Tag Archives: Jason Ellis

Show Intros (Intro, History)

Posted on by
Reply

Update: Coincidence? The history of show intros discussion – 11/1/12

Download (link to MP3)

Recently TJES got a new show intro. There have been quite a few over the years, so many that it’s becoming hard to keep track. Here’s the list I’ve compiled:

2008-ish Show Intro – I don’t know exactly when this one started, but it’s the earliest one I have and I think it’s the earliest one I remember so I will just label it with ‘2008’

Download (link to MP3)

2009-2011 Show Intro – This one ran a long time and is probably the most memorable of all the intros

Download (link to MP3)

NYC Show Intro – This was a short lived intro that started during an early 2011 trip to the NYC Sirius studios

Download (link to MP3)

Dubstep Show Intro – This one was introduced early in 2012 and lasted just a couple months

Download (link to MP3)

Rolling Stones  ‘You Gotta Move’ – Ellis came up with this intro idea himself in mid-2012 and it lasted up until recently

Download (link to MP3)

Late 2012 Show Intro – The newest Jingleberries creation

Download (link to MP3)

Bonus:  The Romper Stomper Theme

Download (link to MP3)

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/30/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Dre ain’t gay, but his headphones are!

Coming to you live, from quite far away from the apocalyptic storm that has shat all over the Northeastern United States of Motherfucking America – it’s a Tuesday re-cap for your ass. Ellis woke up early to watch more Claire Danes movies, I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if he’s one more movie away from joining the Claire Danes street team. Tully’s kid is starting to be a real dickhead – his schedule is all fucked up from traveling to Japan and he hasn’t been sleeping, which means he and his wife haven’t been sleeping either. For the sake of humanity, some people are hoping Rawdog is sterile and instead shoots loads of Fanta, he also cannot do a handstand or even really get his legs in the air without help. Jude stopped on the show today after having yesterday full of hallucinogens and all day fucking, he’s sure there are at least a few homosexual rappers, but 50 Cent isn’t one of them. Do gay dudes ever fuck chicks? What percentage of gay dudes have never even touched a girl? According to Jude, DanOD5 was so faggy, it helped him pull more poon.

Stop domestic violence, support titty kung fu!

TJES correspondent, Bryan Cullen, called into the show to give us a live, on location, rock you like a hurricane, news update from the eye of the storm. The storm is going door-to-door giving people AIDs, this storm really is son of a bitch. Cumtard gave us some breaking Hollywood news – Disney has purchased Lucasfilm and so there will be a Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015, white people are pissed and black people don’t give no fuck no how, nah I’m sayin? Apparently Edward Furlong has not only gotten to fat shit status, but now he’s obtained wife beater status as well after being arrested at LAX for domestic abuse. Jude used to see him at parties every now and then, and fat shit wife beater actually stole a chick from Jude once. Octomom checked her gaping snatch into rehab and left her 14 little money makers with a nanny (or nannies and friends) while she gets off the pill train. And of course, we can’t talk pills without talking about Jude, Tully, and Tully’s dope sick wife. Okay, she’s not really dope sick, but she would be if she just picked up the fucking pace already.

If NYC falls to Sandy, the Republic of Jesusland is our last hope.

Backbone called back in to give us and update, the hurricane has now become a full on war, NYC is now bombing and shooting the storm. Shark people with metro cards are forming in the subways and planning a retaliatory attack. Cameron Diaz is not hot and you could pilot a supertanker between her tits, but that fact sure pisses some people off. Just ask the callers. Lucky us, along with Sandy2012 it’s also New Music Tuesday today. There was a band called Halitosis or some kind of osis that seemed okay, but the Red Solo Cup guy sounded like shit on a boot heal. Some chick kept repeating the word “touch” for what felt like 35 minutes, it may have been longer, I’m not sure because I blacked the fuck out. Bad news, the shark people have registered on Twitter and have put forth their demands. Good news, in a last ditch effort to save humanity, Tully registered shark people on Instagram. Your mom finally broke down and told the real story of how she started to be a whore. It all made sense, I remembered when you had asked me, “Why did the little girl drop her balloon?” I replied, “Because she was being raped in the mouth.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/29/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Whatever life hands you, take it like a bitch.

Welcome friends, this is Monday’s re-cap and it’s going to feel so good once it slides it way into you, right to the top. Ellis spent the morning crying his eyes out after waking up super early in the morning and watching some sad-ass tear jerker of a movie called Evening. Hey, Dingo was on the show today, he’s horrible at guessing movies, thinks Helen Hunt is Meryl Streep, and they play retarded cows. Tully served Julia Roberts a coffee sometime in 1997, and no riots broke out – so that proves that Rawdog’s James Franco sighting at the movies doesn’t mean jack shit.  Did you guys hear about the rain that is falling and the wind that is blowing in the American north east? People are shitting their pants, I assume because they’ve never been near a tornado that appears out of no where and wipes the fucking earth bare. At least with hurricanes, you get tons of warning and time. If they tell you to evacuate, do that shit. Otherwise, you bust a deal, you face the wheel.

Thy hurled and blacked outeth.

Sounds like Bubba The Cum Sponge’s ex-wife might be the one who released the tape of her and Hulk Hogan slapping skins, or whatever. But I don’t give a shit and suggest that you should not give a shit either. Somebody got zapped by a guard at the Castle of Tom Cruiseland, and still, I do not give a shit. Some chick that Rawdog knows got mistaken for Zooey Deschanel looking to buy a house in Burbank – which according to Rawdog is pure completely not true. And you know what my thoughts are on that? Don’t care and neither should you. Rawdog (dressed as a ninja) went to a Halloween party with a blacked out Cumtard (dressed as a pirate) this weekend. Before that though, they stopped at Rawdog’s place so he could chat it up with his gay roommates hot friend, who happens to be a girl. The real story here is that Rawdog fell asleep at the party (what an animal), wakes up and finds Cumtard drunk as fuck playing tracks on YouTube and dancing with 2 other dudes. The rest of the story was that Rawdog and Cumtard go home, they stop at Rawdog’s so Cumtard can use the bathroom. The big bomb dropped in this story? Cumtard left the door open. What. The. Fuck. And that was shitty story time with Rawdog and Cumtard.

Wuurt, Wuurt, in de Buurt! Time for the Reverse Awards!

2012 Reverse Awards were announced today, with over two thousand responses tabulated, here are your winners!
Smallest Butthole award goes to: Joanna Angel
Best Podcast award goes to: Mad Scientist Party Hour
Smartest Virgin award goes to: Rawdog
Least Punchable Face award goes to: Rihanna
Most Alive Celebrity award goes to: Will Ferrell
Smartest On-Air Comment award goes to: Gabi Richmond
Person With The Least Heads award goes to: Rihanna
Least Rapey Celebrity Father award goes to: Michael Lohan
She’s Still Got It award goes to: Courtney Love
Band Of The Year award goes to: Neutral Milk Hotel
Athlete Of The Year award goes to: Travis Pastrana’s agent
Least Smelly Box award goes to: Linda Hogan
Most Human Looking award goes to: Shaun White
Best Reality Show award goes to: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Best Actor award goes to: Adam Sandler
Woman Of The Year award goes to: Nick Cannon
Man Of The Year award goes to: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Now to final calls, mostly about stripper poles. One big dude that called in, he’s large and he spins around on his stripper pole without it falling down – the one thing I really took for this particular call was that he’s the only one who ever uses it. The only one who ever uses it. Let that sink in. Big dude. Only one who ever uses it. That’s sad. There were more calls about what Ellis should get into next, as a physical hobby. We heard all sorts of suggestions, and pretty much all of them were shot down in a blaze of glory by Ellis. Oh, also, we came up with a great Halloween costume idea, but we’re having a hard time finding just the right amount of cottage cheese to wear in our thighs, ass, and arms to really look (pound for pound) like your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/26/2012

Posted on by
Reply

When its friday, and your not giving a fuck, how fast do you drive?  Fast enough to fly by some dude, have him chase you down and yell “What’s Up Bitch?”  Ellis did, and just stared the dude down until he left, Red Dragons!  So he drives a little fast in his new bad ass Thomas Hayden Church approved Porsche, fuck off.  Except Tully reminded him, and us all, the point that you may not just kill yourself, but you may kill others.  Thanks Tully!  We all know Ellis is a professional driver, and Rawdog can’t drive for shit, so I ask you who’s more of a risk?  Old people is correct!  Fucking old people should take buses every where, like a mobile old folks home.  Also, drunks should now have to in their own Drink Drive lane, and if you can handle your booz more than the average Joe, you can get a Black Card Drivers License and bang mad whores! Of course all this is just leading up to the day we start having no traffic lights or stop signs.  When that happens, Ellis will never drive his car again and Rawdog’s gonna lock himself in the bathroom with a helmet and never go outside again.  Fucking Rawdog may be onto something this time, well with the helmet and when he told us that Canada has 4 nuclear bombs.  Thats nice when compared to the US having over 100, and Australia having none mate.  Of course, it only takes one to fucking ruin your fucking day, helmet or not!

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! 

 

In Hollywood News, Justin Timberlake is going to make one of his friends do 100 hours of community service, what a dick.  The dude, not JT, is a dick for making some wedding video with some homeless dude in pretty poor taste.  You know who else is a dick, the lead singer for Foster the People, and Prince spotted it.  While Prince was preforming a small show, the lead man for Foster the People was using his cellphone, and we all know how Prince is with anyone even looking at him let alone snap a picture, so he had security boot the Foster dude out of the show, despite his pleas of innocence.  Red Dragons to you Prince!  Do you think we could get about 100 EllisFam to show up to a Prince show, and simultaneously all pull out our cell phones and fucking blow his mind?  You know what blows Ellis and Katie’s minds?  The new LEGEND OF CONAN movie muthafucka’s!  This news was so legendary that Ellis has to call Katie to give her the news live on air.  Heres the catch, Arnold is also going to pair back up with Danny Devito to remake Twins…..only its Triplets this time, and with Eddie Murphy.  Yeah so the new Conan movie should be pretty fucking sick. Sick enough to convince Ellis he’s gotta do steroids, and Rawdog too!  Ellis was doubting his chances of landing Arnold on his show, but Cumtard, Tully and Rawdog seemed more optimistic.  I mean if Covino and Rich can get him, then Ellis has to have a shot, right?

 

Thats Jew-elery hunter to you!

So if you like pepsi over coke, your an idiot.  And if you drink pepsi with a yellow cap, your a jew.  And if I say ‘your a jew’, thats racist, but if I say ‘he’s a jew’ is perfectly cool.  Did you follow all that?  Tully did, and he’s onto the whole Lord of the Rings being all racist and shit.  Smeagol’s kinda like a jew chasing the ring around and all.  Gollum is named after “Golem” the jew monster!  Sounds to me like Lord of the rings is more jewish that Josh himself, well since he doesn’t even know, let alone celelbrate all the jewish holidays as Ellis found out.  Rawdog defended himself  by saying theres so fucking many Jewish holidays that its hard to remember them all.  Ellis wasn’t buying it, but after a phone call to the jewiest of them all, the illustrious Shuli who comfirmed jews even have a holiday for building a hut, Ellis kinda backed off on Trust Fund Baby.  Shuli also told us that technically jewish people aren’t supppose to work or do shit on Fridays.  Kinda gives Who Gives a Fuck Fridays a whole knew meaning!

 

Women need the hoop the be lowered cause they fucking suck at basketball, says the coach of the UConn Huskies.  Dudes right, I mean would you at least be more willing to watch the WNBA if chics were just dunking on each other like Shaq?  Would you be more willing to watch it if they were all naked and Jackie Chan-ing each other all over the court?  I rest my case!  Ellis made a case for Shaq Diesel to be a host on America’s Got Talent, and Tully made a better point with reminding us Blue Chips was about Shaq’s only decent movie.  Just cause the guy can’t hit a free throw to save his life, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be decent next to Howard Stern.  Speaking of TV hosts, Simon Cowell is on the prowl, allegedly banging the shit out of Carmen Electra.  Fuck yeah Simon!  I mean really, other than banging the shit out of ’em, what are women good for?  How about 87 gallons of breast milk, a ride on a manatee, and a snatch to hide your meth pipe….Woman, Am I Right?   You know what Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant are good for?  Check it out………………….

  Arnold wasn’t hitting the roids that hard for the 2nd Conan movie

 

Some dude called on with serious IBS.  Serious enough he was taking morphine to ease the daily pain he experiences.  I never knew the shit could get that bad!  Either way though, this dude was seriously stoned.  Ellis talked to him, and tried to help him see his life in a better way, and go seek rehab.  I hope that dude goes!  I also hope this other caller goes too, somewhere way far away from his wife since she not only won’t fuck the dude almost 3 years after having a child, but she freaks out on him if he jerks off as well.  This pissed Tully off to no end, and caused Ellis to suggest either AshleyMadison.com or taking a shit on her chest and leaving.  Ellis even said it wasn’t as bad as this when his first wife was smashing plates over his head.  But it’s not all just the ladies not giving it up, some dudes are lame asses too apparently.  Not Ellis or Tully of course, and well Rawdog, he’s just an animal.  If your one of those dudes, and you need to please your lady, take the advice of Ellis and try some Pool Lube with your lady.  If you one of us fans of the show, then you may want to check out the last hour, as Tully revealed some more old clips from around 2007-2008.  A bunch of cool shit here to go back and check out, from an Army dude busting a load while shooting at the enemy, to Deegan doing burnouts in the studio, to the 1st ever Dude is it Gay?  This was shit from back when Ellis had a myspace account.  I used to have a myspace account, in fact thats how I first met your mother and I’ve been fucking her ever since, OH!