Its Friday, the last show before for a week of vacation, so who really does give a fuck? Sarah certainly doesn’t. The dirty little whore was begging for anyone to ask her how to suck a cock. Turns out Tully and Rawdog both have been struggling to slob the knob lately and obliged. Seems the key is to get a lot of gagging going on, past the point of vomiting, and swallow it up with a finger in the ass. Spit the load into a tube and shove it up your twat. Out comes a baby and Bobs your uncle! Seems Josh n Mike were missing the whole revenge angle. Next time your in Cali, make sure to pop into ‘Aussie Town’ aka Little Melbourne. Ellis, Rawdog and Tully riffed up this marvelous town of boobs, boos n buds. Think of it like Mic Dundee meets Crue Town. Ellis is king and the strip clubs are plentiful, if ya know what I mean mates! Ellis was also reminiscing, back in real Australia when he was a teen, about some crazy Asian gang of kids that wanted to meat cleave and machete him n his boys. Some little Linsanity kid got beat up the day before, and rounded up half of Japan to come whoop anyone with a skateboard. Obviously Ellis got away, but thats some crazy shit that he said seemed to happen a lot back there. Tully knew some dude that got beaten here in America by a group of 10year old kids pretty bad too, but nothing about machetes n asians. I knew some group of kids named #ellisfam that fucked your mom. Shoutout to those crazy fuckers!
Good friend of the show Thomas Haden Church called in to wish Ellis a Happy Moon Birthday. It turns out THC has an angelic voice that harmonizes with peace. He sung Ellis a Happy Birthday that is worthy of any ‘Best Of’ next week. Its not surprising since he was the lead singer of a band back in the day named “Wall of Dogs”. Probably would have been the next Molly Hatchet if the guitarist didnt up n go OD on heroin. Maybe Death! Death! Die! can get him on a track in the future. The Future’s birthday was yesterday……and last night too! Seems Ellis Mate and a group of friends including Donald Schultz, Benji Madden and many more, went out to the strip club. The same strip club Josh’s sister works at, just leave it at that! Sounded like fun, boobies, boobies, party, boobies, Katie, boobies, Malice, boobies, your moms boobies. All in all a good birthday night. Seems Rawdog and Tullys nights weren’t as sweet as the Wing. Trust Fund Boy was awoken to his roommate and two chicks coming home from the Madonna concert. They were reliving the night on one of their cellphones while poor ol Josh was trying to get his sleep to battle the Aids he recently aquired. Thats bad, but this is worse. With Superdad in charge, little Linsanity snuck away and found a sticker on the floor, and babies will be babies ya know. So Tully hears him coughing and runs in to see the little dude full on vomiting from this piece of paper. The sticker happend to be like 80 years old, but it sounds like everything came back up and little Oxford should be just fine. Im not so sure about Will’s kid though. Tullys story reminded Jizz Cult when he shoved a fork up his sons ass to help relieve the constipation he was suffering. Fucking Jizzcult is a sick dude man. He did however make up for it by offering to get Ellis tickets to Voodoo Fest in New Orleans later this month, so I guess he’s not that bad. Plus his shins are fucking sweet too!
Lindsay Lohan’s back at it again, The Chateau Marmont that is. Seems she is no longer banned from their establishment for her $46,000 bill, how nice. Shes also being nice to her mom again, saying the bitch wasn’t on coke like she previously said. Lindsay also said shes done with her father for good, and wants Ellis to suck a dead horses dick by voting for Mitt Romney. Shes really turning a new leaf towards being a real American hero. Hulk Hogans video was on topic again, focusing on the video being Black and White. Tully and Ellis figured it to be the security cameras from maybe Bubba’s house, since he was allegedly a paranoid dude. They also conspired the video was maybe leaked by an old show member, since the video could easily be saved if sent via email to one another. DId you know the swinghouse has surveillance cameras….which means absolutely dick since Will doesn’t ever catch anyone doing shit. Speaking of catching shit, remember the dude from Florida who refilled Enemas with the liquid, after he had ran it through his body one time for good luck, and then returned about a dozen to the store to be resold to innocent people. Yeah well that sick fucker is facing 10 years or $250K bail for his escapades. Thats good to know, and so is the news that Katie has Butt Chugged before. Even though she had never heard the term, and didn’t use beer, she did admit to ‘Wine Chugging’ one time in her life. #RedDragons
A new segment was introduced today, “Men, Am I Right?”. We heard such hilariousisms as the man in London who used his microwave to dry his socks and underwear, and burnt his house down. Or what about the guy in Michigan who threatened to burn his apartment complex down, while cooking squirrel with a propane blow torch. And don’t forget the Wisconsin guy who was last seen fucking a yellow couch on the side of the road. He was identified when he ran from the cops…..into the front door of his house. Being a man, all I got from this segment really was you must both cook your squirrel very well done to kill all the rabies and nah mate, you are! Bestie McBestington stopped by the studio before checking out his Baltimore Oreo’s in playoff action tonight, and to pick up his credit card he forgot at the strip club last evening. Tully and Benji tried to jinx each other since Tully routes for the opposing New York Yankees. Jason and Rawdog both learned that their really the Baltimore Orioles, but what the fuck ever dude its baseball. Benji Madden learned who Thomas Haden Church is, and asked to be hooked up for a play date with him and Ellis. They even practiced what each other would say. It got really gay for a while at this point. Luckily five guys showed up and everything was better…..that place has the best burgers I swear! Bestie talked about wanting to buy a place back in Maryland, gave everyone a shoutout, and went off to be awesome.
Remember that binder of old show clips Tully found the other day. Jackpot! They broke out one of the clips today for us to preview, and mentioned possibly using more for some of the ‘Best Of’ shows next week. Todays clip was a 10 minute segment they did with Ryo Chonan, the only man to ever submit Anderson Silva! I’d love to tell you what this skit was about, but much like Big Fucking Mega Boat, I haven’t the fucking slightest. It was from about 4 or 5 years ago, Ellis was the narrator, and Ryo drops his lines in and out of some old 36 Chambers of Death background. Oh, he did kill some bitch by cuming on her, that I did catch. All in all it was pretty funny, and they replayed the skit in its entirety at the very end of the show if your interested. What your not intersted in was Rawdogs new segment, New Movie Friday. The only thing worth while here was the intro that had to be sung by Will Pendarvis, the human button bar. After that, well how do you expect a visual aided skit to properly work on a radio show? They did preview a few movies of note, such as Here Comes the Boom featuring Kevin James and Jason “Mayhem” Miller, Argo, Cloud Atlas, The Hobbit and maybe the most promising of all Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes. This Bigfoot movie appeared to have a nice Blair Witch allure to it. Oh, they also talked a little about the new James Bond movie SkyFall, but the whole New Movie Friday thing had killed the show so who gives a fuck! The rest of Final Calls was about how Sylvester Stallone has some hidden beef with Carl Weathers since hes not in either of the Expendable movies, and what’s the best horror movie of all time? The Woodsman and Creepshow 2 were two of mine and their favorites that were mentioned. I love that line from Creepshow 2, “Thanks for the ride Lady!” – I use it every time Im done fucking your mom, Oh!