Today #Ellisfam got introduced to the new producer-in-training, Valerie. Full name: Valerie Michaels, she runs a PR company that works with many pro skateboarders and has worked for the UFC.
Valerie in studio – 10/24/12
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As Jason mentioned, prior to the Ellis family moving to Beverly Hills, he was sleeping in his truck then got invited to stay at Valerie’s Malibu house for a little while. Let’s listen back.
Living with Valerie – 2/1/10
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It’s Tuesday, and is there a Heaven for the EllisFam? Some random preacher dude was telling Ellis, before the show, some shit about the Ultimate Real of heaven. How everyone would be the funniest ever, and know everyone better than they did before, and have legendary licks just like Jimi Hendrix. Bullshit! Would be more like hell for Chad Reed if everyone could handle a Kawasaki like ol’ 22! Tully thinks the world is culturally imperialistic for thinking their region specific religion is better than anyone elses, well with the internet giving us access to all walks of life. He was also on Steam Pipe Alley back in the day, but thats a whole other story! Back to Jesus, so if Heavens so freaking sweet, why don’t we off ourselves and go right now? Cause fucking Oxford said suicide don’t get you into heaven, oh and God wants you to grapple with cancer for a few before your ready, nice to know! If you were ever curious the difference between the new and old testaments, think of it like the difference between 311 and Danzig. Also, make sure to not get TJ Lavin started on all this religious talk since Jesus causes hangovers. Remember kids, Pro Satan and Pro Forgiven! And as far as Rawdogs concerned, “Just don’t mess with the Jews and your ok!”
You can’t see him, but this guy is pointing to Tully. Show business is a mother fucker!
Axl Rose was at the Bridge School Benefit preforming acoustically with GNR. She’s still got it! After watching this video, Ellis compared it to Honey Boo Boo for others, a train wreck you can’t look away from. He honestly thinks someone killed Axl, replaced him, and were watching this new shitty Axl. Tully thinks its just the Marlboro Reds catching up to him, but #fucktully right. Backbone called in to confirm the stories of random people being paid royally, to be on call for weeks to months at a time, in case Axl decided he was ready to record Chinese Democracy….which only took like 20 years and 17 million bucks to complete. Cullen also said he recently saw Slash play with Myles Kennedy and they were shredding like the ledges they are! Speaking of shredding, there is plenty of it in the 2012 Reverse Awards.
Contestants Brittany and Abby for this year’s “Person With the Least Amount of Heads” Award
Rawdog went through this years categories again, and they discussed and finalized the contestants. Rawdog will post a site for us soon……….So keep your eyes open on twitter, and here, for the link to the website so you can vote for who you think is this years “Most Human Looking” or “Least Rapey Father”! Oh yeah, don’t forget that Tim McGraw still hates the show – #TruckYeah
So some dude in New Jersey bit his finger off, after being transported between the hospital and lock up a few times, while high on PCP. Meanwhile, these two other guys got naked, sacrificed some birds, set their house on fire, and put a shotgun barrel to the chest of a police officer….and only one of them died. Sounds like cult activity to me, a Jizz Cult perhaps? Speaking of Jizz Cult, we finally got to use his New Music Tuesday intro. You know, the one that started all of this intro madness. It took a while, and an unnecessary conference call, but we got to hear the pay off we’ve all been waiting for. All this just giving way to Josh and his 2 week back up of Audio Ejaculate all over your earballs! Tons of shit here to go back and check out, 12 artists in all, a really swell time. Ellis is having a swell time on Hollywood Uncensored recently, even though he was getting ragged on for being so old and still wearing hats n shit. But you know the Wing is comfortable with himself and is doing his thing, so fuck off. You know who’s not comfortable, old baseball managers in those tight ass uniforms with their gunts pouring out of their stretch pants. Could you imaging Phil Jackson rocking a Lakers warmup set on the sideline? Old People, am I right?
Really dude – Can’t skip the shake and extra large fries once in a while?
Since Tully’s still on his vacation away from his family, he’s been staying up late and got to go get some RoRos Chicken. What he hasn’t been doing is participating in the Fantasy Slut League that some Bay Area high school kids were running, until they got busted of course. He has however been dreaming of dressing like Professor Moneybags from Monopoly. Ellis suggested he makes it rain in the strip club if he did such a thing. Speaking of making it rain, think you can make it rain laughter with your stand up routine? Email your shit to ellisparodies@gmail.com and you can get reviewed live on the show like Jeff Judd did today. Rawdog thinks he can, and almost had a bet lined up with Tully and Ellis to see who could do the best 5 minute routine. Rawdog suggested they do their shit in a club, and the crowd’s applause can decide who won. Tully had a different idea, to still do their 5 minute routine, but on the Ellis Show….and loser has to preform the same routine in some random comedy club in the ghetto. Nothing got finalized but maybe more on this in the future. Apparently Rawdog had no idea he has done a live set once before at the Pink Taco back in Ellis Mania 4, Classic! He does remember that he wants to do acid at some point in his life, but Tully suggested to do really good shrooms instead. They all agree whichever drug you do, watch VideoDrome while doing it. Of course Rawdog would hate this movie, since he hates anything with old special effects. The Matrix blows if you watch it now, since its so old and outdated. He also thinks older cartoons are better because they have less visually, but are still as good as todays with their better writing and jokes. Sufferin’ Succotash! (See it’s not funny people). Don’t worry, Butterballs stopped by to save the day, and hooked his junk up to the RC Car to give the old tug and pull. This isn’t his first dance with such obstacles since he once did the Disco Balls challenge. That guy has so much heart, but not as much as your mom….she never stops gaping and buttchugging, a true competi-whore!
Look, here’s a picture of a of a chick standing in the ocean with her snorting cocaine stars in space. Just because.
It’s Monday, and we did it! We lasted an entire week without any live shows! But only because @Cullensaidthis put together some sweet “best of” licks, so quick shout out to that soon to be baby daddy. I’m not even sure I remember how to do re-caps anymore, but let’s give it a shot, like a shot of semen in your butt! HEYOH! You’re only as old as you feel, and Ellis feels twelve even though he finally caught radio AIDs from Rawdog & Tully while on his stay-cation. Dingo was there today, they were talking about Ellis being able to test out a bunch of new motorscooters last week, and we learned that Dingo broke his leg when he was about six – he rode his little dirt bike into a pile of bricks. We heard the re-telling of the epic story of Rawdog’s sister breaking his clavicle, and how he survived the whole ordeal even though his tough-ass didn’t want to go to the hospital at first. Hey, shout out to us today! Rawdog’s interview, Get Deep Inside Rawdog, got mentioned and we got made fun of, so that was fuckin’ awesome!
Going to Japan is like being a sexually assaulted fly.
Big news, Evander Holyfield is rumored to be coming out of retirement at age 50, no word on if he plans to hock his own line of indoor grilling apparatus. Sounds like he’s broke, owes a landscaping company some skrilla, and was linked to… wait for it… a company that gave athletes steroids! Fifty is dropping butt burps all over the studio today, so he got banished to the prize chamber. Tully went to Japan last week, flying with his wife, son, and mother-in-law for twelve ma-fucking hours, while he was sick. They sleep on shitty futons on the floor while they’re in Japan, which has to suck puppy farts. His grandmother-in-law wanted to give him some local remedy for his sickness, a turpentine horse shit nose thing. Breakfast consisted of 9 different types of slime shit and a bunch of people sitting around loudly slurping down their slime breakfast – which was driving him nuts. Several times his wife’s grandmother didn’t realize he was in the room and so he would inadvertently see her in her underwear, over and over. Everyone spoke in Japanese, leaving him sitting in silence and bored while they yammered on about something, maybe uncooked slimy food.
This is you after having a meaningful session of love making with Tully.
Keeping on the topic of Japan, doctors had to remove a dildo from dude’s intestines before he died. And apparently Tommy Lee Jones is a goddamned legend in Japan, for some reason they like older dudes with more lines and wrinkles in their faces than Santa’s balls on a road map. In a totally straight, no homo way, what dude would you most like to fuck? Dingo fancies Leonardo DiCaprio, Tully wouldn’t mind doing Dwyane Wade, Ellis thinks Trent Reznor might be a solid choice, and Rawdog chooses Sam Elliott because he thinks it would be more like making love as Sam’s mustache would comfort him. All of this talk got brought to a screeching halt thanks to a very descriptive caller who had a clearly well thought out scenario as to how he would like to have sex with Tully. Turtles are completely fucked up, they shit their dick out and piss out their mouths. What in the mother of fuck is the deal with that? It’s like nature got drunk as fuck and lost a bet. Allegedly, Amish people are super into bestiality and incest, and I don’t think anyone is super surprised about this claim. Rawdog could use some ideas on outdoor activities that promote physical fitness, probably by himself for the time being, and fucking your mother in an alley doesn’t count, because everyone does that. OH!
If you have been paying attention to gossip news lately, you’ve probably seen that the Hulk Hogan sex tape is becoming a major news item. The guys briefly discussed the sex tapes, Hulk Hogan, and Bubba a couple times before they left for vacation. Who’s lying? Is Hulk the victim he says he is?
Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/10/12
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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/11/12
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Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 10/12/12
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In fact the guys talked about the rumor of a Hulk Hogan sex tape over 6 months earlier!
Hulk Hogan Sex tape – 3/7/12
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The sex tape is really all just superficial bullshit. What interests me is the people behind it. Namely Bubba and Heather. They have actually effected The Jason Ellis Show more than you might realize….
How so? Let’s recall the history between BTLS and Ellis:
Let’s set the stage. Back in 2005 Spike TV began to help promote the UFC. It was part of their strategy to provide a channel with programming for guys. In 2006 one of their new tv shows to begin taping was a program called “Wild World of Spike” starring Ellis and muay thai fighter Kit Cope. In addition, the UFC often promoted their events by inviting popular radio programs to broadcast from Las Vegas the day before a major fight. One of the radio shows chosen early on was The BTLS Show. Add up all those elements and you get: The BTLS Show, Ellis, Heather, Kit Cope, and Matt Hughes all in Vegas, live on satellite radio, on 8/26/2006 for UFC 62.
The BTLS Show, live in Las Vegas – 8/26/2006
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Ellis calls in to promote ‘Wild World of Spike’ – 1/5/2007
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So UFC fighter Matt Hughes choked out Jason, so what? Well that moment could be considered a (or the?) major catalyst that started Ellis’s interest in MMA and boxing. Soon after, Kit Cope began helping Jason get started in the gym. His boxing training lead to Ellismanias. Ellismanias lead to Fuel TV shows, a book deal, a bigger contract, etc. Besides Tony Hawk asking Ellis to join him on Demolition Radio, it may be one of the biggest turning points in Jason’s career.
Early fans of The Jason Ellis Show also may know that a ‘beef’ later developed between Jason and Bubba. That ‘radio battle’ carried on till Bubba eventually left satellite radio around December 2010. Ellis took that as a win and a big ego boost. He gained a lot of Bubba’s old fans and it, again, helped him gain that bigger contract. Shoebox began the trouble (anyone remember the name “Debbie Hernandez”?) but it was our good pal Gabe Rudiger that really got things stirred up.
BTLS flips out over Ellis – 6/11/10
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The Gabe Ruediger incident – 8/27/10
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Ellis/Andrea and Bubba/Heather divorced almost simultaneously in the fall/winter 2011. If you recall, soon after the two marriages dissolved Heather began following and tweeting to @ellismate. The tweets, and especially the fans that got involved by tweeting @Andreamate, caused serious issues. It got so intense that Ellis smashed the Macbook Dingo gave him as a birthday present and Jason almost quit twitter (Andrea wisely did).
Bubba divorce mention 10/10/11
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Heather Clem tweets Ellis – 12/5/11
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Fans cause drama between Andrea & Heather Clem – 12/13/11
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Ellis finally loses his temper, plans to close his twitter account and smashes his Macbook – 12/20/11
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Following those outbursts, The Jason Ellis Show has changed quite a bit. Although I suppose it’s up for debate, I would argue that after those events Ellis became more guarded talking about his personal life and has become noticeably less friendly with the fans/callers.
@bitPimps and @AZ_RedDragon have a Q & A session with Josh “Rawdog” Richmond, the accidental genius who provides some of the most sought after radio gold one could only hope for.
Why do you hate Tully so much?
I don’t hate Tully at all! He is my good friend.
Then why didn’t you play anything from his new album on New Music Tuesday?
We played tracks from his album (Retrofit, avaliable on iTunes) the day before. New Music Tuesday is for music we haven’t already played on the show. I don’t make the rules, I just choose them arbitrarily. Besides, he got a special announcement before that week’s segment! That’s an even bigger honor than being in the actual segment.
Are you jealous of Tully for having his own album?
I have six unreleased albums. I think he’s jealous of me.
Okay, those were jokes. We know you don’t hate Tully. But why are you so racist?
A sheltered upbringing, and living in a capitalist pseudo-caste-system society that renders the minority underclass virtually invisible.
Then why do you only talk up Jewish people and no others?
Christians are doing just fine, they don’t need my endorsement.
Okay, okay, that was a joke too. But why do you hate the fans so much? Is it because they harass you like a little brother?
I don’t hate the fans! Well, most of them. Some of them take the harassment past little brother levels. Some of them seem convinced that what I do on the radio is actively ruining their lives, which I don’t completely understand. But mostly, I’m amazed and grateful for the community of fans that have grown around this show, and how cool and creative and supportive they are.
After Tully left, it was just you and Ellis. You were more than uncomfortable during some bits, you were mad. For example, when he first started making you talk like “Sarah.” But that turned out to be a hilarious bit that is still continued at times and you’re okay with it now. How did you come to terms with your dynamic with Ellis and are you glad you did?
There was always great chemistry between Jason and I, dating back to my intern days, and when we’re in sync we can make amazing radio. But there’s a flip side when we’re not in sync, and we get into vicious cycles, where Jason’s like “Put the silly hat on!”, and I’m like “I don’t want to put the silly hat on, it’s making me insecure!” and Jason’s like “Do it you fucking pansy!”, and because we’re both very stubborn it doesn’t end well. Tully’s return helped enormously, not just because of his crazy talent, but because Tully is like human tiger balm; his perpetual calm soothes everyone around him. (Canadians might disagree). These things take time, and I won’t lie, there were some very tough moments, but I’m glad I stuck around long enough to get to this point, because I think what we have now between the three of us equals anything on radio.
Over the years, you have spawned some of the best accidental radio ever to be broadcasted. Do you really recognize that? How does that make you feel?
You can go ahead and knock the word “accidental” off of that sentence. I’d rather say “I’ve spawned some of the best radio ever broadcasted”. It feels good.
You’ve had quite a few awesome experiences and opportunities with the show, for example, being jacked off by 3 porn stars in a bathroom. If you had to pick one or two, what would you consider to be the best?
Believe it or not, those bathroom handjobs caused as much anxiety as excitement for me. (You try getting a handjob that you know is going to be broadcast to millions of people sometime.) But other things…meeting Ozzy Osbourne…eating chicken nuggets off a porn star’s box while singing Meat Loaf…playing keyboards in an honest to god rock band…showing hundreds of unsuspecting fans a giant slow-motion pussy fart at a Hollywood movie theater…those will stay with me forever.
How bad do you want to take control of the Hulk Hands and dispense some dick punch justice?
I can handle dick punch justice. It’s better than leg kick justice.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be: A) The Holocaust, B) Briar, C) Losing your car at Coachella, or D) The underage circle jerk?
Let’s work backwards. Everyone has some shameful moment of pubertal awkwardness, and mine could have been worse, so I’ll keep D. C was a stressful couple of days that turned out to be a pretty good story. B was very painful for me, but I think it was necessary to grow and become a better, healthier person. Meanwhile, A is the systemic slaughter of millions of innocent people by an evil madman. After careful thought, I’m going to go with A…you monster.
Here’s your chance to give a blanket statement to everyone that listens to the show. What do you say?
Blankets are great because they keep you warm on cold nights. I personally don’t even use pillows, I just tuck a corner of my blanket under my head and I’m good to go. You should try it. You’ll save all that money you were going to spend on pillows.
You have more nicknames than everyone on the show, combined. Sometimes you’re given grief and sometimes you’re given props, or even defended. How does that make you feel?
What’s with all the “how does this make you feel” questions? You aren’t my therapist. Look, like you noted, I’m kind of the kid brother of the show, and I accept that I’m always going to get picked on for that. I think I get a lot less shit than I used to, though, because I’m quicker and funnier than when I started, and have earned the respect of the guys a bit. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
You were once an intern, do you treat the new interns with a little more compassion because of it or do you just say fuck it, payback time?
I always treat the interns well. You never know, one of them could be really talented, and then there’s a chance I’ll be working alongside them. At the same time, I like having people fetch things for me. It makes me feel rich.
Do you think you will ever learn to ride a bike or learn how to properly beat up women?
I’ll probably learn to ride a bike someday. Probably some future girlfriend will want to go on a bike ride through the park together or something gay like that, and I’ll have to learn. But I don’t think I’m ever going to administer a serious beating to any woman.
As a man do you feel bad after punching a woman in the face or are you excited because the bitch had it coming?
I feel bad. Women are awesome! I don’t relish punching them. I do it because it’s my duty.
THE END
Thanks to Rawdog for being such a good sport, both on and off-air, and for taking the time to do this Q & A session. Without him, the show wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining and his idiosyncrasies may make him a target for jokes at times, but they’re also just one of the many reasons everyone loves him.
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