It’s Friday bitches, try to not puke your guys out like Ellis almost did after his workout almost making him late. But he was on time and puke free so it’s all good. Snooks is doing more girly shit like buying bracelets and trying on jewelry and kicking dad to the curb for a more lady like opinion on fashion and accessories. Chicks am I right. If Tully was a billionaire he would pay girls to have sex with him. But not hookers, just regular chicks to find out how much their price is to have sex that they don’t really want to have. This brought the question of how low can an offer be before it becomes offensive for the average girl? The general thought was $500 I think, that seems pretty cheap but I’d do it. Ellis is gonna get a tree piece suit. He has permission and talked about it. Now he will be stylin and profilin for the Rousey interview.
We returned to hear the new Gymkology commercial and Gymkini is accepting donations to his next next stunt with proceeds being donated to Everlast’s charity for cystic fibrosis. Speaking of dudes in bikinis, the pope called a dude after he sent the pope a letter and the dude didn’t believe it was the pope and told him to fuck off, three times. A crazy lady got committed to a mental hospital because she claimed she was a good person because she’s followed by Obama on Twitter. She actually is but she’s also crazy so there’s that. The guys took us on a trip in the Musical Time Machine brought us back to the magical age of rap rock. Remember that time, after Aerosmith and Run DMC created it and Rage Against The Machine mastered it? Yeah me neither, pretty sure my brain blocked all that out in an effort to protect my musical sanity and to protect yours I’m not going to list them, just let them redisappear like God intended. In Hockey News… I’m still trying to figure out what a bizkit is and what it’s doing in hockey instead of under some sausage gravy.
More news for all you folks without the internet to learn all this yourself. In Graffiti News Wanksy is striking in Manchester putting dicks in potholes to protest potholes, someone, aka the man with the biggest balls in the world, tagged a police horse, and a drone drew a dick on Kylie Jenner’s face on a billboard. Ellis and Tully review the avengers trailer, mission impossible trailer, and the last witch hunter. According to Ellis it all sucks because there’s no Vikings, Moto, or drift racing in them.
In Virginia a semen filled turkey baster is not medical technology. Now you know. Today in Wills News… I’m tired of listing shit. If you really want to know what the real news is then watch The Daily Show or C Span or one of those other news shows that will tell you how your children might be in mortal danger from a common household item, coming up next. Wasted desserts are fucking awesom! Just ask Wight Girl Wasted Will! Next up was final calls. I feel like shit so here’s the final calls recap, people are retarded, for reals retarded, drooling cross eyed shitting in their pants retarded. And if you want a mom joke just ask her about the time she lost her virginity, OH!
