Tag Archives: Jason Ellis

Show Re-cap For Friday 7/13/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Danny O’Donnell vs Alicia Leii

Welp. It’s Friday the 13th, and a lot of you lucky mofo’s are already in Vegas for EllisMania 8. Nobody even invited me. So here I sit, writing a re-cap for your asses, clicking furiously on tweets tagged with #EM8, and getting my box of tissues ready for the bikini contest. But guess what? I lied to you guys again today. But it was a good lie, I swear it! I started shouting out @emilyinSD, @tank_yanker, & @mike_in_canada, claiming it was all of their birthdays. I saw several re-tweets and happy birthday wishes flying. It was glorious! Even though it may not have been their birthdays, just think of how good you made them feel by wishing them one! And guess what, you made my day that much more awesome too by perpetuating my lie! I’ve told you before, I’m a pretty fucked up individual. So see, it wasn’t a bad lie. We got to hear the usual suspects being introduced at the start of the show from Vegas. @DanOD5 turned up as JagerBeard, already drunk and high and sitting on Uncle Mayhem’s lap and semi-chubbed up. And that’s when the real JagerBeard came on the scene to take a large shot of Jager and it sounded like he almost hurled.

Dead Acid Cunt vs Some Hot Readhead in the “Yo Momma Round”

Weigh-ins sounded pretty hysterical with Alicia pushing Dan around and Rawdog telling Ruby that he’s ready to kick her 111 pound ass. Gay Bruediger weighed in at 190 pounds while Ellis weighed in at 198 – let’s just keep in mind that Mayhem was working the scales. Gay started acting a fool almost immediately and ended up threatening to beat up Tully and Rawdog if they played the Jingleberries song about him for his walkout music. There was a quick “Doing stuff with Rawdog” segment, which is always a pleasure to hear and very informative, especially the “how to put on a condom correctly” and “how to insert a tampon correctly” pieces.

Bikini contest winner showing one of her techniques

Rawdog’s go to foreplay move is “necking” and aggressively playing with “titties”, I’m ready for love just typing that shit. The bikini contest was next up on the list of show segments, there were 10 fine ladies who entered the contest and was almost widdled down to 9 after one of the contestants flashed her titties at the crowd. After security talked to her and saw her tits up close, she was allowed to stay and the competition continued. The entire contest was broadcast for free, in streaming HD on Ellismania.com. Shout out to Dead Acid Cunt (@freedrose) for being the runner up and Dead Acid Balls (@hendro9364) for banging that shit!

Your mom’s motto

The remainder of the time was spent with Ellis walking through the crowd taking final calls from fans in the crowd. There were quite a few people who apparently purchased their Wolfknives membership at the show, and they all got their gang names. Mayhem will be debuting his newest career skills tonight as a rapper, and I’m guessing Katie is getting banged in the butt later in the night. And that pretty much wraps up this re-cap, I hope everyone in Vegas for EllisMania 8 is having a great time and staying frosty! I have one last question for you. You know how sometimes when you see really, really, morbidly obese people and you aren’t sure if they’re a man or a woman? Wait, of course you do – you’ve seen your mom lots. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 7/12/2012

Posted on by
2

Since nobody is listening to the Ellis show then nobody is reading this. Now I finally feel free to let loose my deepest darkest secret, I once rode a Moped. Wow what a relief, I am finally free. Thanks to modern and future modern medicine we might start living until we’re about 100 years old! That’s a long fucking time, I’d rather live to 80 and never know the joys of shitting into a plastic bag. Ellis got the call that the A6K is fixed, again, and Katie is going to drive it back to LA from Vegas. Some people have been bitching about Ellis selling things like the Wolfknives, Ellismania.com, Ellismania, and other stuff. I agree, what a bunch of bull, what gives someone the right to make money where money is to be made. This is ridiculous and Unamerican. Fuck off you pompous pricks who bitch about this, next time go to your favorite sports team and bitch about the stuff they’re trying to sell you. There was a MMA fight and they talked about it, someone one. That’s all I remember. More MMA news though, Shane Carwin and Roy “Big Country” Nelson will be the coaches of next seasons The Ultimate Fighter.

EllisFam in Vegas, there will be Monsoons and for those that aren’t Desert Rats, this means rain and lightning, but you’ll be drunk and won’t give a fuck. Somebody wrote something about Swamp People being a bad show, that guy can fuck off also. Don’t bitch about something until you fully know the reasons behind it, not to mention that is a great way to look into the lives of people with a very different culture. The Wolfknifes are NOT a motorcycle club so no worries about other clubs gettin’ all up in our turf, we can just get back on our scooters and ride away.

Hey guys, Propecia will fuck up your junk, just get a hat. Tully is 35 today, so happy birthday you sarcastic fuck. Ellis brought in a giant dick cake that Tully couldn’t resist deep throating, up to the balls I heard! Rawdog bought him that book about some Burping kid who died and saw his salamander sister in heaven and then came back to life. Also for his birthday he brought us yet another new episode of Women, Am I Right? and again, I am memorized at all the crazy shit women do. Please ladies, just stop, its for your own good. One of the stories was about a middle aged lady, naked and spread eagle, passed out in her front yard. This reminds me of the time yer mum passed out naked in my yard, the grass still won’t grow in the spot where her crusty jizz catcher was, OH!

Bikini Pageants (Video)

Posted on by
Reply

Just a reminder that tomorrow, Friday July 13th, is the Ellismania 8 1st Annual Bikini Pageant and that it will be streamed live for FREE on Ellismania.com . The approximate start time is 2pm local time. Tune in!

To get fired up, let’s look back at J.Ellis judging the Hooters Pageant in Miami, FL last month. Enjoy!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 7/11/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Welcome to the Dog Center Re-Cap, and now fuck that shit. Ellis was a little late this afternoon but he got in and that is what counts. Ellis was late I assume because he was sparring Mayhem and he said that he is faster, stronger, and has more stamina than he has ever had in his life. As Ellis arrived he noticed that something was wrong with the console, his headphones and everything else in the studio. It would seem that Shoebox is throwing one hell of a party in there after the show ends. Some exciting news for the EllisFam that are to broke to go to Ellismania, the bikini contest on Friday will be aired live on Ellismania.com for FREE! That’s right folks, listen to scantily clad women tell you what Mr T means to them.

The worlds heaviest woman, 643 pounds, got so fat because she got dumped and started eating but when she got famous for being a tub of lard her ex-boyfriend came back. Now because he is such a chubby chaser they are bumping uglies seven times a day and she has now lost a whoppin 100 pounds. Way to go champ and thanks for taking one for the team. Mayhem came in about midway through the show and recanted his epic tale of danger and excitement from his recent camping trip to Yosemite National Park. Sometime during the trip his girlfriend managed to wander off and get lost. She ended up spending the night snuggled up to a rock in near freezing temperatures. If this chick can hang with Jason then this night in the woods was probably a walk in the park. Doc Banger made his debut on Shade 45 with Rude Jude and unfortunately if you didn’t change the channel, all you would have heard is New York screwin the pooch again. Tully called them, gave them some strong words, talked about their mommas, and BOOM the show was back just in time for the Love It or Hate It segment. Surprisingly enough, they hated it. I would love to tell you what all was said, but this is the part where I direct you to our friend, @Cobratitis, who has it here.

I want to crawl inside your butt hole and live there like a gerbil.

Daniel Tosh made some chick mad for making a joke about rape or something, apparently he didn’t yell surprise so she got all butt hurt and now he had to apologize. The biggest crime in this is that he has yet to apologize to the millions of others that he constantly rapes in the ear holes with his TV show. Shannon Gunz came into the Swing House today to get things ready for Friday and Ellis called her into the studio. After some friendly banter they started talking about the bikini contest and then asked Shannon some sample questions. The biggest shocker in this entire thing is that she doesn’t know who Mr. T is, doesn’t know at least one racist joke, was a taco slammin cookie licker in college, and she doesn’t know any “Yo Momma” jokes. Tully, Jason, and Josh really had some good ones, but do you know the true origin of the “Yo Momma” joke? They’re all about yer mum, except the one about shitting in a toilet, we all know she just shits her pants, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 7/10/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Aggressive anal probably feels better than shitting out a kid.

Welcome to Tuesday’s re-cap of The Jason Ellis Show. The show stars Jason Ellis, probably most notably known as a professional daycare provider, Michael Tully, and Joshua Richmond. Only one thing in that last sentence isn’t true, can you guess which part? Sounds like Katie told Ellis that he’s a little weird when it comes to aggressive assplay, which sounds like a legit reason to be a little weird about it. The words “aggressive” and “assplay” right next to each other tend to invoke fearful thoughts. There was talk about how much of “sell out” someone might be, even if they’re rich. I don’t give two shits how rich I am, if the money is that good – I’d be out there putting my face on yogurt that makes your poops more regular if that brings me massive checks. I’m looking at you (and your tits), Jamie Lee Curtis.

I came here to drink beer and post a re-cap, and I’m almost done with the re-cap.

Some 16 year-old caller says his 17 year-old buddy went to the hospital and blew a .38, which really isn’t that great at that age – he should definitely be blowing at least aggressive 7’s. I should try to squeeze in a joke about 38 Special here, but I’m just not into it so you’ll have to make something up on your own. Hey man, weed should be legal, know what I’m sayin’? Ya feel me? Get it now? Do ya? Lots of callers had lots of opinions about alcohol and smoking weed and all types of ill shit. It was neat. And by neat, I of course mean snorefest. I’m pretty sure we all have “me and/or a friend drank too much” and “legalize weed, man” stories, they’re all pretty much the same. In some lying ass article, men don’t always need to have sex, sometimes they just want to cuddle – coincidentally, they call those men, women.

31 flavors under each roll of fat

In the saddest news possible, the band Chumbawamba is breaking up after 30 years. I know, I know. I’m already working on a fan site dedicated to Chumbawamba, where we can all gather and share our thoughts and talk about all the good times we’ve had while Tubthumping. Several callers claimed to have “funny stories”, and as you can guess, none of them were funny – the best part is that Shoebox lost $10-$15 dollars on betting whether or not the caller’s stories would be funny or not. They weren’t. New Jew Music Tuesday was tolerable today, mostly because Yelawolf (@Yelawolf) dropped some new shit today, even though nobody could figure out the lyrics, it still sounded good, and then the new “Slingin’ Cream” song was played today as well. Speaking of slingin’ cream, your mom and her “friend from work” have been tag teaming the delivery guy from Baskin Robbins for free treats since back in the day, when they were just 185 pounds. OH!