It’s Tuesday and so far Sirius XM Online player is working! Yay! Ellis still might have worms, he went to the doctor today to get his blood tested, only time will tell. He’ll either shit out some worms, chew someone’s face off, spew chunks, or none of that. Tully has his own porn viewing standards, and those standards do not include annoying porn dudes that look like jerks, loud, obnoxious bitches that yell a lot while getting banged, etc. Jude stopped in to give his feelings on pills, slapping bitches, and making them eat off the floor. He told us of having a chick over that wanted to get spanked, but he wanted her to do chores, so he took it easy on her until she finished doing his laundry. Now that’s one classy motherfucker! He says he (and she) feel a little dead inside after their done with the humiliation session, but one has to imagine that going into a k-hole takes all that away. The guys moved on to rub-n-tug massage parlors and the various experiences they’ve had. Jude is on a first name basis with most of the bitches working those joints, Ellis has only done it a few times, Rawdog would rather have someone touch his dick that is in love with him, and Tully found out he likes to Yelp rub-n-tug massage parlors. Hey, ladies, good news according to a female caller! Sounds like you can get happy endings from massage parlors as well, you just gotta get so wet you leave visual evidence so the masseuse can tell what kind of mood you’re in.
We got a “Canadians Am I Right?” segment today, topping the scales was a story of a stolen outhouse with a $500
Canadian Tire reward for anyone with information on the severely missed shit hut. There were some more stories, but no pictures, because Canada doesn’t have camera’s. People draw on the walls of their igloos and inside caves. Did you know Rawdog used to hitchhike in Santa Cruz? He’s been in cars with “some guy” that would take him home from school, sounds a little suspect and a whole lot of crazy. Since you didn’t know that, I assume you also didn’t know there are 17 billion planets similar in size and shit to Earth, just in our solar system! “DANG!”, said Jebus. Does that mean life on Earth is an accident? Does it mean that there is for sure got to be more life out there than just us? Or does it mean that Rawdog does indeed hear his father’s speech impediment and is just bullshitting everyone when he says he does not hear it. Guess what else the Lord gave us today? That’s right, NMT. Word (bullshit or not) is that David Bowie was a nobody until the moon landing and his manager convinced someone that British TV should play his “Space Oddity” song during the televised moon landing, and then Bowie blew the fuck up. Well Bowie released some piece of lullaby shit and we got to hear part of it, and just before everyone fell asleep, Rawdog introduced some Dropkick Murphys. Word (bullshit or not) is that Cullen instantly got a boner and went straight into the bathroom to take care of it. Jason Newsted has a new album out with his band, either the album, the band, or both are aptly and creatively named, “Newstead.” If you wanna check the rest of NMT out, you can go to The Ultimate Playlist.
Kevin Garnett allegedly said Carmelo Anthony’s wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios. I’m not so sure that was meant as an insult, them bitches are pretty fuggin’ tasty, jack. Now let’s calm it down and release some of that angry frustration that just got dropped on us by the Honey Nut Cheerios remark. It’s MMA trivia time, with Ellis reading the questions and Tully and Rawdog trying to answer correctly. Tully eked out a narrow victory over Rawdog, and all was right in the world again. Speaking making things right in the world, your mom was feeling sick and one of her hooker friends suggested she gargle with mouthwash to help kill the germs, problem was, you’re mom is so poor she can’t afford mouthwash. In her quest for mouthwash, she finds this broke ass Eskimo lady that’s always sitting in the park drinking Listernine, because she can’t afford real alcohol. She asks the Eskimo lady if she have just a shot, the poor lady says, “I’m sorry, but I’ve drank it all already, but I drink enough that I bet I’ve got something that will work.” Excited, your mom responded, “That would be great! What is it?” The Eskimo lady hands her a cup of what looks like coagulated blood and tells your mom to just gargle and then slam it real quick, and she does. Your mom gagged and nearly puked all over the place, she asked, “What the hell was that? That was horrible!” The Eskimo lady says to your mom, “What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle with sand.” OH!