Category Archives: Overviews & Re-Caps

Overviews & re-caps of broadcasts from The Jason Ellis Show.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/24/2012

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Time to stretch the fingers and pound out my first re-cap after the break. Ariel Helwani (@arielhelwani) is the dude that interviewed Jason “Mayhem” Miller when he “acted” crazy. Well he interviewed Mayhem again and this time Jason explained that he was in character and that he pulled a prank on Ariel. Either way Mayhem doesn’t seem like his usual crazy self. This is a different kind of crazy. Ellis wants to help but he thinks that Mayhem needs to hit bottom to fully accept it. On a lighter note, after being on the radio for 4 hours, Ellis finds it hard to have conversations with other people and is worried about becoming the creepy radio guy. If I do anything for 4 hours chances are I don’t want to do it more. Except buttchugging, there’s always room for buttchugging, literally. Is Ellis been more negative than usual? Nope, he’s actually about the same, he seems to go through phases of negative then mellow. According so some, he just needs more Kit Cope in his life. Okay according to Kit he does but according to his legs they are fine without more Kit. Ellis said that he is still realing from divorce, mainly with his time with his kids but things are getting better. Jude graced us with his urban presence and told about his appearance on Ricki Lake (a favor for his home girl/producer) talking about his bathroom attendant job and letting dudes rent them for blow and well, blow. If ya know what I mean. He had to share the stage with some dumb ass bartender, slash failed actor, slash douche canoe. If you weren’t keeping up you might have missed the subtle segways that lead to chaffed nipples, racist movies, shitty black movies, and the difference between good and bad skin heads. Here’s a hint, look for the swastika head tattoos or the blood of minorities on their hands, its all in the subtleties.

You can now vote for the 2nd annual Reverse Awards! And remember, vote now and vote often. New producer Valerie came into the studio today. She is Jason’s friend from way back who doesn’t want to bang him, which is probably why they are still friends. We learned a lot about Valerie today. Important bits of information like, dudes shouldn’t use LOL or emoticons, Valerie will give you her number unless your a bum, she won’t jack you off in the middle of the day for fixing her car, blow jobs don’t get her wet, she is a selfish masturbator, she doesn’t like huge dicks ( because she’s little), she was with little wiener dude who was nice guy but too embarassed to slip her the cocktail weenie,  and she has assburgers syndrom a little so don’t get upset when she laughs after you tell her about your tiny package. Tully brought in some Japanese butthole cakes that tasted like seaweed which explains why the Japanese are all so skinny, I wouldn’t eat anything either if it all looked and tasted like ass.

Valerie and Jason shared some Jake Brown stories. Tales of DJ Blackout on a party bus, that he requested, pissing everywhere with his one friend, the time he got kicked out of EllisMania, snuck back in to finish DJing, and then his adventures pub crawling through Hollywood with his pants around his ankles partying with EllisFam. And who could forget the time he kicked out windows at a party, ahhh good times. A girl called in who lost her virginity to Ellis in ’98 and she said it was his accent that got her all hot and bothered. From all of us here at noyouare, a celebratory chest bump for the Wing!

In medical news, sugar makes you dumb or some shit, I can’t remember. Carbonated beverages give girls strokes but not dudes so that sucks for the ladies. In everyday celebrity bullshit,  Magic Johnson is getting sued by his liquorice squeezing assistant who can’t get a god damn turkey sandwich on time, Chris Brown gets pulled over for doing something stupid as usual, and Fifty Cent got t-boned by some chick having a stroke

Don’t forget the taint region!

because she can’t put down the fucking soda. Then there was some political talk that I zoned out on which then brought us to Final Calls. Final Calls were quite educational today, for instance, don’t Nair your balls, it burns like a thousand blowtorches upon your taint, instead shave them like a man, in the mirror, with one leg up on the counter. Don’t do drugs but if you do consult a physician to make sure you can handle it, or just say fuck it and drink lots of water, you only live once. If your trying to lose weight keep at it, just like yer mum, she recently lost 15 pounds after the load that was impacted in her colon fell out, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/23/2012

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It’s Tuesday, and is there a Heaven for the EllisFam?  Some random preacher dude was telling Ellis, before the show, some shit about the Ultimate Real of heaven.  How everyone would be the funniest ever, and know everyone better than they did before, and have legendary licks just like Jimi Hendrix.  Bullshit!  Would be more like hell for Chad Reed if everyone could handle a Kawasaki like ol’ 22!  Tully thinks the world is culturally imperialistic for thinking their region specific religion is better than anyone elses, well with the internet giving us access to all walks of life.  He was also on Steam Pipe Alley back in the day, but thats a whole other story!  Back to Jesus, so if Heavens so freaking sweet, why don’t we off ourselves and go right now?  Cause fucking Oxford said suicide don’t get you into heaven, oh and God wants you to grapple with cancer for a few before your ready, nice to know!  If you were ever curious the difference between the new and old testaments, think of it like the difference between 311 and Danzig.  Also, make sure to not get TJ Lavin started on all this religious talk since Jesus causes hangovers. Remember kids, Pro Satan and Pro Forgiven! And as far as Rawdogs concerned, “Just don’t mess with the Jews and your ok!”

 

You can’t see him, but this guy is pointing to Tully. Show business is a mother fucker!

Axl Rose was at the Bridge School Benefit preforming acoustically with GNR.  She’s still got it!  After watching this video, Ellis compared it to Honey Boo Boo for others, a train wreck you can’t look away from.  He honestly thinks someone killed Axl, replaced him, and were watching this new shitty Axl.  Tully thinks its just the Marlboro Reds catching up to him, but #fucktully right.  Backbone called in to confirm the stories of random people being paid royally, to be on call for weeks to months at a time, in case Axl decided he was ready to record Chinese Democracy….which only took like 20 years and 17 million bucks to complete.  Cullen also said he recently saw Slash play with Myles Kennedy and they were shredding like the ledges they are!  Speaking of shredding, there is plenty of it in the 2012 Reverse Awards.

Contestants Brittany and Abby for this year’s “Person With the Least Amount of Heads” Award

Rawdog went through this years categories again, and they discussed and finalized the contestants.  Rawdog will post a site for us soon……….So keep your eyes open on twitter, and here, for the link to the website so you can vote for who you think is this years “Most Human Looking” or “Least Rapey Father”!  Oh yeah, don’t forget that Tim McGraw still hates the show – #TruckYeah

 

 

So some dude in New Jersey bit his finger off, after being transported between the hospital and lock up a few times, while high on PCP.  Meanwhile, these two other guys got naked, sacrificed some birds, set their house on fire, and put a shotgun barrel to the chest of a police officer….and only one of them died.  Sounds like cult activity to me, a Jizz Cult perhaps?  Speaking of Jizz Cult, we finally got to use his New Music Tuesday intro.  You know, the one that started all of this intro madness.  It took a while, and an unnecessary conference call, but we got to hear the pay off we’ve all been waiting for.  All this just giving way to Josh and his 2 week back up of Audio Ejaculate all over your earballs!  Tons of shit here to go back and check out, 12 artists in all, a really swell time.  Ellis is having a swell time on Hollywood Uncensored recently, even though he was getting ragged on for being so old and still wearing hats n shit.  But you know the Wing is comfortable with himself and is doing his thing, so fuck off.  You know who’s not comfortable, old baseball managers in those tight ass uniforms with their gunts pouring out of their stretch pants.  Could you imaging Phil Jackson rocking a Lakers warmup set on the sideline?  Old People, am I right?

 

Really dude – Can’t skip the shake and extra large fries once in a while?

 

Since Tully’s still on his vacation away from his family, he’s been staying up late and got to go get some RoRos Chicken.  What he hasn’t been doing is participating in the Fantasy Slut League that some Bay Area high school kids were running, until they got busted of course.  He has however been dreaming of dressing like Professor Moneybags from Monopoly.  Ellis suggested he makes it rain in the strip club if he did such a thing.  Speaking of making it rain, think you can make it rain laughter with your stand up routine?  Email your shit to ellisparodies@gmail.com and you can get reviewed live on the show like Jeff Judd did today.  Rawdog thinks he can, and almost had a bet lined up with Tully and Ellis to see who could do the best 5 minute routine.  Rawdog suggested they do their shit in a club, and the crowd’s applause can decide who won.  Tully had a different idea, to still do their 5 minute routine, but on the Ellis Show….and loser has to preform the same routine in some random comedy club in the ghetto.  Nothing got finalized but maybe more on this in the future.  Apparently Rawdog had no idea he has done a live set once before at the Pink Taco back in Ellis Mania 4, Classic!  He does remember that he wants to do acid at some point in his life, but Tully suggested to do really good shrooms instead.  They all agree whichever drug you do, watch VideoDrome while doing it.  Of course Rawdog would hate this movie, since he hates anything with old special effects.  The Matrix blows if you watch it now, since its so old and outdated.  He also thinks older cartoons are better because they have less visually, but are still as good as todays with their better writing and jokes.  Sufferin’ Succotash! (See it’s not funny people).  Don’t worry, Butterballs stopped by to save the day, and hooked his junk up to the RC Car to give the old tug and pull.  This isn’t his first dance with such obstacles  since he once did the Disco Balls challenge.  That guy has so much heart, but not as much as your mom….she never stops gaping and buttchugging, a true competi-whore!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/22/2012

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Look, here’s a picture of a of a chick standing in the ocean with her snorting cocaine stars in space. Just because.

It’s Monday, and we did it! We lasted an entire week without any live shows! But only because @Cullensaidthis put together some sweet “best of” licks, so quick shout out to that soon to be baby daddy. I’m not even sure I remember how to do re-caps anymore, but let’s give it a shot, like a shot of semen in your butt! HEYOH! You’re only as old as you feel, and Ellis feels twelve even though he finally caught radio AIDs from Rawdog & Tully while on his stay-cation. Dingo was there today, they were talking about Ellis being able to test out a bunch of new motorscooters last week, and we learned that Dingo broke his leg when he was about six – he rode his little dirt bike into a pile of bricks. We heard the re-telling of the epic story of Rawdog’s sister breaking his clavicle, and how he survived the whole ordeal even though his tough-ass didn’t want to go to the hospital at first. Hey, shout out to us today! Rawdog’s interview, Get Deep Inside Rawdog, got mentioned and we got made fun of, so that was fuckin’ awesome!

Going to Japan is like being a sexually assaulted fly.

Big news, Evander Holyfield is rumored to be coming out of retirement at age 50, no word on if he plans to hock his own line of indoor grilling apparatus. Sounds like he’s broke, owes a landscaping company some skrilla, and was linked to… wait for it… a company that gave athletes steroids! Fifty is dropping butt burps all over the studio today, so he got banished to the prize chamber. Tully went to Japan last week, flying with his wife, son, and mother-in-law for twelve ma-fucking hours, while he was sick. They sleep on shitty futons on the floor while they’re in Japan, which has to suck puppy farts. His grandmother-in-law wanted to give him some local remedy for his sickness, a turpentine horse shit nose thing. Breakfast consisted of 9 different types of slime shit and a bunch of people sitting around loudly slurping down their slime breakfast – which was driving him nuts. Several times his wife’s grandmother didn’t realize he was in the room and so he would inadvertently see her in her underwear, over and over. Everyone spoke in Japanese, leaving him sitting in silence and bored while they yammered on about something, maybe uncooked slimy food.

This is you after having a meaningful session of love making with Tully.

Keeping on the topic of Japan, doctors had to remove a dildo from dude’s intestines before he died. And apparently Tommy Lee Jones is a goddamned legend in Japan, for some reason they like older dudes with more lines and wrinkles in their faces than Santa’s balls on a road map. In a totally straight, no homo way, what dude would you most like to fuck? Dingo fancies Leonardo DiCaprio, Tully wouldn’t mind doing Dwyane Wade, Ellis thinks Trent Reznor might be a solid choice, and Rawdog chooses Sam Elliott because he thinks it would be more like making love as Sam’s mustache would comfort him. All of this talk got brought to a screeching halt thanks to a very descriptive caller who had a clearly well thought out scenario as to how he would like to have sex with Tully. Turtles are completely fucked up, they shit their dick out and piss out their mouths. What in the mother of fuck is the deal with that? It’s like nature got drunk as fuck and lost a bet. Allegedly, Amish people are super into bestiality and incest, and I don’t think anyone is super surprised about this claim. Rawdog could use some ideas on outdoor activities that promote physical fitness, probably by himself for the time being, and fucking your mother in an alley doesn’t count, because everyone does that. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/12/2012

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Its Friday, the last show before for a week of vacation, so who really does give a fuck?  Sarah certainly doesn’t.  The dirty little whore was begging for anyone to ask her how to suck a cock.  Turns out Tully and Rawdog both have been struggling to slob the knob lately and obliged.  Seems the key is to get a lot of gagging going on, past the point of vomiting, and swallow it up with a finger in the ass.  Spit the load into a tube and shove it up your twat.  Out comes a baby and Bobs your uncle!  Seems Josh n Mike were missing the whole revenge angle.  Next time your in Cali, make sure to pop into ‘Aussie Town’ aka Little Melbourne.  Ellis, Rawdog and Tully riffed up this marvelous town of boobs, boos n buds.  Think of it like Mic Dundee meets Crue Town.  Ellis is king and the strip clubs are plentiful, if ya know what I mean mates!  Ellis was also reminiscing, back in real Australia when he was a teen, about some crazy Asian gang of kids that wanted to meat cleave and machete him n his boys.  Some little Linsanity kid got beat up the day before, and rounded up half of Japan to come whoop anyone with a skateboard.  Obviously Ellis got away, but thats some crazy shit that he said seemed to happen a lot back there.  Tully knew some dude that got beaten here in America by a group of 10year old kids pretty bad too, but nothing about machetes n asians.  I knew some group of kids named #ellisfam that fucked your mom.  Shoutout to those crazy fuckers!

Good friend of the show Thomas Haden Church called in to wish Ellis a Happy Moon Birthday.  It turns out THC has an angelic voice that harmonizes with peace.  He sung Ellis a Happy Birthday that is worthy of any ‘Best Of’ next week.  Its not surprising since he was the lead singer of a band back in the day named “Wall of Dogs”.  Probably would have been the next Molly Hatchet if the guitarist didnt up n go OD on heroin.  Maybe Death! Death! Die! can get him on a track in the future.  The Future’s birthday was yesterday……and last night too!  Seems Ellis Mate and a group of friends including Donald Schultz, Benji Madden and many more, went out to the strip club.  The same strip club Josh’s sister works at, just leave it at that!  Sounded like fun, boobies, boobies, party, boobies, Katie, boobies, Malice, boobies, your moms boobies.  All in all a good birthday night.  Seems Rawdog and Tullys nights weren’t as sweet as the Wing.  Trust Fund Boy was awoken to his roommate and two chicks coming home from the Madonna concert.  They were reliving the night on one of their cellphones while poor ol Josh was trying to get his sleep to battle the Aids he recently aquired.  Thats bad, but this is worse.  With Superdad in charge, little Linsanity snuck away and found a sticker on the floor, and babies will be babies ya know.  So Tully hears him coughing and runs in to see the little dude full on vomiting from this piece of paper.  The sticker happend to be like 80 years old, but it sounds like everything came back up and little Oxford should be just fine.  Im not so sure about Will’s kid though.  Tullys story reminded Jizz Cult when he shoved a fork up his sons ass to help relieve the constipation he was suffering.  Fucking Jizzcult is a sick dude man.  He did however make up for it by offering to get Ellis tickets to Voodoo Fest in New Orleans later this month, so I guess he’s not that bad.  Plus his shins are fucking sweet too!

Lindsay Lohan’s back at it again, The Chateau Marmont that is.  Seems she is no longer banned from their establishment for her $46,000 bill, how nice.  Shes also being nice to her mom again, saying the bitch wasn’t on coke like she previously said.  Lindsay also said shes done with her father for good, and wants Ellis to suck a dead horses dick by voting for Mitt Romney.  Shes really turning a new leaf towards being a real American hero.  Hulk Hogans video was on topic again, focusing on the video being Black and White.  Tully and Ellis figured it to be the security cameras from maybe Bubba’s house, since he was allegedly a paranoid dude.  They also conspired the video was maybe leaked by an old show member, since the video could easily be saved if sent via email to one another.  DId you know the swinghouse has surveillance cameras….which means absolutely dick since Will doesn’t ever catch anyone doing shit.  Speaking of catching shit, remember the dude from Florida who refilled Enemas with the liquid, after he had ran it through his body one time for good luck, and then returned about a dozen to the store to be resold to innocent people.  Yeah well that sick fucker is facing 10 years or $250K bail for his escapades.  Thats good to know, and so is the news that Katie has Butt Chugged before.  Even though she had never heard the term, and didn’t use beer, she did admit to ‘Wine Chugging’ one time in her life.  #RedDragons

A new segment was introduced today, “Men, Am I Right?”.  We heard such hilariousisms as the man in London who used his microwave to dry his socks and underwear, and burnt his house down.  Or what about the guy in Michigan who threatened to burn his apartment complex down, while cooking squirrel with a propane blow torch.  And don’t forget the Wisconsin guy who was last seen fucking a yellow couch on the side of the road.  He was identified when he ran from the cops…..into the front door of his house.  Being a man, all I got from this segment really was you must both cook your squirrel very well done to kill all the rabies and nah mate, you are!  Bestie McBestington stopped by the studio before checking out his Baltimore Oreo’s in playoff action tonight, and to pick up his credit card he forgot at the strip club last evening.  Tully and Benji tried to jinx each other since Tully routes for the opposing New York Yankees.  Jason and Rawdog both learned that their really the Baltimore Orioles, but what the fuck ever dude its baseball.  Benji Madden learned who Thomas Haden Church is, and asked to be hooked up for a play date with him and Ellis.  They even practiced what each other would say.  It got really gay for a while at this point.  Luckily five guys showed up and everything was better…..that place has the best burgers I swear!  Bestie talked about wanting to buy a place back in Maryland, gave everyone a shoutout, and went off to be awesome.

 

Remember that binder of old show clips Tully found the other day.  Jackpot!  They broke out one of the clips today for us to preview, and mentioned possibly using more for some of the ‘Best Of’ shows next week.  Todays clip was a 10 minute segment they did with Ryo Chonan, the only man to ever submit Anderson Silva!  I’d love to tell you what this skit was about, but much like Big Fucking Mega Boat, I haven’t the fucking slightest.  It was from about 4 or 5 years ago, Ellis was the narrator, and Ryo drops his lines in and out of some old 36 Chambers of Death background.  Oh, he did kill some bitch by cuming on her, that I did catch.  All in all it was pretty funny, and they replayed the skit in its entirety at the very end of the show if your interested.  What your not intersted in was Rawdogs new segment, New Movie Friday.  The only thing worth while here was the intro that had to be sung by Will Pendarvis, the human button bar.  After that, well how do you expect a visual aided skit to properly work on a radio show?  They did preview a few movies of note, such as Here Comes the Boom featuring Kevin James and Jason “Mayhem” Miller, Argo, Cloud Atlas, The Hobbit and maybe the most promising of all Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes.  This Bigfoot movie appeared to have a nice Blair Witch allure to it.  Oh, they also talked a little about the new James Bond movie SkyFall, but the whole New Movie Friday thing had killed the show so who gives a fuck!  The rest of Final Calls was about how Sylvester Stallone has some hidden beef with Carl Weathers since hes not in either of the Expendable movies, and what’s the best horror movie of all time? The Woodsman and Creepshow 2 were two of mine and their favorites that were mentioned.  I love that line from Creepshow 2, “Thanks for the ride Lady!” – I use it every time Im done fucking your mom, Oh!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/11/2012

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Its the Birthday re-cap. Not my birthday, it’s the other Jason’s birthday, the Australian Jason. Illness is still running rampant throughout the Swinghouse and it seems that the Tussin Baby has caught a bit of the sniffles, most likely from Tully. Speaking of Tully, he saw a black and a white gay buddy criminal team get arrested in the front of the studios on his way in. Like a modern day Billy & Clyde. Tasmanian Devils are rough lovers and they are extinct, except for the ones that are still alive, other wise they are all dead from disease. I blame the Herpes Badger, that motherfucker don’t give a shit, he gives Herpes. Ellis is going to be test driving some new dirt bikes while on vacation and says he needs a kidney belt so his 41 year old guts won’t get busted up so bad. Ellis watched a fairy mermaid barbie movie with Devin and was laughing at them tripping balls on some berries. I have seen this movie a number of times (I have 3 daughters, give me a fucking break) and also laugh at the “berries,” guess that was a little less obvious than shrooms. The guys talked a bit about the Hogan sex tape and the long of the short of it is whoever released that shit is fucked up. Nellie’s bus got busted in Sierra Blanca, Texas. You know the town that every tour bus has to go through even though they know they’re gonna get fuck with. Dumb asses.

Baby got back for days and days and days and days and days and days and days and…you get the fucking point.

There was a news story about an 1100lb woman. I’m not sure of the details because I can’t get past the fact that she weighs that much! How does she poop? Is it smelly? Does someone shave her cookie for her? Here’s the story if your more interested than me. Do you like noodles? I fucking love noodles, but not as much as this kid. Here’s the “I want my noodles”video sent in by bitPimps. An Australian man got kicked out of bar for having the worst mullet ever. I don’t think it’s the worst I’ve ever seen, but he ain’t no Billy Ray either. Zack Efron gets pissed on by Nicole Kidman in new movie, not sure what else to say about this, better than a story about a dudes mullet that’s fo sho! A guy called in to talk about his double baloney amputee girlfriend and how she is awesome in skating and snowboarding and other awesome shit. Ellis might have her on the show, hopefully that will be a cool interview to listen to. The guys then turned their attention tho politics and government, then the Libertarian party and their no taxes idea, and with no taxes there’s no laws so fuck it, let’s PARTAY! WWED? What would Ellis do; relationship advise. A dude is bored with his girlfriend, Jason says to dress as a dog and a nurse and fuck, Tully says to cheat, that shit works every time, what can go wrong.

see, he likes it.

Surprise, it’s Jagar Beard for a special appearance. I’m not going to spoil too much but this is defiantly worth listening to and I have one of those faces that people can trust. Ellis bought Thomas Hayden Church’s Porsche, good for him. Malice @Malice666Mcmunn (Katies friend) came into the studio today. She told us delightful stories about how she was abused, bounced from foster home to foster home, had an abusive mother, a drug habbit, and how she fisted her friend with rubber gloves on  because her friend was a dirty whore. She’s also a self proclaimed cougar and if your a young dude on the streets she might just pull you inter her rape wagon and have her way with you and then you can write to Penthouse and tell them all about it. Malice is on Instagram at malicexxx and says she loves Instagram because its all asses and babies. It’s like, awwww, ooooh, awwwwww, ohhhhh. They played Jagar Beard’s survival quiz and all I really got from it is in any situation you need to zig zag while cooking grass hoppers with ants in your cookie while acting like Andy Dick. Do you know what you should do if yer mum starts to run at you suddenly? Nothing, she can’t run with all that dried up jizz making her thighs stick together, OH!