Tag Archives: EllisMania

Show Re-cap For Thursday 7/5/2012

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Another Thursday has come and gone. For all you lucky fuckers out there this means that there is only one week until a weekend of debauchery and alcohol commences. From all of us not going, FUCK YOU. Ellis went to the doctor and as he hoped, his dick is herpes free. That’s great news for Ellis and all the pussy that lies in his path. Speaking of pussy, Raw Dizzle Dog is getting some kitty of his own. He didn’t go into much detail but he did say that he has given and received. They played a sound drop game, for what exactly I’m not sure, and the winner was Tiggy saying Red Dragons. Bitch Shit Nacho Supreme was sick today and his stupid ass thought it would be a good idea to still come to work. Fucktard.

Its big and it’s going to fuck your mind.

Big Fucking Mega Boat is in it’s second round of editing and we will probably see the final result in a month or so. Speaking of movies, the cult classic, Mixed Martian Arts made another comeback on the show. For many months I have blocked this movie from my memory only to have it hashed back up again. I would give you a link but I like you too much. Plus I can’t find one. There is a video making the rounds of a montage of people getting hurt with fireworks, and yes, I found it. In preparation for EllisMania the shock collars had to be tested and what better way to test them is with “Shocking Confessions!” It went as expected, some that were rather plain and others that made you wish the caller was faking it, but you know he wasn’t.

There was some girl in some state that ate KFC and got Salmonella and ended up with brain damage or some shit. They sued for millions. Why the fuck didn’t the parents of this girl just take her to the hospital instead of filling her bloated infested mouth with more chicken wraps. Congratulations, I give you Parents Of The Year. Our daughter drools but we have a new car. Final calls were about average. A lady cop called in that claimed to be hot and Tully made the point that there aren’t too many really hot lady cops. I must agree, usually the officers that are telling me to blow into the device are a bit rude and don’t appreciate a good doughnut joke. Speaking of blowing into devices, when yer mum took the breathalyzer test, she got it pregnant from all the left over jizz still in her jowls, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 7/3/2012

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HHEEEYYYYYYYY MOTHER FUCKERS! I’m back, and here to tell you about this little show on the satellite radio called the Jason Mother Fuckin Ellis Show. To start off Jason is in this love triangle where some chick hit on him at Ellis Mania 7 and since then she has kept contact with him sending him seductive pictures and texts. Well after a delightful evening eating sushi, the fish not the pussy, he then later saw her again at the gym. With her boyfriend, the dude that Jason trains with. This is quite the situation as you might think. So Jason is worried that he might lose a friend over this crazy bitch and he is also worried that this crazy bitch might do crazy bitch things, which is what crazy bitches do.

Adam Sandler made some great movies and a lot of shitty movies. I like the “boobs on the head” one. If you got that reference then we are friends for life. The Bag Balm arrived so Jason is now fucking a can of dick healing goodness until his thunder stick is back in proper condition. Oh and don’t forget to wash the teets first. The EllisMania Bikini Contest sounds like it is going to be the event of the year. Fist is the Q&A, then the dunking contest, then the “Dude am I a Slut” live. Yer mum should enter, she is a sure winner for the Dude am I a Slut. She already won the Dude am I a Bush Pig contest. Wait, that’s not the end, I just couldn’t resist.

There’s more zombie news, does anyone give a shit anymore? I’m ready for the Mummy news, haven’t heard that one yet. New Music Tuesday was today, coincidentally. Kiss has a new song. Thought they died, Maybe not. Also heard from Tim McGraw. To be honest as a country bumpkin, I cried a little when I heard this steaming pile of manure. What the fuck ever happened to Don’t Take The Girl, Indian Outlaw, or Down on the Farm? This pop infused pile of shit made me cry for everyone that wears boots and has ever kicked a little shit. The death metal that was played featuring Tim Allen was pretty fucking awesome. There’s a new Death!Death!Die! song, and it’s free! Get it here! It’s awesome. OK, here is the correct link. Did you fall for it again? HAHAHA, okay of reals now, http://deathdeathdie.bandcamp.com.

It turns out that cats carry the parasite that make women crazy, I just thought they were born with it. Skin was in the studio today talking about hand jobs, lesbians, strap-ons, live porn shoots, and pizza. Apparently she and some Brazilian chick with “ass for days” did a Cum Challenge on EllisMania.com and I missed it because I was at work and jacking off on the job site is frowned upon. Then there was final calls. They weren’t bad, could have been worse, like the time yer mum ate Mexican food for a week and then kept shitting so much that the donkey wouldn’t even fuck her, OH!

Yo quiero tu madre?

 

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/28/2012

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This is the hardest fucking part of writing the re-cap, how to begin. I could tell a funny joke, a humorous story, or some anecdotal tale that will make you laugh and shoot soda out of your nose. But today I got nothing, so I shall just begin. The crew is leaning towards our friend Shit Toboggan in the fight verse his and Cum Tard. It would seem that when you take it seriously and train, it gives you an advantage. Who would have known? Ellis, Tully, and skate boarding aficionado, Rumble McTumble are going to the X-Games tomorrow. I am looking forward to hearing the stories from that on Monday. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if they will even be there next week because Ellis was talking an awful lot about going on vacation. He mostly wants to go to Thailand, the touristy part, not the bug eating Malaria infested part. Oh, and don’t leave your kids in the car. This has been a public service announcement.

They see me rollin”

There is a Mexican baby that had a 33 pound tumor growing on his back, but now its gone and he has a new 33 pound best friend named Terry. Shit Nacho put his name on the line again today, literally. They played a song clip and had to guess the artist or song name. Great news, Shit Nacho lost, and now he will be called Herpe Slurpie, thank you Field Piece (@banginmumtards). There is a new Death!Death!Die! song, I’m pretty sure they didn’t play it today. Hopefully they will play it tomorrow. And Rawdog mentioned a new kitchen gadget that seems like a total piece of shit, unless your Tully and can’t figure out how to get butter on your toast without completly fucking it to hell. I present to you, The Battery Powered Butter Knife!

In breaking Canadian news, a man killed his girlfriend and went to jail because she was BITING HIS DICK! I say that the punishment is not fitting to the crime, he was only defending himself against this dick chomping hater of the schlong. Tabitha Stevens and her husband, Kenny “Kenji” Gallo, who will be appearing at EllisMania 8 as MMA Elvis. I may have that wrong but fuck it. I will keep this short since I tend to zone out when “Industry Ladies” are on air, so here goes. Tabitha likes to be hung from hooks by her back (crazy bitch), she jacked off Jeff the Drunk (nasty bitch), she doesn’t take the dick on film anymore (Clam slammin’ bitch), and Kenji fucked her once with a fake lobster on her head (I got nothin’ for this one, bitch).

Started a new segment today, Dude Is It Gay Bruediger? This was obviously a smash hit on the phones as well as Twitter, I’m sure we will see it again in the coming weeks. Some chick called in about Trannies taking all the dudes away, and I didn’t hear the point she was trying to make but shes a girl so I will give her a pat on the head and say “That’s cute Dear.” When your children act like shit heads, what do you do? Whatever the fuck you want, but they’re yours and shit will come back to bite you in the ass, so whatever your technique, remember, your going to be old someday and your going to need them. The last thing we learned on the show today is that strip clubs are outlawed in Saskatchewan. They outlawed them shortly after yer mum danced and broke the stage killing 6 innocent by-standards and Mary the Midget, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/27/2012

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Did I ever tell you the story about the time I went to the gym and fought this really big black dude that was about 50 pounds heavier than me an had way more training and how he broke my nose and shit? No? Oh wait, that was Ellis today, I keep getting our lives mixed up. He realized that he had to re-conquer his fear of getting his bell rung and just fight for the fun of fighting, he said after that he was more relaxed and actually did pretty good in the end. Ellis was driving the A6K and for some reason it wouldn’t start, well good thing that he has his tool kit with him. Just pull out the BFH (that’s big fucking hammer for the rest of you) and gave the ol battery a few whacks. Just like good old American engineering should, it started right up. In Taiwan, Tibet, Tasmania, some fucking country starting with a T, there are Giraffe Rats that are invading swimming pools and eating babies. So everyone in Tennessee, be careful. Are sunglasses indoors cool? Is the Edge really a cool dude? Should rich people give big tips all the time? Only when your hungover or stoned, sure I guess I never met the guy, and always unless I become rich and then all you peasants can fuck off, with all due respect of course.

My Ellismania predictions:

Shit Toboggan vs Cum Tard 1,000,000/1 Shit Taboggan in the 1st round by death.

Rawdog vs Ruby Renegade 10/1 Ruby Renegade in the 3rd round by motorboat suffocation.

Germany outlawed circumcision based on religious beliefs, many believe that is just another way of keeping the Jew Man down. I mean really, after all this time why would anyone think that Germany has something against the Jewish people, that’s just silly. On better news, Nickelback is still a steaming pile of cock rock bullshit. This has been confirmed by a microbrewery owner, Dark Horse Brewery, when asked to supply Dickelback with beer in trade for free advertisement, he told them to go suck a bag of dicks. You sir I salute you.

Gabe Ruediger was in the Swing House today. He seemed to mix well with the crew and seems to be a rather cool dude. There was some “friendly” shit talking and I think this fight at EllisMania 8 is going to be one to remember. In Old Man news, don’t fart in front of their apartments. Old dudes in apartments have nothing to lose and will beat you severely with their wrinkled feeble limbs, or threaten you with a gun. So remember, blame it on the dog. This awesome segment was followed by the most horrible montage of shit brained callers I have ever heard on this show. It was so bad I was farting in front of old dudes apartments. See what I did there, that’s why I’m a professional. In more news the face eating zombie of Florida was only on weed and a shit ton of crazy, the knob gobbling Asian chef is under investigation, and an Archaeologist called in and informed the guys of a giant ten foot man ape that used to live in North America. They aren’t sure why they became extinct but most studies point to disease, coincidentally the same disease that yer mum is carrying in her massive cave man banging ham slammer, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/26/2012

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I speak the truth! Just kidding

Holy shit! Did you guys hear the news that rocked the world today? Rawdog is now engaged to that chick he’s been dating and they plan on moving to Rhode Island because that’s where her family is from, so no more Rawdog on the show and Rude Jude will be taking his place! Fucking huge bummer, but could be kinda cool having Jude on, right? Well that would be some shocking Asia news if I wasn’t totally lying my ass off right now. Really though, he hates hot chicks just as much as he hates MMA fighters, but loves a chick that can twirl a baton. As Tully has speculated before, Rawdog really does enjoy when he gets punched in the nuts with the Hulk hands. This was confirmed today when Rawdog punched himself right in the dick, harder than Tully has ever punched him. In other, actually truthful news, Ellismania8.com is now online and ready to siphon the money out of your pockets. You know how Ellis ran into Big Black while he was in Miami doing the Hooters judging shit? Yea, well now Big Black wants to help judge the bikini competition at Ellismania 8! That’s motha fuckin’ dope, y’all! Do work, son!

MMA makes you gay

Ellis got his A6K back after West Coast Customs had finished fixing it up, the inside looks brand new, has a navigation system for dumb dumbs in it, all the electronics work in it without breaking all the other shit, and now he’s in love with West Coast Customs. Rightfully so I assume. They offered to fix up the outside of the truck as well but he declined, probably a wise choice or it would’ve come back with massive wings and glitter on it or some shit. All kinds of trash talk flying between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, sounds like Anderson is finally losing his shit and says he’s basically going to ruin Chael’s face for all his trash talking. We all know a lot of fighters do this to help sell tickets, but Anderson has never really gotten into the whole trash talking game so it is rather odd to hear him go off like that. Sad vegetables aren’t as good as happy vegetables, which makes total sense when you think about how they were raised. I mean, if the vegetables’ parents were abusive or addicts, one would expect life to be much more difficult for the young vegetable.

Facts about your mom

Good news for @Dutch_RDS, he’s getting his shot to fight at Ellismania 8 in the blindfold shock collar fight – so congratulations to him! Ellismania 8 is getting bigger and bigger by the fucking day with guests such as Kit Cope, Danny Martinez, Kenji Gallo, Gabe Ruediger, Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Big Black, Mayhem, and more! You shitheads that get to go to Ellismania 8 are lucky as fuck. I hope you all enjoy yourselves and you better take a metric shit ton of photos and videos so the rest of us can live vicariously through you! 50 Cent got in an accident when a Mac truck rear-ended his SUV, sources say the Mac truck is now in hiding after receiving death threats. Today was new music Tuesday, and fuck all that noise, we ain’t talking about it. That Laura chick that gave Ellis his current voice altimication machine was on the show today to give him another fuckin’ TC-1000 Boner Jam Fucker Upper v2.74 altimication machine that has a touch screen and shit. I want one so bad but I ain’t got $800 to be pissing away just so I can call my wife with a creepy voice.

I got the magic stick

More Wolfknives members called in to get their names today, and according to my accounting records there is currently $2.4 million dollars worth of memberships. Also, I am not an accountant and I keep no records – for legal purposes. Some dude who has at least two ex-wives and is an investigator, watched his first ex-wife have sex with some dude. I’m guessing the whole trust issue thing came into play while he was practicing his Magnum PI skills on her. Speaking of practicing, your mom has been going to the gym a lot lately. After all the dudes are done working out and smooching themselves in the mirrors, they all got in a circle with your mom in the middle and took turns shitting in her mouth. You thought there was gonna be a circle jerk story there, didn’t you? Don’t lie! But seriously, she has been going to the gym and putting the 25 pound kettle bells in her snatch. You have to tell her to stop, people are complaining. OH!