Show Re-cap for Thursday 11/14/2013

So have you ever wondered what life is about? What it all means? What it’s like to have two dicks in your mouth at the same time. I bet it’s exhausting and uncomfortable. Much like life when you try to take on too much and don’t slow down to enjoy the simple things,

Two Girls, One Lizard

Two Girls, One Lizard

like one dick in your mouth. This applies to everybody, except Sasha Grey, she loves to have dicks crammed in her mouth like a dick mouth cramming machine. But some people like many many dicks in them, that’s not wrong, it’s just their thing and if that’s cool with them then that’s cool with me. They talked about many fetishes and how some of the things that seemed forbidden and taboo twenty years ago are pretty much normal now. And in the interest of normal, Baby Man called in and said that he and his wife get off on him acting like a baby and pissing himself and chillin in a giant crib. There are many other fetishes that people are into like peeing on each other, bondage, spanking, dressing as a magical liger from the land of boners, and other completely normal and healthy sexual ventures.

Did you watch The Ultimate Fighter last night? I didn’t, I was busy making fun of the people who are trying to find Bigfoot but I recorded it so no spoilers. Apparently everyone is being a whiney little bitch and they hate this one girl because she is wining and the rest of them are not. I also believe that all the women in the house have started their periods at the same time because according to the internet that shit happens. Red Tide. Brian Deegan (@mmgeneral) came into the studio to talk about all kinds of shit. He talked about being in the LOORS, thats Lucas Oil Offroad Racing Series for you sissy girls, and how he’s trying to move to pro something from pro something else. He also talked about the Lucas Oil Championships the he won, black flag (not the band apparently), and feeling with your ass. There was some other Australian bloke that likes to party in the snow there with them.

You think your kids awesome, bet he doesn't have a GoPro video to prove it!

You think your kids awesome, bet he doesn’t have a GoPro video to prove it!

Apparently this dude is some kick ass X-Games mother fucker, I’d give you more information but I’m lazy and you don’t really care anyway and these are not the droids you’re looking for. They also talked about Ken Block. A lot. So much that now I have an urge to name my next born child Ken Block. Speaking of Ken Block, Deegan (briandeegan38) and Twitch used to be friends, then they weren’t, but they’re back to being friends now so happy days are here again. As great, and long, as this interview was my app timed out and restarted with Butt Town. As much as I’m interested in the last bit of Deegan and hearing how his kid is better than everyone else I think I’ll just move on.

Aussie news on a Perth freeway a man was caught on a dash cam head butting cars. Woman turned down a dudes marriage proposal so the dude sent her a bill for two download (7)hundred grand for everything he spent courting her. Also in amazing news from an Australian, other channels on SiriusXm are now promoting Ellismania.com on their channels. A man in London got arrested for shoving a fire extinguisher up his butt, fondling himself, and stripping naked. He also claimed the entire country is being invaded by Al Qaeda and pissed on the floor. This dude parties better than you. Speaking of parties, I am the master of segways with this shit I swear, they did Wolfknife names next! They were awesome, so awesome that I forgot to write any of them down for you. Sucks to be you! But thank god there are replays in the morning and maybe you can hear it there, unless you’re one of the three guys bitching about it, then you can go fuck yourself with your sisters dick. Final calls happened, much

My reaction to your Wolfknife name.

My reaction to your Wolfknife name.

like it happens every day, and much like everyday, the callers are shit tards and don’t know how to ask intelligent questions let alone are able to talk when their name is mentioned. Oh and Ellis’s insurance company keeps jacking him around with the Porsche dealership repair shop and getting his car fixed. They took a look at the charts and something and figure that this new Death!Death!Die! album should be bigger than the Tainstick album, but that is neither here nor there, it’s a CD. That was a joke, maybe you should read it again. Did you get it? Oh well, this kind of comedy isn’t for everybody. Remember that no matter how hard life gets its never gonna be as hard as the thousands and thousands of dicks that have penetrated yer mums sockets, OH!

Show Recap for Friday, 11/8/2013

So here we are again, seems like it was just a week ago since we last met. Ellis started off calling us all a bunch of pussies and that makes him hard. And he cries blood, reddragons. They got into the topic that Joanna brought up yesterday by mistake and Josh came clean and it turns out that Carla is married and josh is the boy toy side bitch. The dean cry“friend” that got drugged at Ellismania 9 was actually her husband and that is why she threw such a bitch fit about it. Josh was gonna tell Ellis but he, Jason, and Carla didn’t like each other quickly so he pussed out and didn’t. Basically Rawdog fucked up by not bring honest from the start and nothing pisses Jason off more than lying, but Josh is young and stupid and maybe in the future he will just tell it straight. Thomas Hayden Church called in and gave us his two cents on the entire situation way back from the beginning and spread his wisdom upon us like a busty girl in a bukakke film. And Tully’s wife has two other husbands. bieber_and_ellis

Somehow Ellis thinks that Elvis created Jackass through The Beatles and Pantera, so when you’re laughing at Steve O setting his butthole on fire, thank the King. African travelers were traveling through Africa as African Travelers do, got a delightful video of a warthog at a watering hole. Ellis was on TV yesterday after the show, if you didn’t know that it’s probably because you don’t have Instagram. Everything seemed to go well, behind the scenes and all that shit. He did make some broad all pissy though when he said obesephoto (10) people are stupid. Dr. Drew settled the crowd and reigned in the haters and then brought in a man who knows the ins and outs of fat people, Jerry Springer. Then I started day dreaming about riding Battle Cat on top of all these fucking cars instead of sitting in traffic but was snapped back when they stated talking about pants that made bad asses good and good asses great. Unless your ass is a total train wreck, then like Slipknot said, all hope is gone. That and I want to shove my fingers into my eyes.

Rawdog’s NFL Talk took a slight turn today. Josh a and Tully are going to pick five teams to win and the loser will have to get electrocuted every time Jason fucks up while reading from his book. I was gonna share the picks with you but I don’t give a fuck and if you don’t like that feel free to email a comment to our complaint department at yourmomsbutthole@thatsherbutthole.com.au.

Pot News. Brandon Coats got fired from Dish after failing a random drug test in Colorado, and he actually needs it unlike your stoner ass. But unfortunately it’s all legit. Even though Colorado legalized it, the Feds haven’t, the fuckin man strikes again. That’s about it for Pot News, next, callers and just general rambling that changes too quick to put in this recap. But go ahead and talk among yourselves, I’ll wait. Now that you’re done chit-chatting its time for Reverse Award nominees. Again, like before I just said fuck it, check out the morning replay on SiriusXM Faction 41 from 6-8am Pacific.

And the award for the Least Creepy goes to...

And the award for the Least Creepy goes to…

Jason Newsted everybody! [applause] Last time Jason visited Jason, Jason had a new EP out and brought it to Jason and Jason loved it. Now Jason came in to Jason’s show to tell Jason about his tours and rockin out and kickin ass. Jason also talked about always performing sober and kickin ass. Also Jason talked about doing a shit ton of shows and kickin ass. Jason also told Jason about kickin ass and kickin ass. Jason also told Jason about Jason’s new video for Jason’s song, King Of The Underdogs on YouTube.

Hey dumbass, now there’s bacon scented deodorant just in case you weren’t enough of a virgin. At this point my Sirius App crapped out but I went to one of my most reliable sources, twitter and I asked, “My Sirius app shit itself after the Newstead interview and bacon deodorant. Anything cool happen with Cory?” These were the replies,

@CrackerStacker6: @AZ_RedDragon there is a kiddie porn ring in Hollywood made up of executives who molest child stars

@bitPimps: @AZ_RedDragon He talked about childhood rape. Said he’s been off hard drugs & alcohol for 20 years, but seemed like he did a few bumps.

@CrackerStacker6: @AZ_RedDragon his song sucks.

@bitPimps: @AZ_RedDragon Blamed Hollywood and media for his downfall, & for his “party” image even though made a video of him partying. He fucks a lot.

@bitPimps: @AZ_RedDragon Has a 9-year-old he’s probably delusional about. And he looks like Skrillex.

@tank_yanker: @AZ_RedDragon just cory… blah blah.. shitty music, Michael Jackson, blah blah…

There you have it folks, the Friday recap. Now you’re at the part where I make a joke about yer mum but it’s Friday and I don’t give a fuck, unlike yer mum, OH!

Show Re-cap for Friday, 11/1/2013

Welcome to the Friday edition of The Jason Ellis Show recap where we don’t give a fuck. The show started wonderfully because we didn’t hear anybody named Sam, only a sick cunt named Dingo! Tully has recently learned the irreplaceable value and convenience of double zippers. CJH was also in studio and got the honor of being the first guest to sit on photo (1)the new Grant Cobb Super Couch Deluxe. They got on the topic of Vegas and how the casinos pump oxygen in but it’s a myth because Tully said so and he’s smarter than you. There defiantly is cocaine on the room cards though. There was a shooting at LAX today. It sucks and we hope for the best for everyone involved except the gunman, he can eat shit and die. Speaking of eating shit, the guys worked their way to the development of a new contest where they judge celebrity shits. Kit Cope has already got a head start by sending in a couple pictures from his feces file. After talking about Kit’s cables they somehow got onto the topic of Snooki’s future boyfriend and how difficult it will be for Ellis to keep his fist out of the inside of their skull.

Siriacha hot sauce is being taken to court because the smell and constant eye burns are making people get their panties in a bunch. Dingos friend, Josh Wood, came in and told the story of how he exploded his neck when he crashed. The doctors told him that he would never walk again but being an extreme sports guy he had the drive to not accept that. Long story short, he was too stupid to stay hurt and four months later he walked out of rehab. If you want to read more check out his new book, Relentless, available at www.joshwood.com.au. Worlds largest chicken nugget is also kosher and also gives gosh a massive boner followed by premature ejaculation. The guys then played Wilson’s most favoritest game in the world, no not The Rape Game, the Google Auto-Complete Game. Some of the entries were, “I’m bleeding from my…”, “Is it normal to have…”, “My vagina doesn’t…”, and many other gut wrenching entries from the mass of idiots on the internet.

A St. Louis Fire Chief blames the triggering of methane detectors on farts in the stadium. An incredibly gross man has infected armpits. And if guys weren’t gross enough, welcome to Women, Am I Right! According to researchers women expend 30% less energy than men during sex. A woman in a battered wife costume beat up her boyfriend who was The Presidents Cup - Singles Matcheswearing a battered husband costume. A woman asked police officers, full uniformed police officers, to help her murder her husband. Woman robbed bank police checked google history and found shit like, how to rob a bank, what is the penalty for robbing a bank, am I the stuoidest person in the world. There is a growing craigslist trend of women selling other women positive pregnancy tests, so be careful dudes and remember if your gonna go deep, wrap your meat! Woman in Dublin got arrested for streaking through a golf course. A woman somewhere is terrified by The Muppets, ahhhh hahahahahahaha. And a New Zeland woman is partially paralyzed from a hickey.

[This is where I was gonna put the picture of Sam Rubin being a suck ass but I couldn’t find one symbolizing the immensity of ass that this man has his lips around.]

To end the show the guys started to get Reverse award nominees, Best Man/Woman, Smallest Butthole (Sam Ruben), Most Deserving Celebrity, etc. They also filled in nominees for all the other categories and instead of boring you with them all I will remind you the the Least Beat Up Sausage Box has been cancelled again, nobody will ever be able to take that title from yer mum, OH!

Show Re-cap for Friday 10/18/2013

It’s Friday and by now everybody that was at EM9 has full blown EMAIDS and the only cute is to drink copious amounts of alcohol this weekend. Speaking of being drunk and belligerent, [segway] Mel Gibson is the most understood person ever. He doesn’t “hate” the Jews, he just thinks they control all the money and are responsible for all the wars and that they killed Jesus. However his use of words like Heebs, oven dodgers, Jew boys, beanie heads, etc. doesn’t fare well. He does hate the Christian Church though, mainly because he’s simply bat shit crazy. Enough of that shit, on to more important issues, Jason’s ankles are swollen from EllisMania and Josh is having a hard time getting out of bed. That one chick that was supposed to be on yesterday from

she sings from the throat, deep, throat.

she sings from the throat, deep, throat.

IWasAWrestlingBearOnce was really nice and you should check her and her band out. Mike “The Potato Muncher” Tully is going to become an Irish citizen, a gift he got from his drunken soccer loving family. Ellis is going to Panama, Tully is going to Mexico, and Josh will be spending his vacation keeping guard over his girlfriends drink. With the birth of the latest addition of the Ellis clan Jason is now being pressured to go back to Australia but he’s not sure if he’s ready to go back yet.

Chrisann Brennan wrote a book about bobbin the knob of Steve Jobs. Hey that almost rhymed, I kick ass! Back to talking about Chrisann taking Jobs’s job. I guess they were really good at fucking each other and all that bullshit. Speaking of bullshit [segway] Will is

I'm pretending this apple is your carnival.

I’m pretending this apple is your carnival.

pissed because the TV isn’t working right and this is a professional radio show damnit! Then somehow the conversation turned to talking about kids and adopted kids and kids with fucked up junkie parents. It was hilarious. Not really but it’s Friday and I don’t give a fuck. Hey wanna know what’s cool? Mulan wants to scissor dance cookie wiggle with Sleeping Beauty. So hot. They then watched Rawdog’s fight for the first time and this was the best Josh has ever looked. It’s not saying much but it was an aggressive show of manliness and dick punches. Ellis is open to hearing arguments for having EllisMania somewhere other than Vegas. I’m not going to get into it because I’m incredibly biased on the subject.

Recent studies have shown that thongs are natures delivery system of eww from the

Still sexy, but gross. Damn doctors ruin everything good.

Still sexy, but gross. Damn doctors ruin everything good.

pooper to the cooter. ASAP Rocky slapped a hoe and she tried to have him arrested but she doesn’t know his address, sucks to be her. But more importantly thanks to the Airplane Ninja, TSA rules say that you can bring a one quart bag of three ounce liquids onto a plane which means, PAR-TAY!!!! A bunch of liars in the Himalayas got drunk and probably high and think they found Yeti bones. But thanks to science, it was just an ancient polar bear, too bad it was too dead to eat these fucktards. Some dude with a name I can’t pronounce cut a hole in a restaurant with a chainsaw after they kicked him out because they were closing and wouldn’t let him finish his chocolate pudding. Moral of the story, don’t fuck with a mans puddin. Ladies and Gentleman, good friend of the show, SLASH! [applause] Slash came in to talk about the movie he produced for the first time ever. He loved, he learned, he laughed, he cried, he said fuck this shit I’m out, and he made the best horror movie that he has ever made before! You should check it out. Wanna know more cool shit about Slash? Then you came to the right place. He snuck booze into the White House during the Clinton administration for a New Year’s Eve party. He also saw the Lakers in the airport. And his new movie is called Nothing Left To Fear. Now that you know everything there is to know about Slash let’s move on. They went over the list of horror movie villains and decided if they would be sketched out by them or not.
HorrorMovies
After a very late and well deserved break Katie joined the show so her and Tully can do their Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge. This is the final workout and by far the most difficult. Both of them completed the challenge with moans grunts and squeals only to be brought to a dead halt by Cheese, much like a night with yer mum, OH!

If your’e looking for something to do check out the Fuck Cancer charity ride in Las Vagas Nevada presented by Carey Hart and Hart & Huntington Tattoo!

Thicker than Blood: An EllisFam Retrospective

Seven years ago, I stumbled upon something that would forever change my life in ways I never thought possible. I was sitting at home, flipping through the Sirius music channels on my DISH satellite TV package when I came across this crazy Australian guy making fun of the Lucky Charms cereal mascot with the most hilariously-bad Irish accent I’d ever heard. I laughed harder than I ever had in my life and from that point on, I was hooked. Every weekday from that point on, I would listen to Ellis for all four hours of his show, hanging on his every word. It became my favorite part of the day: sitting down with the boys and shooting the shit while laughing our asses off. As the years went on, Ellis continued to be an inspirational force in my life, pushing me to always better myself and strive to be the best. He and the show became a major part of my life and helped define who I was. But it wasn’t until Twitter came along, that the greatest gift Ellis has ever given me came to be: EllisFam. It started off as nothing more than fans talking about what was happening on the show, but it would grow to become a life-altering aspect of all of our lives. Slowly, we all started to get to know each other and become friends, no longer limiting our conversations to the show. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized how much we are all alike and how we’ve been through the same shit in life. This connection was born that seemed stronger than anything ever before experienced, even though we’d never met in person. It was a truly wild and unexplainable experience how this all came to be; a bunch radio show fans, spread across North America, becoming this tight-knit community that was filled with love and support. The power of EllisFam didn’t become clear to me until a very dark period in my life. I was a freshman in college and I was struggling with the fact that all of my so-called friends from high school completely stopped being so when they moved away for college. To make matters worse, I had just had my heart broken by someone who I thought I could trust and I was left in shambles. I was deeply depressed and couldn’t shake the dark clouds that seemed to constantly hang over my head. It got to the point that I started to have suicidal thoughts and became very self-abusive. It all built up until one day I had a complete and total meltdown. I began ranting on Twitter, spilling all of my emotions into tweets that came fast and furious. I had lost it. I was going over the edge and was about to end it all. But then something happened. I suddenly started getting all these tweets from EllisFam expressing extreme concern for me and asking if everything was OK and if they could help in any way. They acted as a therapist for me as I blurted out all my life’s troubles, giving me positive reinforcement and a shoulder to cry on. Out of all the people that came to my aid, two people went above and beyond in consoling me: Jess and Steve (AKA @ladystrangler and @bwstrangler). The amount of care and compassion these two showed towards me was unreal. I was blown away by how two people who I’d never met in person and had only known through conversations on the internet could be so willing and able to help me like they did. This act of kindness sparked what would become the best friendship I’ve ever had. These two mean more to me than anyone ever has and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be here today without them. They’re my best friends and I love them. From that point on, my bonds with other members of EllisFam began to strengthen and the “Fam” in EllisFam began to take on more meaning. These people became my friends, REAL friends who don’t abandon you at the drop of a hat. No matter what, I always knew they had my back.

Even though I’d been a hardcore listener since the early days of the show, I had never been able to make it out to an Ellismania due to my relatively young age and lack of money to fly to Vegas. That all changed this year. I was finally able to make it out to Vegas for what was sure to be the greatest weekend of my life with the people that meant so much to me. At one point, however, that dream was in jeopardy; I needed a roommate to afford the room at the Hard Rock and I was unable to find one on my own. Luckily for me, and in yet another showing of Ellisfam love and support, Tim (AKA @wolfman812) came to my rescue and hooked me up with other Fam who wanted to split a room, Nate, Sara, and Victor (AKA @DraXsiS_Rocker @thewoodswoman @Saveit4thewar). My dream was saved and Ellismania was a reality. These people didn’t have to help me out and take me in, but they did and it meant a lot. The wait for EM was brutal, but honestly went by faster than I would have ever imagined. Before I knew it, it was October 10th and I was at the airport waiting for my flight to Vegas. Upon landing, none other than my two best friends, Jess and Steve, were there waiting for me so we could take a shuttle to the Hard Rock together. Even though we’d never met in person, we instantly acted as though this was our thousandth time seeing each other. The connection was immense. After a short trip in a cramped shuttle van, we arrived at the Hard Rock, walked up to the Circle Bar and began the biggest hug-fest I’d ever seen. Everyone that I knew from Twitter immediately hugged me with everything they had. I’d never experienced this much affection in my life and it was awesome. When Sean (AKA @cantskateanymre) saw me, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Do you want some water?” He knew I didn’t drink and made sure I was being taken care of. When that happened, I knew that I truly was among family. We all hung out like it was one, big family reunion and that’s exactly what it was. At last, I was able to be among the people that meant so much to me and that had saved my life. This is what EllisFam is all about: people from all across the US and Canada coming together to form one, big happy and yes, dysfunctional family. The weekend was the greatest time I’d ever had and I wish it didn’t have to end. Every kiss on the cheek from Jason and Kellie (@AZ_RedDragon @azkellie), laugh shared with Alex (@shit_toboggan), loving hug from Tim (Wolfie), every chance to say “Hed Ragons” with Nate, Victor, and Gregg (@Fngr_Xpressions),  and the countless other moments shared with my Fam will be something that I’ll never forget and cherish for the rest of my life. The goodbyes were filled with tears, hugs, and promises to text each other once we made it back to our respective homes safely. It was an experience I’ll never forget and can’t wait to do all over again. This is the greatest gift Ellis has ever given any of us, a family to call our own that has done nothing but provide positivity and love in our lives. EllisFam is truly something special and one of a kind. I dare anyone to find a closer group of people because they can’t. EllisFam truly is “Thicker than Blood”. Red Dragons, motherfuckers.

Written by Cody McCraw (@Cody_McCraw92)