2012

Posted on March 8, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Did you know Cumtard’s mom (@MumTard) is now using her limited brain capacity for tweeting? That’s right kids, straight from the horrors of the Tard family comes the lady who birthed a moron. And no, that’s not me tweeting under the MumTard moniker. The show started off with Rawdog’s favorite topic, robots and the future, and of course he really, really wants to be a robot at some point. I really don’t know what else to say about all that, other than I hope his robo-dreams come true. And if I should happen to be turned into a robot after I die, I’m going to hack Robodog to be my maid and paint his exoskeleton pink with white polka dots.

There was some talk about Invisible Children and how they’re the hide and seek world champs. Ok, that was bullshit and just wrong, but felt oh so right. They actually talked about the latest social trending topic “Kony2012”, as well as what bits of the show they should keep – be it old or new, and the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie with Don Squartz. Sounds like they’re going to paint dials on a piece of cardboard and just show it blurred in the background, what? In other exciting news, they’re also going to be making a music video for their Death! Death! Dubstep! song, and you all have a chance to be in it. You can video yourself dancing Michael Jackson style to the song in iconic or funny places and send the clips to: itsdonaldschultz@me.com

It’s new music day, and then that part was over. A caller asked Ellis for advice on how to get a stripper to do a little bit more. He asked the right person, Ellis had a full on game plan for the guy to follow – which went something like this: Get yourself some track pants and a t-shirt, go to the club and pay for a private lap dance. Each time the stripper is moving her ass up and down on your junk it’s pushing your shirt up just bit until she’s jacking off the top off your knob, then you blow a load in your shirt and go home. If that’s not the route you’re taking, apparently you’ve been doing it all wrong. I didn’t do the explanation any justice, it was actually pretty hilarious the way Ellis described it.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, and you know I couldn’t do that to you. Final calls for today’s show got a nice shot in the eye with a solid “CUM GOVNAH!” by the what must arguably be the best cum govnah’er, @QwertyRDS. He does a fucking excellent CUM GOVNAH! As good as he is, he pales in comparison to how your mom performs pterodactyls until she’s so full of jizz, she’s burping cum bubbles. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/21/2012

Posted on February 21, 2012 by bitPimps 中

According to Ellis and Rawdog, Cumtard is in fact leaving the show – unless maybe if Sirius XM can pay him more money. He said he can’t afford to live on a part-time wage (understandable) so he has to go get a full-time job some place to pay the bills. So look out for Scrotum McBoner Fart at your local sex shop or grocery store. This may be good and/or bad news. Cumtard has taken a his fair share of shit from both fans and the cast during his time producing the show, some with good reason and others with malice. The good part, Tully and Rawdog are going to have to help produce the show in the interim, and both of them are certainly more than competent to do so. The bad part is, believe it or not, Cumtard did bring some things to the show that really helped. I wish him nothing but the best and hopefully he is able to return in some capacity, he deserves his shot. Anyway, fuck that guy. (insert laugh track)

So today is Rude Judesday (@rude_jude), he was partying hard snortin’ lines of katemine last night, so much so that he hurled. Dude parties like a fuckin’ rock star and has the best drug fueled stories. I swear sometimes that dude sounds like a hip hop @oxycottonjohn, it’s fucking hilarious. Jude brought up how he would love to bang Sandra Bullock, Ellis got kind of got oddly silent for a second – that seemed kind of funny, make your own presumptions about that.

Rawdog went out on a date this weekend with some chick he wasn’t attracted to after seeing her in person (i.e. a fat chick) He thought she was cool and wants to hang out with her as friends, but doesn’t want to ever have a sexual relationship with her. So basically Rawdog friendzoned this chick, which is awesome because usually it’s him that’s been friendzoned.

Donald Schultz stopped by the show and there was more talk about making the movie “Big Fucking Mega-Boat”. They were talking about celebrity cameos as well, many names were mentioned as well as many one-liners. The Twitter ledge @mike_in_canada came up with a hashtag (#CelebrityCameo) for possible one-liners that different celebrities making cameos in the film could use. Sounds like they’re getting pretty serious about filming this and hope to have it completed sometime in May I believe.

And that does it. I better stop and try to get this posted. My Internet has been going down more than your mom on freebie blowjob day. That’s still on everyday right?

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/2/2012

Posted on February 2, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Today’s show was brought to you by the letter “G”, now on to more interesting things. There was talk about what would be the best thing/s to be made out of. The Michelin Man seemed to bring all this discussion on. There were so many conglomerations I couldn’t possibly list them all, but I think (not real sure) the end result was:

Owl for a head
Pythons for arms
Bird for torso
Kangaroos for legs

Alison Eastwood stopped by the show today. Yes that’s Clint Eastwood’s daughter so there’s a good chance that when she’s old, she’ll look like an old leather shoe. She’s got kind of a deep voice for a female (I hope Clint is not reading this), just imagine Clint with his balls in his throat and that’s what she sounds like. She talked about giving Rawdog a colonic, which is pretty hardcore and disturbing since I completely believe she would. Apparently she doesn’t like hair in guys’ butt cracks, so… there’s that.

She sounds pretty smart about quite a few things, nutrition in general. She also says she listens to the show and has even tried to call in. I’m assuming Cumtard hung up on her because he’s cumtarded. She carries a motherfucking switchblade and drinks a lot, there’s proof positive that Clint is her father and she must be a kick ass person. She also seemed very open and honest, she also had a great sense of humor and didn’t hold back on anything that I could tell. So overall she was a pretty awesome guest. Oh, yeah, and Donald Schultz (@donaldschultz) was also there.

Fred Durst also stopped by the show, which I can’t say I care about really. I was waiting to hate him from the get go and oddly, I didn’t. He didn’t act like a dickhole, asshole, or any other kind of hole. I know, surprising right? I seriously thought for sure this guy was gonna come off like a prick, instead, he Anderson Silva’d me. I still don’t like his music, and I could still care less about him, but his interview was alright I suppose. I found it a little boring, so I don’t have much to say on his interview.

That’s about it for the show. The majority of the show (about 3 hours) was spent interviewing Alison Eastwood and Fred Durst, no shit. Kind of like how the majority of gang bangs your mom is in are about 3 hours long.

Franklin, a gay listener, requests sex scenarios. Allison Eastwood calls in with a suggestion – 7/15/10 (History)

Posted on February 2, 2012 by CobraTits

Download (link to MP3)

Allison Eastwood talks about calling The J.Ellis Show – 2/2/12

Download (link to MP3)

The Decockathon, the complete story – 8/24-8/27/10 (History)

Posted on January 31, 2012 by CobraTits

The Decockathon was dreamt up by J.Ellis, Rawdog, and the fans as a so-called “Cock Olympics” or “Dick-athalon”. Competitors are subject to a series of stunts or challenges involving their penis, pornstars judge, and a winner is chosen. After almost a week of planning, the event nearly didn’t happen. Follow all the ups and downs, the drama, and the tension leading up to and including the main event. Radio chaos at it’s finest! Enjoy!