Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/7/2013

A long long time ago, in a far far away place, on a Thursday too coincidentally, someone somewhere made a huge mistake, accidental genius one might say, and let some Aussie washed up skate boarder hop on a microphone and riff.  I don’t think it was Birdman he was referring too, and sharp things fucking suck dude.  Drama nearby the swing-house studios.  Cop cars and ghetto birds flying around, apparently looking for some former cop who went AWOL and started killing other cops n shit, fucking gnarly shit bro.  Awso equawwy as fucking gnarwy, check out who’s in the Huffington Post sewwing his super accurate fortune cookies.  Did you know when Ellis works out, Fionna Apple is too little, and Sepultura’s 1st album is too much.  You can thank Rawdog for that first artist being on Ellis’s ipod.  Speaking of Rawdog, he’s getting all cut up, well not yet but he is working out and getting into it, you go girl!  Did you know phones make us bad parents?  But not Tully, superdad got his twinkle twinkle skills down.  Bindi Irwin, daughter of no longer with us superdad Steve Irwin, told Hillary Clinton to shove it, yo also go girl!  She also is apparently in Bindi’s Boot Camp, but it ain’t no JewManji so I ain’t checked that out yet.  Oh shit, how could I forget, Ellis was working the heavy bag when he felt something happen, possibly a slipped disc, or displaced rib, that or he’s pregnant, and the baby collapsed his lung, something like that….


Hey Hey it wasn't my fucking idea!

     Hey Hey it wasn’t my fucking idea!


Self proclaimed ledge Steven Seagal has a new posse to teach front kicks to while overlooking the Arizona public school system.  I wonder if Seagal uses the same facial creme Ellis got in the mail today?  Whateves right – Remember DirtShark from fame, if you don’t he came on the show a while back with a moto dude, and personally it was some of the shittiest TJES I’ve ever heard, still better than 96% of the shit out there though.  Anyways, this dude seems to get sweeter by the minute, starting with his Sharklets he’s bringing by later to play a game, kinda sweet huh.  So the game has some questions that need to be answered ahead of time, and Rawdog Ellis n Tully were the first to go.  Short n sweet, Ellis fucks like he plays rugby, while Rawdogs a sorta table tennis kinda guy.  While Tully’s Mom’s best feature is her smile, Ellis’s has to be her tits. Tully refuses to fuck hatians, Ellis wont do a Nazi, and Rawdog is against slamming any retards.  Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, drive or play basketball on TV per Ellis.  About then Tully committed to a plan to go softy McFrostington on ’em saying women shouldn’t cry without a shoulder to cry on, PFFFfag.  And how much on a first date should you spend?  Rawdog calculated the average over his last few dates, he spent 70 bucks.  Ellis was willing to spend whatever it takes, while Tully would pay whatever she costs…..kinda the same thing idn’t it?


This is why Rawdog will Never go to jail!

This is why Rawdog will Never go to jail!


Bitch Had It Coming News is just fucking nasty, and sounds like a NoYouAre joke to me.  What would happen to your ass in jail?  Well we all remember that Rawdog is doomed as a drug mule so there goes his ass.  Ellis thinks he’d be raped for sure, or shanked, or both, at the same time.  Wonder if Rawdog would get shanked, possibly Tully thinks somebody would have too even if just cause they finally can kill someone.  And what if you fuck a dude in jail, do you come out of jail with a totally different outlook on ass and whos it is?  This and more on The Jason Fucking Ellis Show Barry Damn It!  So yesterday I told you not to quote me on the email address for Unsigned Farts, and hopefully you didn’t.  If you have an Unsigned fart, email it to  Shout out to all you muthafuckers who sent in farts n burps for today’s vulgar display of awesomeness.  Truth though, if your gonna make one of these, you gotta try to get the vocals and the fart/burp together at the same time.  Except for that dude who said “I cum under it from under” you keep doing what you do homie!  Aussie News is just lame man, fucking pussies.  If Ellis were president, he’d not only ban birthday singing at restaurants but set a minimum grade for all meat.  This of course doesn’t apply the Bee restaurants and their famous Honey Burgers, I mean really.  Mexicans Am I Right?  So did they take all the shitty jobs from the 14 year old white kids, or are today’s youth just too lazy or good for working the drive through at Burger King?  Who knows, but they got cool cars and their chicken is pretty fucking slammin’ too.






So remember that game and those Sharklets that DirtSharks bring by, well he brought ’em by, say hello to Gemma and Tara.  One’s from Australia the other New Zealand, and both looking for that guy whos a FGC (Future Green Card).  They also both sweat Dingo, but then again it is fucking Dingo right!  Ellis had to school ’em on who was the first to make it America, really just revealing he’s getting up there a little in years.  Turns out these two chics live a few blocks away, and are willing to stop by everyday if the show just provides beer.  You thinking what I’m thinking…..Dingo’s fucking really cool huh.   One of them’s sponsored by Monster n one hosts something on Fuel TV, blah blah blah blah.  Look they’re pretty fucking hot, and if you ran the show you’d be sweatin’ this opportunity, plus we got a game.  Today’s game is brought to you by DirtShark Wednesdays  so get it up ya!   So you remember earlier Tully n freinds answered a few questions, well apparently so did Will Shindarvis, Cumtard, and the intern guy, and the Sharklets had to answer them.  Winner gets a date, loser got off lucky cause there was no penalty this go around.  First off, these chis are a lot of fun I’m sure, so Tully’s romantic soft thought out shit just didn’t cut it.  The fucking intern don’t really matter yet, so theres that.  Rawdizzle did ok, since he does draw the line at sticking shit in his ass without asking if you wanna a piece of the Dog.  Will read the questions and sabotaged Ellis’s answers, so The Wing was fucked from the start.  Despite Will’s antics, he still fell short with his chess like fucking skills, and his answer that practically begged for a date with these chics.  So would I leave out, oh shit Cumtard from sector Cumtard of Planet Cumtardia, well despite his bull riding skills in the moon bounce, he got stiffed on the date he won, and instead was jsut offered to take His Shirt off in front of them…..he respectfully declined.


Fucking Oath Mate – Just Like Me Mum


Coming soon Im sure, Ellismate approved pasties.  They’re just stickers, but they work like a champ, and damn near were tested live in the studio.  Its not insertion so its mellow, much like final calls were.  Anyone could have called in to talk to these chics, or DirtShark even, but nope they were just about all for The Wing.  Hey Ellis, whats it like for you and your chic to wanna fuck everyone all the time?  Yo Ellis, tell me more about old man balls on your chic at swinger parties.  Ellis, Ellis, did Rawdog microwave anymore cum?  Dirtshark did let us know to look for the possible ‘Chad Reedets’ coming soon, allegedly maybe?  Ever wonder what its like to watch TV with Ellis?  Poto, Pussy, Poto, Punching, Poto, Pussy, Punching, Pussy, Poto!  Glad to not the The Hills in there, cause everyone knows Josh Hansen is a huge start in Australia.  Its weird I know, much like Americans and their fascination with wallabies as pets.  Not as weird as Ellis’s nickname with his real friends – Bubbles!   Yeah but I don’t know him that well so I ain’t calling him that, ya didn’t heard me.  I am however calling your grandma after i wrap this recap up so I can stick skittles up ass, fuck her, and let her taste the rainbow, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/10/2013

Shout out to @JP_BOYLES315

                             No Shit!

Ghosts aren’t real, wind is real, your mom loves anal, and people are dumb.  Now that’s outta the way, let’s welcome and old and new friend to the show, Rude Jude and Brockalina.  More to come on our new friend, but first lets get to the Pill Mix master and how he still ain’t got his $100 painting from back in like ’98.  He also used to know a dude that went to Old Country Buffet, ate a whole bunch of food n threw it up so he could eat more….which means nothing, but it did bring out Tully’s admission to being bulimic in 7th grade, and that he can fit a microphone knob in his mouth.  Anyways, let me introduce you to our newest friend Brockalina and how he she it can help you.  Next time you in the Hollywood area, you can feel free to blow Brockalina for cash prizes or maybe rent or money for meth, whatever ya need.  Of course no puking or no deal.  And what about the radio gold it may bring us?  But what if the radio was just mysteriously gone one day, well what would they do then?  Rawdog would just fall back on his trust fund, probably bang out a few podcasts to keep himself busy.  Tully is back to waiting tables and would try to co-write some more shit.  Jude’s just bummed about washing windows n selling shit.  And for Ellismate, well besides an announcing gig or some shit, its porn….with Dingo!




I don't even know what to say

Brockalina bitches!

Such a sexy bitch that Brockalina – It was almost known as “Oh-Gay Simpson” but the condom didn’t fit, zing!  Yeah that’s about as funny as the shock collar pictionary the fellas played.  Cumtard and Tully, who wrote the game and studied the cards beforehand, took on Ellis and Rawdog in a battle to the death…..just about, loser has to blow Brockalina, and were all ready benefiting from this fine specimen.  Can’t really recap the game in words, but I can tell you it was pretty fucking hilarious, and Tully shocked the shit out of Rawdog, to the point of near tears.  Rawdog was pissed, and obviously flustered and he and Ellis got their asses handed to them.  It was all suspect since Cumtard wrote the game, which involved pictures such as Jesus, shit, a guitar which wasn’t a fucking guitar, a Red Dragon and more.  But a loss is a loss and time to pay the piper, except that Rawdog weaseled his way into making Ellis face the same task, which kinda sounds fair when you think about it.  Ellis, being the fucking warlord he is, popped a cherry-mint rubber on ol’ Brockalina and took the whole fucking thing, lips to balls ya’ll, Red Pandas to you my friend!




While visiting

While visiting

Hometown News time fuckers, and whats Hollywood without Justin Timberlake droppin some fresh new shit?  Destiny’s Child is dropping some stale old shit.  Elton John‘s having another kid as is Rosie O’Donnell, too bad not with each other.  The Oscar Nominees are out and Big Fucking Mega Boat didn’t make anything this year, so I’m boycotting personally – you do what you want.  Check this shit out, Piers Morgan and Alex Jones having a good ol’ tea party type altercation.  Finally in Hollywood News, it’s time for Rawdog to take his turn pleasuring the beast.  Remember that time in band camp, when Rawdog fucked Sparky (Red Dragons) and used the same rubber twice?  Yeah well damn if he didn’t try to do it again and jump on the rubber Ellis was slobbing on.  Damn Rawdog, just damn.  He got a freshie on, and away young Josh went.  Not too bad this go around, better than the Reckoning thats for sure, but certainly a far cry from Young Wing’s earlier effort.  Then Josh Hill and Dirt Shark stopped by the studio….check out I guess, and shout out to Ricky Carmichael the GOAT.



Pest control down south

     Pest control down south

Austin Lee Westfall, a.k.a Chester Cheetah, is the fucktard of the week!  A close second was Byron, a fan of the show who stopped in to meet the crew.  Hi Rawdog, n Tully, and Mr. Ellis and holy shit who’s that?  Ah yes, Brockalina how could I forget.  Bryon will probably never forget today, but gotta give him credit as he took it like a fucking champ…and even made eye contact you creepy bastard.  So he got his little trip through the prize chamber to grab what he could and we all got to hear the wonderful stylings on Jizz Cult and his quiz on The South.  You just gotta go back and listen if you missed it, skip the moto dudes and jump straight to this.  From head cheese to carpet baggers, and lazy man loads to lube sandwiches, Tully just thought they all meant in the butt.  I mean really, doesn’t courting a coon’s ass sound like in the butt.  Or what does it mean to put goobers in your mouth, in the butt.  Pee-Wee Herman is the only person not born in the south apparently, which again in the butt just seems to be the right answer.  Did you know that Jizz Cult used to hunt gators n snapping turtles?  Anyways the winner was of course, Tully and his ‘in the butt’ strategy, go ahead champ!  I personally am going to adopt Tully’s strategy tonight and use the ‘in the butt’ strategy with your mom….and her mom, OH!