Blog Archives

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/10/2012

Posted on by
2

I want to be inside you

Healing news today on the show, driving a Porsche settles upset tummies. Tomorrow will be @DanOD5‘s goodbye show, his internship is over and now he must leave the nest and spread his wings. He’ll fly, fly, fly away, back to Chicago and his hot mom. George Clooney probably has some ugly chick in his past that he still longs for, even though he bangs super hot bitches. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s Brad Pitt he longs for, I don’t know. Whichever the choice is, I accept your decision George. Some chick needed to expel breast milk and for whatever reason, it wasn’t coming out so the husband sucked it out for her. NOPE! Keep pushing me, keep pushing me, you just keep on pushing my love, over the borderline – borderline! You just sang that little ditty in Madonna’s voice – and now that song is also stuck in your head, you’re welcome.

Oh Asians, you so cray

Josh Barnett was supposed to be on the show today, but after being already 45 minutes late, Shiney Shins Pendarvis got a phone call saying he would be late. No shit Sherlock. So he got rescheduled in favor of having Twitch (@twitchthis) on at his scheduled time. Apparently the Japanese have done it again, they’ve created an ice bra to help keep the sweater puppies cool during those warm summer days – way to stay cutting edge Japan! Ellis and Twitch played a little trivia game to see who’s smarter than a… a, uh… I don’t know, you can think of something. Anyway, Ellis lost and got to have his nuts tugged on by an R/C car while Twitch gently kissed his neck. Okay, that last part was an outright lie, but the truth is that both of them are going to Twitch’s party tonight, so technically it could still happen.

Is it final calls time?

And then we had final calls… final calls. Oh final callers, why are you so fucking stupid? You don’t realize you’re talking to the person you just called, you ask things like “what are you doin?”, and your reception usually seems as if you’re on the dark side of the moon. I’m really glad you don’t call throughout the show and wait until the end, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. But I also want you to choke on your Speghetti O’s, I know you can do it if you just apply yourself. And now, I have a question for you! Why did your mom cross the road? Because I told that stupid whore to get the fuck off my lawn and go graze in the pastures with the rest of the cows. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/8/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Tuedee. That’s how I think @MumTard might say Tuesday. I don’t really know though because when she opens up her yapper, I just shove my dick in it. Ellis does not have breast cancer (or so he says) but does have hemorrhoids – really big ones according to Dr. AssGazer MD, PhD, NOHOMO. He also got to have his titties squeezed to shit in that mammogram machine thing that chicks love so much. Tully told a story of getting mugged – more than once actually, and at some point, Jude got robbed by a twelve year-old with a rifle. Shits rough out in dem skreets, yo. Ellis got a new phone with Siri on it, it took a good 45 minutes and some fake American accents to get Siri to even acknowledge his existence. Siri sounds like a stuck up bitch.

There was some talk about Dannii Minogue, apparently she’s related to Kylie Minogue, and that’s pretty much all I think anyone knows about her except that her vagina is probably nasty as fuck, but I digress, who gives a shit. So could Ellis beat up anyone from The Avengers? Mary Poppins? Batman? He says yes, and I say no, and since he doesn’t read this – that means I am right! MUHAHAHAHAA! North Carolina is in the fucking bible belt and seeming still inbred. They are voting on Amendment One today, banning gay marriage. Supposedly some gay guy has already been beaten up for talking to voters there, stay classy North Carolina.

Today was New Old Music Tuesday from 1982, and as someone born in 1974, I think it was harder to stomach than what we’re used to hearing on Tuesday’s. The 80’s were just god awful for just about everything. Ellis can pull an RV and lift a keg with his nuts, at first that sounds pretty hardcore, and then an instant later, it sounds insane and dangerous. I suggest not doing that for the very real possibility of ripping a ball out of your scrotum. One thing I would suggest doing though, is to drive home as soon as possible and fuck your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 5/4/2012

Posted on by
Reply

We’ve made it! It’s Friday my friends, and I guess you can give 1 fuck today but only if you are a Beastie Boys fan. Will Smith might be who the bitches wanna go balls deep with now-a-days. He’s a pretty wholesome guy, probably doesn’t beat Jada or even drop loads on her face. Ellis had a hot blonde walk past him and he was searching for one of the pickup lines from yesterday’s show but couldn’t think exactly how they went. He was checking Twitter and boom, this same chick mentions how she just saw Ellis. So he DM’s her and says he was going to hit on her, she says “you should’ve, don’t be scurred” and he in turn said “I’m not, you should go out with me sometime” and then digits.

We might be seeing a new game in the near future, Cry Challenge. I’m not sure if there’s one signature move you could pull to edge out a victory, I think it will have to be based on how much you actually fall apart. I know what I’d try for though, I’d get that bottom lip quivering like a naked bitch in a blizzard, then get the water works breaking the dam, I’m talking snot dripping, slobber, tears, standing in a puddle of my own piss – you won’t be able to fuck with that kind of breakdown. Cumtard came on the show today, like as in was on the show, he didn’t seriously cum on the soundboard or anything. Now that that’s clear, he was there to play a game they’ve played before, Stinko De Mayo, where they will be blindfolded and have to smell some stuff and try to guess what it is. The exciting part about today’s game? Pendarvis will be participating! Pendarvis almost immediately flipped the fuck out when he took his first sniff and asked if it was cum, which was really 4 day-old scrambled eggs. I think Will ended up guessing 2 of the 4 items and amazingly, he didn’t vomit though it sounded like he was close to it. Rawdog was the next contestant, and ended up guessing 1 of the 4 items, also no puking even though it sounded imminent on the 3rd item. Super-Dad Tully was up next, he’s used to smelling baby shit and vomit so he might be immune to smells, he ended up going 0 for 4 – and again, no hurling.

Rawdog’s sister Gabi (@GabrielleRich) also stopped by the show today, with the idea of promoting her boyfriend’s new bar / barber shop or some shit. Rawdog got to put some of the pickup lines to use on his sister. Awkward. And then we got to play “Ask a bitch”, featuring Gabi Richmond, an admitted bitch. There wasn’t much to this one, except the one caller who had half his dick blown off in some god forsaken country. At first, I thought the dude was lying, but his story and descriptions matched up way too well so sounds as if it’s true. Poor dude, but he had a really great attitude about it so that’s cool. Oh yea, Rawdog arm wrestled his sister. You all know how this is going to end, Rawdog lost. And that about covers it, stay safe and have a good weekend all y’all. And make sure you’re mom stays safe too, make sure she has plenty of wire hangers around the house so she can keep performing her own abortions. OH!

If You Could Ask My Wife One Question, What Would It Be?

Posted on by
2

For better or worse, I asked all you weirdos a simple question: “If you could ask my wife one question, what would it be?” I let her choose which questions she wanted to answer and I didn’t alter any of her responses. So, let’s see what you had to ask and what she had to say about it.

@_Buggs: What pickup line did he use to get your pants off?

@bitchPimps: There was no pick up line needed. After we watched Smokey and the Bandit in a cheesy run down hotel room, I was nothing but wet.

That’s true as shit, it was pretty fuckin’ awesome.

@AZ_RedDragon: What made you fall for Bit? #WasItHisColorfulHair

@bitchPimps: The same thing that makes all you chumps fall for him, his gentle and sensitive demeanor.

I cried once, motherfuckers! ONCE! I think I was like 0 years old.

@AZ_RedDragon: If you could change 10 things about him, what would they be?

@bitchPimps: ONLY 10?

Hardy fuckin’ har. That was a fake laugh by the way.

@AZ_RedDragon: Do you prefer thongs, G strings, boy shorts? #MothersDayIsComingUp

@bitchPimps: Honestly, bit looks best in a Speedo.

That can’t be true. My nuts would be hanging overboard, port and starboard side.

@cogdeth: How do you stay sane?

@bitchPimps: Laugh.

Doesn’t matter if you laugh or cry, I’m getting a boner.

@NCcrushinonRJ: Do you want a divorce? … just kidding ;)

@bitchPimps: And miss all THIS?

Fuckin’ evil. I like it.

@AZ_RedDragon: Were you scared the first time he drive you around in his van?

@bitchPimps: No but the hooptie piece of shit truck he drove me around in made me hide on the floor.

That motherfucker was built like a brick shit-house and is still running. WHAT? WHAT?

@itswillbitches: If you could wear a strap on and fuck one guy in the ass, who would it be?

@bitchPimps: I think the “if you were a lesbian” question would be much easier to answer.

DING!

@itswillbitches: If I paid you 5 canadian dollars, can i sit in the corner all creepy like while you slowly eat a banana while watching 2 elephants have sexual relations on animal planet with a random passer by peeking through the window?

@bitchPimps: Sounds like a family friendly Friday night.

This has clearly been thought out. I admire the dedication. A+ Would masturbate again.

@bwstrangler: Who would be involved in your dream Teradactyle?

@bitchPimps: Ewww.

Yea, dude. Have some class for christsakes.

@sharkchucker: Who is your free pass celebrity, that if you had a chance to bang, bit would let you? And who is his?

@bitchPimps: Funny how I could answer this for him but not for me. Jessica Alba or Selma Hayek. Good thing I resemble both of them.

See? My wife knows I’d ruin my life to bang either of those bitches. So in a sense, you could say we have the strongest understanding and relationship ever.

@NCcrushinonRJ: At what point did you think you wanted to go from my ho to my wife?

@bitchPimps: Is there a difference?

Probably Smokey and the Bandit. I’m a catch.

@AZ_RedDragon: Lets just say for sake of argument, does @bitPimps prefer evening gowns or sun dresses?

@bitchPimps: Neither, he prefers short shorts with Juicy written on the ass.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

@AZ_RedDragon: Whats it like being with a guy who has 6 pack abs, and does @bitPimps know about him?

@bitchPimps: That was fucking hilarious dude, I don’t even have a response for that one.

WHORE!

@itswillbitches: Would you fuck me?!?!? I’d fuck me!!

@bitchPimps: Bit says that all the time, even has the creepy voice down perfect.

What can I say, I’ve got game.

@AZ_RedDragon: Have you ever seen @bitPimps dad naked? Would you like to? #IHavePhotos

@bitchPimps: Good God, NO and NO! But thanks for the almost nauseating mental picture.

I’m telling my dad what you said!

@bwstrangler: Mimosa or bloodymary?

@bitchPimps: Neither, flavored martinis or just a nice cold beer.

Women, am I right?

@bwstrangler: team Edward or team Jacob?……………. #NoHomo

@bitchPimps: Seriously, you’re a fucking homo.

OH, BURN! lol

@bwstrangler: Favorite Doritos?

@bitchPimps: Enchilada and Sour Cream. Good luck finding them.

Where the fuck did those things go? It’s like David Blaine sent them into the Cumtardian System.

@itswillbitches: If you were a full on butch lesbian, what kind of job would you call your career?

@bitchPimps: Fucking awesome.

I’m not sure how to take that.

@sharkchucker: Does bit scare you sometimes, and why? #clownsarescary

@bitchPimps: Just once. Before we met and before webcams, he had me convinced he could see me in my house and we were 1500 miles apart.

Seriously, that was a crowning achievement. Absolutely classic! She was scared shitless.

@itswillbitches: Do you have any canadian in you? want some?

@bitchPimps: Been there, done that. I’m all American now.

‘MERICA, FUCK YEAH!

@AZ_RedDragon: Does @bitPimps still cry after sex?

@bitchPimps: Only if we forget to take out the butt plug.

Those were tears of joy!

@bwstrangler: Are u game for cannibalism if it meant survival?

@bitchPimps: I say no, but with my love for food, my fat ass would probably dive right in.

Guess who has two thumbs and is gonna survive? This guy! HEYOH!

@itswillbitches: Would you let me fuck @bitPimps using @AZ_RedDragon as the condom? #nohomo

@bitchPimps: Only if I could watch, record and reserve the right to distribute.

It’s already on PornHub.

And there you have it, she answered way more questions than I expected! Hope you had fun, I think she did, I heard her laughing a few times – and I didn’t even have my dick out.