Tag Archives: EllisMania

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/22/2013

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This kid will one day slay more poon at the AVN Awards than anyone else.

This kid will one day slay more poon at the AVN Awards than anyone else.

Wassup you filthy, shameful, fuckers of mothers and fathers? Let’s see what today’s show has in store for us. We got a new old show intro, the Taintstick Balls version made a comeback and I think that makes everyone happy. The guys took a little time to perfect their “balls” screams. Apparently there were a few people who were pissed that they weren’t live yesterday, and they’ve been invited to come to EllisMania and each of them get 1 minute to fight Ellis. In awesome news, Vitor Belfort knocked the shit out of that turd faced, neo maxi zoom dweebie, Michael Bisping! Jude came in with his shiny ass shoes and multicolored striped socks to lay his two cents on the table about MMA, and how he has yet to be jacked off by the girl who cuts his hair. Ellis went to the AVN awards over the weekend, and realized that porn stars on the red carpet aren’t nearly as funny as they think they are. Who knew? Since Ellis was there with Katie and Malice, dudes were thinking he was banging both of them by himself, so there was no shortage of creepy dudes coming by fist bumping and trying to hang at their table in hopes of at least getting to watch them and jerk off or something.

Grab your soup and smokes, it's NMT.

Grab your soup and smokes, it’s NMT.

Wanna go see some acoustic metal? If you said yes, then check out Machine Head dates: Riverside, CA 1/23; San Diego, CA 1/24; Anaheim, CA 1/25; Fullerton, CA 1/26. This brought us to an early version of NMT, but before that, Tully saw an increasingly rare sight, some dude wearing a jean jacket with Agent Orange and rocker clothes and shit. You thought they were extinct, but oh no, there are still a few that exist. We got to hear some of that outlaw country stuff Johnny Knoxville was telling us about when he was on the show, and then a bunch of other garbage – with the exception of Adam Ant. According to Ellis and Tully, Rawdog makes a weird “I’m giving an amateur blowjob” face when he’s grooving to music. Coming up next was America’s favorite (after Rawdog’s mother) paper champ porn star, Belladonna, showcasing her deep throating skills on a massive dildo. She also provided some helpful information, if you purchase any toys (like a massive dildo), make sure it doesn’t smell or it’s going to burn your asshole.

How I imagine Cumtard felt staring down the dildo he had to nuzzle and suck on.

How I imagine Cumtard felt staring down the dildo he had to nuzzle and suck on.

Then we got some shock collar movie review with Cumtard reviewing the movie “Dredd” that stars nobody you fucking heard of. Of course he got the shit shocked out of him, but the real twist here was that Ellis made him another bet, if Ellis watched the movie and thought it sucked, Cumtard had to suck a dick and get shocked during his oral performance. The twist? Ellis said he already saw the movie and thought it sucked! Enter Brockallina and a shock collar while Belladonna gave dick sucking advice to Cumtard, you know, to really spice things up and make everyone that much more happier. The movie sounds like it could be a pretty big piece of shit, but according to Cumtard and the Twitter-sphere, it’s a good movie – so IBM presents, you make the call. Belladonna stayed in studio to administer some excellent advice to a bunch of a different callers about all their different sexual questions. And I’ll tell you what, she’s way better than a Dr. Ruth. People used to think your mom, given her chosen profession as sex worker, would be good at giving sexual advice. Turns out her answer to every question was, “just close your eyes and try not to think about the fact that you’re eating shit covered in jizz.” Needless to say, most people didn’t take her advice and chose to just puked in her mouth, fuck it, and then left. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/28/2012

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What else do we do on a Wednesday, but pass the doobie to the left, your mom to the right, and listen the The Jason Ellis Show.  And we do this with a passion!  Similar to the passion that Jason reminds us we must have in order to achieve greatness.  If you wanna be the best at something, pound for pound, you have to get so good that it becomes boring, and then get better than that.  Yes that pound for pound line means @TheDingoInSnow joined the show today to riff, starting with last night’s bad ass Machine Head and Deathclock show.  Were you there?  Ellis almost wasn’t, but you know he knows a guy who knows a guy, and in the backdoor Ellismate went, laminated pass and all.  He made it backstage and chilled out on some couch, only to see Robb Flynn near by.  Ellis got to hang with the band, and Rob was a good host, hooking Ellismate up with something that remains unkown.  Apparently the bassist Adam is a big fan of Ellismania, as he gave a ‘Fuck Yeah’ after confirming Ellis did in fact set up a fight with Dave Mirra, and Adam also offered to be in an upcoming event!  Of course it can’t all go perfectly, as the drummer is apparently sponsored by Yamaha, and he will have to live with that every day of his life.  While the band was performing, Ellis made his way into the Mosh Pit for the last song in the set, Halo (Which Ellismate got a shoutout from the band, and totally missed it – Rawdog caught it though).  All in all a bad ass night, and shoutout to EllisFam Butterballs and FonzoBlunt who were mentioned at the show as well.  Oh and as for the bitches, Rawdog reports there are quite a few but mostly there with dudes.  Ellis said he saw more than enough hotties that were single, and Tully reminds us that all women are single, some just more than others!  Ellismate has also been finding it hard to rap, for his upcoming rap debut for Death! Death! Die!  He also finds it hard to believe that Phil Anselmo is racist as some have alleged.  It sounds like he isn’t racist, just Pro White.  Did you know that only 45 murders occurred in Canada in 2011, per Rawdog per Twitter, so you know its true.  We then listened to some bullshit lists on which country has the most murder.  On all these lists, the US was way down, which could be true but seemed hard to believe.  Of course none of that was as hard to believe as when Dingo found out that a turtle shits its dick out, a snake has two dicks, and a chameleon has two dicks that change color, but you already knew that didn’t ya smart guy!

 

White Power……is for pussies.

 

Is Yoko Ono trying to fuck over the world, or just the gay scene on West Hollywood?  Whatever she’s doing, she sparked a heated debate between Dingo/Rawdog and Ellis/Tully about who would wear her crazy shit.  Dingo tried to imply the gay scene would, which offended Tully to no end, almost to the brink of leaving the show, until he saw this video from Yoko Ono back in 1967 that just made it all better.  So what does it mean when you have a dream about your teeth falling out or crumbling? How the fuck should I know……..that Harry Connick Jr. isn’t a racist, but Australia is and is not afraid to show it!  Just like the ol’ nursery rhyme goes “Catch a nigga/tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go”, and you can see the difference between the Australian/American versions, hmmm.  Onto where its not racist, Hollywood and our favorite segment, Hollywood News.  Steven Tyler and Nicki Minaj are having a twitter battle over Bob Dylan and racism.  Red Dragons to all of the Ellis Show and Dingo too for not having a clue as to who was on the panel of American Idol, even Rawdog didn’t know!

Nah Mate, You Are!

Moving right along, Adam Levine says The Roxy can just fuck off as far as he’s concerned. In other Hollywood News, comedian Katt Williams led police on a chase while getting 3 wheel motion the whole time.  The fat chic from Precious (Mo’Nique) lost almost 200 pounds, and looks more and more like 50 Cent each day.  And last but certainly not least, if you have an extra $600K laying around, and your in the Hollywood Hills area, check this plot of land out being sold by Jack Nicholson, get it up ya!

 

Joanna Angel stopped by the show, and I think we all know why.  Before we get to that, and some other fun shit, Ellis had to call her out for being on some other douches podcast.  Some Neil Strauss homo who has a maid and whore d’oeuvres, what a poser.  In fairness to Joanna, her and Ellismate weren’t clear on their radio monogamy.  That also reminded Joanna of her advice to Rawdog the last time she was in the studio, you know the “Don’t you cum yet” advice, only to find out if either ruined Josh’s relationship (since it ended), or she just wasted her wisdom.  Turns out it wasn’t either, Josh did his own doing with regards to it ending and Ellismate took the advice home with him, and it worked like a champ!  Now onto the real business at hand, The Reckoning.  Joanna will be dancing that night prior to the big event.  She’s planning to wear a sexy devilish outfit, to go with Rawdog’s brides maid attire.  Oh and Dingo volunteered to cup Rawdog’s balls, what a guy.  Joanna also took the time to offer advice to Rawdog, since she too has a small throat and Blaht a gag reflex.  She told him to drink some tea the night before, and that he could get some numbing spray (though unessecary), and most important he needs to enjoy it.  Josh was also reminded that vomit is just nature’s lube.  If you can make it on December 15th to Cheetah’s for ‘The Reckoning’, what the fuck are you still doing here reading this shit?  So naturally with Joanna in the studio, and this event taking place at a strip club, it only could lead to one idea…..Lap Dance Off.  After about 15 minutes of on air setup, and stories of Tully stiffing strippers on lap dances, we got to business.  5 contestants for this consisting of Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, Dingo and Cumtard (Jizz Cult was to be included, but we just fucking forgot ok).  Each took one turn giving a blindfolded Joanna the lap dance of her nightmares.  Dingo went first, and followed the ‘No Touch’ club rules for his dance, which just didn’t score well for him or her.  Second was Rawdog, and from the sounds of it he did a damn good job, simulating a BJ and all that shit.  Tully was up third, and just went bonkers with some crazy high energy raviging of Joanna.  The Wing took the 4th try, and basically just choked her out n shit.  Cumtard was 5th and final, and went bare ass for his dance, rubbing said ass all over poor Joanna.  All in all it was a good effort, but Joanna wouldn’t be frequenting this club much after today.  She did omit that Ellismate and his barbarian tactics were the best of the group!

 

Thats two songs, 25 each, so 50 bucks fuck wad!

 

Having trouble selling your car on ebay?  How about whoring your daughter for a few pictures to help seal the deal like this dude did.  Do you know how much it costs to book Creed for an appearence?  $150K damn it.  Despite Dingo calling extreme bullshit on this, it may be true says Cumtard and this article from yourmom.com.  Then we were told Kevin Federline gets $300K for an appearence, and this just pissed DIngo off to no end, throwing Monster Energy cans across the room and shit.  Ellis said there have been talks he may have some appearences coming up soon.  Of course he’ll be looking at more like Tony Yayo money, $7k per appearence.  They then talked about celebrity rider’s too, mentioning Mariah Carey requiring a person on hand to take her chewed gum, and that DMX must have 3 boxes of rubbers and a bottle of Hennessy, Red Dragons!  Speaking of Red Dragons, Joanna was informed the video of her screaming that phrase is the #1 video on Ellismania.com, prompting Tully to offer a suggestion for the sequel = Rawdog.  Serisouly, Josh to be in the movie, but with a body double for the sex scenes.  He can make his Bruce Willis face n dirty robot talk, and then splice in some other dude banging Joanna, and Bob’s your uncle.  The body double of course would be hung like a Clydesdale, but thats a different story.  Then we were witness to a contest between Dingo and Ellis, to see who knows anyhting about Arkansas.  We got nothing, I mean its in Atlanta, and in the top right of America, near Masachusettes or maybe Wisconsin.  Look, Ellis n Dingo got street smarts.  “We draw pictures” and “Spell with our fists” so fuck off!  On a serious note, if you got a few extra bucks to help, you can bid on a day with The Jason Ellis Show and help SiriusXM fight hunger.  Unfortuantely you can’t bid on a day with your mom, cause she is currently obsessed with trying to #fucktully, maybe next year!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/15/2012

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One of these days Ellismate

How do you like your martini, shaken or stirred?  Well if you have an Ellis Show martini, Ellismate is the vodka, Tully is the vermouth, Rawdog is the Olive of course, and Jizzcult is the bit that spills on the floor like the delicious cum he loves so much.  They really do need to get a health inspector over to swinghouse to check that place out, especially the kitchen/shitter.  Ellis got weights yo!  He’s gonna start lifting em outside jailhouse style.  This is a good start until he can get some ‘boulder money’ like Thomas Haden Church got going on.  I wonder of THC plays golf?  That’s a hard game, and would be a decent idea for ‘Doing Stuff With Rawdog’.  It sounds like Ellis n Josh will be banging out a few of the fans suggestions for Ellismania.com real soon.  Sneak Peak:  Inserting a tampon. Ollie on a skateboard. Baking a cake.  So be sure to get it up ya!  However, don’t go getting those yellow bracelets up ya just yet, as Ellismate was attacked by his  today while taking his kids to school.  Speaking of his kids, Snookie asked him if they could go to Australia for their vacation, which could be a good idea and a difficult one in the same respect for The Wing.   Tully’s kid is perfecting his Dracula voice, and also makes a damn good cymbal for when Tully is drumming to Hair Nation.  And why don’t we beat out kids like we use to?  Ellismate got lifted in the air by his ears when he was a kid and look how he turned out.  That was long before his first AC/DC concert, still inside his mothers womb.  Over 40 years later, and those muthafuckers still shred like none other.  Check out this video Tully was watching with Linsanity, schooling him to one of the greatest bands of all times, enjoy!

 

 

In ‘Cock News’, some dude in Bangkok was injecting olive oil into his junk to gain a few inches, when something went wrong, horribly wrong!  In more important ‘Cock News’, the show called honorary Wolfknives  member ‘Horse Dick Man’ to confirm the details about the horse cock for ‘The Reckoning’.  All’s good to go, it shouldn’t be too big for Rawdog’s throat and he’s going to try to keep the balls.  That shits only one month from today, how excited are you?  Not as excited as you are for Whacky Will Pendarvis and this new game ‘You Sir, Are A Moron!”  Pretty complex idea here, a topic is thrown out, Tully Ellis n Rawdog state which side they agree with, and if anyone is in disagreement, then you sir are a moron.  We got to listen to such riveting debating themes as cryogenic freezing, increasing the drinking age to 18,  Ellen DeGeneres, 10 ninjas vs. 1,000 zombies and many many more.  There was one topic though that is near and dear to us all, big or small areolas.  Turns out Rawdog is a huge fan of huge areolas, and was willing to fight for his belief with such passion.  Oh, and someone tried to snowball Ellismate, but he said fuck that, unlike big areola boy.  Speaking of big areolas, some hot chic sent in pictures of her large nip nips, as well as her number, oh yeah!

 

 

Cumtard after just one drink of an Onion Smoothie

What’s an Ellis Show without some good ol’ ‘Hollywood News’?  Justin Bieber is a good place to start, since he’s not finished with Selena Gomez yet.  Michael Lohan isn’t finished either….making kids. This idiot had a child with another lady, in between the birth of his 2 daughters we did know about.  Too bad it wasn’t with Judge Judy, who is still strutting her shit at 70, check it out!  And who’s going to argue with Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday being Hollywood News, especially when it involves Robert De Niro about to throw down with Jay-Z.  Maybe we could get those two at the next Ellis Mania.  If we don’t though, we just gotta make sure there are no Onion Smoothie Challenges and we should be ok.  Cumtard and Rawdog weren’t ok though, having to compete in such an event, and did it suck rule.  We already know about Cumtard’s fear of onions from yesterdays recap, but today was the real fucking deal.  First we had to work out the details, like using the shock collars for one, and who the loser had to text.  For Cumtard, who happened to eat 3 bowls of Fruity Pebbles in preparation for this event, it would be his ex on the line.  For Rawdog, the chic with the huge areolas mentioned earlier.  Just as the collars get put on, and the onion smoothies enter the room, Cumtard starts shaking and freaking out from the anticipation.  He said he would rather lick a man’s asshole or take an aids blood transfusion than this shit.  After a little Harden The Fuck  Up, it was showtime!  About 15 seconds in, and not even a drink taking yet, Cumtard started choking.  He only made it about 30 seconds before the dry heaves came on.  Finally he took his first drink, and as he said he would, vomited for the rest of the bit.  Rawdog on the other hand took only a little bit, and spit up most of it on his computer.  He just whined mostly, and no good gaging like from the horse cock practice he put in last week.  BLAHT!

 

 

Areoly Shit!

A former cop is $450 richer today, after dunking his head into a bucket of piss, go figure that one out.  No really figure it out, it is worse to pour a bucket of piss over your head, or dip your head into the urine can?  What if it was cum instead of urine, is that worse?  Let’s say you had to choose your method of death from drowning by piss or cum, what is it hotshot?  Tully reminds us of one key detail in breaking this down, cum equals life but piss is just waste, think about it.  While you ponder that, Rawdog was trying to figure out the best thing to text the Areola Queen.  Despite numerous suggestions from Ellis and Tully, he decided to go with some lame shit and an emoticon.  More talk about Ellismate’s vacation plans, and a sick cunt battle between Ellis and Rawdog in their heaviest of Aussie accents.  It was “fawking” sick mate, about as sick as Cumtard when he finally made it back into the studio.  Felt bad for that dude, he really sounded hurt up.  I mean worse than the time #ellisfam preformed a 960 gang bang on your mom, bitch couldn’t walk right for at least a week, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/25/2012

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So its the last time you have to give a fuck this week and all you need to do is go back and listen to todays show.  You know its a Fucking Classic by the intro and by Ellis admiting he’s not the smartest man in the world.  He was smart enough to con Cumtard into testing Nair hair removal on his ballsac, but we’ll get to that later since Cumtard had to run and buy the shit first, and thats why he isn’t the producer of the show.  Anyways, lets get to RawDogs dream of receiving oral from Prometheus, how fucking creepy is that? Not as creepy as Ellis chasing his kids around the house in a wig as their “other mommy” and freaking poor Tiggy and Snookie out. Oh that reminded Tully  about some male/female couple he saw this weekend battling over who was the mommy, for real!  This got the show started on if its worse to have a weird straight parent, or a weird gay parent?  Not that gay is weird, but on top of being weird they are gay.  We didn’t find the answer out to that, but we did find out a few big names that have struggled with such a task, like one of the dudes that directed The Matrix and Cloud Atlas, the singer from Against Me, and and of course legendary rocker Dave Mustaine.  Whatever the situation is, Tullys cool if his wife wants to be a dude.  Eiffel Tower and all man thats his best friend.  Its just the potential Barry White voice that comes with the hormones that freaks him out the most.

Hi kids, mommies home!

 

LTIFOOYMWIFH, which means Laugh Til I Fall Out Of Your Mom While Im Fucking Her….you had to be there!  Whoever was their at the studios before the show is into some creepy shit.  Tully came across some legal pad with a To-Do list on it that was left behind in the studio.  What was on it? Shit like “Buy fuck pinata” and “DVR Boston Legal”, sick right!  Well we never found out what a fuck pinata is, and we don’t give a fuck about Boston Anal, but we did get a new sweet website out of the deal (Only if your 18 of course).  We did find out that yesterdays trial producer Valerie left behind some perfect audio for pranking your friends.  Don’t believe me, just ask Sluggo or Katie, both of whom were put up to the task.  Sluggo wasn’t phased one bit, but Katie on the other hand may have been a little flustered by the whole deal.  She ended up calling back and scaring Rawdog half to death with a few N-bombs that were all out of love.  Speaking of N-bombs I love, Obama was on the Jay Leno show and it was a hoot.  He shared tales of driving a Chevy Volt and how he isn’t allowed a cellphone, hilarious shit.  Meanwhile Axl Rose was on the Jimmy Kimmel show and he really showed up.  Axl has a Halloween tree that he uses to mind fuck other kids in the neighborhood, kinda cool.  Check out either of those two videos if you’d like, but you must check out and vote for this years 2012 Reverse Awards.  One note on this years awards, Joe Simpson (Nominee for “Least Rapey Celebrity Father”) has filed for divorce after allegedly coming out of the closet to his family, in case that changes your mind in any way.  Nothing changes when it comes to  how much fibromyalgia sucks, and how difficult it is to spell.  Morgellons is another disease that is both hard to spell and fucking sucks, but is it even real?  Tully told us something that isn’t real, well over exaggerated at least, Japanese dudes don’t all sniff school girl panties purchased at a near by vending machine.  Man that Tully is one polite muther fucker, unlike the 10% of celebrities that tweet or instagram while taking a shit.  Celebrities like Queen Latifah, Naughty By Nature, Michael Tully, The Fugees all of whom of from the shitty great state of New Jersey…………and then the “Coolest Man In The World” walked into the studio:

Rawdog, RZA and Jason Ellis – RED DRAGONS!

 

Fuck yeah thats the RZA!  He stopped by to promote his new movie that comes out November 2nd, The Man With The Iron Fists.  RZA has been working on his comedy and staying of the pot ninja, oh and this movie since 2006.  He’s pumped, Ellis Tully and Rawdog are pumped, the soundtrack is on steroids, get it up ya!  Russell Crowe is in the movie, but unfortunately his band didn’t make the cut for the soundtrack.  Crowedog had to study the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard for his role in the movie which is odd and intriguing.  Enough about the movie, whats good with the RZA?  He’s been laying off the weed like I said, especially the Cali shit.  Not when he’s with Snoop Lion though, you never turn down a doobie from the Dog Father!  Apparently Method Man hasn’t turned down a doobie, blunt, or even a seed since who knows when, Tical!  Did you know Ellis met RZA back in the day in Australia?  Yeah, RZA didn’t either, but Ellis said he was a cool dude back then, and still is.  The RZA called Rawdog a “Scientist” and made his fucking week!  I personally suggest going back and listening to this interview if you get a chance.

 

Don’t look too long or you’ll catch a ‘contact fag’

Oh yeah, Cumtard!  He finally got back with the Nair, the regular shit and the shit specifically for men.  But since Ellis didn’t want to catch contact fag, Cumtard had to cut a whole in a box for his balls to poke through.  So after a heated battle of shit fucking with Jizz Cult, Cumtard was ready and the “Smartest Box In The World” was born….and it was downhill from there.  Cumtard applied some regular nair to one nut, and the for men shit to the other and let it sit for a while. It took a little bit of time, and only a little bit of pain, for Cumtard to tell us the ‘for men’ is a little lighter of the ball sting.  Thats some good shit to know.  So is the fact this former NY cop is off the streets, after being arrested for plotting to kidnap, rape, murder, and eat women.  This reminded Ellis n Tully it was ok for one to eat the other in a pinch to survive, and Rawdog couldn’t do shit about it really.  Rawdog probably couldn’t do shit with a wild turkey if he had to catch one either, but this didn’t stop Ellis from wondering how sweet it would look on Ellis Mania if he tried.  You could say it may have a chance to be the best video of all time huh?  Well good luck beating the current #1 video on EllisMania.com, “Oh Fuck Red Dragons!”.  Speaking of which, Im off to get your mom to scream the same thing right now!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/23/2012

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It’s Tuesday, and is there a Heaven for the EllisFam?  Some random preacher dude was telling Ellis, before the show, some shit about the Ultimate Real of heaven.  How everyone would be the funniest ever, and know everyone better than they did before, and have legendary licks just like Jimi Hendrix.  Bullshit!  Would be more like hell for Chad Reed if everyone could handle a Kawasaki like ol’ 22!  Tully thinks the world is culturally imperialistic for thinking their region specific religion is better than anyone elses, well with the internet giving us access to all walks of life.  He was also on Steam Pipe Alley back in the day, but thats a whole other story!  Back to Jesus, so if Heavens so freaking sweet, why don’t we off ourselves and go right now?  Cause fucking Oxford said suicide don’t get you into heaven, oh and God wants you to grapple with cancer for a few before your ready, nice to know!  If you were ever curious the difference between the new and old testaments, think of it like the difference between 311 and Danzig.  Also, make sure to not get TJ Lavin started on all this religious talk since Jesus causes hangovers. Remember kids, Pro Satan and Pro Forgiven! And as far as Rawdogs concerned, “Just don’t mess with the Jews and your ok!”

 

You can’t see him, but this guy is pointing to Tully. Show business is a mother fucker!

Axl Rose was at the Bridge School Benefit preforming acoustically with GNR.  She’s still got it!  After watching this video, Ellis compared it to Honey Boo Boo for others, a train wreck you can’t look away from.  He honestly thinks someone killed Axl, replaced him, and were watching this new shitty Axl.  Tully thinks its just the Marlboro Reds catching up to him, but #fucktully right.  Backbone called in to confirm the stories of random people being paid royally, to be on call for weeks to months at a time, in case Axl decided he was ready to record Chinese Democracy….which only took like 20 years and 17 million bucks to complete.  Cullen also said he recently saw Slash play with Myles Kennedy and they were shredding like the ledges they are!  Speaking of shredding, there is plenty of it in the 2012 Reverse Awards.

Contestants Brittany and Abby for this year’s “Person With the Least Amount of Heads” Award

Rawdog went through this years categories again, and they discussed and finalized the contestants.  Rawdog will post a site for us soon……….So keep your eyes open on twitter, and here, for the link to the website so you can vote for who you think is this years “Most Human Looking” or “Least Rapey Father”!  Oh yeah, don’t forget that Tim McGraw still hates the show – #TruckYeah

 

 

So some dude in New Jersey bit his finger off, after being transported between the hospital and lock up a few times, while high on PCP.  Meanwhile, these two other guys got naked, sacrificed some birds, set their house on fire, and put a shotgun barrel to the chest of a police officer….and only one of them died.  Sounds like cult activity to me, a Jizz Cult perhaps?  Speaking of Jizz Cult, we finally got to use his New Music Tuesday intro.  You know, the one that started all of this intro madness.  It took a while, and an unnecessary conference call, but we got to hear the pay off we’ve all been waiting for.  All this just giving way to Josh and his 2 week back up of Audio Ejaculate all over your earballs!  Tons of shit here to go back and check out, 12 artists in all, a really swell time.  Ellis is having a swell time on Hollywood Uncensored recently, even though he was getting ragged on for being so old and still wearing hats n shit.  But you know the Wing is comfortable with himself and is doing his thing, so fuck off.  You know who’s not comfortable, old baseball managers in those tight ass uniforms with their gunts pouring out of their stretch pants.  Could you imaging Phil Jackson rocking a Lakers warmup set on the sideline?  Old People, am I right?

 

Really dude – Can’t skip the shake and extra large fries once in a while?

 

Since Tully’s still on his vacation away from his family, he’s been staying up late and got to go get some RoRos Chicken.  What he hasn’t been doing is participating in the Fantasy Slut League that some Bay Area high school kids were running, until they got busted of course.  He has however been dreaming of dressing like Professor Moneybags from Monopoly.  Ellis suggested he makes it rain in the strip club if he did such a thing.  Speaking of making it rain, think you can make it rain laughter with your stand up routine?  Email your shit to ellisparodies@gmail.com and you can get reviewed live on the show like Jeff Judd did today.  Rawdog thinks he can, and almost had a bet lined up with Tully and Ellis to see who could do the best 5 minute routine.  Rawdog suggested they do their shit in a club, and the crowd’s applause can decide who won.  Tully had a different idea, to still do their 5 minute routine, but on the Ellis Show….and loser has to preform the same routine in some random comedy club in the ghetto.  Nothing got finalized but maybe more on this in the future.  Apparently Rawdog had no idea he has done a live set once before at the Pink Taco back in Ellis Mania 4, Classic!  He does remember that he wants to do acid at some point in his life, but Tully suggested to do really good shrooms instead.  They all agree whichever drug you do, watch VideoDrome while doing it.  Of course Rawdog would hate this movie, since he hates anything with old special effects.  The Matrix blows if you watch it now, since its so old and outdated.  He also thinks older cartoons are better because they have less visually, but are still as good as todays with their better writing and jokes.  Sufferin’ Succotash! (See it’s not funny people).  Don’t worry, Butterballs stopped by to save the day, and hooked his junk up to the RC Car to give the old tug and pull.  This isn’t his first dance with such obstacles  since he once did the Disco Balls challenge.  That guy has so much heart, but not as much as your mom….she never stops gaping and buttchugging, a true competi-whore!