Tag Archives: Adam Levine

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/3/2013

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ooh_yeah

Your face now that Ellis back.

Welcome back you 4 or 5 other people! The longest 2 weeks wait of your lives is over now that TJES is back in action. We tried to keep you entertained with a massive contest, so hopefully that helped you get your fix. But now it’s time to get back to business as usual and see what happened on the show today. It’s like fucking an old horse for Ellis, he’s just gonna stick it right back in that horse socket and ride like he knows how. He’s also part Samurai, he is not any more Brazilian however, it didn’t fit into his schedule during the break. Dingo went to the outback for a little over a week and had some big news about Prime Minister Huge-Tits is touring and has had no less than 2 sandwiches thrown at her. Why sandwiches? I guess because she’s touring schools, and kids have sandwiches, and special kids like Rawdog, have “sammies”. Which begs the question, what’s the deal with school kids in Australia being into politics? Am I right?

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Meet the new Rawdog!

Rawdog is looking for spas, specifically for a “couples massage” that he and that chick Karla, with the big areolas can go to together. Get this though, that other chick that had mushrooms to party with and never offered him any? Yeah, she likes Rawdog and they slept together, then all 3 of them went out to dinner and the 2 chicks made out with each other! WHAT. IN. THE. BLUE. FUCK?! In 2 weeks he’s banging to 2 bitches at the same time and swinging a three way? Champion! Ellis met somebody during the break as well, one that he was totally skeptical of, but it seems to be on the up and up so far. Tiger has become full on into moto now, while Snook has pretty much retired from moto. And his ex-wife has broken up with her boyfriend, so overall – the past two weeks have been amazing! Except for Tully, who did not get a new girlfriend, did not go to Australia, and did not make-out with multiple chicks. Instead, he went to the zoo and watched a bunch of chimps eat their own shit. Poor Tully. This spawn some discussion at length about eating shit, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around Rawdog being a god damned pimp now, so just let that marinade in your head for awhile instead of shit eating talk.

meth_r2d2

Becoming a trash can isn’t normal. But on meth it is.

In crystal meth history news, Nazi’s were all on meth. They pretty much invented a precursor to meth and used it as a war drug and administered something like 35 million doses of it to the troops, including Hitler. Many of the soldiers had created suicide or died of heart failures because they were so wigged out. Speaking of Nazi’s, TJES gained 2 new interns today, one is 19 and the other is 23 and believe it or not, both are into music and radio, and one of them was on college radio – like PimpDog. The 19 year-old refers to people older than him as “kids” which is just as stupid as it sounds, and the other one tried to crack a joke, and we all heard how well that went with the last intern, Anthony (aka Anal Gay-Lewis). Sounds like Anthony has become the king of the interns as he’s already took it upon himself to tell the new interns to make sure the talent is well hydrated and to gaze into Ellis’ eyes with a look of longing. The interns were asked what they like about the show. Both agreed they liked that the word “fuck” was mentioned so many times, and they also like Ellis’ catch phrase “fuck yeah” – that apparently nobody in the world knew was his catch phrase, except them. Somehow, this led us into Amanda Bynes and how she looks like Andy Milonakis if he were to get into CrossFit training.

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Rawdog when he gets to read Justin Bieber’s name!

In case you missed it Friday, Little Miss Ellis Show winner @johnnywaffels had his fucking apartment burn down, he and his girlfriend are safe, but needed a place to stay and some help. Some kick ass EllisFam were able to come to their aid and help with what they could, so shout out to all them. Thankfully, both are alright and most of their import items were saved. TJES show replays will be starting up tomorrow morning, 6AM West coast time, and with that – Will brought in some promotional items he had order over a year ago – Jason Ellis jizz rags / bar towels! Hollywood news time and Justin Bieber was mentioned again for he and his friends speeding through the neighborhood in his Ferrari. In one of the incidences, Justin Bieber was chased by Keyshawn Johnson (in his Prius), who blocked his car in while Justin ran inside the house and wouldn’t come out. Handling it like a big boy, hiding and calling mom. Apparently his neighbors are banding together and plan to stop paying their home owner’s association fees in order to get something done about Bieb’s & friends. Michael Douglas says he got throat cancer from licking Catherine Zeta-Jone’s toxic box and also says the cure to his cancer was to continue licking her HPV pouch. Scott Weiland was kicked out of Stone Template Pilots again and replaced with Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame. And completely out of left field, Brad Pitt is set to star in a video game called Dark Void. He says so many people hate him because he doesn’t remember people, saying he’s face blind. Ray Manzarek, keyboardist of The Doors died recently on May 20th and according to Rawdog, he was the cool one from the band. Philip Seymour Hoffman said he just got out of rehab for heroin and pills, he had been clean for 23 years, started doing drugs for a week or so and decided he better get his ass into rehab before he started to become a real life version of his character Scotty J from Boogie Nights. Adam Levine got in a little trouble when he was heard off camera saying, “I hate this country.” Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a girl, fully grown, in a band, and with an eating disorder – or so one might suspect.

The new interns came back in for their rendition of Amanda Bynes news. They were quizzed by the guys about the news and basically presented all news items related to her in the past several months. But enough about them, we’ll get to know them more some other time. Welp, too bad. I made the mistake of installing a new battery backup unit after this weekends tornados and it caused me to miss the remaining 30-45 minutes of the show. But whatever, you’ve got all the important and most of the unimportant details. Basically, all that isn’t in this recap is some final calls and some discussions that weren’t nearly as important as Rawdog slinging cream on 2 different chicks – at the same time! Also, I think I might have broken a rib or two late last week, so I’m all mad over here. Have yourself a good night and you stay classy EllisFam. Speaking of classy, here’s fucking Tupac with fucking Kiss.

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Fuck you, I’m out!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/8/2013

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Time to take a ride on the Dick Ambulance, innn outtt innn outtt. It was funnier when Ellis did it. Ellis is back and on pain meds for his back and today he said it hurts when he looks down, but being the champion that he is he came in today to entertain our asses. He said that he is felling old, not because of his back but because of the young girls that were in the studio yesterday. He thinks that they were too young for him and that it would be creepy. Rawdog then explained the “half your age plus seven” rule. That’s where you divide your age by two, add tufseven  then ask for her ID and if she’s over 18 then your in the clear. Then Ells talked about the TUF knock out because he finally got to see it on TV. They talked about getting switched off and how its bad but Ellis used to see his skate buddies do it all the time. The conversation turned to fighting people and if it’s ever worth it even if your fighting for girl. The general thought was that it’s not good and fighting for honor is just stupid. Ellis said that there will be no final calls because the callers suck and it’s all the same bull shit over and over. They talked about home protection and what is best to keep near in case of an intruder. Other than a gun I think the general consensus is a bat. Tully showed Kevin how he need to answer the phones now and I think that he is the best call screener ever, just as long as I’m not trying to call. The dude is cutthroat and like a dude on Twitter said, Burbank Dave is fucked now.

This is the hour that I missed and then relistened to after an alleged many beers so the following may not be completely accurate  A woman has lots of cats and licks them, cue the pussy licking jokes. There were more unsigned farts played and something about Megan Fox but I’m not too sure what. Some actors have odd OCD like habits, for example Olivia Mund pulls her eyelashes out when she’s nervous and Michael J Fox gets jittery when he is happy, or sad, or sleeping. Homeless people smell like they shit and don’t shower, who knew. Tully said he’d kick the priests ass and yell hail Satan or something then Kevin chimed in with Asian retard story about inappropriate smiling. And there’s a lot of fucked up people on twitter, surprise surprise. One dude thinks about his buddy’s junk then Ellis ended this hour by pounded a monster.

foxshakeyc7Ellis thinks it would be funny to ask random people on the street about their STDs. A woman got caught with three different kinds of drugs in her vagina. Then somehow the conversation progressed into Tully’s love boat of slaves and whores. tully love boatSounds pretty awesome because after a while they will start to like being there and making waves with the motion of the ocean. Rawdog doesn’t think he could live anywhere but in a city. If Rawdog woke up one morning and he was black the first thing he would do is call his family to let them know. Then he would go to McDonald’s and order his usual chicken nuggets with a side of expected racism. Ellis would listen to the blues because that’s what all black Australian skate boarders do. Tully then proceeded to explain why the Blues suck and that nobody really listen’s to the Blues even though you might like it once and a while, like a thumb in your bum.mcfist mcribs mcdonalds ronald mcdonald motivational osters online funny

Get The Clit Off Your Box was just one chick whose boyfriend pushes her head down on his dick and holds her nose closed so she can’t breathe and chokes on his dick. This dude shouldn’t be allowed to have a dick of he can’t treat those that service it with a little respect. And she also caught him sniffing her panties in a neon green thong. On behalf of men everywhere, this dude is out of the club. In images (1)Hollywood news the new Sports Illustrated cover was leaked and nobody gave a shit. Adam Levine made anti cologne that smells like a homeless man who shit himself and made a hand puppet out of it. Something about Bruce Willis promoting Die Hard 5 while a little wasted, RedDragons to him. Star Wars, bla bla, bla, more Hollywood news and who gives a fuck, it’s Friday. Oh yeah, Lohan.

Final calls allegedly happened, kinda. There were much better calls but way less of them. Even there weren’t many calls they were still informative. We learned that if you work in service industry you have to be pleasant but you don’t have to eat goat, and being on point no matter what happened to your pup after a coyote eating, Jesus cross and dead guys on your neck. (note: I was very drunk at this point and I’m not sure what this meant but it was in my notes so I shall share it with you). The one thing that I am sure about is that yer mum was very drunk too, so drunk that she got arrested for public indecency after wearing short shorts in public, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 11/27/2012

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Remember the first time you saw Cumtard? Of course you do.

It’s Tuesday and nobody really knows anyone until you see them flip the fuck out. Example: Tully punched a bed once. Actually, that’s slightly misleading as Tully confirmed he’s the kind of guy that would plot your death if he were mad enough. Rawdog cried when he broke up with his chick. But hey, Usher and Justin Timberlake have cried before too, so don’t be a mother motherfucker. Speaking of Ursher (as Ludacris likes to call him) he’s a shitty singer but a good dancer, at least that’s what we hear. But can Ursher dance if his goddamned life is on the line? Probably not, he’s gonna die. There might be a dance off between the guys, the gauntlet seems to have been thrown down so we’ll have to see what kind of thuggery comes from this. Ellis thinks he may have damaged his secondary dick vein, not the main vein, we’re talking about the taggling dummy on the right side. Let’s hope this doesn’t have an adverse effect on his dance moves, should the dance off take place. It’s been suggested that Cumtard, the reverse fag-hag, could sell his own greatest hits album full of farts, vomits, and shits – for the low, low, price of $1.99! But the real question is, can dude dance his ass off? According to Cumtard, the majority of girls at a metal show are swampy, fat, beach ball chicks, which sounds a lot like a Juggalette.

Hell to the yeah they are baby, and that’s why we love you failed Hollywood starlets.

I don’t know if Satan just visited the phone lines or what the fuck went on, but callers were totally out of their shit shellacked gashes just before first break today. Hollywood news time, that crazy kid from Two and a Half Men? He’s still insane, and the guy in his whack job video that sat next to him? He had a pistol jammed in that kid’s ribs the entire time. Actually, that’s probably not true, but it would’ve made for a way better story. Remember Anna Nicole Smith? Her 6-year-old daughter wants to be a Guess model. No word on if she’s preparing by doing bumps of Fun Dip. Brad Pitt is filming a new movie, so your wives, girlfriends, what have you can diddle their axe gashes to that. He dumped $1,100 dollars into a charity bucket on a whim, he also dropped a load in several hot bitches’ buckets – allegedly. Halle Berry, Matthew McConaughey, and Jared Leto – what do they all have in common? Gout. That’s not true either, Leto had gout, Berry had bad relationships, and McConaughey had his run, so lets move on. R. Kelly is illiterate and pees on underage girls – Red Dragons, and Dolly Parton entered a drag competition and lost to others who were dressed as her – ouch.

Never doubt yourself, if these shitheads can make an album, you can do something too! I don’t know about defying gravity like this dude, but still.

You ever surfed on a red wave? And I don’t mean “have you ever eaten a chicks gash while she was on her period” kind of red wave, I mean a real, salt water, ocean – that’s red though. Me neither. But you know what we’ve all done? NMT. Alicia Keys was up first with Nicki Minaj and that bitch will give you gash rash. Next up was someone whose name sounded like “nostrils” so I was expecting something completely different. 50 Cent was up next, I don’t know how the fuck Adam Levine worked his skinny gash into the mix, but I don’t think it ups his street cred at all. Roc Marciano was up next, he used to part of Flipmode Squad and I’m guessing he wishes he still was, because the track we heard sucked a red wave. Yes, that kind. I don’t remember the rest, there was some jazz and jazzcult, but no jizzcult. More gash news, some dude was married to this chick for 20 years, turns out that chick he was married to was born a man. BA-ZING! You just got gashed, son!

Fuck it, I’m outta here. This re-cap is complete.

Final calls, let’s see if they’re anywhere near as fucktarded as today’s earlier calls. I walked in on the last part of Rawdog doing some freestyle rap – unfortunately, I have no idea what that was about. Some dude called about his snooping ass girlfriend getting mad at him for watching porn and I think I heard something about her never masturbating before – which has to be pure bullshit. Quick question. Would you lose respect for Rob Dyrdek if you caught him masturbating eight guys in his backyard? Well, this is the type of shit you need to start thinking about! Back to final calls. People still just don’t get it. People keep completely dropping the ball here. I’m going to give you a helpful tip, honestly. If you get through and the music starts playing at the end of the show – take advantage of the shit by SPEAKING, FARTING, SINGING, ANYTHING! Seriously, it doesn’t matter, the airwaves are yours! Alright, now that we have PSA out of the way, let’s talk about that massive bump on your mother’s forehead and how it got there. When she was little, people used to hang her from a clothesline and spin her until she puked. That’s not what did it though. Turns out, stopping her from spinning by using a shovel is what gave her the bump and the mental capacity of a 7-year-old. OH!