katie on the other hand may have been a little flustered by the whole deal.  She ended up calling back and scaring Rawdog half to death with a few N-bombs that were all out of love.  Speaking of N-bombs I love, Obama was on the Jay Leno show and it was a hoot.  He shared tales of driving a Chevy Volt and how he isn’t allowed a cellphone, hilarious shit.  Meanwhile Axl Rose was on the Jimmy Kimmel show and he really showed up.  Axl has a Halloween tree that he uses to mind fuck other kids in the neighborhood, kinda cool.  Check out either of those two videos if you’d like, but you must check out and vote for this years 2012 Reverse Awards.  One note on this years awards, Joe Simpson (Nominee for “Least Rapey Celebrity Father”) has filed for divorce after allegedly coming out of the closet to his family, in case that changes your mind in any way.  Nothing changes when it comes to  how much fibromyalgia sucks, and how difficult it is to spell.  Morgellons is another disease that is both hard to spell and fucking sucks, but is it even real?  Tully told us something that isn’t real, well over exaggerated at least, Japanese dudes don’t all sniff school girl panties purchased at a near by vending machine.  Man that Tully is one polite muther fucker, unlike the 10% of celebrities that tweet or instagram while taking a shit.  Celebrities like Queen Latifah, Naughty By Nature, Michael Tully, The Fugees all of whom of from the shitty great state of New Jersey…………and then the “Coolest Man In The World” walked into the studio:

Rawdog, RZA and Jason Ellis – RED DRAGONS!

 

Fuck yeah thats the RZA!  He stopped by to promote his new movie that comes out November 2nd, The Man With The Iron Fists.  RZA has been working on his comedy and staying of the pot ninja, oh and this movie since 2006.  He’s pumped, Ellis Tully and Rawdog are pumped, the soundtrack is on steroids, get it up ya!  Russell Crowe is in the movie, but unfortunately his band didn’t make the cut for the soundtrack.  Crowedog had to study the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard for his role in the movie which is odd and intriguing.  Enough about the movie, whats good with the RZA?  He’s been laying off the weed like I said, especially the Cali shit.  Not when he’s with Snoop Lion though, you never turn down a doobie from the Dog Father!  Apparently Method Man hasn’t turned down a doobie, blunt, or even a seed since who knows when, Tical!  Did you know Ellis met RZA back in the day in Australia?  Yeah, RZA didn’t either, but Ellis said he was a cool dude back then, and still is.  The RZA called Rawdog a “Scientist” and made his fucking week!  I personally suggest going back and listening to this interview if you get a chance.

 

Don’t look too long or you’ll catch a ‘contact fag’

Oh yeah, Cumtard!  He finally got back with the Nair, the regular shit and the shit specifically for men.  But since Ellis didn’t want to catch contact fag, Cumtard had to cut a whole in a box for his balls to poke through.  So after a heated battle of shit fucking with Jizz Cult, Cumtard was ready and the “Smartest Box In The World” was born….and it was downhill from there.  Cumtard applied some regular nair to one nut, and the for men shit to the other and let it sit for a while. It took a little bit of time, and only a little bit of pain, for Cumtard to tell us the ‘for men’ is a little lighter of the ball sting.  Thats some good shit to know.  So is the fact this former NY cop is off the streets, after being arrested for plotting to kidnap, rape, murder, and eat women.  This reminded Ellis n Tully it was ok for one to eat the other in a pinch to survive, and Rawdog couldn’t do shit about it really.  Rawdog probably couldn’t do shit with a wild turkey if he had to catch one either, but this didn’t stop Ellis from wondering how sweet it would look on Ellis Mania if he tried.  You could say it may have a chance to be the best video of all time huh?  Well good luck beating the current #1 video on EllisMania.com, “Oh Fuck Red Dragons!”.  Speaking of which, Im off to get your mom to scream the same thing right now!

Ellis living with Valerie in Malibu – 2/1/2010 (History)

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Today #Ellisfam got introduced to the new producer-in-training, Valerie. Full name: Valerie Michaels, she runs a PR company that works with many pro skateboarders and has worked for the UFC.

Valerie in studio – 10/24/12

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As Jason mentioned, prior to the Ellis family moving to Beverly Hills, he was sleeping in his truck then got invited to stay at Valerie’s Malibu house for a little while. Let’s listen back.

Living with Valerie – 2/1/10

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Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/23/2012

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It’s Tuesday, and is there a Heaven for the EllisFam?  Some random preacher dude was telling Ellis, before the show, some shit about the Ultimate Real of heaven.  How everyone would be the funniest ever, and know everyone better than they did before, and have legendary licks just like Jimi Hendrix.  Bullshit!  Would be more like hell for Chad Reed if everyone could handle a Kawasaki like ol’ 22!  Tully thinks the world is culturally imperialistic for thinking their region specific religion is better than anyone elses, well with the internet giving us access to all walks of life.  He was also on Steam Pipe Alley back in the day, but thats a whole other story!  Back to Jesus, so if Heavens so freaking sweet, why don’t we off ourselves and go right now?  Cause fucking Oxford said suicide don’t get you into heaven, oh and God wants you to grapple with cancer for a few before your ready, nice to know!  If you were ever curious the difference between the new and old testaments, think of it like the difference between 311 and Danzig.  Also, make sure to not get TJ Lavin started on all this religious talk since Jesus causes hangovers. Remember kids, Pro Satan and Pro Forgiven! And as far as Rawdogs concerned, “Just don’t mess with the Jews and your ok!”

 

You can’t see him, but this guy is pointing to Tully. Show business is a mother fucker!

Axl Rose was at the Bridge School Benefit preforming acoustically with GNR.  She’s still got it!  After watching this video, Ellis compared it to Honey Boo Boo for others, a train wreck you can’t look away from.  He honestly thinks someone killed Axl, replaced him, and were watching this new shitty Axl.  Tully thinks its just the Marlboro Reds catching up to him, but #fucktully right.  Backbone called in to confirm the stories of random people being paid royally, to be on call for weeks to months at a time, in case Axl decided he was ready to record Chinese Democracy….which only took like 20 years and 17 million bucks to complete.  Cullen also said he recently saw Slash play with Myles Kennedy and they were shredding like the ledges they are!  Speaking of shredding, there is plenty of it in the 2012 Reverse Awards.

Contestants Brittany and Abby for this year’s “Person With the Least Amount of Heads” Award

Rawdog went through this years categories again, and they discussed and finalized the contestants.  Rawdog will post a site for us soon……….So keep your eyes open on twitter, and here, for the link to the website so you can vote for who you think is this years “Most Human Looking” or “Least Rapey Father”!  Oh yeah, don’t forget that Tim McGraw still hates the show – #TruckYeah

 

 

So some dude in New Jersey bit his finger off, after being transported between the hospital and lock up a few times, while high on PCP.  Meanwhile, these two other guys got naked, sacrificed some birds, set their house on fire, and put a shotgun barrel to the chest of a police officer….and only one of them died.  Sounds like cult activity to me, a Jizz Cult perhaps?  Speaking of Jizz Cult, we finally got to use his New Music Tuesday intro.  You know, the one that started all of this intro madness.  It took a while, and an unnecessary conference call, but we got to hear the pay off we’ve all been waiting for.  All this just giving way to Josh and his 2 week back up of Audio Ejaculate all over your earballs!  Tons of shit here to go back and check out, 12 artists in all, a really swell time.  Ellis is having a swell time on Hollywood Uncensored recently, even though he was getting ragged on for being so old and still wearing hats n shit.  But you know the Wing is comfortable with himself and is doing his thing, so fuck off.  You know who’s not comfortable, old baseball managers in those tight ass uniforms with their gunts pouring out of their stretch pants.  Could you imaging Phil Jackson rocking a Lakers warmup set on the sideline?  Old People, am I right?

 

Really dude – Can’t skip the shake and extra large fries once in a while?

 

Since Tully’s still on his vacation away from his family, he’s been staying up late and got to go get some RoRos Chicken.  What he hasn’t been doing is participating in the Fantasy Slut League that some Bay Area high school kids were running, until they got busted of course.  He has however been dreaming of dressing like Professor Moneybags from Monopoly.  Ellis suggested he makes it rain in the strip club if he did such a thing.  Speaking of making it rain, think you can make it rain laughter with your stand up routine?  Email your shit to ellisparodies@gmail.com and you can get reviewed live on the show like Jeff Judd did today.  Rawdog thinks he can, and almost had a bet lined up with Tully and Ellis to see who could do the best 5 minute routine.  Rawdog suggested they do their shit in a club, and the crowd’s applause can decide who won.  Tully had a different idea, to still do their 5 minute routine, but on the Ellis Show….and loser has to preform the same routine in some random comedy club in the ghetto.  Nothing got finalized but maybe more on this in the future.  Apparently Rawdog had no idea he has done a live set once before at the Pink Taco back in Ellis Mania 4, Classic!  He does remember that he wants to do acid at some point in his life, but Tully suggested to do really good shrooms instead.  They all agree whichever drug you do, watch VideoDrome while doing it.  Of course Rawdog would hate this movie, since he hates anything with old special effects.  The Matrix blows if you watch it now, since its so old and outdated.  He also thinks older cartoons are better because they have less visually, but are still as good as todays with their better writing and jokes.  Sufferin’ Succotash! (See it’s not funny people).  Don’t worry, Butterballs stopped by to save the day, and hooked his junk up to the RC Car to give the old tug and pull.  This isn’t his first dance with such obstacles  since he once did the Disco Balls challenge.  That guy has so much heart, but not as much as your mom….she never stops gaping and buttchugging, a true competi-whore!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/22/2012

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Look, here’s a picture of a of a chick standing in the ocean with her snorting cocaine stars in space. Just because.

It’s Monday, and we did it! We lasted an entire week without any live shows! But only because @Cullensaidthis put together some sweet “best of” licks, so quick shout out to that soon to be baby daddy. I’m not even sure I remember how to do re-caps anymore, but let’s give it a shot, like a shot of semen in your butt! HEYOH! You’re only as old as you feel, and Ellis feels twelve even though he finally caught radio AIDs from Rawdog & Tully while on his stay-cation. Dingo was there today, they were talking about Ellis being able to test out a bunch of new motorscooters last week, and we learned that Dingo broke his leg when he was about six – he rode his little dirt bike into a pile of bricks. We heard the re-telling of the epic story of Rawdog’s sister breaking his clavicle, and how he survived the whole ordeal even though his tough-ass didn’t want to go to the hospital at first. Hey, shout out to us today! Rawdog’s interview, Get Deep Inside Rawdog, got mentioned and we got made fun of, so that was fuckin’ awesome!

Going to Japan is like being a sexually assaulted fly.

Big news, Evander Holyfield is rumored to be coming out of retirement at age 50, no word on if he plans to hock his own line of indoor grilling apparatus. Sounds like he’s broke, owes a landscaping company some skrilla, and was linked to… wait for it… a company that gave athletes steroids! Fifty is dropping butt burps all over the studio today, so he got banished to the prize chamber. Tully went to Japan last week, flying with his wife, son, and mother-in-law for twelve ma-fucking hours, while he was sick. They sleep on shitty futons on the floor while they’re in Japan, which has to suck puppy farts. His grandmother-in-law wanted to give him some local remedy for his sickness, a turpentine horse shit nose thing. Breakfast consisted of 9 different types of slime shit and a bunch of people sitting around loudly slurping down their slime breakfast – which was driving him nuts. Several times his wife’s grandmother didn’t realize he was in the room and so he would inadvertently see her in her underwear, over and over. Everyone spoke in Japanese, leaving him sitting in silence and bored while they yammered on about something, maybe uncooked slimy food.

This is you after having a meaningful session of love making with Tully.

Keeping on the topic of Japan, doctors had to remove a dildo from dude’s intestines before he died. And apparently Tommy Lee Jones is a goddamned legend in Japan, for some reason they like older dudes with more lines and wrinkles in their faces than Santa’s balls on a road map. In a totally straight, no homo way, what dude would you most like to fuck? Dingo fancies Leonardo DiCaprio, Tully wouldn’t mind doing Dwyane Wade, Ellis thinks Trent Reznor might be a solid choice, and Rawdog chooses Sam Elliott because he thinks it would be more like making love as Sam’s mustache would comfort him. All of this talk got brought to a screeching halt thanks to a very descriptive caller who had a clearly well thought out scenario as to how he would like to have sex with Tully. Turtles are completely fucked up, they shit their dick out and piss out their mouths. What in the mother of fuck is the deal with that? It’s like nature got drunk as fuck and lost a bet. Allegedly, Amish people are super into bestiality and incest, and I don’t think anyone is super surprised about this claim. Rawdog could use some ideas on outdoor activities that promote physical fitness, probably by himself for the time being, and fucking your mother in an alley doesn’t count, because everyone does that. OH!

Hulk Hogan sex tape (History)

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If you have been paying attention to gossip news lately, you’ve probably seen that the Hulk Hogan sex tape is becoming a major news item. The guys briefly discussed the sex tapes, Hulk Hogan, and Bubba a couple times before they left for vacation. Who’s lying? Is Hulk the victim he says he is?

Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/10/12

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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/11/12

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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/12/12

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In fact the guys talked about the rumor of a Hulk Hogan sex tape over 6 months earlier!

Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 3/7/12

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The sex tape is really all just superficial bullshit. What interests me is the people behind it. Namely Bubba and Heather. They have actually effected The Jason Ellis Show more than you might realize….

How so? Let’s recall the history between BTLS and Ellis:

Let’s set the stage. Back in 2005 Spike TV began to help promote the UFC. It was part of their strategy to provide a channel with programming for guys. In 2006 one of their new tv shows to begin taping was a program called “Wild World of Spike” starring Ellis and muay thai fighter Kit Cope. In addition, the UFC often promoted their events by inviting popular radio programs to broadcast from Las Vegas the day before a major fight. One of the radio shows chosen early on was The BTLS Show. Add up all those elements and you get: The BTLS Show, Ellis, Heather, Kit Cope, and Matt Hughes all in Vegas, live on satellite radio, on 8/26/2006 for UFC 62.

The BTLS Show, live in Las Vegas – 8/26/2006

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Ellis calls in to promote ‘Wild World of Spike’ – 1/5/2007

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So UFC fighter Matt Hughes choked out Jason, so what? Well that moment could be considered a (or the?) major catalyst that started Ellis’s interest in MMA and boxing. Soon after, Kit Cope began helping Jason get started in the gym. His boxing training lead to Ellismanias. Ellismanias lead to Fuel TV shows, a book deal, a bigger contract, etc. Besides Tony Hawk asking Ellis to join him on Demolition Radio, it may be one of the biggest turning points in Jason’s career.

Early fans of The Jason Ellis Show also may know that a ‘beef’ later developed between Jason and Bubba. That ‘radio battle’ carried on till Bubba eventually left satellite radio around December 2010. Ellis took that as a win and a big ego boost. He gained a lot of Bubba’s old fans and it, again, helped him gain that bigger contract. Shoebox began the trouble (anyone remember the name “Debbie Hernandez”?) but it was our good pal Gabe Rudiger that really got things stirred up.

BTLS flips out over Ellis – 6/11/10

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The Gabe Ruediger incident – 8/27/10

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Ellis/Andrea and Bubba/Heather divorced almost simultaneously in the fall/winter 2011. If you recall, soon after the two marriages dissolved Heather began following and tweeting to @ellismate. The tweets, and especially the fans that got involved by tweeting @Andreamate, caused serious issues. It got so intense that Ellis smashed the Macbook Dingo gave him as a birthday present and Jason almost quit twitter (Andrea wisely did).

Bubba divorce mention 10/10/11

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Heather Clem tweets Ellis – 12/5/11

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Fans cause drama between Andrea & Heather Clem – 12/13/11

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Ellis finally loses his temper, plans to close his twitter account and smashes his Macbook – 12/20/11

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Following those outbursts, The Jason Ellis Show has changed quite a bit. Although I suppose it’s up for debate, I would argue that after those events Ellis became more guarded talking about his personal life and has become noticeably less friendly with the fans/callers.