Tag Archives: DanOD5

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/27/2012

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Silence of the RawdogIt’s fucking Monday and holy shit, everyone sure loves watching and talking about the god damned Oscars. Well fuck that shit, not here. Not in this dojo, motherfucker! More importantly, Rawdog lost his bet with Ellis and so now he must Silence of the Lambs himself (tuck wiener and balls in his ass) while holding an umbrella. Low-and-behold, Rumble McTumble did not disappoint, here is Ellis’ angle and here is Dingo’s shot. What a fucking legend that dude is.

There was some talk about grass today. No, not marijuana – but actual grass, like the kind that make lawns and golf courses. Specifically, is Kentucky bluegrass really blue or have a blue tinge to it? Survey says, who gives a rats ass. There was a speed dating contest today where Dan, Cumtard, and Rawdog have to pretend to be on a speed date with Ellis’ girlfriend (@UnderwearWolf). I’m just gonna come right out and say it, Dan didn’t seem to do too well, or at least not as good as one might think he would do. Next up was Cumtard, Katie seemed to slice and dice him up immediately, she was not into him in the least, asking if he lacked confidence and he sure as shit is. And lastly was Rawdog, he clearly did the best and he pretty much verbally banged her and then dumped her.

More new dates for EllisMania 8 have been proposed, June 2nd, June 16th, or June 23rd depending on which is better and it sounds like it might be June 23rd, unless of course that changes. Plus it’s Danzig’s birthday so that’s pretty gangster.

So there you have it, that’s all for today’s show. Next up, the show your mother performs in, “Fuck My Face In The Rest Area Bathroom” and a Q and A on how she manages to swallow so many loads. OH!

(Update 2/28/2012): I’m not sure how I forgot to use this chance to post this, but I did. Anyway, you should check out the video below, it’s from Greens Keepers and was inspired by The Silence of the Lambs.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/8/2012

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Ellis got an uncorrected proof copy of his book today, bound and all. The day when you receive your copy is getting closer, I think they said April 20th? Ellis also addressed yesterday’s awkward interview with that chick. I guess he told Cumtard that if the interview went bad, he should come in and get her out of the studio. Well, if you heard yesterday’s show – Cumtard never came in. Ellis also asked a question about dating a basketball player that supposedly came from Cumtard’s notes and I guess it was misinformation or something. That’s when the train started derailing. Although there seems to be a lot of “Cumtard” talk, Ellis says it is his own fault and he should’ve talked to her or taken more control of the situation. Anyway, who cares, let’s move on.

There was talk about potentially auctioning off spots in the musical chair fight, or other things, to help Sean (sp?) the tranny get a dick. And someone came up with the idea to auction off a night with @DanOD5, and he’s a fuckin’ ledge. He also got offered a free TV, some guys just get all the breaks. Tully brought in a celery soda for Rawdog. I’m sorry but it sounds fucking miserable, celery soda. Awesome, can I get some fish flavored ice cream with that and make the world’s shittiest float? Speaking of that, they all tried a bacon shake from Jack In The Box, which according to Rawdog tastes like a cold cut but everyone else seemed to reasonably enjoy it – with the exception of Dingo who demolished his all together.

Guess what? Nope. Care to guess again? Nope, you’re still wrong! Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday (and #WhitePeopleWednesday) so you know what that means right? Nope, wrong again. It means your Twitter got blowed the fuck up with suggestions for world’s greatest celebrity facial decomposition – which was suggested by none other than @mike_in_canada. Another piece of notable news, one week from today, WGW will determine the world’s greatest guitar solo, you can send in your suggestions to jellis@siriusxm.com. I was going to post the top 10 face melters from today’s WGW, but as soon as Pete Burns got nominated, it was over. He beat out honorable nominee’s such as Wayne Newton, Keith Richards, and Kenny Rogers. So shout out to that mess of a thing!

In other news, Jason “Mayhem” Miller (@mayhemmiller) thinks he might be able to get another shot at a fight in UFC (@UFC) if his fans tweet Dana White (@danawhite). So go ahead and do that if you want. Ellis also got tweeted by Dodge. He has been talking about getting a Dodge for several weeks now and guess what? Nope, man you’re wrong a lot. Dodge tweeted him, not sure why or what it may or may not mean, but they did.

And there you have it, gave it to ya as best I could. Who loves ya? Nope. Fuckin wrong again, what is it with you and being wrong all the time? Shit. Oh well, you can take comfort in the fact that I will help guide you, like your mother guides cocks into her eagerly awaiting mouth. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/7/2012

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It’s Rude Judesday (@rude_jude) so he stopped by the show, as per usual it was pretty funny. He mentioned #WhitePeopleWednesday and #ThirdWorldThursday Twitter trends, which are/were hilarious. Jude went for some anime porn and got some of a black dog with a big ass dick going around fucking chicks and his doggy pecker got swollen and stuck inside a chick. Fuckin’ hell, Japanese people really know how to weird shit up. Dolphins have huge dicks and when they ejaculate, it can be dangerous. Ok, time to move on before we get people posting some dolphin fanfiction.

@DanOD5 has made tentative dinner plans with the hot Italian chick! He also met another chick in the motherfucking hot tub, this chick’s Austrian, which obviously means she could be into fecal play. I don’t get it, he’s here for a week and slaying bitches left and right but Rawdog (@RadioTFB) and Cumtard (@KevinKraftSucks) aren’t getting any play. This kid either has some serious game or a pile of roofies.

Iliza Shlesinger (@iliza) stopped by the show. She wasn’t funny (at least on today’s show) and she seemed to get upset / offended about a joke, which is weird because she’s supposed to be a comedian. I don’t know who this chick is or if she’s funny or not, but getting offended by jokes doesn’t bode well for someone in comedy. Ellis just went silent while Rawdog and Tully (@possiblytully) tried to keep navigating through the mine field of awkwardness that was her interview. If you didn’t like her, Dan Diablo said she left her powerbar on the couch in the green room – so you can laugh about that. If you liked her, Dan Diablo said she left her powerbar on the couch in the green room – so you can feel sorry for her about that.

Moving along, today was also New Music Tuesday and I know how much most of you absolutely love it! And since you do love it, I’m not gonna talk about it – so HAHAFUCKINGHA! Oh, alright. I can’t be a dick to you guys. Here’s a link to “I Fink You Freeky” by Die Antwoord. There was some new Van Halen, so you know, uh stay frosty? I was driving home from work and don’t remember the rest, so enough of that. Let’s keep moving along.

Talk eventually moved on to a popular topic that has been discussed before, and that’s prison rape. Is it okay or not? Is prison okay? Which crimes deserve prison rape, which crimes don’t? Obviously this is one of those types of discussions that has no real clear answer. It’s become one of those taboo discussions like God, Abortion, and Mac vs PC. So, I’m not getting into this – not because I don’t have an opinion or not because I don’t want you to know my opinion, but because this blog post will quickly turn into a fucking essay about 50 pages long – and let’s face it, you’re probably not even reading this far.

I’ll leave you with my parting thoughts:

  1. Do as I say, not as I do. Take that for what it’s worth. There could be a shit ton of wisdom in that, or none at all, it’s all what you make of it.
  2. Being vague doesn’t make you mysterious, but it does make me mysterious. I know it’s unfair, but life probably hates you.
  3. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. Life doesn’t hate you. It loves you, a lot. It caresses you, it kisses you, it gently humps your soul, and cums inside you. Basically, the opposite of pumping your face so hard you puke and then slamming it home in your asshole – which of course is how everyone treats your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/6/2012

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The Super Bowl is over and I ain’t saying shit about it, you’ve no doubt already heard everyone talking about it already. I think Cumtard might have been crying or at least emotional – and not the kind of emotional when you have to shit really badly. He said he didn’t feel that great, body hurts, eyes hurt, etc. He might be sad about that one slut he was trying to go out on a date with, apparently she just keeps turning him down and blowing him off. Surprise!

Demi Moore is still in rehab for whip-its. That’s about as gangster as getting gum stuck in your hair. Oh, and apparently at some point she’s had plastic surgery on her knees, you know – to give them a lift. Talk turned to whose hotter, Demi or Madonna. I’m gonna say Demi because Madonna is starting to look like the Cryptkeeper. It has also been revealed that the hot Italian chick @DanOD5 ran into in the hot tub, is in film school. I say she’s going to want to film them having sex and he’ll end up on PornHub in 30 to 60 days.

Roseanne Barr is running for President? I guess if you’re into cheese subsidies and fat old woman farts, then by all means – vote for her. This has to be a joke though, right? More interestingly, there was more talk about Jack The Cunt. Unfortunately there won’t be a release for any Jack The Cunt songs, but fortunately for us there is CobraTits! There you can hear Jack The Cunt and Aussie Country to your hearts content. And get this, Germany has bestiality brothels. Yup, you read that right – bestiality brothels. Way to push yourselves to the forefront Germany!

I think that about does it, don’t you? I mean really, what more do you want? Look, I try to satisfy you, but lets face it – we all can’t put out as much your mom. OH!