Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/15/2012

Sounds like Jillian Reynolds’ (formerly Barberie) boss is now upset with Ellis because he was on KTLA and not their show, which is funny because Ellis has asked to be on Jillian’s show like 10 times and was turned down each time. Dumb Hollywood politics is apparently at play here. Fuck ’em. Ellis wants to create his own collection line of shirts, patches, blankets, bed sheets, etc. Someone called up Andrea to brag that she was going to beat up Katie, and then people had to do their homework for school the next day. Whose some hot old chicks was a topic, Janice Dickinson and Martha Stewart were mentioned among others. Ellis admitted he would not be into dating an average looking person, only hot chicks – and he knows that will eventually lead to a lonely life. But, hey, I guess that’s why they sell ferns.

Not only has Obama come out in support of gay marriage, but so has Jay-Z, so go ahead and change the books. Rawdog was excited to bring a new segment to the show today, gadget talk. I like me some new technology, but I just knew Rawdog was going to pick some stupid shit, and sure enough he did – a fucking phone glove for instance. It turns out that Dingo may have little balls, he had to measure, I assume because it was a rather close call. A literal 12 year-old called into the show while eating a hotdog, and it appears he has kind of an a-hole for a mom. Ellis had told the kid that he probably shouldn’t be listening to the show because he’s too young. The kid was eating a hotdog, it wasn’t cold. Then the kid passed the phone to mom, who called the show “pathetic” and claimed she, nor her son listened to the show, and that they were eating hotdogs. She said her husband loves the show, brings home the bacon, and she gets to drive a nice car… and eat hotdogs. At any rate, she was annoying. Also, hotdogs. Today’s new music Tuesday wasn’t all that bad, certainly better than a lot of the previous ones. I missed pretty much the rest of the show, but I don’t think there was anything of major importance. Oh, wait. Hotdogs + you moms pussy = state fair corn dogs. You know, because of all that batter in her deep fryer of a pussy. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 5/11/2012

Holy fuck it Friday, and not just any Friday but Who Gives A Fuck Friday, as if you even gave a fuck about that.  Today is Dan “Hot Balls” O’Donell’s last day.  This would be a sad event if it happened yesterday but it didn’t so I don’t give a fuck. We will miss you Doug and your hot mom.  Katie (Ellis’ girlfriend, in case you’ve been under a rock) was in the studio today.  She wasn’t really on the air but you could her her cute little girlfriend laugh every time Ellis made a joke. It was adorable, but who really gives a fuck anyway.

Alaskans will hunt bears, Australians will piss on you, and women are incredibly fucked in the head.  Especially the 21 year old that called in.  Some suspect that she is really 12, but that is way too creepy so for sake of dignity, she was at least 18. She said that while making sweet sweet love to her man in the cowgirl position he got on his cell phone.  This, under most circumstances is a major no no.  However, after listening to this girl drone on and on and on for about 5 minutes I started to understand his plight, I’m surprised he didn’t try to lodge the phone into his brain.

More news, pity sex sucks, Serena Williams made a shit-tacular rap, Rawdog has never received a blow job to completion (we were all shocked by this news), and some of the funniest news I’ve heard in a long time, a man was held up by another man with a rifle and was forced to do the moon walk.  Oh and Ellis puked, I’m not sure if it was on his dick or just in the trash can. I was too busy watching my wife dry heave as she heard it, good times.

The Lemmy interview was good, Vinnie Paul was great, but today the most epic of all interviews went down.  Ellis got a surprise visit from the man, the myth, the legend, Steven Tyler!  This interview was so epic that I am not going to try to summarize it, I will however encourage you to go our good friend’s site, Cobra Tits, to listen to the Steven Tyler interview first hand.

For the end of the show the guys finally finished Worlds Greatest Worst Male Sex Change. Here’s the top 3:

3. Andre the Giant

2. Lenny from Motorbreath

1. Zakk Wylde

In my opinion all three of these guys are incredible ugly for guys let alone guys with cookies.  The only thing worse than having to stuff the sausage into any of them would having to ram jam yer mums actual swamp box, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/26/2012

Welcome back to another fun filled episode.  Today’s show started out strong with discussion about Jason’s interview on @KTLA, the morning news/talk show much like Good Morning America but for LA only because they are special.  The interview went well, Jason felt that it was well received and the guy on the show got to flex his “I know Australians” muscles.  Jason also attended a black metal concert with his back to current girlfriend Katie. CumTard the Cumtardian was also there but Jason found it better to avoid him.  Good call.

Discussion turned to a new Segway skateboard love child called the Z-Board, and as one would expect, we all wondered if Josh could ride it.  Maybe someday we will get to find out, and then laugh our asses off.  Jude came in again today with a much more mellow topic, Kava.  I’m not sure what it is and I’m too lazy to read the link i attached, if you are curious please feel free to check it out.  When you are done, just let the rest of us know.

The rest of the show was pretty mellow, a bit of discussion here and there so I will wrap it up quickly.  Aussie News, a guy stole a penguin, Ellis called some of the Cum Challenge finalists, a dude banged his girl in the ass because she was on her rag and he got poopie dick, and Rawdog is now an internet dating guru and feels that this single date has given him enough knowledge that he is entitled to share. I think he should write a book on it, and again, we will laugh our asses off.

Thomas Hayden Church called in today and the thing that I am most impressed with is that he is an avid listener.  That’s pretty fucking cool in my book.  The game that Josh was going to play yesterday got played today and in my opinion, I would have rather listened to another episode of New Music Tuesday.  The game was slow, and got boring fast.  It was a good concept but didn’t work out well. Guess they can’t all be winners. And finally, Egypt is trying to pass a law so that a husband may use his wife as a human fuck torso up to six hours after her death.  Everyone agrees this is fucking disgusting.  This is the part where I make a joke about yer Mum, but she does a pretty good job of doing that all by herself, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/17/2012

It’s mother scratchin’ Tuesday – TJES is still in New York, and Ellis was on Stern today (listen to it on CobraTits’ site). Towards the beginning, Robin questioned how “awesome” and genuine Ellis really is about believing he’s awesome, he seemed to get a bit defensive about it. It was a little awkward but the interview moved on. Again, the interview contained a lot of discussion on his ex-wife, rehab, being molested by his father, skating, the threesome he had yesterday, etc. Basically all things most fans of Ellis have heard before. The more interesting part was when Stern and Ellis started talking about skateboarders being on America’s Got Talent. They disagreed pretty heavily about what real skateboarding is and who real skateboarders are, compared to what you might see on America’s Got Talent. At the end of the discussion, Robin got another dig in about Ellis not thinking he’s “awesome”. She actually came off a little cunty, there’s definitely a weird chemistry between her and Ellis.

Another interesting piece they talked about was Katie (@UnderwearWolf), and how while they were banging, she stuck her fingers in her ass and started playing with Ellis’ dick – that’s some pretty gangster fuck maneuvers. There were other details, but none that were really as interesting as the “poke the pecker that is in my pussy via the fingers in my asshole” trick. As the interview moved on, Stern kind of acknowledged that he’s not going anywhere, he likes his job. Ellis thanked him for paving the way for that type of radio, Stern told Ellis he should thank Robin and Fred as well – this is when Ellis had his opportunity to get a dig back at Robin by saying he would thank Fred, he said nothing about Robin. As they talked about both Stern and Ellis going through therapy to help better themselves and their relationships, Robin got another dig in by saying something similar to “how can you change yourself when you’re already awesome?”, to which Ellis replied “I’m not going to tell a girl to fuck off.” That’s pretty fucking funny, I don’t think there’s a real issue between Robin and Ellis, but it does seem clear that they play the “bickering back and forth” roles pretty well. Well enough that deep down, one might think there could really be some true tension there. However, Ellis said that during one of the breaks, he walked up to Robin’s window and basically everything was cool and they both like each other. Insert interracial hug scene here.

Holy shit, we’re already balls deep in this post and all we’ve talked about so far is his interview on Howard Stern and Katie’s hole play! Ellis was also on Raw Dog Comedy today, but that thing is filled with commercials and breaks to comedy bits. Nothing really important or exciting happened during the interview so we’ll just talk like cops and say, “move along, nothing to see here.” Rawdog (the boy legend) made it to the show today, unscathed, unharmed, and unadulterated. His whole Coachella story went like this: On his way to Coachella, forgot his wrist band, went back to get it, came back to the show, scarfed down a pot brownie so he didn’t have to try and sneak it in, ran to see the last 10 minutes of one of the bands he wanted to see, went and got himself a snack of chicken fingers, watched more garbage bands that make garbage music, got sleepy, went to leave, couldn’t find his car, spent 3 hours looking for his car, he’s chilly and tired now, talked to staff hoping for suggestions on what to do, talked to a supervisor, supervisor says talk to the police, cop asks if he’s a moron and just lost his car or if they should fill out a report, he didn’t know, hung out for another hour waiting to fill out a report, he never fills out the report because he thought he would try to look again in the morning, cab shows up to take him to a hotel/motel, cabbie was all like “hey shitbird, all these places are gonna be full because of Coachella”, finds a shithole at 5am to stay at, gets back up a few hours later, drives through the lots on a golf cart looking for his car, can’t find his car and finally, officially reports his car stolen. And the props for Big Fucking Mega-Boat as well as The Woodsman were in the back seat of the car, so that shits long gone.

Fuckin’ hell man, I hope you’re taking a dump while reading this, or doing something where you’re comfortable, because this post is quickly becoming longer than Suge Knight’s wrap sheet. HEYOH! They played some of the music Rawdog was so into while at Coachella, and as expected it was like making love to yourself and swallowing the glitter load you shot. Rawdog shaved his boy beard yesterday, so now he looks younger than ever. Tully came out with another gem on the show today, “well punch my cock” which can be used in a myriad of situations really. I think that’s about it, the rest was general chit-chat and such, not to mention I’m just about worded out from doing this mega-fucking-slap-you-on-the-balloon-knot post. And finally, what’s wet, stinks, and is covered in piss? I mean besides Stevie Wonder’s bathroom floor. Your mom! OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 4/11/2012

Y’all motherfuckers here? How are yuns? Good? Good. I’m glad to hear it. Ellis wasn’t doing so hot at the start of today’s show. He’s feeling alone again, apparently he and Katie aren’t dating any longer and he’s been annoyed the past few days with other things going on his life. I’m looking at you FuelTV security guard! The fan that “stole” Ellis’ glasses yesterday? Yea, they didn’t. The sunglasses turned up, and that same fan said they weren’t going through the phone, he was just trying to put a picture of his dick on the phone. Sounds legit.

Mickey Avalon was on the show today, he plays President Queefer Sutherland or something in the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie. He sings better than he speaks, I heard the word “like” at least 783 times in the first 10 minutes. He painfully stuttered and stammered his way through a few stories. Even though it was torturous at times to listen to, overall he was an interesting interview – he certainly had some entertaining stories. I think the reason it was hard for me to listen to is because I have heard and told so many fucking wasted stories when I was younger that I just get frustrated now. Stories where just after starting a sentence, there’s seriously at least a 3 minute pause while everyone gathers their thoughts – and then you finish the sentence. That’s how all stoner stories end up going until 7 AM and someone says they should probably go to bed.

That was pretty much it. No “World’s Greatest Wednesday” happened today, Ellis is signing copies of his books everywhere but where you and I live, some 42 year-old chick would suck the life out of Rawdog’s penis, his mommy also cut the crusts off his PB & J, and a bunch of people love TJES. Some other caller said he got pulled over, said “red dragons” and the cop ripped up the ticket (liar), another guy is on his way to his first marriage counseling meeting (pussy), some other guy is totally training jiu jitsu and wants to fight for a living (sucker), some chick totally quit smoking because of Ellis and is like totally hot and stuff (ditch pig), and your mom has a new picture hanging in her bedroom (total whore). OH!