Category Archives: Overviews & Re-Caps

Overviews & re-caps of broadcasts from The Jason Ellis Show.

Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 8/27/2013

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you-are-what-you-eat

Tim has real life problems.

It’s Tuesday with Tim! Today is also New Tim Tuesday, but we’ll get to that later, I’m sure of it. It’s a beautiful day today Tims! Ellis’ heart jumped out of his butt twice yesterday, but he just wants to see his kids grow up. He also doesn’t eat cheese that much. Ellis also thinks he’ll never stop going to therapy, because he has to keep opening doors like Early Grayce in Kalifornia. And it’s psychosomatic because you can tell yourself you’re gonna fucking turd your pants and viola, you fucking turd your pants. You can give yourself panic attacks or you can make yourself sick, or you can make yourself better, it’s all in attitude. And an attitude of gratitude is not just a platitude. Ellis got hooked up at the A7X concert last night, he saw Tim Cobb and his new girlfriend and then seen the Tim brothers, and a bunch of other famous Tims. One thing that Ellis and Tully share? They both have had a song with guy, just them, another man, and a song. Tully got a little choked up after his wife and son left him. To go to a funeral in Japan, I mean. She’s coming back though, so it’s all good. But as a father, Tim can totally understand. First you think, “kick ass, freedom!” and then you think “shit, whose gonna help me take care of this ankle biter?” Whose the best rap/rock band that isn’t Rage Against the Machine? Fuck if I know, I was asking you.

shit-shit-shit

This man found out what happens when you sit on Tim’s toilet.

Some dude intentionally ate a fucking toe, it’s called a “sourtoe” or some shit and it’s in a shot of whiskey. And that, boys and girls is where we get the phrase “toe up from the floor up.” Actually, that’s probably not true, come to think of it, I’m certain it’s not true. Everlast is in the studio and he has a new album out today and you don’t, but Tim does. For New Tim Tuesday, we first heard Everlast’s “Sad Girl”, named after a Mexican chick from the movie American Me. We got to hear about how Everlast can be angry person at times, but most of the time, he’s chill like Tim. Rawdog got railed on by the guys and callers to the show about how his Prius sucks and he’s not doing shit for the environment with it, and that he’s no where near as friendly to the environment than your average Canadian. And all I got to say about that is the average Canadian isn’t 1/10th of your average Tim, but they already know that because they buy Tim’s coffee as atonement.

smoking_child_male

When Tim smokes, cigarettes get cancer.

A new restaurant has opened up called Hospitalis, everything is served by nurses, food looks like tongues and shit, and you have the option to be tied up in a straight jacket fed by a nurse. I have no idea who this is supposed to appeal to, but hey, maybe that’s just me and Tims across the world. Appropriately enough, while we’re being told this story, Grant Cobb is finishing tattooing Ellis’ head. While the tattoo gun is buzzing along in the background, the guys started quizzing Ellis to see if he could answer anything while getting his head ink. More New Tim Tuesday, Avenged Sevenfold’s new album is out today as well, it’s called “Hail to the Tim” and we heard portions of 3 different tracks and then M. Shadows called in to ask why Ellis and his boys didn’t come and hang after the show last night. Goodie Mob and Bob Dylan had shit come out today as did Eminem, but it wasn’t anything to Tim about so fuck it. There were some more tools that had their shitty shit come out too, but I can’t remember who or what they were so you’re just going to have to let that portion of your life go for good. Tim say’s he’s sorry about that. Grant will be collaborating with Ellis on an EllisMania 9 t-shirt, so they kicked around some ideas, none of which included Tim. Now, a question for you. Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid? Good. Because he’s back in town and wants your number. TIM!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 8/26/2013

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bubble_pipe

Get your thinking cap on, today’s full of thoughts!

It’s Monday, and god damn it, my name is not Tim! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But hey, listen. I mean, read. Fuck it, listen and read at the same time. Ever try that? It’s pretty hard to do and comprehend what you’re reading while you’re listening. Seriously. David Blaine tried that shit once and that’s why he seems a little fucktarded in the dome. A better you than the you, you expected is always a pleasant surprise, it can be a bit confusing, but still. Ellis knows Ricky Carmichael (aka The GOAT), he spoke to him and everything. Why is The Offspring in your mom’s ass? We all know you can’t rely on a shit rope, that shit rope is gonna break, and speaking of which, Wilson is like the weatherman. Tully was at an Israeli wedding last night, and wrote down a quote from the groom’s drunken mother. She called her son her, “United Steak of America, I’m sorry, I’m hungry.” Tully recounted his ordeal Friday and his wife’s grandma. They did a short recap of what happened on Friday’s show for Tully, which included Almart. That quickly turned into cool places that get shit-kicked outta business by big chain stores. What does heaven look like to you? What picture would Jesus give you to help you interpret what heaven looks like? Rawdog? God sends him a picture of the Apple store, though he thinks Superman would greet him into The Justice League. Ellis? He wants pizza Jesus because he doesn’t like people telling him what to do, but he doesn’t mind pizza telling him what to do. Tully? He had some serious logic and it was kind of dark and depressing, fitting right in with the streak of evil that lives inside Tully.

come_to_me

Send in your videos, promise, it’ll be okay!

Prostitution has always been legal in Switzerland, did you know that? Did you know about Swiss cheese, Swiss army knives, and Swatch watches? Good. Moving on then. In Zurich, there has been a problem with street walkers, so they built them their own little whore boxes to do their whore work in. Low and behold, Wilson will be going to Amsterdam and then Zurich – make of that what you will. We heard the rest of the t-shirt design winners and none of them included any of mine, so all you people are dead to me. Do you hear me? Dead to me (not Tim)! Ellis is still trying to convince Tera Patrick to box Sam Rubin, a drunk, trash talking, Sam Rubin.  Other potential fighters were discussed, such as @Shanwize1, whose fight last year won fight of the night awards. But if she wants to fight, it sounds like she’s going to have to do the leg work to find an opponent because @FaceplantLauren has a jacked up back. And there’s a lot of open spots still for fighters, so don’t be scurred and make a 3 minute video of you punching a bag, a pillow, the air, whatever and send it in to fightclub@ellismania.com.

tuna_cum_sandwich

What is it about the Richmond’s and eating cum?

Fucking MTV VMAs talk time, you knew it was going to happen, and now here it is – rearing it’s ugly head. Miley Cyrus’ ass was the hot topic for pretty much everyone across the globe. Who cares. What I found more interesting was that apparently Alan Thicke’s son (Robin) is someone with a varying degree of significance to stupid kids? I had no idea. I still don’t even know what he does or why, all I know is Alan played Jason Seaver in Growing Pains. Coolio is auctioning off his entire music catalog, which consists of 8 albums over 19 years, so he can raise the skrilla so he can… become a chef. That’s right, he wants to be line cook at Denny’s or some shit. Nobody told him the only reason “Cooking With Coolio” was semi-successful was because it was hilarious to see a rapper with a cook book? Surprise! Rawdog’s sister (Gabi) also wants to be a chef and she cook chicken and shit. I assume “shit” is slang for crack and that she’s giving up her gangster rap career to follow her dreams. Here’s to wishing you all the best, Gabi. Fat Joe is going to the slammer for not paying taxes on a million dollars of income. Not paying taxes is so fucking gangster. Did you know rich people get really good stuff as compared to poor people? Yeah, me too. Did you know Rawdog took everyone’s advice, shit on it, and then bought a Prius? He also thinks he could get $1k for his old BMW, so if you’re into shitty cars that smell like McNuggets, bust out that mason jar of change and it could be yours!

A bunch of college chicks in Australia took pictures of their vagina in an effort to curb the vaginal plastic surgery rage going on down under (HEYOH) and it pretty much backfired because (lips for days) people that saw (lots of hair) the photo were freaked out (defects), so much so (oh god) that the school (kill it with fire) wouldn’t run the ad in the school’s newspaper. This spawned a shitload of pussy talk from callers, and as you can imagine, it was incredible insightful and nobody made any jokes or derogatory remarks what-so-ever. Just remember, you came from one, so you better watch the lip (HEYOH) or things could get hairy (HEYOH) real quick. Reeking I mean speak of which, I remember one time I went to the doctors office, and while in the waiting room I spotted your mom. “Can I smell your pussy?” I asked. “No! How dare you!” she said. So I responded, “It must be your feet then.” OH!

so_happy_for_you

No, really. I mean it.

Show Re-cap for Friday 8/23/2013

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Welcome, welcome to the show recap, listen read as we tell you everything you need to know, about chicks and fighting, and moto. But mostly check out these balls recaps! Ellis might be overdoing it with Katie’s mum jokes, almost every comment is followed by yer mum, yer mums ass, I’m gonna eat it off yer mums ass, etc. Funny as it might be, Ellis thinks he should tone it down a little, with yer mum. Tully’s wife’s grandma died so he’s not in today, he might be on a plane to China or not, I don’t know and neither does anybody else. Rawdog can’t button his shirt correctly, just another surprising lack of ability from the adorable bush baby. Ellis is trying not to be a slugger in boxing, he’s trying to be a boxers boxer, a black boxer to be exact. He just needs to work more on his footwork and his tan. Ellis talked about how back in the day PLG boxed him and hit him in the side and knocked the wind out of him. Speaking of fighting, Will once got in a fight with a road rager and they were hauling ass and the dude was trying to run Will off the road. But slick Willy had a faster car and sped away and after he thought he was safe he pulled into gas station. Next thing Wilson knew, in pulled the dude. He got out of his car and before William could get

WILSON IM SORRY!!!

WILSON IM SORRY!!!

his window rolled up he punched him about three times in de face. Next the guy hollered, “Come on boys” and two more dudes got out carrying a bat and pipe. Willshire then started his car, whipped around the other car, got plate number, then took off through back roads. When Willavitch got home he told his daddy and he then called the sheriff. The sheriff said the dude was just released from prison for killing his wife with hammer and suggested that the Willingtons just forget about it. No charges were filed. This brought up the discussion of bad driving and shitty drivers. I would like to finish this recap today so I’m just gonna say, don’t be a dick and drive slow in the left lanes, if you do you should have to drive a Prius forever as a punishment. Ellis got props from Votaspa because he talks about them all the time on the radio. Then a dude called in asking about his mushroom tip showing through his swim trunks and if it’s inappropriate, the answer is yes, yes it’s a vulgar display of penis.

Circumcisions in the US are down to 58% mainly in the west where they are down to 40%. Score one for the hooded vagina basher. Somebody had the balls to get audio clip of Anderson The Spider Silva trying to say Red Dragons over and over again. He couldn’t quite get it right so, Head Dragons mother fuckers! They then played The Greatest Small Town In America, how did they ever think of the name? Everything was going well then THC called in with his small town, Vanderville Texas. Everybody else didn’t have shit on THC, who is also doing a movie about that Colton Burpo kid, until Jeff called in with Alma Colorado where they have more dispensaries and bars that churches or schools and an Almart, it’s like Walmart but an Almart. SiriusXM is having a contest where you can win the chance to see Metallica at an intamate show at the Apollo Theater, and by intimate I mean, bring lube.

Lives in a small town, knows Josh Adam Richmond

Lives in a small town, knows Josh Adam Richmond

Here’s the video of the motorcyclist in BC that hit a black bear. Yesterday at the theater before josh fainted somebody yelled Ben Aflack is going to be the next Batman. Idon’t give a fuck and if you do, well i don’t give a fuck about you giving a fuck. There was going to be a game but Malice overslept and ruined the game.It was going to be awesome but instead they assigned more Wolfknife names. To my surprise BitPimps is really Tim Wright, even I didn’t know the real identity of the infamous creator of NoYouAre.

Ellis is gonna go hang with Suzuki(?) this weekend and is gonna go vibe the Green Team while Katie secretly videos it because he can and it might be funny, and he’s also going to fat-football-player-runningthe Lake Elsinore Redbull Street League with Rob Dyrdek and Chad Reed. I dunno, there’s a lot of shit going on so get off your cottage cheese ass and do something. South Korea is the leading country for plastic surgery. They are getting a procedure called smile crest surgery done so it looks like they are always smiling. Koreans also rarely have sex after childbirth. That’s why so many turn to prostitution and a Brazilian dude called in and knows a couple Korean chicks and they are total sluts. They did Doing Stuff With Katie and maily chicks called in to bitch about their boyfriends and if you are ever in doubt on how to get your guy to do something just remember this, blowjobs and stretching that pussy over my face bro. But be careful, last time yer mum did that it was ruled as an accidental homicide, OH!

Show Re-cap for Thursday 8/22/2013

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Happy Thursday said no one ever! Ellis is feeling the pain of his workout and today on the mean streets of Hollywood a crazy 200 pound white broad called Ellis a N bomb and a F bomb and tried to flinch him then pissed while staring him down. Being quick on his feet he

Nice glasses, no really, I mean it. Please don't kill me.

Nice glasses, no really, I mean it. Please don’t kill me.

was able to get it all on Ellismania.com. Also on Ellismania.com is Ellis’s new signature sunglasses. Okay I don’t know if that’s where you get them for sure but it’s a pretty good bet. They started talking about teachers and shitty smart parents that bug them too much with all their brainy brains and having to do good in school because you can’t just get “dummy” jobs anymore like digging ditches or working in the oil fields of Canada. They also talked about starting your own business or getting on TV but I wasn’t really listening, I was busy digging a ditch.

And back from the music break we are graced with Hollywood blabber mouth Sam Ruben. He thinks that he can fight Tara Patrick in Ellismania 9, either because he likes hitting girls or because he enjoys punching chicks, but I’m sure it’s all in good fun. They talked something about a charity bike ride, shit about The Today Show, and a whole bunch of other Hollywood shit that I tend to drown out. The only thing worse than Hollywood News is Hollywood News on steroids. Then for a nice turn of events they talked about movies, actors, my balls, Rawdog’s diet, Ellismania fights, and this one guy that did that one thing with the other dude that was totally rad.

How I expect the Tera Patrick fight will go.

How I expect the Tera Patrick fight will go.

All porn productions have been shut down because an unknown performer has tested positive for HIV. Even this is the second case since 2004 you know that all the anti porn blue balled mother fuckers are gonna crow about shit that they have no business sticking their pretentious noses into. Ellis’s arm is sore because he tore something while working out so he’s taking it easy to heal. Unfortunately he doesn’t have the money to hire a masseuse to work it out. Happy endings are expensive. Rawdog plans on doing cardio images (11)much like the Onnit challenge but easier. A Northern Arizona family got lost at sea while trying to escape the government for religious causes. Being from Arizona it’s safe to say that they had no nautical experience and should have died at sea like God intended them to do. God doesn’t like idiots either. Tully thinks that all the crazies and bible thumpers and every other skitzo that hates the government should be given Wyoming. That way they can live in whatever kind of chaos they prefer. Besides, nobody’s using Wyoming anyway, it’s like that corner of Americas back yard that has an old tire and a few pieces of wood and a rusty bicycle from the 50’s.

An English chick is going to marry a man on death row who shot a dude at 16 and then strangled another inmate earning his spot in old sparky. Hope they don’t forget to wet the sponge. Crazy people, am I right! Some dumbasses called and then one smart dude called suggesting that they have a comic open for DDD and it’s defiantly a suggestion to consider. Then there were more dumb callers but this time it was on purpose in the quest to find the dumbest caller and there are quite a few great contestants.

How I picture the callers, but less funny. Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

How I picture the callers, but less funny. Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

If you want to win stuff and fight at Ellismania 9 then send in your video of yourself hitting a heavy bag for three minutes to Juliet, The Web Mastress, at fightclub@ellismania.com. You can also send in your singing videos through Instagram, just take a video of yourself singing a Death Death Die or Taintstick song and put @wolfmate and #ellismania9 on it. Heather Mills now has a silver metal for skiing in the New Zeland solemn skiing something or other, not bad for a one legged bitch. Ever wonder what it would be like to watch Mike Tyson play Mike Tyson’s Knockout? Well wonder no more! A dude on bath salts went on an ass kicking spree punching a kid and taking his skateboard, kicking a dog, beating a dude with a shovel, and pushed a man in a wheelchair down the street saying, “You’re coming with me!” I’m not gonna lie, that last one made me laugh. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy is at the end of his internship today. He is going back to school tomorrow where you can hear him on collegeradiocrap.com.ed.au. Or ChapmanRadio.com whichever steaming pile of shit you prefer to listen to. Also follow him on Instagram, @AdamMann24, where there are riveting pictures of him and Wilson in some artsy fartsy filter. They ended the show with the high speed recap guy. If this guy reads these please get in contact with myself, @Az_RedDragon or @bitPimps. Or you can just tell our mum because you’re poundin that pussy yo!

Oh yeah, OH!

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 8/21/2013

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A what a day, but it’s just another day among days surrounded by even more days and what are words anyway? I’ve got a new favorite word: FIRED because the shithead who has been screwing up my work week by not showing up and throwing the whole work load on me is gone and now my dick is a little hard. Maybe I’m kind of a dick but fuuuuuuccckkkkk thattttt guyyyyyy.

Ellis opened the show talking about there are different ways you can make yourself die a little faster by doing rigorous shit to your organs and exercising hard. You don’t want to over pump your organs except for the ones that feel good. He brought up his dad’s drunk, fat friend Scottie who was always drunk and yelling BOOMSHAKALAKA and he lived in a little house out in the woods like the Hobbit. This lead into  a somewhat heated argument about life spans of Hobbits. Ellis was drilling Josh about how Hobbit’s die and Josh stumbled over some shit about Hobbit cancer, and Ellis said it was stupid. Josh brought up the good point that he was asking him about the nature of death with Hobbits and not wanting stupid answers. Most hobbits will just live for a long time but sometimes a troll comes for them and eats them.

Anyway, back to drunk ass Scottie, he once told Ellis about a time he did meth and shit and he was a crazy bastard who never took care of himself and he is still alive. But yet Jason’s dad wasn’t in the worst shape in the world and he died cycling up a hill. He wants to at some point in the future ride up that same hill when he is 53 to prove to himself he is in better shape physically and mentally than him at the same point. Somehow the conversation shifted over to Mexicans getting brain trauma playing soccer. Josh pointed out they hit the ball with their head and Jason jumped his shit saying there was no way that people got brain damage from heading a soccer ball. But then Tully looked it up and found the repetitive hits actually causes the brain damage, so BOOMSHAKALAKA for Josh. Which reminds me the only time I got KO’d playing soccer was during this tournament when my team wasn’t even playing and I was running around the playground and caught a parallel bar straight across the forehead and went out. Memories.

Tully went to another open house, which was a nice size and there were a few things that needed some work. Price tag: $1.5 million dollars. Which just made me happy to live in a place where I just bought a 1750 sq. foot house with a huge back/front yard and very little remodeling needed for $150,000. Boom! Rural!

Speaking of big purchases, great news! Josh has finally settled on buying a car! Bad news is that it’s a Toyota Prius C, and every caller under the sun called to tell him that car sucks. Tully found a Consumer Reports review of the car and they said it sucked really bad too. We all know though that Josh will just stick with whatever he wants, because WE ALL KNOW what Josh is trying to say to everyone by buying a Prius: That he is one of the superior, forward thinking people on the planet and he cares so much more than the guy in the SUV next to him. He needs to get a car with some flair, like a Prius painted like a fire truck and he can hang his head out of the window going WEE-OO-WEE-OO-WEE-OO. Or a Zamboni. That shit will be badass riding through the streets of Hollywood.

More big news, Ellis is going to be getting a Suzuki bike from Carey Hart’s sponsor and he is going to be part of the team! No more Kawasaki for him, which is going to be a tough conversation to have with Tiger who is a Kawasaki nutjob. I like to think one day Tiger will get sponsored by Kawasaki and cross every finish line with a big middle finger to Old Man Ellis in the crowd. It makes sense for Ellis to make the jump though, because Carey is his friend and he likes everyone at Suzuki and it also means he’s going to get CHADA REED GEAR! FUCK YEAH MOTO! Almost can’t contain myself. Woo moving on.

A recent study found that more successful people like small boobs and poor people like big boobs. And hungry people like bigger boobs than people who aren’t hungry and supposedly that says they want the boobs to be their mommy feeding them or some shit. Some German guy broke onto the German government plane and had a one man party, spraying the fire hydrant around and generally trashing the thing. Red Dragons, or Wolfknives or whatever the fuck we are saying these days.

Doug Benson was on the show for a brief period today, too short if you ask me. They talked about the documentary Blackfish which is about whales at Sea World and how shitty they treat them. A guy called in to say how he got tongued by a whale once. Cool story bro. They got into a new segment where people call in for advice and 2 people in the room have to answer him, one being a good cop, the other being the bad cop. SO a guy called in about how this girl gave him herpes and then they broke up, and he slept with another girl and got gonorrhea,  and then the chick who gave him herpes wants to get back together. His question was whether or not he should get back with herpes chick to give her gonorrhea as well, making him the most vindictive shit ever and it’s kind of awesome. Another guy called in because he and his girlfriend were going to college and are trying the long distance relationship thing. Lucky for him, the guys and Doug Benson were there to tell him she is going to be taking the biggest dick she could find one week into it and then she’d call you and be like “I just think we need to experience life while we are young, and it’s nothing against you” FUCKING BITCH WHORE……Moving on. Rounding out the segment, Ellis is really bad at good cop, Josh is bad at good cop, Tully and Doug are awesome at both. And before Doug Benson had to leave……PIZZA BURGERS!

I want you inside me. Hard.

I want you inside me. Hard.

Avenged Sevenfold was in the studio as well today, making two major guests on the show in one day, making up for weeks of nothing and diminishing everyone’s time on the show. They have a new album out next Tuesday called Hail To The King, and I’ve always loved those guys so you should too. They talked about some beef they have had with old school metal bands although they wouldn’t say who. And how there was drama with a guy from Megadeth because their bass tech was doing a sound check while Megadeth was performing. All I know is I saw A7X live once and they started the show by hanging a guy from the rafters and he just swayed there side to side while they played the first song and it was awesome so I like those dudes.

A7X left with about 14 minutes left in the show so there wasn’t a whole lot left to cover here. What can I say, a whole lot of show to cram into 4 hours means even more to cram into 1300 words, so really if you don’t like it you can suck my ass or check it out on demand. I’m not even sure you are real. Do you even read this? Do you just scroll to see pictures? Well SORRY I’m not heavier on photos, bitch. Why don’t you go fuck yourself huh? HUH?????? HELLO????