allergies are a motherfucking dick, I swear. The exact moment the allergy medicine I took wore off it felt like I got punched in the face. I also felt the moment of bliss when I took another one and I could breathe and hear again. I’ve never really suffered from allergies before and oh my dear God, whoever invented them needs to be shot. I know they weren’t invented. But I’m hating my face right now. It feels like it’s getting ready to explode. Anyway..welcome to the Tuesday recap of The Jason Ellis Show, brought to you by your favorite femme recapper and her fabulous vagina!!!!
Ellis says that it’s great to be him, and man, it must be. Four hours a day on the radio, alter ego Gymkini, a hot girl on his arm..I’d do it. But it must suck to be Tully- at least today- because he is home sick. But never fear!!! The awesome Brendan Schaub of The Fighter and The Kid answered the sOs and Ellis didn’t have to do the show on his own. And man..I don’t know if it’s that I’ve never seen a picture of Brendan Schaub before, or if I forgot how hot he is..but damn…I would lick his face. I’m not really into big bulky guys, or really any guy under 40 who isn’t Joe..but yeah..I would lick him. And not just his face. I’m sure that there are many things that I would lick. I’m not even all that mad that this show was the second Tuesday in a row that was mostly about nothing.
Jude was absent from the studio again, cause, you know, I guess he’s allowed to go on vacation…so the first part of the show was a lot of talking between Ellis and Brendan about random stuff. They would touch on things and then say that they would talk about it later and Ellis wound up answering almost interview type questions that Brendan asked him. Ellis brought up that The Kid half of the podcast and Joe Rogan had been talking about him, and it made him sad for himself. They were saying he was kinda out of his mind for fighting and getting punched in the head because he has a career and kids and how he does it probably because of how he grew up and the things that happened to him. Ellis explained that he’s not getting punched in the head other than when he’s doing Ellismania at this point because he doesn’t want to forget his name or how to put on pants, he has even stopped sparring people at the gym. He’s doing BJJ and trying to be healthy and being a good daddy, but it kind of bums him out that people think he’s out of his mind. They also somehow got on the subject of meditation and how Ellis likes to meditate in the steam room and Brendan told him to watch out and not fall asleep in there cause he’d wake up with his dick in someone’s mouth. Ellis thought that was unlikely, but they did take a phone call from someone who used to work at a gym or their girlfriend did and said that that shit happens allllll the time. Gross. Sweaty steam room dick. Lmao. What am i saying? Like I’m picky. Joe’s the one who gets all ‘let me shower first’ if he feels like he’s too stinky from work. I’m the gross one who says ‘I don’t care, let me suck your dick’ and I hardly ever comment on if it tastes extra salty. Although..I did feel really gross writing that. Whatever. I think we all know by now that I’m kind of a whore. At least when it comes to da Hubbs. Ellis also mentioned that he’s driving his truck lately cause he crashed his Porsche and Brendan took it so personally when he thought that Ellis wasn’t ever going to get it fixed, because he is a Porsche man as well and it hurt him on the inside.
I’m gonna use that as a helpful segue into MMA news and the big news on the block being brought to us by UFC Fighter Brendan Schaub is that Jon Jones was involved in a hit and run where he left the scene of an accident that left a pregnant lady with a broken arm. Super fucked up. Jones eventually turned himself into police (after a couple days allowing himself to get whatever illegal substances out of his system) and is facing a felony. He’s also facing the big question of What is the UFC gonna do? Send him to ‘rehab’ for another six hours? Doesn’t seem like that’s gonna cut it this time. Schaub thinks he needs to be stripped of his belt and suspended for a year (hopefully with some real rehab in there this time) and Ellis seems to think that’s not the worst idea. Ellis says that the UFC needs to do something cause Jon Jones is a cash cow for them and if he keeps going like he’s going now then he isn’t going to be around all that much longer because he’s on the road to destruction. They also talked about the upcoming Mayweather/Pacquiao bout and Schaub informed Ellis that Mayweather is an alleged wife beater and Pac-Man should win on that alone. Well, we all know how Ellis feels about men who hit women and his mind was blown. He’s not even gonna pay to watch the fight now, but Brendan said he’ll pay to watch Mayweather lose. Ellis thinks that it should be somehow rigged that Pacquiao wins since Mayweather hits women, but we all know that’s not gonna happen. And I know that there was something else hereabouts that I wanted to mention..oh..Ellis brought up how people get rich and famous and turn into assholes and Brendan countered him with a list of people who were rich and famous and weren’t assholes like that football guy who loves Jesus a lot. Hang on..my sport is hockey. I have to google. Tebow. Tim Tebow. He’s a football player that’s supposedly a super rad dude and is good friends with Brendan and Andrew the Giant came in and they started talking football and TJES went straight up ESPN for a bit. Ellis called for Will because The Giant and The Fighter were speaking Chinese and Will ingeniously brought up tacos, because, you know, it was such a similar topic and a good way to keep the conversation moving but in a direction that Ellis was more comfortable with. Hopefully you read that with as much sarcasm as was intended, otherwise you may be confused.
Then Ellis was gonna talk about hockey and hockey news. But he didn’t. And I got sad. I love hockey. Let’s Go Rangers!! Round two!! Don’t fuck up!!
And then…transgender Bruce Jenner talk. I can’t even begin to say how much i don’t care. You know what I care about? I care about Aydian Dowling and how he might be the first transgender make on the cover of Men’s Health. I’ve know Aydian since we were kids and he is awesome and amazing and inspiring. I’ll even relate this to Jenner cause all the major networks showed Aydian’s picture in their transgender photo montages while they were talking about Bruce Jenner coming out as transgender. And now, I’m not getting down on Bruce or anything..but basically anything that has to do with any sort of Kardashian thing I am super not interested. I want Bruce Jenner to be happy and be in the body he feels he belongs in, but, I’d much rather plug Aydian Dowling who is a transgender activist and tries to help people every day. Google him. He’s on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. He has a clothing company whose proceeds go to help transgender people in need pay for surgery. Boom. Plug over.
Rounding out the show the guys played a round of Fuck, Marry, or Kill- 55 and older edition. It was funny because Brendan, at the beginning was super opposed to the old lady thing because he does have a type and his type is ‘hot’ but they got into the game and once some googling of some hot older ladies was done, he was way more open to the whole thing. There were some good suggestions from callers like Christie Brinkley, Cher, Susan Sarandon, Jane Seymour, and a bunch of others…and it took a surprisingly long time for Jamie Lee Curtis to be brought up (I love her) but the final three up for decision were Michelle Pfeifer, Christie Brinkley, and Madonna. I’m glad that Dolly Parton got dropped out of the race personally, cause, I mean, have you seen her face lately? She looks like a clown! Total terrible plastic surgery face. I don’t care how big her boobs are!!!! Unless, of course, they get so big that they block her terrible terrible face. Brendan said the decision for him was easy and he would Fuck Pfeifer, Marry Brinkley, and kill Madonna, and CumTard agreed with him. Ellis tried to sway Schaub because he thinks Brinkley is kind of a ditz and you don’t want to marry that, plus he tried to get him to kill her and fuxk Madonna because Schaub needs some kink in his life. Ellis was halfway successful and Brendan decided to marry Pfeifer, fuck Brinkley and kill Madonna. Ellis wanted to Marry Pfeifer, kill Brinkley, and fuck Madonna…but everyone else agrees with The Fighter so he was overriden. They went to break next and left the mics hot, prompting a lot of tweets regarding the issue.
Will tried to do news in the last minutes of the show and brought up everything going down in Baltimore..but Ellis started thanking Brendan for being on the show and thank God that conversation didn’t get started. Let’s all hope the rioting stops.