Monthly Archives: January 2013

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/10/2013

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Shout out to @JP_BOYLES315

                             No Shit!

Ghosts aren’t real, wind is real, your mom loves anal, and people are dumb.  Now that’s outta the way, let’s welcome and old and new friend to the show, Rude Jude and Brockalina.  More to come on our new friend, but first lets get to the Pill Mix master and how he still ain’t got his $100 painting from back in like ’98.  He also used to know a dude that went to Old Country Buffet, ate a whole bunch of food n threw it up so he could eat more….which means nothing, but it did bring out Tully’s admission to being bulimic in 7th grade, and that he can fit a microphone knob in his mouth.  Anyways, let me introduce you to our newest friend Brockalina and how he she it can help you.  Next time you in the Hollywood area, you can feel free to blow Brockalina for cash prizes or maybe rent or money for meth, whatever ya need.  Of course no puking or no deal.  And what about the radio gold it may bring us?  But what if the radio was just mysteriously gone one day, well what would they do then?  Rawdog would just fall back on his trust fund, probably bang out a few podcasts to keep himself busy.  Tully is back to waiting tables and would try to co-write some more shit.  Jude’s just bummed about washing windows n selling shit.  And for Ellismate, well besides an announcing gig or some shit, its porn….with Dingo!

 

 

 

I don't even know what to say

Brockalina bitches!

Such a sexy bitch that Brockalina – It was almost known as “Oh-Gay Simpson” but the condom didn’t fit, zing!  Yeah that’s about as funny as the shock collar pictionary the fellas played.  Cumtard and Tully, who wrote the game and studied the cards beforehand, took on Ellis and Rawdog in a battle to the death…..just about, loser has to blow Brockalina, and were all ready benefiting from this fine specimen.  Can’t really recap the game in words, but I can tell you it was pretty fucking hilarious, and Tully shocked the shit out of Rawdog, to the point of near tears.  Rawdog was pissed, and obviously flustered and he and Ellis got their asses handed to them.  It was all suspect since Cumtard wrote the game, which involved pictures such as Jesus, shit, a guitar which wasn’t a fucking guitar, a Red Dragon and more.  But a loss is a loss and time to pay the piper, except that Rawdog weaseled his way into making Ellis face the same task, which kinda sounds fair when you think about it.  Ellis, being the fucking warlord he is, popped a cherry-mint rubber on ol’ Brockalina and took the whole fucking thing, lips to balls ya’ll, Red Pandas to you my friend!

 

 

 

While visiting dirtshark.com

While visiting dirtshark.com

Hometown News time fuckers, and whats Hollywood without Justin Timberlake droppin some fresh new shit?  Destiny’s Child is dropping some stale old shit.  Elton John‘s having another kid as is Rosie O’Donnell, too bad not with each other.  The Oscar Nominees are out and Big Fucking Mega Boat didn’t make anything this year, so I’m boycotting personally – you do what you want.  Check this shit out, Piers Morgan and Alex Jones having a good ol’ tea party type altercation.  Finally in Hollywood News, it’s time for Rawdog to take his turn pleasuring the beast.  Remember that time in band camp, when Rawdog fucked Sparky (Red Dragons) and used the same rubber twice?  Yeah well damn if he didn’t try to do it again and jump on the rubber Ellis was slobbing on.  Damn Rawdog, just damn.  He got a freshie on, and away young Josh went.  Not too bad this go around, better than the Reckoning thats for sure, but certainly a far cry from Young Wing’s earlier effort.  Then Josh Hill and Dirt Shark stopped by the studio….check out dirtshark.com I guess, and shout out to Ricky Carmichael the GOAT.

 

 

Pest control down south

     Pest control down south

Austin Lee Westfall, a.k.a Chester Cheetah, is the fucktard of the week!  A close second was Byron, a fan of the show who stopped in to meet the crew.  Hi Rawdog, n Tully, and Mr. Ellis and holy shit who’s that?  Ah yes, Brockalina how could I forget.  Bryon will probably never forget today, but gotta give him credit as he took it like a fucking champ…and even made eye contact you creepy bastard.  So he got his little trip through the prize chamber to grab what he could and we all got to hear the wonderful stylings on Jizz Cult and his quiz on The South.  You just gotta go back and listen if you missed it, skip the moto dudes and jump straight to this.  From head cheese to carpet baggers, and lazy man loads to lube sandwiches, Tully just thought they all meant in the butt.  I mean really, doesn’t courting a coon’s ass sound like in the butt.  Or what does it mean to put goobers in your mouth, in the butt.  Pee-Wee Herman is the only person not born in the south apparently, which again in the butt just seems to be the right answer.  Did you know that Jizz Cult used to hunt gators n snapping turtles?  Anyways the winner was of course, Tully and his ‘in the butt’ strategy, go ahead champ!  I personally am going to adopt Tully’s strategy tonight and use the ‘in the butt’ strategy with your mom….and her mom, OH!

 

 

 

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/9/2013

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Get It Up Ya!

Get It Up Ya!

Edward “Ned” Kelly (June 1854 or 1855 – 11 November 1880) was an Irish Australian bushranger. He is considered by some to be merely a cold-blooded killer, while others consider him to be a folk hero and symbol of Irish Australian resistance against the Anglo-Australian ruling class, and it’s Wednesday!  Dude died trying to do it his own way, and when that time finally came, said “Ah, well, I suppose it has come to this” – No not Jesus, Ned Kelly.  All this from a picture Ellis has and his quest to gain Instagram followers, oh and @wolfmate on Instagram!  You do know he is the Vegemite of radio, and Chad Reed is a fucking sick cunt ledge, check him out.  Ellismate picked up Rawdog a chocolate covered Oreo cause he loves the little guy, and Tully is infatuated, I mean fucking twisted stuck on the Fist of Adonis.  He’d love to pop one on the hood of his car and road trip it, or at least give it to Ellis to put on the coffee table when any boys come over to date his little girl.  That should deter those little fucking punks, unlike the measly parking ticket fines that apparently everyone on the show has gotten recently.  Tully, Rawdog and Ellis all have had their share of parking violations in the past week or so.  What if their were tiers to your fines, stay with Tully, so based on your income is how much your fine would be.  The poor would have small fines, the rich would pay millions, and strippers would just have to fuck whomever they owe…..hey its that or a new AIDS for meter maids (Shit that rhymes)!  Don’t think it’ll work, here’s a real life example for about $103,000.  So good old Rawdiggitydog does embrace his cock suckerness, but is so obscure he can’t admit it – Just see any New Music Tuesday, and any of Arnold’s new movies such as Last Stand or the new Conan.

 

 

OLD SCHOOL!!!

OLD SCHOOL!!!

Remember that scene from Pulp Fiction with the Bad Mutha Fucker wallet, yeah well this dude is the real owner of said wallet, and trying to be the next President of the Czech Republic, despite not having any political or video gaming background….which would serve him little help in Rawdog’s quiz on, yup you guessed it, video games.  Are you curious the game Mario first appeared in, or what IPS stands for, and who is the bad guy in Resident Evil?  Or when you fag another player it means you killed them!  And you must know the best time to use your shell in Mario Kart.  Can you recite the Play Station controller layout by heart?  From Zelda to Angry Birds and back to Zelda, you feel a hell of a lot cooler listening to this quiz of Josh’s.  While Tully outscored Ellis like 5 to 2, no one was a winner here, not the fans not Rawdog, NO ONE!  And if you can’t find a way to listen to a replay (Which are on Friday mornings and on Sundays too on Faction!), then your not trying hard enough you pussy.

 

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Then shit got serious.  Look kids, your uncle Ellis has had a hard couple of days lately and just needed to get some shit of his chest.  So Tully played shrink while Ellis got it out, fucking no replays since canning Stars 2 (Which had to be done no question!), childhood issues still bothering him as it would anyone, just life ya know.  Well of course this concerned Thomas Haden Church who called in on the spot to cheer up and advise his good buddy.  It shows man, Thomas is gay for Ellis, I mean gayer than you and i are for him, and thats gay!  Of course no call from Thomas goes without some jewel, i give you Tully the “iconic pillar of entertainment”.  It was meant for them all, but too bad THC its Tully’s now.  Not too bad is the possibility that Thomas has something lined up for the crew in an upcoming horror whore movie.  Tons of other callers showing their support, but not the Fake Ellis.  That dude is so mysterious, and we got more confirmation this dude is real, well you know what i mean.  Callers have seem him in person, tattoo’d n all with beanies n chains on, eating vegemite n all that shit yo!  Fake Ellis has been spotted at Ceaser’s, The Riviera, The Wynn, etc. etc.  The only way you can tell the two apart is one is a dick, and the other is the sweetest dude ever.  Well that and the ink is real on one, and apparently done by magic marker for the other – really dude?  Fake Ellis, if your reading this, please PLEASE call the show and rejoice us with your stories and shit, and you’ll be put in the prize chamber.

 

 

Will's Shiny Calf?

Will’s Shiny Calf?

Is Steven Spielberg’s mom still alive?  Actually yes she is, BOOM!  So you know how Tully likes to help give teen advice, well he took it a step further and answered some Q’s from Mrs. Manners.  More variety in these questions kids, and Ellis really had to ‘be the bitch’ on this one.  What advice would you give a 60year old dude who offered, his niece and her girlfriend, his sperm for a future baby…and was upset when they had a child on their own using a different donor who was NOT in the family tree?  Doesn’t matter, just reassure Rawdog you’ll be glad to donate your sperm to him and his future wife, ya know!  I must of tuned out for a second cause the show went to a bad place with Will blowing everyone at the Faction Holiday party.  Raunchy sex, ball grabbing, Freddie Mercury,  and hand twisting BJ’s were the topic of discussion until Rawdog admitted he hates cunnilingus.  Despite him being the Master of Oral, and his numerous encounters with Joanna Angel, its just not his thing.  Staying out of jail just ain’t Katt Williams thing these days either, as he was arrested again…..in Hollywood News, fuck yeah!  What else, ok, Kat Von D bought future ex Deadmau5 a sweet new ride besides herself.  Charlie Sheen parties with everyone and anyone, including the mayor of LA.  Nothing much in the way of Final Calls, except that Ellis has never had a gerbil in his ass, which is nice to know.  However, its not nice to know that I can’t unlive that one night your mom decided gerbils just weren’t doing it for her anymore…..poor Spot hasn’t been the same ever since, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/8/2013

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Is this what you imagine when Rawdog is just about to climax and his gay roommate comes home?

It’s Tuesday and so far Sirius XM Online player is working! Yay! Ellis still might have worms, he went to the doctor today to get his blood tested, only time will tell. He’ll either shit out some worms, chew someone’s face off, spew chunks, or none of that. Tully has his own porn viewing standards, and those standards do not include annoying porn dudes that look like jerks, loud, obnoxious bitches that yell a lot while getting banged, etc. Jude stopped in to give his feelings on pills, slapping bitches, and making them eat off the floor. He told us of having a chick over that wanted to get spanked, but he wanted her to do chores, so he took it easy on her until she finished doing his laundry. Now that’s one classy motherfucker! He says he (and she) feel a little dead inside after their done with the humiliation session, but one has to imagine that going into a k-hole takes all that away. The guys moved on to rub-n-tug massage parlors and the various experiences they’ve had. Jude is on a first name basis with most of the bitches working those joints, Ellis has only done it a few times, Rawdog would rather have someone touch his dick that is in love with him, and Tully found out he likes to Yelp rub-n-tug massage parlors. Hey, ladies, good news according to a female caller! Sounds like you can get happy endings from massage parlors as well, you just gotta get so wet you leave visual evidence so the masseuse can tell what kind of mood you’re in.

Canadians don't lock their doors, American's didn't lock their doors until the lock was invented.

Canadians don’t lock their doors, American’s didn’t lock their doors until the lock was invented.

We got a “Canadians Am I Right?” segment today, topping the scales was a story of a stolen outhouse with a $500 Canadian Tire reward for anyone with information on the severely missed shit hut. There were some more stories, but no pictures, because Canada doesn’t have camera’s. People draw on the walls of their igloos and inside caves. Did you know Rawdog used to hitchhike in Santa Cruz? He’s been in cars with “some guy” that would take him home from school, sounds a little suspect and a whole lot of crazy. Since you didn’t know that, I assume you also didn’t know there are 17 billion planets similar in size and shit to Earth, just in our solar system! “DANG!”, said Jebus. Does that mean life on Earth is an accident? Does it mean that there is for sure got to be more life out there than just us? Or does it mean that Rawdog does indeed hear his father’s speech impediment and is just bullshitting everyone when he says he does not hear it. Guess what else the Lord gave us today? That’s right, NMT. Word (bullshit or not) is that David Bowie was a nobody until the moon landing and his manager convinced someone that British TV should play his “Space Oddity” song during the televised moon landing, and then Bowie blew the fuck up. Well Bowie released some piece of lullaby shit and we got to hear part of it, and just before everyone fell asleep, Rawdog introduced some Dropkick Murphys. Word (bullshit or not) is that Cullen instantly got a boner and went straight into the bathroom to take care of it. Jason Newsted has a new album out with his band, either the album, the band, or both are aptly and creatively named, “Newstead.” If you wanna check the rest of NMT out, you can go to The Ultimate Playlist.

Just calling it like we see it.

Just calling it like we see it.

Kevin Garnett allegedly said Carmelo Anthony’s wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios. I’m not so sure that was meant as an insult, them bitches are pretty fuggin’ tasty, jack. Now let’s calm it down and release some of that angry frustration that just got dropped on us by the Honey Nut Cheerios remark. It’s MMA trivia time, with Ellis reading the questions and Tully and Rawdog trying to answer correctly. Tully eked out a narrow victory over Rawdog, and all was right in the world again. Speaking making things right in the world, your mom was feeling sick and one of her hooker friends suggested she gargle with mouthwash to help kill the germs, problem was, you’re mom is so poor she can’t afford mouthwash. In her quest for mouthwash, she finds this broke ass Eskimo lady that’s always sitting in the park drinking Listernine, because she can’t afford real alcohol. She asks the Eskimo lady if she have just a shot, the poor lady says, “I’m sorry, but I’ve drank it all already, but I drink enough that I bet I’ve got something that will work.” Excited, your mom responded, “That would be great! What is it?” The Eskimo lady hands her a cup of what looks like coagulated blood and tells your mom to just gargle and then slam it real quick, and she does. Your mom gagged and nearly puked all over the place, she asked, “What the hell was that? That was horrible!” The Eskimo lady says to your mom, “What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle with sand.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 1/7/2013

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You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

Fucking Monday, oh how we all hate thee – you suck shit, Monday. Sincerely, the World. Guess what else sucks shit? If you said the Sirius XM Online player, you would be correct! Neither the new player or the basic player worked today, so unless you were in a vehicle, have a portable player, or can get on ellismania.com – you didn’t get to hear the show. Fucking shit ass, ass shits. Ellis confirmed that there are going to be no replays, at least any time soon. You can send him hate mail if you like, but it’s not going to change anything. However, he might get on the Rawdog Comedy channel for 1 hour by himself before the show to fill the gap. Tully came bearing incredibly late Christmas gifts today! For Ellis, a beanie he had made from the ass skin of babies, which of course is the softest material known to mankind. Ellis is thinking about growing a long-ass ZZ Top beard and increasing the roids. I think… I don’t know, I missed it because of this bitch ass, ass bitch online player. Rawdog sculpted his guns at the gym today, showed off his weird black hair triceps, and possibly may not be wearing underwear. Ellis went to watch some moto this weekend, said hi to some fans, stayed away from Carey, the chick married to that dude Pink because apparently some of his/her friends don’t like Ellis.

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

We got some Loutallica from Lou himself reading from some coffee table book of porn shit, which sounded a lot like my reading of erotic fiction during final calls, except with way more anal topics. I suppose that would make it Analtallica. Slaughter houses are killing live animals at a rate of 1 animal every 5 seconds or so, for 8 hours a day. So if a cow and a butcher both left Chicago on a train bound for New York, what time would they both get there if the train conductor was slaughtered? Would you be willing to spend more money on grass fed beef? I don’t know what that has to do with the price of fruit in Puerto Rico since they’ll still be slaughtered and eaten, but there’s an argument for somebody in there. Lance Armstrong may be contemplating his admission of using steroids, and I can’t think of anyone who really cares anymore. NFL quiz time with Tully, and renowned sports fanatic and Native American, Rawdog, lead off with an accidentally correct answer. Ellis and Rawdog traded mostly wrong answers back and forth until everyone just stopped keeping track of who had the most correct answers, the fans were declared the real winner’s here. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, Rawdog and his sister both had worms when they were younger and had to take pills to shit out a pile of putrid shit snakes. Yucky. He just remembers his butthole itching and feeling something wriggling around tickling his balloon knot and then had to take medicine. How they both got worms is a doggy butthole licking mystery for the ages.

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Hollywood news, and this time it’s not about JizzCult, it was about pictures of Justin Bieber allegedly smoking that sticky icky (ooh, ooh!) with some Smurfed out rapper named Lil Twist. Tully, best known for stalking Danzig, is now stalking Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Once again, he saw their nanny and them some place and is now just working up the courage to say “wassup” to his latest victims friends. Al Roker admitted he straight up sharted his pants while visiting the White House and had to go commando for the rest of the visit. Somebody broke up with somebody, I couldn’t pay attention because the only thing running through my brain was Al Roker shitting his Fruit of the Looms. George Clinton from P-Funk had to fork over the rights to a few of his songs because he owes the man. Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, and Steven Soderbergh had to shop their “gayer than Brokeback Mountain” movie about Liberace to HBO because they were the only people who would carry it. Josh Brolin got bro-rested for being piss drunk in bro-lic and Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced from The Joker and she gets half his shit just like that moon whore planned from the get go. Michael J. Fox is shaking (get it?!) things up with a new show about a newscaster with Parkinson’s – isn’t it funny how life imitates art?

Joanna Angel stopped by the show to do another round of sexy impressions with Rawdog. Instead of Santa and Mel Gibson, this time it was Kim Kardashian (Rawdog) and Lil Jon (Joanna) gettin’ freaky deaky on the dance floor. Final calls time, and once again, we all get to breathe a sigh of relief that we’re not as stupid as the dude that called thinking he was talking to Cumtard and warning everyone about McDonald’s. Another caller tried to pitch him some softballs to make him look less dumb, but he just wasn’t getting it. We’re used to stupid though, after all, we’ve shoved so much shit into your mom’s pussy hole that it’s like a clown car at a circus in Germany. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 1/4/2013

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Apparently when you lived in three countries and used to be a professional skateboarder and are a radio host, you can get all confused and shit. But it’s Friday and instead of getting confused it’s best to just not give a fuck and keep pushing forward to the weekend. You know what else is confusing? Swedish Fish, which were made by the Swedish who also love the Swedish Fist. Take my advise and be sure you don’t get the two mixed up. Fun fact of the day, Pigmy people eat other people and then shrink their heads. Its true, I did some fact checking and after that bullshit I just posted it anyway. Ellis and Rawdog got into a deep discussion about moto and the upcoming race. After the in depth analysis of Chad Reed, Vilipoto, Kawasaki, KTM, and what ever other stuff they were talking about, Ellis said that you can get a discount tickets for The Nuclear Cowboys in Ontario California by using the promo code, ELLIS. Then there was more moto talk. But more importantly, don’t miss EllisMania 8 1/2 this Saturday!

In Hollywood News the Twilight star Bronson Pelletier was arrested. Apparently airports don’t like it when you do this. Russle Crowe is getting shit for singing in Le Miserable, Lil Wayne got “Baked” tattooed in his face, Vern Troyer was photographed riding a pony, Ozzy might get an airport in Birmingham England named after him, Reddragons. Samuel Jackson tried to gat a reporter to say the N-

get along really really little doggie

get along really really little doggie

word, Snoop Dogg thinks his kids haven’t tried smoking pot yet, and the Hollywood News Queen, Lindsay Lohan has been evicted from her Hollywood mansion. A caller told the guys about a little league fight among the parents in Columbus Georgia, and here’s another one from Colorado. Ellis almost got his knob bit off by his puppy, Burger. Bad dog, very very bad dog. dog-dildo

A stripper in Cleveland did a never before done spin maneuver called the “Throw yourself off a balcony and die.” This story kicked off Women Am I Right? with special guest, Burt McCracken. Some chick called her ex-boyfriend over 700 times a day then ran over his mom. A pair of beaver eaters are trying to get a sperm donor to pay them child support for the load in a jar he gave them. Burt and the guys talked about the usual rock start stuff, sex, drugs, music, barf, skin tags, dicks, you know, the usual. The biggest breakthrough to come from this interview was the Burt is planning on moving to Australia, he hasn’t told his band yet. Then Will came in with his trademark game, ummm, I’m not sure what its called so we can just call it Will’s Topic Game. This brought up a lot of great discussions and opinions and I highly recommend listening to the repla….oh wait, never mind  But take it from me, you should have heard it, it was great!

Hey_Ladies_-_Bill_ClintonTully read a story about how former President Clinton lost the codes to launch the nukes for a couple weeks while he was in office. But who really want to launch missiles while your getting your knob slobbed by interns. Monsanto is making a genetically modified cucumber that will make your pubes fall out. Or your ass hair, depending on where you put it. There was another game that was attempted. The callers had to call in and make an animal sound and Ellis had to guess the animal. Sounds simple enough, except that almost all the callers are idiots. For example, one guy made a sound like a pig that was fighting with a dog in a pool of swamp moss, turn out that was yer mum calling and she dropped the phone in her lap, OH!