Show Re-cap For Monday 2/27/2012

Silence of the RawdogIt’s fucking Monday and holy shit, everyone sure loves watching and talking about the god damned Oscars. Well fuck that shit, not here. Not in this dojo, motherfucker! More importantly, Rawdog lost his bet with Ellis and so now he must Silence of the Lambs himself (tuck wiener and balls in his ass) while holding an umbrella. Low-and-behold, Rumble McTumble did not disappoint, here is Ellis’ angle and here is Dingo’s shot. What a fucking legend that dude is.

There was some talk about grass today. No, not marijuana – but actual grass, like the kind that make lawns and golf courses. Specifically, is Kentucky bluegrass really blue or have a blue tinge to it? Survey says, who gives a rats ass. There was a speed dating contest today where Dan, Cumtard, and Rawdog have to pretend to be on a speed date with Ellis’ girlfriend (@UnderwearWolf). I’m just gonna come right out and say it, Dan didn’t seem to do too well, or at least not as good as one might think he would do. Next up was Cumtard, Katie seemed to slice and dice him up immediately, she was not into him in the least, asking if he lacked confidence and he sure as shit is. And lastly was Rawdog, he clearly did the best and he pretty much verbally banged her and then dumped her.

More new dates for EllisMania 8 have been proposed, June 2nd, June 16th, or June 23rd depending on which is better and it sounds like it might be June 23rd, unless of course that changes. Plus it’s Danzig’s birthday so that’s pretty gangster.

So there you have it, that’s all for today’s show. Next up, the show your mother performs in, “Fuck My Face In The Rest Area Bathroom” and a Q and A on how she manages to swallow so many loads. OH!

(Update 2/28/2012): I’m not sure how I forgot to use this chance to post this, but I did. Anyway, you should check out the video below, it’s from Greens Keepers and was inspired by The Silence of the Lambs.

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/24/2012

Welcome To The Prize ChamberIt’s Friday and you know what that means: Sheep are fucking dumb and Rawdog’s car is a pile of shit. There was talk about making a new Rawdog t-shirt, and you know that’s a fucking killer idea so hopefully that actually happens. I even came up with concept t-shirt that I’d totally wear. See it over there on the right? No dude, click on it. It’s right there. ==> Other ideas came in, such as “Free Rawdog” (like Free Willy), “Where’s My Trust Fund”, “Welcome To The Jigga-Budda-Boo Show”, “Feed Rawdog” (like Paris Hilton holding her dog but with Ellis’ face on Paris and Rawdog’s face on the dog), and of course “Godwar”. There were more but I’m already tired of typing t-shirt slogans, so let’s just keep pushing forward.

Ashanti. I just wanted to say that I typed her name once in my lifetime. Plus it sounds funny, almost like a cute swear word or something. Anyway, enough about her. Also, The Oscars. And also, enough about them too. Fuckin’ Oscars are fuckin’ stupid. Hey, here’s a totally disturbing picture of a hairless bear. Fuck that thing too, after all it is Who Gives a Fuck Friday. Flibbertigibbet. Just wanted to type that too, sorry. Moving on…

From Tully’s Bullshit news segment, an 8 year-old got a sex change, some dude got arrested for having kids spit, piss, and shit on him, and some unlucky chick in Texas got shot, from a gun fired in Mexico! The first two stories are fucked up, the bitch that caught some lead – that’s fucking awesome (as long as it doesn’t happen to me.) A 20 ton boulder fell on some dudes car and he lived. He’s a couple inches shorter, but he lived. Okay, that last part I totally made up, he’s not shorter – or is he?

More Cumtard torture today, he had to make some “shocking” confessions – so you should totally read into that. Shocking is the key word there in case you’re a total moron. And if you are a total moron, then read this next sentence: Fuck! He’s getting shocked you fool, I don’t know how you even exist. Okay, back to shocking confessions:

  • When he was a little kid, he did some gay shit a couple times. His mom put him in daycare, he was 4 or 5 and he bit some kids nuts. We’re talking pants down and teeth to bald nuts. Disturbing.
  • He said when his whole family would be over at the house, he used to hide behind the curtains and punch his boner. Creepy.
  • At summer camp when he was around 6 or 7 he and another kid got out of their sleeping bags and touched each others wieners. Shocking.

It’s Friday, I’m bringing this thing to an end, and I’m calling your mother to come over so I can take a dump on her chest. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/23/2012

Yeaaaaa motherfuckers. Let’s just jump right into it. Talk started off with a Tweet Tully had made the night before, about a hotel where you can act like a baby. I believe the consensus is that it would be a great idea. Then it turned to what’s the greatest thing to spend $2000 on. I don’t think that went anywhere, or if it did, I missed it. There was quite a bit of talk about Jason’s upcoming book, “I’m Awesome: One Man’s Triumphant Quest to Become the Sweetest Dude Ever”, and how high it might rank on the best seller’s list. Moving on…

Rawdog McDonaldRawdog first smoked pot when he was a sophomore in college, during a night of playing strip poker and truth or dare. Sophomore in college / truth or dare. It sounds so stupidly innocent if weren’t for the fact that the chick Rawdog was crushing on ended up topless, and also ended up hooking up with some other dude. Wha-wha-whaaaa. Poor little fella. Hmm… what else was there, let’s see…

Hypothetical question: If you were 70 years old, would you rather lose your dick or your life savings? I say life savings, you’re most likely near the end of your days anyway, you could survive. That has to be much better than carrying around a colostomy bag that you’re constantly shaking and dropping because you’re old a frail. And you just know you’re getting piss all over the place, pants, car, chair, etc.

Sounds like EllisMania 8 will be moved from the weekend of May 12, to the weekend of May 19 because Andy Bell (@andybell) has something to do the weekend of the 12th. Alicia, one of the chicks that fought in EllisMania 7 dressed as a taco was in the studio, she didn’t say much. So yeah, that happened. The future version of Jason Ellis called into the show, he was 50 and had some really uplifting and solid advice – life is going to get worse but it’ll also get better and something about skiing moguls.

And that’s where I leave it, stop, end, finish. I know, kind of an abrupt finish to a masterpiece, right? That’s just what I’m used to, your mom likes it when I finish like that all over her face. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/22/2012

It’s Chad Reed Day (#ChadReedDay) and that’s all you fuckin’ need to know. You can check out some very real and accurate #ChadReedFacts submitted by everyone, including Chuck Norris. People also sent in their poems and haikus of Chad Reed, which were totally endearing, like OMG!

Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) came on the show today, she’s a comedian / actor, and also female (you may have already figured that out.) Considering how the last interview with a female comic went, I think people were anxious to see how this interview went. And it went really good. What? What else do you want me to say? It’s not like I’m going to do a word for word, play by play of her interview. She was actually on the Rawdog channel (not Josh, the comedy channel on Sirius XM) with Ellis awhile ago. They were guests and people would call in and try to make them laugh for a chance at winning $1000 or something. Which if you thought the finger banging story she told sounded familiar, that’s why, apparently it’s a “bit” she does.

Let’s not forget, today is also World’s Greatest Wednesday, which is inconsequential compared to Chad Reed Day, but that’s why today was world’s greatest Chad. So let’s just go right into the list and their placement:

  1. Chad Reed DayChad Reed & Chad Weed (the drug dealer from Toronto)
  2. Chad Muska
  3. Chad Kagy
  4. Chad Ginsburg
  5. Chad Ochocinco

Since it’s such a special day and there was only a top 5 for world’s greatest Chad, here’s another list for world’s greatest Reed:
(shout out to @mike_in_canada for jotting down the list for me while I violated your mother)

  1. Chad Reed
  2. Artie Reed
  3. Tara Reid
  4. Chopper Read
  5. Ellis’ ability to read

And that’s it for World’s Greatest Wednesday. Enjoy it, bask in it, take it out for dinner and penetrate it. It was also new music day today, Rawdog got his ass chewed and spit out for playing shitty music again. Cumtard ate more of his pubes while getting electrocuted, it sounded pretty disgusting as he was gaging on his pubes. You know, a little more punishment before he leaves the show is never a bad thing. Plus he has to get rid of his bag of pubes before he leaves the show. It was mentioned that maybe since it is Chad Reed Day, maybe he should be eating Chad Reed pubes as it might give him superpowers.

And, grand finale time… are you ready for it? Are you really ready? Really, really ready? The Chad Reed was on the phone for the end of the show. That’s right, the fuckin’ ledge, Chad Reed. He was in good spirits, talked about how he’s coming back next year to rule shit and also said something about how he just absolutely destroyed your mom’s box. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/21/2012

According to Ellis and Rawdog, Cumtard is in fact leaving the show – unless maybe if Sirius XM can pay him more money. He said he can’t afford to live on a part-time wage (understandable) so he has to go get a full-time job some place to pay the bills. So look out for Scrotum McBoner Fart at your local sex shop or grocery store. This may be good and/or bad news. Cumtard has taken a his fair share of shit from both fans and the cast during his time producing the show, some with good reason and others with malice. The good part, Tully and Rawdog are going to have to help produce the show in the interim, and both of them are certainly more than competent to do so. The bad part is, believe it or not, Cumtard did bring some things to the show that really helped. I wish him nothing but the best and hopefully he is able to return in some capacity, he deserves his shot. Anyway, fuck that guy. (insert laugh track)

So today is Rude Judesday (@rude_jude), he was partying hard snortin’ lines of katemine last night, so much so that he hurled. Dude parties like a fuckin’ rock star and has the best drug fueled stories. I swear sometimes that dude sounds like a hip hop @oxycottonjohn, it’s fucking hilarious. Jude brought up how he would love to bang Sandra Bullock, Ellis got kind of got oddly silent for a second – that seemed kind of funny, make your own presumptions about that.

Rawdog went out on a date this weekend with some chick he wasn’t attracted to after seeing her in person (i.e. a fat chick) He thought she was cool and wants to hang out with her as friends, but doesn’t want to ever have a sexual relationship with her. So basically Rawdog friendzoned this chick, which is awesome because usually it’s him that’s been friendzoned.

Big Fucking Mega-BoatDonald Schultz stopped by the show and there was more talk about making the movie “Big Fucking Mega-Boat”. They were talking about celebrity cameos as well, many names were mentioned as well as many one-liners. The Twitter ledge @mike_in_canada came up with a hashtag (#CelebrityCameo) for possible one-liners that different celebrities making cameos in the film could use. Sounds like they’re getting pretty serious about filming this and hope to have it completed sometime in May I believe.

And that does it. I better stop and try to get this posted. My Internet has been going down more than your mom on freebie blowjob day. That’s still on everyday right?