A what a day, but it’s just another day among days surrounded by even more days and what are words anyway? I’ve got a new favorite word: FIRED because the shithead who has been screwing up my work week by not showing up and throwing the whole work load on me is gone and now my dick is a little hard. Maybe I’m kind of a dick but fuuuuuuccckkkkk thattttt guyyyyyy.
Ellis opened the show talking about there are different ways you can make yourself die a little faster by doing rigorous shit to your organs and exercising hard. You don’t want to over pump your organs except for the ones that feel good. He brought up his dad’s drunk, fat friend Scottie who was always drunk and yelling BOOMSHAKALAKA and he lived in a little house out in the woods like the Hobbit. This lead into a somewhat heated argument about life spans of Hobbits. Ellis was drilling Josh about how Hobbit’s die and Josh stumbled over some shit about Hobbit cancer, and Ellis said it was stupid. Josh brought up the good point that he was asking him about the nature of death with Hobbits and not wanting stupid answers. Most hobbits will just live for a long time but sometimes a troll comes for them and eats them.
Anyway, back to drunk ass Scottie, he once told Ellis about a time he did meth and shit and he was a crazy bastard who never took care of himself and he is still alive. But yet Jason’s dad wasn’t in the worst shape in the world and he died cycling up a hill. He wants to at some point in the future ride up that same hill when he is 53 to prove to himself he is in better shape physically and mentally than him at the same point. Somehow the conversation shifted over to Mexicans getting brain trauma playing soccer. Josh pointed out they hit the ball with their head and Jason jumped his shit saying there was no way that people got brain damage from heading a soccer ball. But then Tully looked it up and found the repetitive hits actually causes the brain damage, so BOOMSHAKALAKA for Josh. Which reminds me the only time I got KO’d playing soccer was during this tournament when my team wasn’t even playing and I was running around the playground and caught a parallel bar straight across the forehead and went out. Memories.
Tully went to another open house, which was a nice size and there were a few things that needed some work. Price tag: $1.5 million dollars. Which just made me happy to live in a place where I just bought a 1750 sq. foot house with a huge back/front yard and very little remodeling needed for $150,000. Boom! Rural!
Speaking of big purchases, great news! Josh has finally settled on buying a car! Bad news is that it’s a Toyota Prius C, and every caller under the sun called to tell him that car sucks. Tully found a Consumer Reports review of the car and they said it sucked really bad too. We all know though that Josh will just stick with whatever he wants, because WE ALL KNOW what Josh is trying to say to everyone by buying a Prius: That he is one of the superior, forward thinking people on the planet and he cares so much more than the guy in the SUV next to him. He needs to get a car with some flair, like a Prius painted like a fire truck and he can hang his head out of the window going WEE-OO-WEE-OO-WEE-OO. Or a Zamboni. That shit will be badass riding through the streets of Hollywood.
More big news, Ellis is going to be getting a Suzuki bike from Carey Hart’s sponsor and he is going to be part of the team! No more Kawasaki for him, which is going to be a tough conversation to have with Tiger who is a Kawasaki nutjob. I like to think one day Tiger will get sponsored by Kawasaki and cross every finish line with a big middle finger to Old Man Ellis in the crowd. It makes sense for Ellis to make the jump though, because Carey is his friend and he likes everyone at Suzuki and it also means he’s going to get CHADA REED GEAR! FUCK YEAH MOTO! Almost can’t contain myself. Woo moving on.
A recent study found that more successful people like small boobs and poor people like big boobs. And hungry people like bigger boobs than people who aren’t hungry and supposedly that says they want the boobs to be their mommy feeding them or some shit. Some German guy broke onto the German government plane and had a one man party, spraying the fire hydrant around and generally trashing the thing. Red Dragons, or Wolfknives or whatever the fuck we are saying these days.
Doug Benson was on the show for a brief period today, too short if you ask me. They talked about the documentary Blackfish which is about whales at Sea World and how shitty they treat them. A guy called in to say how he got tongued by a whale once. Cool story bro. They got into a new segment where people call in for advice and 2 people in the room have to answer him, one being a good cop, the other being the bad cop. SO a guy called in about how this girl gave him herpes and then they broke up, and he slept with another girl and got gonorrhea, and then the chick who gave him herpes wants to get back together. His question was whether or not he should get back with herpes chick to give her gonorrhea as well, making him the most vindictive shit ever and it’s kind of awesome. Another guy called in because he and his girlfriend were going to college and are trying the long distance relationship thing. Lucky for him, the guys and Doug Benson were there to tell him she is going to be taking the biggest dick she could find one week into it and then she’d call you and be like “I just think we need to experience life while we are young, and it’s nothing against you” FUCKING BITCH WHORE……Moving on. Rounding out the segment, Ellis is really bad at good cop, Josh is bad at good cop, Tully and Doug are awesome at both. And before Doug Benson had to leave……PIZZA BURGERS!
I want you inside me. Hard.
Avenged Sevenfold was in the studio as well today, making two major guests on the show in one day, making up for weeks of nothing and diminishing everyone’s time on the show. They have a new album out next Tuesday called Hail To The King, and I’ve always loved those guys so you should too. They talked about some beef they have had with old school metal bands although they wouldn’t say who. And how there was drama with a guy from Megadeth because their bass tech was doing a sound check while Megadeth was performing. All I know is I saw A7X live once and they started the show by hanging a guy from the rafters and he just swayed there side to side while they played the first song and it was awesome so I like those dudes.
A7X left with about 14 minutes left in the show so there wasn’t a whole lot left to cover here. What can I say, a whole lot of show to cram into 4 hours means even more to cram into 1300 words, so really if you don’t like it you can suck my ass or check it out on demand. I’m not even sure you are real. Do you even read this? Do you just scroll to see pictures? Well SORRY I’m not heavier on photos, bitch. Why don’t you go fuck yourself huh? HUH?????? HELLO????