Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 3/25/14

Posted on March 25, 2014 by shit_toboggan

It’s another one of those wonderful days where somehow I am the center of everyone’s universe and they all have way fewer problems than they think but they still won’t take responsibility for any of them and there’s this mysterious liquid that may or may not be rain falling from the sky and the fax machine is a cunt and so is your mum and the system continues to fuck us all in the ass just a little bit harder with a handful of rusty brake shavings as lube, but all of that means nothing cause it’s almost lunch time and the Jason Ellis show is on! And it started with some lovely music for destruction and mayhem, the mighty Machine Head! Who I enjoy just as much as Tony Sly and the late great Oderus Urungus! #YeahThatsAStabAtYouEmilyButItsAllInGoodFun Anyways, the show today got underway with Jason telling us all how it’s just ridiculous that there isn’t a gaggle of ladies lined up to provide some good clean audio for the current “chicks with kettle bells sounding like they might be enjoying some dick” intro the show has been using for the last couple months. I was finishing off a sandwhich, so I missed the finer points of this conversation, but there was some talk about cleaning your asshole and WILSON was brought into the studio to once again be outed for being incredibly creepy around anything with tits and a naughty vag. If you were at the book signing this past weekend at the new San Diego Harley Davidson dealership, you probably met Tiger and Devin and contributed to their best weekend ever, as they told Andrea they had. While we’re on the topic of Jason’s kids, Tully got to thinking of how he would feel if someone tried to buy Linsanity for a billion dollars. Admittedly, he would consider it, but would always say no. But he’ll hear your offers. But always say no. But he won’t turn you away at the door. Just sayin’ folks. If you want a McGook baby, there’s a guy who will entertain offers. Somehow WILSON went way to far and brought the conversation around to shitting on children or porn stars, and it all just fell apart after that. With all that done though, the guys let everyone know that you can leave video messages on Skype for the talent show on Friday, or read the lines for the intro and maybe get immortalized on radio for twenty seconds once a day for a couple weeks. Jude stopped by to let the guys know that a billion dollars is a great offer cause in other parts of the word your parents could trade you off for a goat or a basket of seeds or some shit. Jude did some reminiscing on his days at the Jenny Jones show when they had an episode called “too fat to wear that” and another time when a lady claimed she had a third nipple but then got caught in a lie and the producers sent her ass home on a Greyhound and told her not to come back. Jason got to sit in between tapings of Good Day LA and there was some talk show where a 14 year old girl with a ridiculous underbite got pregnant and was yelling at her parents or some such shit like that which was probably sensational afternoon TV for the stay at home absentee parent in all of us. Jude recalled all the times when the Jenny Jones crew went out to recruit guests and they would redecorate people’s houses and give them dental work and shit just to try and make them more like the everyman rather than the link that refuses to stay missing. Jason retold a story about when he was in Panama and somebody told him that whenever a rich guy builds a nice house, the locals would steal all the drywall, faucets and wiring out of the place before anybody had a chance to move in. Just goes to show you, in the third world, wealth isn’t celebrated quite the same way as it is here, and the movies are all probably correct in the way they portray it, like in Fast and Furious 5! That’s right folks, Vin Diesel will steal your shit in a stolen, modified police version Dodge Charger if your bank account gets too big for your britches. Jude almost got in a fight at the movie theater during the Wolf of Wall Street, but had to dial it back cause it was Christmas morning and he was with his mom, but shit wouldn’t have rolled like that if the situation was different. Seriously folks, Jude’s mom can’t be around to keep him from stomping on your throat all the time, learn how to turn your phone off. The guys all talked for a while about the military industrial complex and how some people are prewired to go off and kill shit, but you can’t complain if you signed up for it and now the VA isn’t doing anything for you. Come on, we all know a belligerent homeless ‘Nam vet, what the fuck else can you expect? Springsteen wrote a song called “Born in the USA”, ever wonder what that shit’s about? Just sayin, you’re never gonna grow up to be the next Jonah Hill if you get your legs blown off for the Bush family to make a slightly better markup on crude oil. The guys talked a bit about imaginary friends and how they’re not always gonna bring up repressed memories that you should know abut, sometimes they’re just gonna put a bug in your ear to go all “Son Of Sam” around the streets of New York. Jude talked for a while about how fast food workers really do hate you as much as they hate showing up to work at their soul crushing minimum wage anti-potential jobs everyday. Bah-dant-dant-DANT-DANT!!! I’m resigned to failure! Great new jingle, McDonalds, now fucking pay me already. Ain’t like I don’t have a 4 pound tumor of undigested fries wedged against my pancreas from all the years I was a delivery driver and ate that crap all the time. The guys dissected the fizzled career of the girl from that movie “Just One Of The Guys” and it’s pretty clear that if she’s not a lesbian, she’s at least gotta be an alcoholic by now, cause the wall has certainly been hit by that woman and her job. Don’t forget to check out Jude on the Foreally show, and also boycott his show so that he can get a better job on a different station. Or not, everything doesn’t need to be a “cause” to start making drama about.

So, have you ever seen a white guy in blackface? How about a black guy in whiteface? Now, I’ve seen Birth of a Nation (it was for a film studies class in high school, relax), but Nick Cannon has recently put out an album called “white people party music” and one of the publicity photos he made for it is himself in whiteface. Now, blackface is bad because it was used to perpetuate stereotypes and as a tool for propaganda, since no one would ever hire a black person for any purpose at all back in the day and it only made since to rub charcoal all over some honky’s face and make him do the jitterbug, however us cracka’ ass cracka’s can’t really get too offended at whiteface cause we enslaved an entire race of people for 400 years and then perpetuated a government system which continues to bar them from real opportunities even to this day, so when somebody hashtags #GoodCredit #CreamCheese, I’m honestly not offended. Nobody gave Dave Chappelle any shit for all the times he put on whiteface for characters on The Chappelle show. Remember folks, there’s racism that’s all in good fun, and then there’s cultural subjugation, and the two are very different and it’s worth learning a thing or two about history and the people you’re making jokes to if you’re gonna say certain things that might cause a rift with your audience. As far as Nick Cannon goes, I could honestly give a fuck what that guy does, I’ve never really liked any of his work, so if MTV2 ever runs out of reruns of Wild’n Out to cram into a Saturday afternoon, it’s not gonna hurt my couch potatoing for a god damn second. Besides, not all white people have good credit. I can’t even get a fucking Discover card, and I’ve never had one red cent of credit or debt to my name and I’ve been a taxpayer with an uninterrupted full time job for almost 15 years, so suck it, Cannon. Butt fuck all that shit, cause it’s time for another amazing round of TARD THAT TUNE!!! AKA THE BEST GOD DAMN SET OF RINGTONES THAT I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO DOWNLOAD OFF OF SOUNDCLOUD WHENEVER HARDCORE GETS OFF HIS ASS AND UPLOADS IT!!! OR MAYBE IT’S JETTA’S JOB, I’M NOT REALLY SURE!!! MAYBE TULLY SQUEEZES IT IN BETWEEN TRAIN TRACK PLAYTIME WITH LINSANITY WHEN HE’S NOT TAKING BIDS ON OWNERSHIP OF HIS OFFSPRING!!! Much like the last time, I can’t possibly relate the awesomeness of this segment in words, but I can give you track list of everything that got tarded this week, and the list is as follows:

The B52’s – Rock Lobster

ZZ Top – La Grange

Daniel Powter – Bad Day (I had almost forgotten this song existed and was quite happy about that, thanks and go fuck yourself, Kevin!!!)

Alice In Chains – The Rooster

C&C Music Factory – Gonna Make You Sweat

Dire Straits – Money For Nothing

Gary Numan – Cars

Snap – Rhythm Is A Dancer

Rod Stewart – Young Hearts

Tears For Fears – Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Steppenwolf – Magic Carpet Ride

And finally, for absolutely no good reason at all, the theme song from Sanford and Son

While the rest of us started plotting Kevin’s murder for bringing back so many musical atrocities that should have stayed buried in the sands of time, the guys put the call out for the audience to call in for a new segment called “What’s wrong with you?” in which you can presumably call in and let the listening audience know about all your issues, physical, psychological, sexual, dietary, whatever may be really wrong with you. Tully, for example, can hold a grudge from beyond the grave, even if you forget that you ever met him. Will, on the other hand, is a treasure trove of neuroses and imperfections, so after a break, let’s dig into him for a bit.

Pat Barry is no longer fighting in the UFC, but he has taken it upon himself to become a vigilante firefighter/nightclub bouncer. But nevermind that, WILSON is a sloppy fucking hemorrhoid stain on the taint region of humanity’s tighty whiteys, and the guys took some time to explore that, as well as ask the callers their opinions on WILSON and themselves. The first caller was a guy who is a self proclaimed nymphomaniac who saw some shit in the Navy that would turn an average mother fucker white, and not that Nick Cannon white, I’m talking Ghostbusters 2 white. Next guy called in to let the guys know that there’s a local radio station in Toronto that does this same bit, and also that he fucks his own belly button. After that was a guy who has horrible self esteem and tries way too hard to please all his family and friends, and they’re not doing a whole lot to try and stop him, like a pack of good little codependents and enablers. Next guy called in to tell the story of one time when he got in a brawl with his dad and fucked him up like a gang territory fight, but he kind of asked for it by being such a shitty abusive dad. Another guy caught his wife sexting his neighbor, so he went out to the strip club and tossed a dancer’s salad for a cool minute and will probably do it again cause the relationship is pretty much over. Next guy who called in said too many people fall in love with him, which wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t a smooth sensual Latin mother fucker. I understand, Manny, I understand, you’re from central/south America, you’re a desirable commodity. After the guys scared off Manny with their unwelcome advances, a guy called in to tell the guys that his wife got him a doll a few years back to help with his depression, he’s now gone completely apeshit and owns over 300 dolls, complete with tea parties and makeovers and all the shit that might be done with them by a five year old girl, and here’s the kicker, x-rated doll photo sessions. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, guys, you’re probably not as fucked up as you think. Next caller was short, fat, bald and lived in his parent’s basement. Maybe not the doll guy, but certainly worth a segment called “What’s Wrong With You?” After that poor bastard was a guy who admittedly has a really small penis when it’s flaccid, but after the guys found out it’s slightly above average when hard the guys let him know to use it more often and stop complaining about problems that he doesn’t actually have. Next up was a 22 year old guy who doesn’t have a driver’s license, and not cause of the environment or living in the city, but just cause he’s afraid of driving. Go karts, dude, go karts. You’ll be fine. NEXT CALLER moved to Florida to be with a chick, only to get sick of her and move back to be with his first lady, and now he’s getting sick of her, and it’s been like this for a long ass time. He’s just a guy who’s in love with falling in love, much like The Mowgli’s, who I’m sure would be happy to drag him along on their next tour cause they really are some of the friendliest guys ever. Next guy called to ask if it was OK that his wife asked him to piss inside her vag while they were fucking, and while it may not be dangerous per se, it is still weird as all fuck. Next one down the line was a guy who hallucinates monsters all the time, basically anything in his peripheral vision turns into some sort of creature from beyond. Next guy called in to say that he just can’t get off without a well placed finger in the ass, and it’s causing some problems trying to keep a long term relationship. Then we heard from a guy who is a self proclaimed judgmental asshole, kind of like me, a total nice guy who just hates a massive percentage of the population. Another person called in to let the guys know that he’s basically skirting the line between being a transvestite and getting some gender reassignment procedures underway. This call culminated in Tully inventing the “dick-clit”, a sexual move for everyone who wants to know what it would be like to have lesbian sex, sort of. The next caller keeps loaning money to his relatives, and they can’t stop asking for it wither. Next one on the phone says that every time he moves in to a new apartment, he get’s a visit from the Gordon’s fish stick mascot. Just one time, not like a haunting, but it always happens just one time per new residence. Tully had a similar experience, every so often Aunt Jemima appears masturbating at the foot of his bed. Mmmmm pancakes. Next up was a guy who said he’s just never happy, so the guys recommended he follow WILSON on Instagram and learn how to appreciate what he’s got. The guys decided to quit while they were ahead at this point, cause the fans are obviously more fucked up than they have time to get through in one afternoon.

So tomorrow Juliana Pena is coming back on the show, so if you liked hearing her last time, get ready for another hit off that glass dick of female MMA fighters. Tully found some new music from Corey Feldman, and if “Ascension Millennium” didn’t satisfy your boner for absolute shite that a washed up child star is only cranking out to desperately cling to fame now that his hetero life mate died from a drug overdose, well the new video and the song that goes with it is an equal if not greater example of how some people really need to fuck off into obscurity like the kid that played Anakin Skywalker in the first Star Wars prequel. It’s fair to note that he’s essentially fellating the essence directly from Michael Jackson’s corpse to try and add some style and class to this song, however that kid with cancer who took him to court for sexual assault seems to have gotten it all (ever notice how weak that cancer got the longer that court case went on? Just sayin, folks…). The guys discussed for a while whether or not Corey’s Angels are hanging out voluntarily or if they’re victims of the international sex trade, or if he is possibly the ringleader in some sort of “have hot bitches hanging around to boost your self esteem” type of business. A former roommate of one of Corey’s Angels called in to give the guys a little info on the whole thing, apparently it actually is some real live polyamorous shit going down at the Feldman house, so I guess the joke’s on all of us. Or not, I don’t need 8 ladies PMSing around me all the time and having a Feldman haircut sounds like a god damn nightmare, and from the outside looking in it still looks like a pretty crazy relationship between two or more crazy fucking people. Another guy called in to tell the guys about when his band opened for Corey at some show and it was some of the most ridiculous shit ever and now Tully has volunteered Death!Death!Die! to do a show with him. Tully also found a new track from Metallica that they did for a Dio tribute album, and much like their track “Mercyful Fate” which was several Mercyful Fate covers all strung together, they’ve pretty much done it again in the same vein, only this time in tribute to the Holy Diver himself, the late great RJD. The guys discussed Metallica for a bit and how most bands who’ve been at it as long as they have probably isn’t gonna pound out all the same style and energy of stuff that drove them to stardom in the first place. There were some final calls and stuff, and it wasn’t the same kind of absolute shit that it has been in the past, so good for the audience for beating back the throngs of listener idiocy that drives our dear friend Jetta crazy every single day. The power of Odin and Corey Feldmen compels me, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster be with you all.

Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/10/2014

Posted on March 10, 2014 by bitPimps 中

It’s time for my shows!

Hello? Is this thing on? Check. Check. Check one, two. Okay kiddies, let’s get this party started. If Ellis were Jewish, he’d be super shiny gold – mystical super shiny gold. He’s back on antibiotics after being bitten by a snake, I assume from the game of sting pong. He’s kicking the shit out of his fat anyway, Dingo is fat and I don’t believe he’s doing jack shit about it, which like Bobby Brown once said, that’s his prerogative. What’s up with the LA Lakers and their bullshit? What’s up with that chick referee? What’s up with fights being online and not TV? What’s up with that book signing Ellis held in Rancho Cucamonga? Sounds like it turned out to be pretty good even though no t-shirts were there until Cumtard drove them out there. Tully wasn’t there, he says he really wanted to be, but let’s be honest, he probably didn’t. Ellis, Tully & Will got presents from Nipplopolis even though Tully & Will weren’t there. Anyways, lines were so big at the book signing that babies couldn’t hear big dudes and Italians are the greatest machinery on the planet. Just use your EllisMate translation decoder device, you’ll understand what all that means.

What Cumtard must feel like when he comes in with a story.

Devin has been talking about Heelys again so daddy laid it out for her, she’s not allowed to wear them or rollerblades because he name is a stake here. Ellis got caught up in dolls and marathon traffic, so he called Christian because he’s got a ~~bunch of dolls~~ calendar where he marks down events that create higher than average traffic congestion. Apparently Russians in Hollywood are fucking assholes and that means tourism to Russia is lacking because they’re assholes, and maybe too because that place is a miserable shithole. Tully almost rented a room from a good looking, younger Russian chick once, but… Ellis’ neighbor across the street is a hooker and he runs over the parking cones in his driveway. Anyway, Tully, room, Russian chick. He told her about the place where he buys his bread and how shitty the Russian ladies there treat him and wish death upon him. The hot, younger Russian chick told him it’s because they grew up commies and hated it, hated their bosses, basically hated life and that’s just how them bitches roll. Then she was all like “hasta lasagna, don’t get any on ya!” Okay, she didn’t really say that, I just wish she did. We got into some pothole talk, doing stuff with potholes, and how to fix potholes. I don’t believe any motherfucker that says they know how to fix potholes. I think those people just want to spread that sticky shit on the road so we can all hear little rocks of asphalt being permanently tarred to our vehicles. Cumtard thought he was going to punch hot asphalt, thinking some super strong man punched the earth. You can pretty much guess how well that worked out. More pothole talk and then break time.

When you see Ellis this Saturday, try to act normal.

Ellis is going to be at some Harley Davidson thing on Saturday with a pal, Randy, who shot Ellis in the head with an arrow. It’s okay, he was wearing a helmet. You can come down, he’ll sign your book while he gets an old saggy black woman’s titty tattooed on his chest. Jim Florentine gave Ellis’ book a shoutout on That Metal Show. Moto News time, Barcia and Malcolm Stewart had a little mishap during the races. A quick call from kick-asphalt about filling potholes, and then back to the moto. It was kind of a dick move, but it wasn’t nearly as big of a dick move as Alessi pulled on Tickle. Next up, a bit called Who’s Cooler Than Shaun White? Dingo? Nope. Tully? No. Ellis? Nah, mate. Jetta? He’s not even listening. Cumtard? Be serious. Bill Clinton? Ding. Tony Hawk? Yup. Prince? Totally. Papa Roach? Hahahaa! Brad Pitt? Of course. Jared Leto? For now. A guy that lays pipe under the sea? We can’t even begin to discuss that one. The Kardashians? Only Kim. Michael Phelps? Nah. Ringo Starr? We’ll get back to you on that one. Sean Connery? No way. Mike Tyson? Unfortunately, yes. Kid Rock? Yes, especially in Detroit. Shaq? Hell yes. Samuel L. Jackson? They say no, but I say that’s some motherfucking bullshit. And with that, I’m done writing down all these motherfucking names on this motherfucking recap. After almost 2 hours, we go to break.

After being in a frozen hell for months, anything above freezing feels fucking great!

Back from break and we got bitches marrying dogs, saying she “couldn’t think of anything more she’d need from a life partner.” Bitch, is you for real? How about one that doesn’t die in 10-15 years and doesn’t eat their own, or other dogs’ shit? Just a thought. Then we got into some history with well known historians Dingo and Ellis. I didn’t have a chance to jot down notes since I was driving during this segment, but here’s some that I remember. Alexander Graham Bell, most notable for his fat pig of a niece, Amy Bell. He also owned and operated the factory where Bell helmets were forged, and came up with the first analog ringtone, aka an actual bell. Julius Ceaser, who made the comb-over haircut famous was killed during an orgy with his mother and up to 60 men, including his best friend, Brutus The Barber Beefcake. He also may or may not have invented the sun. Albert Einstein, who made his own mark in the world of hair with his patented “crazy hair.” He also was the first to add and subtract letters instead of numbers, giving math a whole new level of confusing. I know there was a few more, but I can’t remember them. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to remember all these facts anyway, let’s just allow what knowledge has been bestowed on us, to marinate and really sink in to our brains. Dingo went to a rave this weekend with kids that have computers that do things and stuff. Eat your heart out TMZ, you’ll never touch this kind of reporting being done here. This led us into final calls where Jerry was sleeping with a friends husband or something. Sounds like a real stand-up gay man to me. Some other people called about some other shit too, but my brain is still spinning from our history lesson. Well, that or not getting any sleep and the tequila I’m pounding. So just make something up on your own and really, really, really believe in it. That’s how things become actual facts. The fact fairy. And before I go, let me take a moment to tell you about the weather in my area. It is currently 77 degrees Fahrenheit. I really questioned whether we would ever see warmth again in my lifetime, but today gave me hope. Wednesday calls for chances of snow flurries, no shit. Motherfuck. So what’s the weather like in your area? Just kidding, I don’t care about your weather. Only my weather. And that’s why my weather will be winning the world championships of weather this year as it has done for everyday of my awesome ~~guide to~~ life. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/4/2013

Posted on April 4, 2013 by wiz1010

Peetard’s on the top!

Well how the hell are ya on this fine Thursday? If you’re jacked up on coffee, well has Ellis got some news for you. He’s thinking about opening up his own coffee shop, well since he makes his own coffee at home and its fucking delicious! I’d brew a fresh cup’o’Ellis every morning, I mean fuck Folgers right! Oh and fuck the dentist too, especially if your anything like Tully, who doesn’t even considering setting an appointment with his dentist until at least 3 attempts to call Tully and set one up. If you’re anything like Ellis, then you love the dentist…..cause its pretty sweet to get nitrous and gold teeth – pretty fucking sweet! Breaking News: Tiger is riding moto now. Not only that, but he is so stoked on it and takes it so seriously, he actually is listening to Papa Ellis when he shouts instructions. On another note, Rawdog has just about giving up on the bike race with Tiger at this point, as if we didn’t already know. I do know that we don’t know some dude Ty that Tully knows, ya know, but that dude did tell Tully that the experiences he share with his child are really just like living a 2nd childhood. Such a fucking cool concept – Im personally owning this one too. Ellis agrees and directly linked it to Nuclear Cowboys and taking Tiggy to see it – and how awesome it will be for Tiger, and for Ellis to see Tiger’s reactions and such. Of course this doesn’t mean Tiger or Linsanity has to re-live their fathers respective childhoods – which is really good for Tiger especially since Ellis reminded us how hard he grew up back down under. Stories of just being out with his dad’s friends, and how hard those mutha fuckers really were, just doing shit like destroying their own cars when they got shit faced drunk, and just dealing with it the next day – man the fuck up and get over it ya cunt! Shit like that just rubbed off on Ellis, even one time when he crashed his bike in the woods when the handle grip came off in mid air. Ellismate just got up, started up his bike and rode it on home – Whereas kids now a days would just fall down n cry and freak out and have no clue as to how to handle such a situation. Such a hard ass! Not to be confused with a Tard Ass or “Peetard” which apparently is Burger Ellis’s new name. Did you know animals love Rawdog? Did you know Rawdog could give a shit about animals, yeah I thought you did. Its not like he hates them or anything, just not his pick of the week if you know what I mean. Nothing like Tully though, who admitted if he was to ever move away, he would come back to his old hood to visit that stray cat he takes care of and bonds with. I mean he ain’t taking the little fucker with him to the new house, but he will stop by and say hi – super dad I tell ya! In other meaningless news – Cumtard has kidney stones and just got out of the hospital – North Korea ain’t fucking around they say – Bidding ends tomorrow on Honus Wagner’s famous baseball card if you give a shit!

Nothing Stupider Than Jewpiter….or this joke, OH!

Check this shit out some video Katie sent to Ellismate the fellas watched on the show for a good minute – sounded hilarious. Apparently the chic who sings it has allegedly been flagged by Interpol for some seriously sketchy shit – heres more info on that. Some other shit too I kinda missed detail on, but remember when Ellis saved that dude from getting raped near The Abbey? Well turns out some chic is suing them for similar reason, check it out. Hollywood News time bitches – and starts of on a somber note as Roger Ebert has kicked the bucket, sorry dude! Chris Bosh got got for about 300K in jewelry cause he’s a fucking moron, sorry dude! Heidi Klum is a fucking bad ass, so says this article on her saving some fuckers from downing, your welcome! Tom Cruise maybe does believe in aliens, maybe sorta kinda not really. Jeremy Irons is a fucking moron dude, just listen to this dude talk about gay marriage and incest, but not separately! And finally, but most importantly, Justin Beiber drew a picture today, of a mouse! And thats Hollywood News ma’fuckers! News on The Jason Ellis Show you may have missed – Rawdog is the bellboy of TJES, except he doesn’t bring your bags, just “Brings The Stupid”! Let’s test that theory, and play a little Ellis JeParty with your host Will JizzCult Pendarvis III. Today’s categories were ‘Rich & Famous’, ‘Around The World’, ‘Long O Make It Go Oooo”, and ‘Fictional Characters’. Yeah, I ain’t going question for question with ya, but instead I’ll leave you with some catch phrases and key words from today’s game: Poooooop – JewMoon (a.k.a. Jewpiter) – Who Beat The Jews? – Who Rapes Kids? – Boo Berries (The Super Food) – Super Man – Is Billy Crystal A Jew? and many many more!!! But, uncle Ghostload won’t ever lie to ya kids, this was one of the lamest Ellis JeParties to date, and to top it all off fucking Anal Gay Lewis ended up winning, so you know I ain’t lying! Still better than 99.99% off shit out there even on Rawdog’s worst day!

Just One?

“Balls Cant’ Fight Vagnias” so says Jason Ellis. Yeah they got to talking about Fallon Fox, the transgender female fighter who used to be a dude, and whoops up on women in MMA but claims being a dude back in the day has nothing to do with it. Joe Rogan disagrees, and here’s the video to prove it! Ellis said a tranny said its mellow, but then some doctor dude called in and verified that the male body is structurally different than the female body, including thickness of the skull, which we all know is extremely helpful when fighting MMA or doing heel grabs on your fresh blades! Somehow the same doctor dude also broke down that males have started to under developed their bodies and over developed their brains, in which Tully figured out that aliens are really just humans from the future, hmmm maybe! Steroids are ok to use also, we figured that out as well. they’re especially ok to use if your wife makes more money than you do, which is how it is in over half the households in the US says Tully and some article I didn’t bother to look up. Makes sense to Ellis, he knows a pretty semi famous dude who’s in that exact situation (It’s Psycho Mike in case you were wondering), and at first it was a bit weird, but in the end its all good! Ellis could see himself being cool with Katie being the breadwinner, and him staying home and cleaning and shit. Tully on the other hand isn’t so sure, well if he was trying to do something and it wasn’t working out, then had to hear to success of this significant other, yeah that could fucking suck I guess. You know who doesn’t fucking suck I guess, Bert McCracken, yeah he gets more awesomer each time to get he’s on the show. Since his last visit, Ellis went to go see Bert and The Used play, and they were’nt that shitty at all. Bert was pretty fucking sweet, and the other dudes in the band didn’t suck, so thats good! However, turns out on of those other dudes, who plays bass, used to date Katie back in the day, to which Bert gave a huge compliment saying she’s the only girlfriend dude had that wasn’t a bitch at all. That’s not why Bert’s here though, nah, he’s here to talk about how he could drink a half gallon of vodka right now, and that meth fucking sucks dude, I mean its cool at first, but the next 20 days awake really fucking blows. Bert also went to prison one time, not jail, prison! He described it like this, “You go to jail and you cry, you go to prison and your scared to cry”, oh and he weighed about 80 lbs. when he went in, from meth of course. Bert ain’t joking either, as today he sparked the idea of Ellis or Tully doing shrooms on air, well ok not sparked but reiterated cause he’s mentioned this before. Today he really tried to sell it, and thought Ellis and Tully both weren’t about it at all, Rawdog may be down. Josh’s only concern is being on the air and doing something stupid for us all to hear, to which Tully promised he wouldn’t let him do that, but to which Ellis said he’d just grab the fucking camera and thank Rawdog later – I vote option B! Speaking of shrooms, if you ever meet Bert, ask to see his driver’s license picture…..taking while on a quarter of shrooms allegedly!

Which one’s Ellis and which one’s Rawdog?

Jamey Jasta is the lead singer of Hatebreed in case you haven’t listened to the show in the last 6 months, and Bert says dude is fucking sweet. That makes it official, Ellis is a dick, especially when Bert said if you like “Brunches at strip clubs” then you’ll like Jamey Jasta, man I fucking like this dude now too. Maybe we will hear the front man from Hatebreed someday soon and wouldn’t that be the Perfect Day. Hey, what would the perfect day be for Ellis? Bacon, Pool Orgy, Smoothies, Burgers, More Bacon, Weed, More Orgies…..basically and orgy with some bud and room service. Scientists on the other hand seem to have a different take on things. I know what isn’t a perfect day for The Wing, the day Devin asked for heelys which was just the other day. Well, Ellismate had to lay down the law with Snook, telling her there are two things in life that are ‘No Way’, heelys and of course rollerblading. Imaging a young Tiger catching air on his fresh blades and hearing “Nice heel grab Tiger” – fucking oath that’ll be the day. But then again, never thought I’d hear the day Ellis complimented HerpesStrokeFace, saying today since Dom has joined the show its been nothing but games and guests, fuck yeah Dom! Well, then why don’t we play a game with our guest Bert McFuckingCracken that goes a little something like this. Tully, Tully, Tully, Ellis no wait that was Tully. Yeah, Tully pretty much owned this game, which was to identify the song being covered by a different band and a different genre (Just look up Richard Cheese and you’ll get the idea). So not going to get into the game which was pretty fucking cool, just give you the gems you may have missed. Bert went to jail once for Scott Russo. Ellis hung out with Scott Russo once and woke up with a dick drawn on his head. Bert hates ACDC -and folks, I ain’t ever heard radio silence like this- but he was just joking so he survived this round, but barley. Bert’s done blow with Shai LaBeouf and Bumblebee allegedly! Dom’s gonna get some fresh shades from Electric Visual. Bert’s going to read Ellis’s book. Bert really really wants TJES to do some shrooms on the air, I mean really wants them too! Ellis did rollerblade one time while on acid. Bert put on a diaper and shit himself one time, also on acid. Dom got the shit beat out of him live on air, well off air in the green room but we all heard it. Your mom got the shit beat out of her live on freecams.com, but you had to give her 1,000 credits to be able to see me smack it with a tennis racket, OH!

The Apocalypse 6000 (Photos)

Posted on July 4, 2012 by CobraTits

There has been a lot of discussion on the show lately about the A6k. Reliability in recent years has become a concern. Electrical issues, transmission problems, and most recently a near fire have made Jason question whether he should keep it.

Despite all the problems, the history and iconic status of this truck can not denied. Built by Steve Hock, it was rushed to completion in time for the 2008 SEMA show. From there it became the co-star in the Taintstick “Monkeys of War” music video, got it’s own Taintstick song “A6K”, was featured in both Dub Magazine & Street Trucks Magazine , inspired a limited edition Hardlucks King guitar, and is the tow/haul vehicle for Motosaki & Boatosaki. Let’s take a look back at a photo history of this amazing truck.