Monthly Archives: June 2012

Show Re-cap For Friday 6/29/2012

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Ronnie Faisst

Happy WGAFF mofo’s! The guys, along with @UnderwearWolf and @TheDingoInSnow, are at the X Games so that’s where they did the show from today. Apparently while the show was on, it was a pretty big sausage fest – one would assume because it’s too early for whores to be up, like vampires, they’re active at night. Also, since Ellis comes from the X Games world and is friends with so many people in that world, this is going to be jam packed with name drops. The first guests on the show were Ronnie Faisst (@ronniefaisst) and Diogo Simoes (@diogosimoes1) as they were watching some step-up moto practice. As you could imagine, being at the X Games, it’s hard to take callers and read twitter so interaction was pretty limited. It doesn’t make for the greatest of radio shows, but hearing Faisst say that he doesn’t touch his weiner because Jesus doesn’t approve was pretty fuckin’ hilarious.

Carey Hart

Next on the show was Carey Hart (@hartluck) talking about how he hurt his back and his hand recently and this will be his last X Games, but he will continue other shit like the Dew Tour and racing trucks. He says he just can’t keep up, he’s getting older and getting hurt more so it’s time, but he will continue to ride on his own, just not compete. He also jacks off at times even though he’s still getting play from his wife, Pink (@Pink). Next up was Jamie Bestwick (@jamiebestwick), all of you should be very familiar with him because Ellis loved doing unfavorable impressions of him for almost a year straight. I think one of the most entertaining parts of his interview was when he called it a “Teeyoter” instead of “Toyota” and “Tuckson” Arizona instead of “Tucson”, gotta love those Brits. Poor Rawdog was getting teased, in a friendly way, from all the guys about his eating habits and how deep his belly button is, due to chicken nugget breakfasts and hamburger dinners.

Brian Deegan

Let’s see, who’s next… Brian Deegan (@mmgeneral) and him talking about how his spleen or kidney or both split like a hotdog and he’s always wondered if they just didn’t need a spare and took his. We finally got to hear Rawdog call out what he was watching, a la JagerBeard, but completely sober and not in character – which is very similar. Ellis asked Bry Like A Deegan what he thought about Ken Block while they were talking rally. Not one to beat around the bush much, Deegles says Ken is a good driver, a great marketer, but not so much of a racer. Mitchie Brusco (@Mitchiebrusco84) was next up on the show, he’s that 15 year-old skater kid that called a 900 number or some shit. They kind of grilled him too, in a friendly way as well, and he seemed to take everything in stride and with a really good attitude, so that’s pretty cool of little dude. It’s speculated he could take Rawdog in a fight too. Still, as cool and accomplished as he is at such a young age, it’s weird to hear a 15 year-old on the show, but I get it.

Hooters chicks

Hooter’s girls stopped by to bring some wings for the guys, low and behold, Ellis recognized both of them from the pageant he had just previously judged. In case you missed the pageant, one of those chicks (the hot one maybe? not that one, the other one) said it re-airs this Sunday, but she’s a woman so who knows if that’s true or not. I mean, we all know women don’t know shit from apple butter. Cullen (@Cullensaidthis) was nice enough to snap and share a photo of @imVictoriaBrown and some other chick named Afton Storton or something. Robbie Maddison (@robbiemaddison) came on the show and said he had just did a stunt in an upcoming James Bond film, but couldn’t talk about it. When asked what’s the furthest he’s jumped, his answer was “I don’t know”. So there ya go kiddies, watch out for those concussions! And like Bestwick, we get to make fun of his foreigner speech habits, as he called a “Mercedes” a “Merseedies”.

And finally, Manny Santiago (@Mannyslaysall) and Twitch (@twitchthis) were the last ones to stop by the show. And of course Twitch and Ellis had to express their undying love for one another as only two crazy fuckers can. By pulling down their pants and pressing each half of their gay love tattoo on their legs together to form the love bond and insulting one another as much as possible. Holy shit rope! Was that not a star packed re-cap or what? You know what’s funny about all those names listed above? It doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the full list of famous, not famous, homeless, and down right disgusting people your mom has filled her putrid fuckhole with. OH!

Your mom thanking Spiderman when she was way younger

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/28/2012

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This is the hardest fucking part of writing the re-cap, how to begin. I could tell a funny joke, a humorous story, or some anecdotal tale that will make you laugh and shoot soda out of your nose. But today I got nothing, so I shall just begin. The crew is leaning towards our friend Shit Toboggan in the fight verse his and Cum Tard. It would seem that when you take it seriously and train, it gives you an advantage. Who would have known? Ellis, Tully, and skate boarding aficionado, Rumble McTumble are going to the X-Games tomorrow. I am looking forward to hearing the stories from that on Monday. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if they will even be there next week because Ellis was talking an awful lot about going on vacation. He mostly wants to go to Thailand, the touristy part, not the bug eating Malaria infested part. Oh, and don’t leave your kids in the car. This has been a public service announcement.

They see me rollin”

There is a Mexican baby that had a 33 pound tumor growing on his back, but now its gone and he has a new 33 pound best friend named Terry. Shit Nacho put his name on the line again today, literally. They played a song clip and had to guess the artist or song name. Great news, Shit Nacho lost, and now he will be called Herpe Slurpie, thank you Field Piece (@banginmumtards). There is a new Death!Death!Die! song, I’m pretty sure they didn’t play it today. Hopefully they will play it tomorrow. And Rawdog mentioned a new kitchen gadget that seems like a total piece of shit, unless your Tully and can’t figure out how to get butter on your toast without completly fucking it to hell. I present to you, The Battery Powered Butter Knife!

In breaking Canadian news, a man killed his girlfriend and went to jail because she was BITING HIS DICK! I say that the punishment is not fitting to the crime, he was only defending himself against this dick chomping hater of the schlong. Tabitha Stevens and her husband, Kenny “Kenji” Gallo, who will be appearing at EllisMania 8 as MMA Elvis. I may have that wrong but fuck it. I will keep this short since I tend to zone out when “Industry Ladies” are on air, so here goes. Tabitha likes to be hung from hooks by her back (crazy bitch), she jacked off Jeff the Drunk (nasty bitch), she doesn’t take the dick on film anymore (Clam slammin’ bitch), and Kenji fucked her once with a fake lobster on her head (I got nothin’ for this one, bitch).

Started a new segment today, Dude Is It Gay Bruediger? This was obviously a smash hit on the phones as well as Twitter, I’m sure we will see it again in the coming weeks. Some chick called in about Trannies taking all the dudes away, and I didn’t hear the point she was trying to make but shes a girl so I will give her a pat on the head and say “That’s cute Dear.” When your children act like shit heads, what do you do? Whatever the fuck you want, but they’re yours and shit will come back to bite you in the ass, so whatever your technique, remember, your going to be old someday and your going to need them. The last thing we learned on the show today is that strip clubs are outlawed in Saskatchewan. They outlawed them shortly after yer mum danced and broke the stage killing 6 innocent by-standards and Mary the Midget, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/27/2012

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Did I ever tell you the story about the time I went to the gym and fought this really big black dude that was about 50 pounds heavier than me an had way more training and how he broke my nose and shit? No? Oh wait, that was Ellis today, I keep getting our lives mixed up. He realized that he had to re-conquer his fear of getting his bell rung and just fight for the fun of fighting, he said after that he was more relaxed and actually did pretty good in the end. Ellis was driving the A6K and for some reason it wouldn’t start, well good thing that he has his tool kit with him. Just pull out the BFH (that’s big fucking hammer for the rest of you) and gave the ol battery a few whacks. Just like good old American engineering should, it started right up. In Taiwan, Tibet, Tasmania, some fucking country starting with a T, there are Giraffe Rats that are invading swimming pools and eating babies. So everyone in Tennessee, be careful. Are sunglasses indoors cool? Is the Edge really a cool dude? Should rich people give big tips all the time? Only when your hungover or stoned, sure I guess I never met the guy, and always unless I become rich and then all you peasants can fuck off, with all due respect of course.

My Ellismania predictions:

Shit Toboggan vs Cum Tard 1,000,000/1 Shit Taboggan in the 1st round by death.

Rawdog vs Ruby Renegade 10/1 Ruby Renegade in the 3rd round by motorboat suffocation.

Germany outlawed circumcision based on religious beliefs, many believe that is just another way of keeping the Jew Man down. I mean really, after all this time why would anyone think that Germany has something against the Jewish people, that’s just silly. On better news, Nickelback is still a steaming pile of cock rock bullshit. This has been confirmed by a microbrewery owner, Dark Horse Brewery, when asked to supply Dickelback with beer in trade for free advertisement, he told them to go suck a bag of dicks. You sir I salute you.

Gabe Ruediger was in the Swing House today. He seemed to mix well with the crew and seems to be a rather cool dude. There was some “friendly” shit talking and I think this fight at EllisMania 8 is going to be one to remember. In Old Man news, don’t fart in front of their apartments. Old dudes in apartments have nothing to lose and will beat you severely with their wrinkled feeble limbs, or threaten you with a gun. So remember, blame it on the dog. This awesome segment was followed by the most horrible montage of shit brained callers I have ever heard on this show. It was so bad I was farting in front of old dudes apartments. See what I did there, that’s why I’m a professional. In more news the face eating zombie of Florida was only on weed and a shit ton of crazy, the knob gobbling Asian chef is under investigation, and an Archaeologist called in and informed the guys of a giant ten foot man ape that used to live in North America. They aren’t sure why they became extinct but most studies point to disease, coincidentally the same disease that yer mum is carrying in her massive cave man banging ham slammer, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/26/2012

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I speak the truth! Just kidding

Holy shit! Did you guys hear the news that rocked the world today? Rawdog is now engaged to that chick he’s been dating and they plan on moving to Rhode Island because that’s where her family is from, so no more Rawdog on the show and Rude Jude will be taking his place! Fucking huge bummer, but could be kinda cool having Jude on, right? Well that would be some shocking Asia news if I wasn’t totally lying my ass off right now. Really though, he hates hot chicks just as much as he hates MMA fighters, but loves a chick that can twirl a baton. As Tully has speculated before, Rawdog really does enjoy when he gets punched in the nuts with the Hulk hands. This was confirmed today when Rawdog punched himself right in the dick, harder than Tully has ever punched him. In other, actually truthful news, Ellismania8.com is now online and ready to siphon the money out of your pockets. You know how Ellis ran into Big Black while he was in Miami doing the Hooters judging shit? Yea, well now Big Black wants to help judge the bikini competition at Ellismania 8! That’s motha fuckin’ dope, y’all! Do work, son!

MMA makes you gay

Ellis got his A6K back after West Coast Customs had finished fixing it up, the inside looks brand new, has a navigation system for dumb dumbs in it, all the electronics work in it without breaking all the other shit, and now he’s in love with West Coast Customs. Rightfully so I assume. They offered to fix up the outside of the truck as well but he declined, probably a wise choice or it would’ve come back with massive wings and glitter on it or some shit. All kinds of trash talk flying between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, sounds like Anderson is finally losing his shit and says he’s basically going to ruin Chael’s face for all his trash talking. We all know a lot of fighters do this to help sell tickets, but Anderson has never really gotten into the whole trash talking game so it is rather odd to hear him go off like that. Sad vegetables aren’t as good as happy vegetables, which makes total sense when you think about how they were raised. I mean, if the vegetables’ parents were abusive or addicts, one would expect life to be much more difficult for the young vegetable.

Facts about your mom

Good news for @Dutch_RDS, he’s getting his shot to fight at Ellismania 8 in the blindfold shock collar fight – so congratulations to him! Ellismania 8 is getting bigger and bigger by the fucking day with guests such as Kit Cope, Danny Martinez, Kenji Gallo, Gabe Ruediger, Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Big Black, Mayhem, and more! You shitheads that get to go to Ellismania 8 are lucky as fuck. I hope you all enjoy yourselves and you better take a metric shit ton of photos and videos so the rest of us can live vicariously through you! 50 Cent got in an accident when a Mac truck rear-ended his SUV, sources say the Mac truck is now in hiding after receiving death threats. Today was new music Tuesday, and fuck all that noise, we ain’t talking about it. That Laura chick that gave Ellis his current voice altimication machine was on the show today to give him another fuckin’ TC-1000 Boner Jam Fucker Upper v2.74 altimication machine that has a touch screen and shit. I want one so bad but I ain’t got $800 to be pissing away just so I can call my wife with a creepy voice.

I got the magic stick

More Wolfknives members called in to get their names today, and according to my accounting records there is currently $2.4 million dollars worth of memberships. Also, I am not an accountant and I keep no records – for legal purposes. Some dude who has at least two ex-wives and is an investigator, watched his first ex-wife have sex with some dude. I’m guessing the whole trust issue thing came into play while he was practicing his Magnum PI skills on her. Speaking of practicing, your mom has been going to the gym a lot lately. After all the dudes are done working out and smooching themselves in the mirrors, they all got in a circle with your mom in the middle and took turns shitting in her mouth. You thought there was gonna be a circle jerk story there, didn’t you? Don’t lie! But seriously, she has been going to the gym and putting the 25 pound kettle bells in her snatch. You have to tell her to stop, people are complaining. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 6/25/2012

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Wisconsin Hooters Representin’

It’s Monday and Ellis still doesn’t have his truck back from West Coast Customs, maybe because Xzibit is trying to put wolves in Ellis’ woofers. Probably not though. Ellis is still making nice with Covino and Rich, he got interviewed by the wife of one of them while he was in Miami judging the hooters of girls from Hooters. He’s also publicly apologizing to Bubba The Love Sponge, Opiddity & Anthony, and others, but has yet to apologize to our mothers for shitting their fish tanks. Rawdog helped analyze Ellis’ dream of flying over houses and banging pots and pans, and claims that his dream means he wants to find a woman to fuck. Sounds legit. Since Rawdog lost his bet this weekend after Clay Guida lost to Gray Maynard, he gets to eat and drink some healthy shit today. As you can imagine, Rawdog was struggling through his green kelp shake (or whatever it was) and salad with salmon on it. The really impressive part? When Rawdog asked, with all sincerity, if you eat salad with a fork or your hands. Amazing.

Where’s the love?

Speaking of the Guida vs Maynard fight, apparently Dana White is pretty pissed about how the fight went and how it was judged. Blah, blah, blah, Guida monkey, blah, blah, points, blah, blah, put on a show, blah, blah, blah, and then Franklin knocked out The Axe Murderer, blah, blah, and people left the fights early. Get all that? Good, let’s move on. There’s a chance for three more listeners to get in on a fight at Ellismania 8 for the good ole’ blindfolded dog shock collar fight, as long as their names aren’t @cogdeth or @Dutch_RDS. Mayhem came on the show today and brought with him Big Daddy Mayhem Cakes. I don’t know if anyone else has caught this feeling or if it’s just me, but it really does seem like ever since Mayhem retired, he’s changed a little bit and so to it seems like the relationship between he and Ellis has as well. I don’t know, maybe I’m just reading into things. But you can’t deny the recent “n-bomb” fiasco, the excuse of “not kid friendly image” for Mayhem to go to the Hooters contest, and then Ellis ignoring the invite to Mayhem’s pineapple pool party.

While Rawdog’s dad may not have been proud to know that salad is so foreign to his son that he has no idea if you eat it with a fork or your fingers, I had a proud moment while writing this re-cap and my daughter was sitting on the toilet peeing, singing Any Way You Want It by Journey. Do you ever wonder if your mom has ever been proud of you? I mean I’m sure she has been at some point, though probably not as proud as she was of herself for breaking the most anal cream-pies taken in one day world record that she just keeps shattering. OH!

Oh yes she did!