Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/19/2013

What happens when you come into the show a couple minutes late? You hear that Ellis wants to kill and is full of bloodlust. But I’m sure that it’s just a misunderstanding because even Katie says that Ellis is getting depressed less and handling shit better. Ellis is going to be able to punch people in de face everyday now because he is moving from his current house to a home in Gymville, next door to Blackeyetropolis. Punching your friends in de face is all in good fun, but if you knee them in de face then your just a dick. Unless it’s some fakey spinning flying knee to de face then it’s just fucking awesome! Before the show the guys, Ellis, Tully, Rawdog, Dom, Will and celebrity EllisFam guest Butterballs, played a game of street ball as discussed earlier in the week and during the basketball MMA-knee-to-the-face-fights-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-903game Will sprained his labia and finally got his first legitimate sports injury. It was described as a very retarded version of prison ball with as much butt rape as one would imagine. Back to Will’s sprained cervix, he said that he heard two snaps in his knee and claims its fractured compoundedly but most likly he just tore a ligament. Rawdog can’t make 3 out of 10 layups as expected but he can dribble way better now than he could before. Ellis’s pool party this weekend will have a real mermaid there for the kids and also to save Josh when he falls into the pool and forgets to plug his nose. The discussion turned to cool kid names and what names the guys would name their sons of they were to have one, but Josh just seems to want to name his son a name that will guarantee himself a lineup with The Chippendale’s.

Dom Ass News was almost an hour long conversation on the conspiracy of the lost city of Atlantis and that it never existed. It was a  very confusing conspiracy theory mainly because there seemed to be no conspiracy behind it at all. Dom said that someone is Bermudaclaiming that he city never existed but Dom says it did and that they are living below the sea in a bubble with a hotel and indoor plumbing and seaweed technologies and sushi and somehow have electricity for lighting because it is dark at the bottom of the ocean. With an argument like that how could Dom be wrong! They also talked about the Bermuda Triangle and that is another place that Dom doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t want to mysteriously disappear. But Josh solved the entire mystery by reading one tweet, Atlantis is under the Bermuda Triangle and planes and ships disappear because of their centuries old yet incredibly advanced technologies. Makes perfect sense now.

Did you hear the one about the beached whale and the Gordons Fisherman? Jeremy Stenburg, aka Twitch, called in and talked some shit and then something about the Best Whip contest on ESPN and you can vote here but by the time you read this part, wipe, and flush the toilet, the contest will be over so just sit back and relax a little longer. Here’s the Jake brown ollie 720 video. Burt McKracken came in and discussed a few things, like the

And that's just the foreplay!

And that’s just the foreplay!

micro ramp, rollerblades, and something new with methed out whores picking at their faces and partying. Oh yeah, also to debut Cunt Kicker, if you haven’t heard it then listen to it here! The song kicks ass and I can’t wait to see what the other songs are brought to the table. They also talked about how annoying it would be of their spouses were into their music or careers and thats when Tully revealed that his wife secretly runs NoYouAre. The mystery of who bitPimps is has been revealed, I always thought you had really nice tits for a dude. And a new game was played today called Freak The Fuck Out Of Burt With A Spider While We All Laugh. Guess how that went? He manned up after screaming like a girl and let the tarantula crawl on his hand. After that they talked about snake bites, death, trippin balls, unicorns, and jewnicorns.

Dom’s Sasquatch sound clip that is definitive proof that Bigfoot is real, seriously, how can you argue against this?! Tully’s Cock News was a compilation of some of the greatest cock injuries of all time. A doctor circumcised a kid and almost cut off his baby winky, a man at Arby’s had his junk sprayed by scalding hot water in the bathroom after flushing the urinal, a young man in India “accidentally” had his pet fish “accidentally” slide into his urethra when he took it with him to go pee “accidentally.” A man claimed that a street gang knocked him out, robbed him, and slid a nail up his pee hole. And aother dude injected cocaine into his urethra, got gangrene and lost his dick, both legs, and nine fingers. Thats why you never should shoot up coke in your weenis. Do you hate Ellis? You should tell him that, but more importantly do you hate NoYouAre? If you do then watch this last video. Now do you? Well if you do then just know this one thing, we don’t want to hear about it. Besides, yer mum loves us, all of us, at the same time, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/12/2013

Welcome to another riveting edition of Who Gives A Fuck Friday on the Jason Ellis Show and on the NoYouAre recaps. Out of everybody who is not giving a fuck today, Rawdog is the clear winner. He is still out with vagina Jew herpes and is staying home to round out a rawdog_not_at_coachellaweek of nothing. But rumor has it that he might be spreading that shit at Cochella as we speak. So if you are at Cochella this weekend be on the lookout for Josh and his disease of doom! Vagina Jew herpes free Katie is filling in the Dog chair today though so the entire show is saved. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little but it could be worse. Ellis called Rawdog and he’s making him drink eight glasses of water and Gatorade and not iced tea like patient zero has been doing. Ellis saw a celebrity at Voda Spa, I don’t hear who it was because I was running a jack hammer and that shit gets loud but he was star struck. There’s some kid playing in the Masters Golf tournament, so if you didn’t feel like a complete loser already, this should help. According to producer Dom, hackey sack is a sport, but so is paint ball. And according to this logic so is juggling and competitive sitting. Everyone knows ti  isn’t a sport, except for hippies and hipsters. Both of which don’t count anyway. After this discussion Ellis challenged Dom to a 2 on 2 basketball game until they all realized that whichever team Josh was on would defiantly lose.

Women Am I Right was on a roll today starting with four large women at large for assaulting and assumably rapping an innocent dude. Then there was a barrage of bad women driver stories, parking on ledges, crashing into stationary objects, and many other actions of complete fucktardery. A girl texted her boyfriend saying that she’s being robbed

So I hear you like anal!

So I hear you like anal!

and he called the cops and when they got there she told them that she was just joking, LOL. One of the interns brought in a well put together radio game where the guys have to look at a picture and guess if that individual has a dick or no dick. Let me mention again that this RADIO bit was Jason, Tully, and Katie, LOOKING at pictures. Good job dude, stay in school. Then there were more envelope ideas and I didn’t catch them all so you will just have to keep listening to find out some of the horrible things that are in store.In Pot News a large scale grower disguised the odor of his pot farm with buckets of human feces. Another new game was played today also, Win Lil Banes Money! As it would turn out the only thing that we learned from this game is that most of the callers are retarded and apparently nobody has ever seen Jaws. Unfortunately Dom turned out alright in the end and the guys moved on to Dude Am I A Slut. Again, with the callers this was a total train wreck. There were only two shitty calls where girls were blasting some dude because of bla bla bla whatever the fuck they were saying. Hopefully next time the sluts will be less busy slobbing knobs in the alley and call in.

christmas-abbott-lead

There is a chick in NASCAR and before you get all worried and scared, no she isn’t driving. She’s working in the pits, probably giving the driver a drink or washing his windows or something. Her name is Christmas Abbott (@christmasabbott) and she is smoking hot, way sexier than the usual people in the pits. Final calls were the usual stuff, “I liked the show,” “You have a beautiful cock,” “How do I not be a fat piece of shit,” you know the usual. But the one thing that stood out was one of the last calls, it was a lot of slow deep heavy breathing, a rather husky voice moaning, and some burping. I’m fairly certain it was yer mum, stroking that massive clit of her’s again, OH!

Show Re-cap for Friday 4/5/2013

Happy BallsMy balls are awesome, they’re beautiful, they’re happy, and my balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right, it’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night. Will loves the show like a child he hates who shits all over everything. Which pretty much means that given the chance, Will would drive all of us into a lake with the doors and windows locked because he loves us so very much. Rawdogs hair is getting better, Jason and Tully decided that it needs to be messy on purpose but not messy because he’s a fucking slob. If he does that then it will be garunteed that he’ll get laid. That or just do seven minutes on Ridiculousness, bitches love Ridiculousness. Speaking of Rawdog on TV, he wants to be on it but not do TV stuff. This brought up the discussion of TJES having its own television show. It wouldn’t just be  aTV version of the radio show like Howard does because that shits been done to death. It would be more of a skit/radio show/whatever the fuck they want show. Most of this time was being used to think of bits to do. And don’t forget to go to Cuteness.com and vote for Ellis and Burger in their cutest celebrity pet contest. (Click the link, trust me)

In Pot News, for the first time ever the majority of Americans think pot should be legal. Also in related news, umm, wait, what was I talking about. I feel like having some nachos. Tully brought back the Men Am I Right segment and a farmer misspelled his girlfriends name,shark stupid man when he cut a marriage proposal into his crops. A man reported an explosion in his home, he wanted to have a nice relaxing hot have so naturally he heated up his can of shaving cream on the stove. A man shot his girlfriend, kinda. She was preheating his oven and she didn’t know that’s where he stored the clip and bullets to his .45. I still blame the woman for that one, she should know that a dude isn’t going to use the stove for cooking, stupid girl. Then some super gross dude made a bar book where all the recipes includes semen. In the UK a man was driving erratically and then he was pulled over, not for drinking or anything like that, but for rockin the drum and bass. The dude was rocking out so hard that he was in the zone! And the winner of today’s segment is a man who was arrested for the 50th time, but this time he was arrested for stealing booze and giving away shots to people in the park.

Benji+MaddenBestie McBestington, aka Benji Madden came into the Swinghouse today. Apparently his recording session was delayed so he graced us with his presence. They talked about how much they respect and appreciate women, baking, motivation in the workplace, and the satisfaction of a job well done. Benji also talked about being the old guy in music production and how its hard to realize that all this stupid new stuff is kinda the same stupid new stuff that we liked when we were young. Then they talked about being on reality TV but he would only be on for music related stuff like The Voice. Benjis brother Joel is nominated for a loogie in Australia for his work on Australias The Voice TV show. And that’s all I have to say about that.

On to the Blowgies! A super gay competition with some super not gay contenders. The object of this competion is for two guys to give the most seductive, most loving, and most sexy blowjob to the big dicked rollerblader that they can while being judged by Foxxy (@Foxxy702), Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia), and Alice March (@alicemarchxxx). Long time listener, Fuck You Dude was the first contender and after slobbing knob like a seasoned veteran he got an impressive score of 20 out of 30. Perry was up next, it was expected that he wouldn’t be able to compete with FYD’s incredible fellatio skills but with some dick to face slapping and remembering to work the balls he came out with an amazing score of 25 out of 30! In the end Perry left with the title of best straight guy blow job on a mannequin dick.

“If she’s not winning watches then she’s not doing it right!” – A porn star

Wesley Snipes is back in society to continue his battle against vampires and space ship hijacking replicants. Something about Halle Berry. The Game ate at some restaurant and tweeted that he tipped the waiter six grand but lied. Busta Rhymes got into a fight over a cheeseburger. Titty. Joel Madden has great new hair cut. It’s rumored that Will and Jayda Pinkett Smith have an open marriage, but she said no and then said Will can do whatever he wants, like a boss. Snoop Lions record is coming out, in case you need something to waste your money on and burning it has become boring. Unsigned bands will be back next week. If you want you band to be shit on just send an MP3 to Ellisparodies@gmail.comIMG_9237

Final Calls were with only Ellis, everybody bailed to go find some hookers and coke for the weekend. Here are some of the things we learned during Final Calls today. When you walk in on your boss jackin his dick, leave and pretend nothing happened. Ellis is going to Nuculear Cowboys on Saturday, but if you see him and his kids don’t say fuck, shit, pussy, ass, cock, damn, piss, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, or hell yeah in front of Ellis’s kids. If your a pill head that can’t poop try snorting Metamucil, that shit will get your shit flowing fo-sho! A grown ass man should be able to piss all over his room if he wants. Ellismania on hold for now while Ellis gets things reorganized and calmed down. He wants to make sure everything is done right and the only way to do that is to do it himself. And the last thing we learned today is that the best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Unless the new girl is yer mum, never ever ever get under yer mum, it’s like the Bermuda Triangle of flesh and tits and hair, OH!

Show Re-cap for Friday 3/29/2013

You can get energy from nature, not solar, wind, fossil fuel, or killer tree energy but happy grass on your feet energy. As you know its Easter weekend and nothing says family and friends like talking about crucifixions. Nobody crucifies any more, not even those crazy terrorist fucks. Probably because it’s such a brutal and slow way to die, most died of jesussuffocation and exposure and tetanus from rusty unsteralized nails. Pendarvis is going to bring in some ghost hunters to try to convince Big Daddy Jase Cakes that ghosts are real by showing him their “best evidence.” This will be rather entertaining as Jason will most likely tell them that they are all fucktarded and might even make one of them cry. But with this topic the guys did think of a new show, a ghost hunting show but at the end after they don’t find shit, they just scare the shit out of Rawdog. But no matter how full of shit the ghost hunters are, Chris Angel is more full of shit than them all. Tully wants to learn the secrets of fortune tellers and psychics, mainly just to fuck with people. In Crystal Meth News, a 60 year old man was arrested for the distribution of meth for the 6th time and planned on using the money to open a sex shop, and did I mention that he’s a Catholic Pastor? Easter is Sunday, and EVERYTHING cool stops so people can get dressed up go to church and find colored eggs. Then they talked about Disneyland and how it’s a cool place except for the kids, and the lines, and the expense, and the characters that always try to molest you. But other than that it’s a lot of fun.
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In Hollywood News, Lil Wayne is having seizures because he has epilepsy, not drug abuse wink wink nudge nudge. There was a huge party at Biebers house thrown by Little Twist, Justin’s friend that wrecked his Lambo. Lindsay Lohan took a ton of shit from wardrobe after guest appearing on Anger Management but claimed that she had a deal worked out with producers, bullshit. Cysco did the thong song in a sports bar, I would provide the link but be honest, nobody gives a shit. More Lohan news, she tried to avoid being photographed in Brazil by hiding under a table during some promotion job. In MMA News, the Diez camp is filing a complaint over the GSP fight claiming that the weigh ins weren’t correct and there was improper and suspicions drug screen issues.

Joanna Angel came into the studio today to play a sex question game. With every wrong answer,  Ellis delivers pain, and Josh delivers insults. Well, he’s trying to insult. Asphixia surprise-buttsex-giraffewas supposed to be here as well but she didn’t show so the master of pain, Dom sat in.  It was a rather hilarious game with answers such as, giraffes, 50 calories, seventeen hundred loads, and to look like a vagina. Then there was an Easter vs Passover duel of stupidity. Tully and Rawdog, with help of super hot Jew, Joanna, looked up facts about the holidays and tried to claim which one was the dumbest. After hermaphrodite rabbits, raining frogs, burning bushes, and peeps, it was concluded that Easter was better because horseradish sandwiches are just fucking gross.

Here are todays results of the Greatest Riff contest:

More Than A Feeling
Back In Black – Winner

Welcome To The Jungle
Highway To Hell – Winner

Back In Black – Winner
Highway To Hell

Walk This Way – Winner
Hells Bells

Life In The Fast Lane – Winner
Paradise City

Walk This Way – Winner
Life In The Fast Lane

Back In Black – Winner
Walk This Way

Final calls were lame as usual. A few people trying to vote on the greatest riff 30 minutes after it ended, the usual penis compliments, a few lame ass jokes, same ol shit. I hope you all have a happy Easter. My favorite memory of Easter was when all the eggs had been found except one. Everyone looked and looked but we couldn’t find it, we gave up figuring that the dog might have ate it or something. Well, a few weeks later yer mum came by again and had a most unusual stench. She said it started a couple days after Easter and she doesn’t know why. Well guess what, I found the last Easter Egg deep in yer mums basket, OH!easter-bunny

Show Re-cap for Thursday 3-14-2013

images (3)

Slot Car Racing, in case you didn’t know either.

If yer mum had a hairy chest that would be awkward, but the worst part would be your unexplainable love of hairy nipples. Tully is still out sick but Katie is filling in. This morning Ellis smashed Burgers head in the door this morning totally on purpose accident and she ran off pissing all over the place. Speaking of beating things, Ellis was teaching Snooks soccer moves and he schooled her then she got butt hurt and started messing with some flowers and then he told her that you can’t win all the time. Life lessons and shit. Ellis started reminiscing about slot car racing and fond memories of his dad and road rage and blood and tears. As the show went on it was obvious that Katie is already better at radio than josh, and flying kites apparently. But Rawdog is way better then her at growing a manly beard. He thinks that it gives him a better jaw line. Wolfknives.com is working and there are new videos up on Ellismania.com. A dude called in and revealed that cumming on fresh tattoos burns, Katie agreed. Also slapping tattoos is a dick move and if you do it then you should get slapped back, with a hammer. Would you rather have a bionic pussy or dick? Either way it’s still gonna suck when you cum 30W motor oil. Rawdog was looking at Katie’s boob and then something about getting a hand job with underwater lube and cumming in Jason’s pool.

I missed the first few minutes because I was still wound up over the new show intro of some of the audio clips that are here on NoYouAre but came in on cave men shoving jars in their butt. That is probably all you need to know. Today’s Greatest Guitar Riffs were as follows,

Jimmy Hendrix, Voodoo Child WINNER
Black Sabbath, Iron Man

Jimmy Hendrix, Purple Haze WINNER
Black Sabbath, Sweet Leaf

Jimmy Hendrix, Purple Haze
Jimmy Hendrix, Voodoo Child WINNER

Jimmy Hendrix, Voodoo Child WINNER
Led Zepplin, Black Dog

Winner with Voodoo Child

Winner with Voodoo Child

To be honest I was rather disappointed with the results, not that Voodoo Child is a bad song, but because Blubber The Love Sponge ruined that song for me forever. A kid in McDonald’s ate and coughed up a used condom, stupid kid, condoms aren’t food. But because this kid doesn’t have enough chromosomes to know that the parents are suing McDonald’s. Breaking MMA News! Diaz claims GSP is on roids and UFC knows! In other news, I’m not shocked and neither is anybody else.

In Hollywood News, Bieber is ranting about his negative press, and rightly so, that chick is very talented. Juliet Huff had jewelry stolen worth more than most people make in a year because her privileged ass forgot to lock her car. Lil Wayne Had a seizure on a plane, probably because he is coming off pills, or opiates, or cough syrup, or coffee enemas  allegedly. Charlie Sheen’s 9 year old daughter was being harassed by another kid and Sheen tweeted something about getting revenge and writing her name in poop. Winning. Axle Rose is getting sued because he threw a cordless mic and smashed a dudes teeth out at one of his concerts, and Taylor Swift sells less magazines than anyone.

This should be able to explain why the rest of the recap is like it is.

This should be able to explain why the rest of the recap is like it is.

Hetfield yeah song. Intelligence game with Anal Gay Lewis and Fruitler. Winner gets to be guitar tec for tiger box. Fruitler won by default. Tiger box ideas: face paint booth, blood shots, condoms, tampons, painted boob rainbow face idea, signature drink, salad bar, box of crickets, . Anal got back, still lost. Final Calls were mostly shot ideas, fat guy wet tshirt contest, groping gimp. Tiger in studio so it’s a g rated end to the show and this recap. Dungee, koalas, lizard poo poo, and yer mums a cocka head poopie pants, OH!