Show Re-cap for Friday 7/19/2013


Holy shit fuck it’s Friday again and you know what that means, I’m probably drunk and you should be too! Rawdog seemed strangely quiet today, almost like he wasn’t there. Almost like he was somewhere else. Almost like he took a day off to fly to Chicago for the weekend to score some weed and listen to shitty music at a shitty music festival. But calm yourselves because the show must go on and it did. Ellis texted Gay Breudiger to confirm their fight at Ellismania and Gabe replied with, “yup, what’s the date?” Comedy genius! When Ellis was parking today he confronted some jack wagon that took his spot and while delivering a verbal ground n pound a fan came by and said what’s up and asked for an autograph. Must be nice being a superstar. The conversation circled back to the fight controversy of EllisMania 8 and how things might be now. Ellis really hopes that Gabe is better and it goes all three rounds. BREAKING NEWS! Executive producer, The Huntington Beach Bad Boy, just brought in Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor! And what else images (8)does Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor want to talk about? Nothing other than coffee and ghosts, but mostly ghosts. Like the time he saw a ghost in his room dressed in a tuxedo and how he tried to chase the ghost butt ass naked with his wang a swingin. Then he talked about some schoolhouse that has ghosts in it and how there were file cabinets and toy cars. Gives me chills just thinking about it. He also talked about being famous and getting recognized but mostly strange people who don’t have a fucking clue who he is just spark up conversations with him. Ellis has had similar experiences like the time a dude at a gas station looked right at Jason and grabbed his dick. Tully told his ghost stories and how his crazy neighbor told him that the noises are real but it is Tully and his mental fortitude (that might be the wrong word but it sounds good) that is making those sounds that he hears. Then they talked about UFOs, anal probes, and microscopic aliens. Apparently Tully’s wife sees ghosts, but the ghost looks just like Tully so thats probably his brain making that happen to, or his wife might be crazy, but she’s a woman, no women are crazy, right? Oh and Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor told the story of how he got pushed down the stairs by a ghost while holding his son. Spooky and a dick move!

While Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor was in studio they did Unsigned bands agian, here is my take on them.

Jayare Leos-good music shitty vocals.
Cassette Coast-best rap about TJES I’ve ever heard.
Brave Serenade-while listening to this I suddenly remembered to change my tampon.
Finger Blast-the line “text and drive, I don’t give a fuck, that’s why I have insurance and a lid on my cup” had me sold.
A Minor Revolution-it’s punk and sounds like punk so I guess it’s alright.
Wad-shitty in a hilarious way.
Mc Fee-scattered with dubstep like shit being smacked with a tennis racket.
Fallen saint-this scares me, this guy kicks puppies.
Whiskey dick-first line, “if you loved me you’d help me hide this body” and ladies and gentleman we have a winner!
Seeking Apollo-gay, gaytastic, incredigay, gayriffic.
Danny Darko and something something but fuck it, it sucks anyway.
Finally Milkweek with Fecal Weapon-It’s good, really good, best song about shit I’ve ever heard.coreytaylor9243_photo_gal_all_photo_1208355357_lr

Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor’s book, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Heaven Or How I Made Peace With The Paranormal And Stigmatized Zealots And Cynics In The Process, available at also available in an audio version in case you can’t read. See what I just did there? That’s ironic comedy, good shit.

Theres a video of an awkward rave that is actually a party at BroneyCon but fuck that, watch this instead. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy talked to Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor about the lyrics about pushing his fingers in his eyes and if he really did that. His answer was no, he does however put them into the corner of his eyes to apply pressure to his sinuses. The thing stranger than this question is the fact that this is a common question that Corey Mother Fuckin Taylor gets! Hollywood News time, Andy Dick, some dude from Oasis, Elvis Presley, James Brown, my balls, Kanye West, get em, bla bla bla.

Duane Wade’s wife has a meltdown outside a Chicago court because she is bat shit crazy and wants more money. Larry Linkogle of The Metal Mulisha wrote a book, Mind of the Demon: A Memoir of Motocross, Madness, and the Metal Mulisha, also Available on An Oklahoma lady threatened her neighbor with a knife because she thinks he told everyone that she fucked her cat, which she claims she did. A church in the Czech Republic is decorated with human bones. That’s metal as fuck! A man with 10 stone 140 pound balls had a 13 hour procedure to get his normal balls back but being the dick that God is, his dick is now only one inch long. Kids are pansy asses these days. Can’t even handle a simple decapitation and cannibalism. Back in the day fish suicides were the regular. But if your kid isn’t a pussy and kicks asses for no reason the only solution is to move with him to the mountains and raise him either till you break him or he becomes one with a wolf pack. Or therapy but you don’t get to wear the furs of your kills in therapy. A woman in Louisiana got hit by lightning inside a grocery store. Today’s public service announcement, small town cops are dickheads, city cops are too but don’t have time for your piddly ass shit. Did you hear the one about the jogger who kept shitting in someones yard? Well I got one better, here’s the video. That’s all for me today, I gotta run and make sure yer mum is ready for the rodeo tonight, OH!oJZFyaz

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 7/11/2013

Devon Ellis! You better not be reading this or we’re going to tell your mummy and daddy, young lady!


Hide yo kids, hide yo’ wives, cuz NYA is ruining young minds up in hurr!

It’s Thursday and people are testing my shit, what’s up with that shit, huh? Fuckin’ hell. Space helmets, Prometheus robot sticking a finger in your drink, and World War Z idiot. I don’t know what any of that is about (thanks work) and next thing I knew they were talking about having crazy gills, being able to swim like a dolphin, looking like an old shriveled ball sack, and swimming at the bottom of the ocean. Aquaman and old fish people could not swim as fast as a shark. So, everybody good and lost like me? Fantastic! Let’s see how much more I can miss because people are fucktarded. When’s the last time you hung out with an old guy and he wasn’t an ex-marine? Rawdog thinks he’ll be a cool old person and thinks he’s an “old soul” plus he likes camomile tea. Ellis’ ex, Andrea, thinks Ellis is racist against the Jews, but in reality he only hates Rawdog and her ex-boyfriend.


Rawdog leaving Nana’s house.

Rawdog thinks his sister, Dumb-Dumb Snaggle-Tooth, is smart – like all the Jewish girls he knows or ever met, including his mother and Nana. He also thinks Asians are generally smart, but he can’t explain why they can’t drive and there are no Asian Nascar champs – go figure. Tully, on the other hand, thinks Albanians are stupid, genetically pre-disposed to be dumb as fuck. Remember yesterday how Ellis talked about his daughter seeing some stuff online? Yeah, well, turns out No You Are might be partially to blame for that. So uh… sorry about that! Makes sense though. NYA is written by a bunch of 8 year-olds. KACHOW! Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen and move on, cool? Cool. So uh, you on some of that d-ball son? It’s slang for “Duribol” which is an anabolic steroid typically injected in your ass.


What’s more terrifying, old people or Freddy Krueger?


Rawdog & his girlfriend have his & her towels.

There’s a new anti-gay law in Russia, if you have any kind of homosexual propaganda and you could be fined and spend time in the polar clink. What’s even more weird is that unbeknownst to Rawdog, his girlfriend texted Ellis to ask him not to do anything to Rawdog’s cock and balls anymore now that he’s using them more. Ellis wants to have an Alice In Chains party and play more Alice In Chains on Faction. So the guys went through a bunch of their songs and picked out several to be put in rotation. This moved into some Elvis Costello song searching, but just for a bit because there’s just not enough time to delve into his deep tracks. When I suggested more Oingo Boingo and Rawdog agreed, it earned him a dick punch and me another lashing from Ellis and Will. So far today NYA has been bad and now me, I swear, this is not how my mother raised me! Corey Taylor (Slipknot) has a new book out that deals with the supernatural. It’s called: “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven: (Or, How I Made Peace with the Paranormal and Stigmatized Zealots and Cynics in the Process)” God damn that’s a long title. Brian Stann has retired from the UFC. That’s enough news for you, now it’s time for the Google auto-complete game that you don’t get to play, so there! I’ll tell you this much, Ellis and Rawdog have both gotten plane boners before, on long plane rides with some vibration and viola, they had plane boners. We were all having lots of fun with the game. And then Mayhem walked into the studio and brought that shit to a loud, screeching, halt.


Me yelling at Mayhem, who is yelling on the radio.

After a break and prepping for Mayhem’s antics, we came back to Hollywood news. Luckily for you, I was stuck in traffic so you’re going to get the abriged version. Justin Bieber peed in a mop bucket, Lil Twist got nabbed for DUI with a blunt in his hand, Joe Rogan has a new show on SciFi, and then there was some other stuff. The leader of the Church of Scientology, yeah, his wife has been missing since 2007 – nobody knows where the hell she’s at or heard from her and anyone who asks about her is told that it’s none of their business. Sounds legit. Johnny Depp wants to buy the Wounded Knee site and give it back to the Oglala Sioux Tribe. Jason Ellis’ mom (technically, he’s Hollywood, right?) texted him to say she just watched the Howard Stern interview with him and says she never protected his father or something. There’s a new movie out called Sharknado, it’s on TV tonight, and it’s full of C and B movie stars. This movie makes me think the guys should make Jewclone. It’s a cyclone full of the Jews in the Holocaust, sounds pretty good right? What about a porno called Jewkkake? No? Fine.


Even still, nobody likes Jar-Jar.

Mayhem has a new clothing line and he wants to sponsor Ellis, the deal? Ellis will do it as long as Mayhem never tweets Dana White again, ever. No deal, of course. And that pretty much wraps up today’s recap. Thanks for stopping by and reading, we hope you return tomorrow for another exciting recap filled with laughter, important life lessons, and factually true stories like this one. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first cowboy says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.” The second cowboy can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today.” The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/13/2013

Can you dig it? can you dig it? CAN YOU DIG IT? No, but I can write it. Hey, word of advise when starting something, don’t blow your intro load too soon. That can fuck up your whole game and you can end up failing like a failing failure. For example, Chevy Chase, he has played the dick, the loser, and an ass. I don’t know how that’s an example but here’s wW9J9InM3gdZS6vcoJVQJo9pIVjanother example of something non related.  80’s movies that don’t hold up. But not haggard!  That shit is timeless, according to Ellis. Anthony Kiedis and Rick Ruben both cried over a bunch of kids crying over Justin Beiber in Justin’s movie. And if you want to see something else that won’t require a walk down the feminine hygiene isle you should see Romper Stomper. Turns out that Tully’s wife can fix stuff and he can’t, please insert Asian joke accordingly. Someone emailed the show with a movie idea that might actually be feasible  a  helicopter crash mock-u-mentry based on the survival instincts of the guys. Basically it would be the guys wandering around the desert while snacking on Donald Schultz. Ellis rediscovered that working out with music is way better than doing it without so now he is pumping iron to some head splitting rock like Fiona Apple.

DMX was arrested again for driving without a license, again. But this time we have a video clip of him describing incident. Katie is now rocking the web cam scene earning her keep fro Big Daddy Jace Cakes, her user name is UnderwearWolf, so I’m told. Some Fan Fiction was sent in by Tim and it was read by Tully, Kevin, and intern Will. There was a strange twist at the end and the rest of it was something that I’m still trying to dislodge from my images (2)mind. Well done. Unsigned Farts again today, they were mostly crappy, fuck the pun, but the last two were remixes and rather entertaining. Mayhem joined the guys in studio for farts and so much more. The topic soon turned to flying cars with Mayhem and Rawdog and how cool it would be never mind the thought that Rawdog AND Mayhem would be flying them too. Flying moto was also mentioned and quickly turned into an Ellis vs Josh and Mayhem fight. Seems Josh and Jason don’t understand that if the kikes can fly then the jumps would just be nothing and it would suck balls and nobody would care. This fight was diffused by caller who reminded us about Rawdog’s “Pantera like” song. The only thing would make this Panters like is if Dimebag played the keytar and all the rest of the band were Muppets with somebody’s hand up their ass. Rawdog’s new girl now his old girl as he now continues his quest to throw some digits in some bitches all over SoCal.rfpI10X

Upon return the guys brought back an original favorite, Monkey Business! News about monkeys and the crazy evil shit they do. Some cruise in the Gulf of Mexico got stranded and all the toilets got backed up from the people too stuck up or stupid to hang their fish feeder off the side now labeling this as the Shit Cruise, creative name, I know. Corey Taylor of Stone Sour and Slipknot and every other fucking band in music was in studio today talking about all his bands, him not drinking because he wasn’t very productive and now being too productive. Mayhem brought up getting butt fisted while stage diving, and Corey shared a Lemmy stories about a joke about fisting grandmas ass. Slipknot cereal almost existed, and Jason played Corey the Slipknot Cereal that the Jingleberries made and now Corey wants to put it on his Facebook page, that’s fucking metal!

They came back with Unsigned Bands with special guest, Corey Taylor. Here’s what i got:

Two Weeks, sucked
No Class Assasins, sucked again
Jeremiah’s Kind, bad, just simply bad
Funk-tion, not funky not tion but not the worst
The Honey Shakers, this better be a homeless dude on the subway
Everybody Run, mayhem liked it for what it’s worth
Texas City Bombers, recorded on a tape recorded in a garage while the street is being demolished, I liked it on a comedy level
Seven Dirty Words, not bad, didn’t make my ears hurt
Haunted By Heros, supposed to be 12 year olds but everyone is calling bullshit
I’m not sure who the last band was but Corey sang and made it a hit, but the band probably sucked anyway, they should just get this audio on loop and jack off in a corner because that’s the best that they will ever be

Check out Corey Taylor in a city near you, unless your some hillbilly that lives in the middle of butt fuck Egypt then your just screwed. images (1)

We returned with Ellis complaining about “an explosion of female phone drama.” I’m sure we will find out whats going on in the near future. This led into Cock News where we learned about a red white and blue slug that has disposable penises, Murica, Fuck Yeah! Oh, and Steve Martin is having a baby, congratulations to his old and saggy balls. Then there was Final Calls where a dude called about his dead parents because they were as old as shit when he was born and he was cool with it and possibly normal. Can Ellis and mayhem kill dude with a knife or sword? Fuck yeah they can, all Kung-fu like and shit. Then we were briefly gifted with Mayhem’s view on wrestling being banned from the Olympics, he thinks it’s bullshit. Burbank Dave is getting extra creepy on web cam, no surprise  We enjoyed deep thoughts with Steve, the former bomb tech, and Dip, the truck driver. And finally the boys got a few Bless Your Hearts to Tim or Tom, the previous caller, Mayhem, Wills ass, Cumtard, Rawdog, Tully, and Ellis’s head tattoo. Unfortunately the caller got cut off before he could bless yer Mum, because he so does love slappin that back fat as he rides the cellulite carriage to smash town, OH!