2013

Posted on June 24, 2013 by wiz1010

Happy Fuck Yeah Day!

Happy ‘Fuck Yeah’ Day to you and yours, thanks to the one, the only Young Wing. It’s true, we no longer refer to today as Monday, but just Fuck Yeah Day, google that shit if you don’t believe me. While your at, google how fucking sweet hard candies are, especially the red ones per Ellismate, but fuck the Yellow! Pound for pound, Dingo questioned what hard candy was, I mean fuck bro your grandma has that shit on hand without question, and I should know! You should know to never trust a hash tag, or any commercials for that matter. If you do find yourself with millions to spend, just make your own commercial, not advertising anything other than your sweet ass self! If you have hundreds to spend, you can get a billboard and be sweeter than the majority. If you find yourself like me with a few singles to drop, will post your shit on NoYouAre, OH! Sorry that wasn’t funnier, and Tully’s sorry he isn’t sorry. Meanwhile, Dingo says coke is still raging on the scene, but not like the 80’s – Molly is the new meth in case you were wondering. What about Rawdog you ask? he’s sick and on the show, infecting millions of #EllisFam with his Radio Jihad, despite knowing Jason’s rules on bringing Aids into Swinghouse’s Shitbox. On a much more positive note, Ellismate had one of these this weekend, and it all started with Twitch hooking him up with a free room. The skinny, moto with the kids who instead wanted to go to Grandma’s, so Movies and room service…..but then Ellis did get to take Tiger to Pala and roll a little, but Young Young Wing rolls a lot and with no regard for Fuck Yeah Day. Sure he own’s it on a BMX, but this was only his third time riding and he fucked shit up, even putting it to some little girl who couldn’t pass Tiger, despite her ‘Moto Families’ constant push. Hell of a day for the little guy I’d say, far from the day Rawdog, the other little guy had on Friday. Tully brought it up, cause he pissed in the Illusionist’s Puke, and he liked it! So I ask you America, and Canada, and of the coast of Madagascar, how do you baby sit Rawdog? Ask if he’s sick today, check if he’s had any chic-fil-a, and make sure he flushes the toilet – atta boy!

Paula Dean apologized, a few times, and still didn’t quite get it right. But turns out thats enough for Rawdog to still eat at her restaurants, zing! Kanye West and Kim Kardashian blah blah blah blah blah. Aaron Carter got fucked up. Jim Carrey is in Kick Ass 2 against his own will. Vagina is ok in the Ellis house, but not Ass or Dick! Taylor Swift has a stinky box….would have been a much more successful shirt. Michael Jackson would have died either way after roughly 60 consecutive days without sleep. Scottie Pippen beat the shit out of some dude in Malibu. Justin Bieber is banned from a Vegas Club……a sky diving club! If you got shit tons of money, you can rent like DiCaprio or Willis’ pad per day or month, but you don’t so fuck off. Scott Weiland got hitched while Will Smith got ditched from the Independence Day sequels coming soon.

Turd Man and the NYPD working together at last

God Bless You! cause you are that fucking important after all. What if God did bless you, with one wish, would you ask he “cake you in the right direction”? Really people, what can God do for you? If your Rawdog, and you overcome the urge to ask for money cause thats how your wired, you’d obviously want to be taller. Tully would just ask for money. Ellismate, his athletical abilities back, and some luscious locks while your at it! Of course they all missed the most obvious choice, super powers. The catch, cause there always is, you can’t choose your name. So no Super Jew, or Jewper Man, nah son your Golem a.k.a. Turd Man! Now thats outta the way, what to do with these God giving super powers? If your a fan of Doing Stuff With Rawdog, may I suggest you listen to the replay tomorrow and Bob’s Your Uncle. Let’s just say the Mexican Drug Cartel and Al Qaeda ain’t sweating shit with this doofus on the loose. Turd Man not only lacks simple North/South direction, but he couldn’t find water if he fell out of your mom’s anus. From bullets ricocheting and killing civilians to somehow only the United State of Delaware surviving Tully’s wrath, truly a good time for all those involved! Oh, and you get a bonus Rawdog workout segment too with a generous and well deserved round of applause, you furry mother fucker you!

Purple Limp Erections Are Kinda Godly!

Penis Pumps, Dick Pills, and do any hair restoring products truly work? Yeah you may wanna just stop after the last segment if you do catch that replay I was telling you about, but when in Miami! Penis pumps will get you that nice cold numb purple limp boner you’ve been looking for cause penis pumps fucking rule! Viagra is ten times better, so just on math alone Viagra fucking rules! No one really called on the hair care tip, but there were certainly enough Rawdog pity party pussies on the phones to fill the void. From there, straight ass n booze, I mean another Ellis and Rawdog war of words. Those two argue like brothers, or little girls, or your mom n dad when I forget my socks again. You see, its kinda like Bobby Fisher and your grandmother battling over a grueling game of chess, with the inevitable God giving super powers waiting in the wings for the champion to seize and abuse. Now your grandmama ain’t ever been known to win even a game of checkers, but on this said day, well let’s just say thats how she always knows when and where Turd Man, or just a turd in general is going to be, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/17/2013

Posted on June 17, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Full studio today, Tully is back from his super secret mega meeting on a movie set, Dingo is back from New York, Rawdog is no longer grounded, and Ellis is there in his normal chair. Tully wears pajamas and buys top of the line slippers, not that ratty looking shit, he’s on top of his slipper game. Ellis and Dingo are straight boxer shorts wearing mofo’s, no word about Rawdog’s sleepwear but I’m just going to pretend he wears a see through nightgown. Ellis confession time. Ellis’ therapist said he was supposed to go out and ask a pretty girl for their number, he even went out and got a book about how to pick up chicks. He went out to put himself in the position to meet new people and got bored and left. STEEERIKE 1! However, he did go out to see Ironman 3 with a chick last night, but he fell asleep. STEEERIKE 2! Ellis also just signed a deal to fight somebody, so he’s back out of retirement and in the fight game. Ellis and Rawdog went out on a double-date with each other, they all met at Chateau Marmont for $400 drinks and food. Ellis might be have obtained celebrity status as he was ushered into the “special” area and Rawdog was not to be trusted and had to be walked to the table to make sure he belonged there. Rawdog was the one to suggest they go there to take Ellis out to apologize for Friday’s fiasco. But as soon as that bill came, he balked on Ellis paid the tab. Tully got his breakfast on Friday paid for by a billionaire. He was on the set of a baseball movie that he’s writing the book for. It’s about two dudes that travel to India looking to draft some dudes to be the majors or some shit. He got to meet Jon Hamm, Bill Paxton, the kid from that movie Life of Pi, and some other people. The UFC fights weren’t so great this time, even Dana admitted they sucked. There was a bunch of MMA talk and some secret “Mac” guy, whose also a pro fighter, even called in to discuss some the aspects.

Women, am I right time! Miss Utah sounded ridiculously stupid recently when she tried to give an insightful answer on gender inequality in America. Watch what you do with your wad fellas. Ladies can take your wad from the tissues you blew in and jam that cock snot into their vag and make a baby. Wad can be preserved! New York’s “hot dog hooker” has been arrested again, her wiener’s bring all the boys to the yard. Some dude on a train was talking about cheating on his wife and some chick on the train overheard it and tweeted that shit to Facedong and it got a shitload of likes and nobody knows if the wife found out. A pregnant woman in New Orleans reached over a counter and helped herself to a frozen daqueri, after being confronted, she produced a hand gun and threatened shoot the motherfucker. Pregnant and drunk is no way to go through life, sister. Some drunk lawyer chick in Brooklyn threw her panties at cops during her freak out and yelled “suck my pussy” and “eat my ass, you fucking pigs!” This is not the lawyer you want defending you. Bonus, her boyfriend broke up with her. A Canadian female police officer reported being shot, causing a hunt for the gunman, turns out she shot herself. Some other dipshit chick walked into a glass door and then was trying to sue for physical and emotional damages, but not brains.

Hollyturd news time. Lil’ Wayne hates America, he stepped all over the American flag while “rapping” in one of his music videos. Also he plans to retire. Yay! Samsung is going to be giving 1 million of their customer’s a copy of Jay-Z’s new album “N-bombs in Wisconsin”. Obama vs Putin in a swimming competition, and something about Ed Hardy garbage. More stuff, but I was in traffic and forgot. The one thing I didn’t forget? It’s Thomas Haden Church’s birthday today, so happy birthday (not paying royalties for it) to that legend! Malicexxx and some Tara chick came on the show for some wad talk, it was wadalicious. There was some talk about bears and sharks too, but I was still in traffic and busy wishing everyone would just crash so I could get through – so I’m not real sure what else to say about those two animals. Instead, I’ll tell you this. Three sluts are in a bar. The first slut says, “my vag’s so big, I can fit a whole fist in!” The second slut says, “So what? I can fit two!” The third slut just smiles and slides slowly down the barstool. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/3/2013

Posted on June 3, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Your face now that Ellis back.

Welcome back you 4 or 5 other people! The longest 2 weeks wait of your lives is over now that TJES is back in action. We tried to keep you entertained with a massive contest, so hopefully that helped you get your fix. But now it’s time to get back to business as usual and see what happened on the show today. It’s like fucking an old horse for Ellis, he’s just gonna stick it right back in that horse socket and ride like he knows how. He’s also part Samurai, he is not any more Brazilian however, it didn’t fit into his schedule during the break. Dingo went to the outback for a little over a week and had some big news about Prime Minister Huge-Tits is touring and has had no less than 2 sandwiches thrown at her. Why sandwiches? I guess because she’s touring schools, and kids have sandwiches, and special kids like Rawdog, have “sammies”. Which begs the question, what’s the deal with school kids in Australia being into politics? Am I right?

Meet the new Rawdog!

Rawdog is looking for spas, specifically for a “couples massage” that he and that chick Karla, with the big areolas can go to together. Get this though, that other chick that had mushrooms to party with and never offered him any? Yeah, she likes Rawdog and they slept together, then all 3 of them went out to dinner and the 2 chicks made out with each other! WHAT. IN. THE. BLUE. FUCK?! In 2 weeks he’s banging to 2 bitches at the same time and swinging a three way? Champion! Ellis met somebody during the break as well, one that he was totally skeptical of, but it seems to be on the up and up so far. Tiger has become full on into moto now, while Snook has pretty much retired from moto. And his ex-wife has broken up with her boyfriend, so overall – the past two weeks have been amazing! Except for Tully, who did not get a new girlfriend, did not go to Australia, and did not make-out with multiple chicks. Instead, he went to the zoo and watched a bunch of chimps eat their own shit. Poor Tully. This spawn some discussion at length about eating shit, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around Rawdog being a god damned pimp now, so just let that marinade in your head for awhile instead of shit eating talk.

Becoming a trash can isn’t normal. But on meth it is.

In crystal meth history news, Nazi’s were all on meth. They pretty much invented a precursor to meth and used it as a war drug and administered something like 35 million doses of it to the troops, including Hitler. Many of the soldiers had created suicide or died of heart failures because they were so wigged out. Speaking of Nazi’s, TJES gained 2 new interns today, one is 19 and the other is 23 and believe it or not, both are into music and radio, and one of them was on college radio – like PimpDog. The 19 year-old refers to people older than him as “kids” which is just as stupid as it sounds, and the other one tried to crack a joke, and we all heard how well that went with the last intern, Anthony (aka Anal Gay-Lewis). Sounds like Anthony has become the king of the interns as he’s already took it upon himself to tell the new interns to make sure the talent is well hydrated and to gaze into Ellis’ eyes with a look of longing. The interns were asked what they like about the show. Both agreed they liked that the word “fuck” was mentioned so many times, and they also like Ellis’ catch phrase “fuck yeah” – that apparently nobody in the world knew was his catch phrase, except them. Somehow, this led us into Amanda Bynes and how she looks like Andy Milonakis if he were to get into CrossFit training.

Rawdog when he gets to read Justin Bieber’s name!

In case you missed it Friday, Little Miss Ellis Show winner @johnnywaffels had his fucking apartment burn down, he and his girlfriend are safe, but needed a place to stay and some help. Some kick ass EllisFam were able to come to their aid and help with what they could, so shout out to all them. Thankfully, both are alright and most of their import items were saved. TJES show replays will be starting up tomorrow morning, 6AM West coast time, and with that – Will brought in some promotional items he had order over a year ago – Jason Ellis jizz rags / bar towels! Hollywood news time and Justin Bieber was mentioned again for he and his friends speeding through the neighborhood in his Ferrari. In one of the incidences, Justin Bieber was chased by Keyshawn Johnson (in his Prius), who blocked his car in while Justin ran inside the house and wouldn’t come out. Handling it like a big boy, hiding and calling mom. Apparently his neighbors are banding together and plan to stop paying their home owner’s association fees in order to get something done about Bieb’s & friends. Michael Douglas says he got throat cancer from licking Catherine Zeta-Jone’s toxic box and also says the cure to his cancer was to continue licking her HPV pouch. Scott Weiland was kicked out of Stone Template Pilots again and replaced with Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame. And completely out of left field, Brad Pitt is set to star in a video game called Dark Void. He says so many people hate him because he doesn’t remember people, saying he’s face blind. Ray Manzarek, keyboardist of The Doors died recently on May 20th and according to Rawdog, he was the cool one from the band. Philip Seymour Hoffman said he just got out of rehab for heroin and pills, he had been clean for 23 years, started doing drugs for a week or so and decided he better get his ass into rehab before he started to become a real life version of his character Scotty J from Boogie Nights. Adam Levine got in a little trouble when he was heard off camera saying, “I hate this country.” Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a girl, fully grown, in a band, and with an eating disorder – or so one might suspect.

The new interns came back in for their rendition of Amanda Bynes news. They were quizzed by the guys about the news and basically presented all news items related to her in the past several months. But enough about them, we’ll get to know them more some other time. Welp, too bad. I made the mistake of installing a new battery backup unit after this weekends tornados and it caused me to miss the remaining 30-45 minutes of the show. But whatever, you’ve got all the important and most of the unimportant details. Basically, all that isn’t in this recap is some final calls and some discussions that weren’t nearly as important as Rawdog slinging cream on 2 different chicks – at the same time! Also, I think I might have broken a rib or two late last week, so I’m all mad over here. Have yourself a good night and you stay classy EllisFam. Speaking of classy, here’s fucking Tupac with fucking Kiss.

Fuck you, I’m out!

Show Re-Cap for Wednesday 5/15/2013

Posted on May 15, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Who’s more annoying? This European man or Dom? NYA presents, you make the call!

Hello, my name is bitPimps and I’ll be your captain today. We’ll be cruising at an altitude of fuck your mother, our travel time is whenever we fucking get there, so sit back, relax, and whip your tits out. Sounds like Tully’s wife is a champion swearer. She likes dropping the F bomb around the house like some oil rig worker… on an oil rig and stuff. Burger Ellis has a shitting problem, like a bad one. He shit on his own ass, leg, and it got on Big Daddy Jayce Cakes’ fresh out of the package shirt! Dom got a bit of a ass chewing today for being 2 weeks late with some props for the punishment envelopes and for having excuses worse than what a 6 year-old could make up. He said it was because he’s working on getting a budget for the mostly free things on his list, and waiting on Sirius for a whopping $150 bucks. I’ll have to admit, emailing corporate for $150 looks pretty fucking dumb, but what the hell do I know. If you had to get a skin graft on your nose, where would you want the skin harvested from your body to re-create your nose? Rawdog chooses ass, Ellis chooses the inside of his leg, and I’m choosing the bottom of my foot because that sounds gnarly.

Stop eyeballing me, son!

Will came in with a jolly “hi” and to play some “you sir, are a moron” and have a few yuks. What is the minimum amount of showers a person can take in a week and it be acceptable? Maybe not so surprisingly, Rawdog thinks you can get away with a shower every other day, and he’s got the ball stink to prove it. What about spray tans? Everyone seems to be in agreement that the sun is better, men should never do it, and women can get away with a touch-up here and there. But that shit better be in small amounts and good enough that people don’t know it’s spray-on tan. Of the seven deadly sins, which is the worst? Who the fuck knows, none of them agreed. What is the best way to get out of a speeding ticket? Be apologetic and polite. If you had to get rid of a dead body, who on the show staff would you call? Everybody chose Ellis, without hesitation. And who is the last person associated with the show that you’d call to help get rid of a dead body? Once again, without hesitation, everyone agreed Rawdog – you’re better off just calling the police. Do you ever feel bad about killing an insect? Rawdog says no. Ellis has before. And Tully doesn’t just doesn’t give a shit. What is the most uncool musical instrument? Easy, a harp, and of course Rawdog had an “awesome” song ready to listen to. What’s the sexiest piece of clothing a woman can wear? Boy shorts & my dick. What country has the worst food? Rawdog doesn’t like Mexican food, Ellis doesn’t like fast food. But let’s just any place that serves raw squid and shit like that. What is the world’s most annoying sound? Ellis says Dom, just him existing. Rawdog says nails on a chalkboard. Tully says the sound of people eating. What is the most annoying accent? German, Canadian, and that super twangy Asian accent. Who is the creepiest celebrity in history? Charlie Sheen took the prize, with R. Kelly and Hugh Hefner as close runner’s up.

David Bowie is pleased to hear this.

In odd things to fuck news, some dude in Sweden was found dead because he tried fucking a hornets nest. Some dude from South Dakota was arrested for masturbating in someone’s backyard, and they found tapes of him fucking traffic signs. Some dude in England was arrested after people saw him having sex with a post lamp. And to top it all off, some dude in Hong Kong was fucking a hole in a metal park bench, he got his dick stuck and had to be rescued. They tried to use needles to drain the blood from his still erect dick, it didn’t work so they had to cut away parts of the bench to get this crazy bench fucker to the hospital. Hollywood news time, Tupac hologram has been shot! Nah, just kidding. That was a Tully joke. This years Rock The bells festival will feature Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Eazy-E holograms, word on the streets is there will be a cease fire between the holograms. Andy Dick and Jennifer Gimenez have been dating for a couple months and she swears he is not gay, even though he admitted on the show that he was dating guys exclusively previous to his current relationship. A Taylor Swift fan was arrested after swimming up to her Rhode Island beach house, actually about a mile away from her house, but whatever – he got arrested. Kim Kardashian bought Kayne and $750k Lamborghini, and then the electric gate at her house closed on the car before it could be delivered. Neener-neener-neener! Jaden Smith doesn’t want an emancipation from his parents, he’ll live there until he’s old enough to buy his own house, which I’m guessing he’s waiting to turn 16 for. Angelina Jolie said she will now have her ovaries removed as a precautionary measure, making her one step closer to a Terminator. Rod Stewart said steroids made his pee-pee shrink, no word on what’s up with his face though. Metallica, taking a page out of Katy Perry’s playbook, has a 3D movie coming out called “Through the Never.” It’s part concert film, part movie, and all out fucking ~~metal~~ stupid. Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine donated $70M for a new USC academy, leaving one to wonder if the Dr. Dre wing of the dorms will be like Compton.

Better recognize, bitch!

Hey, are you fat? Good news, just eat insects and you’ll be A-Okay! Ladies and gentleman, we have started our decent, please get on your knees, open your mouth, and stare up at me with a look of longing. Anal Gay-Lewis, who is a sultry 21 years-old, got given a test of how much 90’s knowledge he had. Turns out, more than anyone thought! Although he didn’t know what group/s Eazy-E was in, or what Milli Vanilli is most famous for, he did know who Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez was and most of the other questions. With this knowledge, it landed him the producer spot and quickly began to bark orders for Dom to go get him an iced coffee and pizza. And just as quickly as he became producer, he was then fired and set back to intern status after not listening, at all really, to Ellis. This pretty much led us into final calls and few other tiny morsels, but nothing all that noteworthy. But, before you de-board the plane, make sure you pick up all your fucking shit and shit, because my drunk ass will be banging the shit out of the hot stewardess that’s been flirting with all flight and I don’t want any interruptions! So now, I’ll leave you with this little bit of knowledge. How do you know when a girl is too young? When you have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/13/2013

Posted on May 13, 2013 by bitPimps 中

No really, did you miss me? Is Dom dumb? Think you got a shot with Katie?

OMG! I missed you guise! Did you miss me? I missed you lots. No, I missed you more. Aww. Did you know that the average person knows somebody that knows Ellis – really, clinical research from the the Dummy Dom Institute of Completely Wrong Facts says so. That makes everyone 2 degrees seperated from Ellis, therefore beating out Kevin Bacon and his measly 6 degrees. Dingo was born to meet the Bacon, and that’s just one of the many things that make him a sick cunt. The brought Chad Reed out of the woodwork to make a ledge of a tweet about Dingo & Ellis. Ellis went to see his pal Jake Ellenberger fight with some chick he knows from Twitter, and he thinks he might have mistaken her for someone else. Get out your tissues, either for tears or to clean up your jizz pile, Ellis & Katie are no longer going out, they’re friends and such, but they’re not exclusively fucking other people with each other. Or however you wanna put it. It took all of 60 seconds for Dom to put a call on hold where the caller wanted to ask why they broke up, and as you might expect, that call never got taken. DUH! Rawdog went to his 10 year high school reunion over the weekend, he did not get laid, get his dick sucked, or titty fucked. He went solo, the hot chicks were still hot and still didn’t really talk to him just like 10 years ago. Some chick did know that Josh was in radio however, he asked her how she knew and turns out she’s friends with Dingo’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend. I can’t keep track of everyone’s goddamned love life, for fuck sakes! Anyway, he basically just had a single conversation on repeat, “I’m a co-host on radio now and still live in LA.” Oh, and also, TJES will be on staycation all next week, so plan your life accordingly!

Ryan Gosling is so upset, he won’t eat his cereal.

In “you’re on the wrong fuckin turf, buddy” some dude in Africa went running after an elephant and got trampled, and in other elephant trampling news, a poacher got trampled to death by the elephant he was trying to shoot. This provided a perfect segway into Hollywood news! Jessica Simpson (elephant) is mad at Nick Lachey (poacher) for saying that he doesn’t have to play grab-ass under the table during Thanksgiving with Joe Simpson (elephant’s father) – referring to rumors about Joe being gay. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West rumor mill is abuzz with something or another about him not being part of the family as much as he should, and didn’t open a fucking door for her once, yada, yada, yada. SNL cast member Seth Meyers will be taking over Jimmy Fallon’s spot on “Late Night” while Fallon looks like he’ll be taking over Jay Leno’s spot on the “Tonight Show” and nobody gives a shit because only old people watch that shit. Disney’s in trouble for trying to trademark a fucking holiday, sweet baby Jesus, you gotta be a bigger douche than Apple to try and trademark a holiday. Vin Diesel says that because he said “Hi guys, I love you.” on Facebook, he made Facebook what it is – which is to say, I giant steaming pile of turd. Oh, and OJ Simpson is still in jail and it’s not looking like he’s going to be getting out anytime soon.

Sex toys? Yea, she’s 5; 10″ and can lift your 140 pound ass in the air while sucking you off!

Fan of the show and Little Miss Ellis contestant, Perry, brought in 2 new machines today. A wheel of doom – a spinning wheel similar to old carnival games with interchangeable punishments for each slot. And, a dick punching machine that Ellis can push from his chair and it punches Rawdog in the dick, in his chair! Sounds like everyone is jazzed about it, except of course Rawdog and his balls. It’s now legal to smoke marijuana in Washington (the state) and bus drivers now use the “lost and found” method for people who forget their weed or pipes on their buses. I had to take a call and missed something, but I came back in as they were talking about while jerking off, you get to smell vagina. What. The. Fuck? Well, here’s a review of this horrible product. Then something about a pigtail butt plug, It’s in the shape of a curly fry, you know, for all you butt plug enthusiasts that have been wanting a coil spring from a fucking Buick in their ass. Then I got another phone call and still wasn’t exactly sure where this bit was heading. Oh, wait. Sounds like Tully is reading the “what other customer’s purchased” feature on Amazon. Anyway, another sexual toy related to the previous products was “the cone”, which is basically like a squished down traffic cone for your asshole stretching needs. Then there’s the “enema simulator”, which is basically a rubber ass that you can practice giving an enema to. So. Hot. In. Thurr. There’s an Obama dildo for all your executive decision sexual desires. And then the “solar powered vibrator” which is supposedly great for camping! The “ohmibod” sex toy plugs into your iPhone and vibrates to the beat of the song you’re listening to and is a hipster’s wet dream. The “artificial hymen” is yet another sex toy, I assume it’s marketed towards pedophiles or similarly creepy motherfuckers that enjoy being bathed in blood while fucking. Now the creme de la creme of sex toys, the “area 51 love doll” where you bang out an alien. I want to believe! Then we have the “gates of hell male chastity device” that is like 5 rings for your cock and balls, it looks as stupid as it sounds. The “whodini” is a locking steel cock chastity that looks like an oversized faucet head from the Acme company in Looney Tunes cartoons. Anyway, you can read about most of these and more.

I don’t have anything for this. Just look at it.

In generational insanity news, grandma, mom, toddler, & baby all walked down the streets completely naked of Charolette, North Carolina and caused a traffic jam. You know how Asian men can’t grow good facial hair? Well guess what? Now they can get mustache transplants that will make Tom Selleck get emotional! Apparently the Lord told them to do this. Then it was time for unsigned bands. That usually turns out worse than NMT so I didn’t bother taking notes on any of that. The guys did say that one or two of them weren’t that bad, and I don’t know if I agree with the ones they liked, but that sounds about right – one or two were alright. Oh, and one of the songs was called “EllisMate” and was by an ex-pro skater the Ellis actually knows. It was basically full of this guy dropping names of various people and Ellis related words as much as possible with a few fuck ups littered in. Rawdog got his ass chewed for multiple mispronunciations and generally fucking up the English language on a regular bases. Dingo got reprimanded for dropping the “cunt” word a little too much today, and Ellis got called on how much he wants to see chicks’ insides, but not in a weird way, only if they wanna show it to him. Oh, and we got another Ellisism gem today, “Don’t put your eggs in this fucking basket.” Wut? Anyway, we’ve all got our own little intricacies that make us who we are, and that’s cool. Like when I make jokes out of subjects that might be considered taboo, which I try not to do too much. Just not today. I’ll start tomorrow. Maybe. But you’ll never know because I’m not scheduled to re-cap tomorrow’s show, you’ll just have to trust me. What does a gay guy and a tumbleweed have in common? They blow and blow until they get stuck on a fence in Wyoming. OH!

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Jason Ellis

Show Re-cap for Monday 6/24/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/17/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/3/2013

Show Re-Cap for Wednesday 5/15/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/13/2013