A long long time ago, in a far far away place, on a Thursday too coincidentally, someone somewhere made a huge mistake, accidental genius one might say, and let some Aussie washed up skate boarder hop on a microphone and riff. I don’t think it was Birdman he was referring too, and sharp things fucking suck dude. Drama nearby the swing-house studios. Cop cars and ghetto birds flying around, apparently looking for some former cop who went AWOL and started killing other cops n shit, fucking gnarly shit bro. Awso equawwy as fucking gnarwy, check out who’s in the Huffington Post sewwing his super accurate fortune cookies. Did you know when Ellis works out, Fionna Apple is too little, and Sepultura’s 1st album is too much. You can thank Rawdog for that first artist being on Ellis’s ipod. Speaking of Rawdog, he’s getting all cut up, well not yet but he is working out and getting into it, you go girl! Did you know phones make us bad parents? But not Tully, superdad got his twinkle twinkle skills down. Bindi Irwin, daughter of no longer with us superdad Steve Irwin, told Hillary Clinton to shove it, yo also go girl! She also is apparently in Bindi’s Boot Camp, but it ain’t no JewManji so I ain’t checked that out yet. Oh shit, how could I forget, Ellis was working the heavy bag when he felt something happen, possibly a slipped disc, or displaced rib, that or he’s pregnant, and the baby collapsed his lung, something like that….
Self proclaimed ledge Steven Seagal has a new posse to teach front kicks to while overlooking the Arizona public school system. I wonder if Seagal uses the same facial creme Ellis got in the mail today? Whateves right – Remember DirtShark from DirtShark.com fame, if you don’t he came on the show a while back with a moto dude, and personally it was some of the shittiest TJES I’ve ever heard, still better than 96% of the shit out there though. Anyways, this dude seems to get sweeter by the minute, starting with his Sharklets he’s bringing by later to play a game, kinda sweet huh. So the game has some questions that need to be answered ahead of time, and Rawdog Ellis n Tully were the first to go. Short n sweet, Ellis fucks like he plays rugby, while Rawdogs a sorta table tennis kinda guy. While Tully’s Mom’s best feature is her smile, Ellis’s has to be her tits. Tully refuses to fuck hatians, Ellis wont do a Nazi, and Rawdog is against slamming any retards. Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, drive or play basketball on TV per Ellis. About then Tully committed to a plan to go softy McFrostington on ’em saying women shouldn’t cry without a shoulder to cry on, PFFFfag. And how much on a first date should you spend? Rawdog calculated the average over his last
few date s, he spent 70 bucks. Ellis was willing to spend whatever it takes, while Tully would pay whatever she costs…..kinda the same thing idn’t it?
Bitch Had It Coming News is just fucking nasty, and sounds like a NoYouAre joke to me. What would happen to your ass in jail? Well we all remember that Rawdog is doomed as a drug mule so there goes his ass. Ellis thinks he’d be raped for sure, or shanked, or both, at the same time. Wonder if Rawdog would get shanked, possibly Tully thinks somebody would have too even if just cause they finally can kill someone. And what if you fuck a dude in jail, do you come out of jail with a totally different outlook on ass and whos it is? This and more on The Jason Fucking Ellis Show Barry Damn It! So yesterday I told you not to quote me on the email address for Unsigned Farts, and hopefully you didn’t. If you have an Unsigned fart, email it to email@example.com. Shout out to all you muthafuckers who sent in farts n burps for today’s vulgar display of awesomeness. Truth though, if your gonna make one of these, you gotta try to get the vocals and the fart/burp together at the same time. Except for that dude who said “I cum under it from under” you keep doing what you do homie! Aussie News is just lame man, fucking pussies. If Ellis were president, he’d not only ban birthday singing at restaurants but set a minimum grade for all meat. This of course doesn’t apply the Bee restaurants and their famous Honey Burgers, I mean really. Mexicans Am I Right? So did they take all the shitty jobs from the 14 year old white kids, or are today’s youth just too lazy or good for working the drive through at Burger King? Who knows, but they got cool cars and their chicken is pretty fucking slammin’ too.
So remember that game and those Sharklets that DirtSharks bring by, well he brought ’em by, say hello to Gemma and Tara. One’s from Australia the other New Zealand, and both looking for that guy whos a FGC (Future Green Card). They also both sweat Dingo, but then again it is fucking Dingo right! Ellis had to school ’em on who was the first to make it America, really just revealing he’s getting up there a little in years. Turns out these two chics live a few blocks away, and are willing to stop by everyday if the show just provides beer. You thinking what I’m thinking…..Dingo’s fucking really cool huh. One of them’s sponsored by Monster n one hosts something on Fuel TV, blah blah blah blah. Look they’re pretty fucking hot, and if you ran the show you’d be sweatin’ this opportunity, plus we got a game. Today’s game is brought to you by DirtShark Wednesdays so get it up ya! So you remember earlier Tully n freinds answered a few questions, well apparently so did Will Shindarvis, Cumtard, and the intern guy, and the Sharklets had to answer them. Winner gets a date, loser got off lucky cause there was no penalty this go around. First off, these chis are a lot of fun I’m sure, so Tully’s romantic soft thought out shit just didn’t cut it. The fucking intern don’t really matter yet, so theres that. Rawdizzle did ok, since he does draw the line at sticking shit in his ass without asking if you wanna a piece of the Dog. Will read the questions and sabotaged Ellis’s answers, so The Wing was fucked from the start. Despite Will’s antics, he still fell short with his chess like fucking skills, and his answer that practically begged for a date with these chics. So would I leave out, oh shit Cumtard from sector Cumtard of Planet Cumtardia, well despite his bull riding skills in the moon bounce, he got stiffed on the date he won, and instead was jsut offered to take His Shirt off in front of them…..he respectfully declined.
Coming soon Im sure, Ellismate approved pasties. They’re just stickers, but they work like a champ, and damn near were tested live in the studio. Its not insertion so its mellow, much like final calls were. Anyone could have called in to talk to these chics, or DirtShark even, but nope they were just about all for The Wing. Hey Ellis, whats it like for you and your chic to wanna fuck everyone all the time? Yo Ellis, tell me more about old man balls on your chic at swinger parties. Ellis, Ellis, did Rawdog microwave anymore cum? Dirtshark did let us know to look for the possible ‘Chad Reedets’ coming soon, allegedly maybe? Ever wonder what its like to watch TV with Ellis? Poto, Pussy, Poto, Punching, Poto, Pussy, Punching, Pussy, Poto! Glad to not the The Hills in there, cause everyone knows Josh Hansen is a huge start in Australia. Its weird I know, much like Americans and their fascination with wallabies as pets. Not as weird as Ellis’s nickname with his real friends – Bubbles! Yeah but I don’t know him that well so I ain’t calling him that, ya didn’t heard me. I am however calling your grandma after i wrap this recap up so I can stick skittles up ass, fuck her, and let her taste the rainbow, OH!