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Show Re-cap For Monday 6/4/2012

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Why is everyone such a cunt today? Fuck it, who cares, let’s just get right into this fucker of mothers Monday re-cap. Dingo was on the show today, and contrary to popular (or unpopular) belief, he has never licked dog balls and Rawdog’s pubic hair is like furry chocolate – or so he says. Ellis got in trouble because his son told mommy that he was being called a drama queen while he was camping, but Ellis swears he didn’t make him eat rocks or anything. Ellis locked his keys in his rental car so he smashed the window to get in. I think most of us at one point has locked our keys in our vehicles, but here’s my suggestion to you, and it’s a good one – I know because I’ve done it before. Look around for a shady looking dude, offer him $20 if he can prove how good of a criminal he is by breaking into your vehicle without actually breaking anything. BOOM! You’re in your vehicle within 5 minutes and shady guy gets a free twenty dollar rock to smoke on.

More talk about going to Thailand, staying in a hut, and tripping mushrooms. Dingo had some experience with Thailand, mainly getting some type of food poisoning or something right before he was to leave and spent 36 hours on a plane shitting and throwing up. Another new intern / call screener today, my Internet cut out for his entire introduction and came back after someone was calling him a liar – so I have no fucking clue what that’s about. But I do know this, his tentative nickname is Bitch Taco. Mouth guards came in today for the guys to wear at Ellismania 8 and so suggestions for what to write on them started flying. I think Rawdog’s is (or should be) “ManBoy”, Tully seems to really like “Princess” or possibly “Fuck Canada” (if it’s cool with Canadians), Dingo will be “Dr. Cunt” or “Way Gay”, I’m not sure Ellis really chose one yet – the one that was discussed is too long I believe, and @Butterballs_EM6 will most likely be going with “Pizza”. Kids are durable as shit, just ask any parent who’s dropped or banged their child’s head on shit, that’s why some kids have dents in their heads.

Apparently the new thing for celebrities is to get a “party girl IV drip” or some shit. According to Simon Cowell, it made him feel warm and fuzzy and he had energy for a few days. To be fair, he says the same thing after he’s been penetrated in the ass by several men. Cue callers who had stories of using IV drips during and/or after partying, such as a group of dudes who go out partying and bring their paramedic friend who has a cooler full of IVs and he administers it to them after they’ve partied themselves stupid. By the sounds of callers, people are abusing IVs left and right, they fucking chill them and dump that shit in their veins to help cool themselves down, etc.

So many people have been calling lately asking what’s up with “Red Dragons” and one caller capitalized on that today by asking “What’s up with all these dragons?” And another caller asked for a “Red Dragons” because he wasn’t a fucking retard caller. That unleashed a barrage of callers asking for a “Red Dragons” for one thing or another until the point that it became ridiculous, but in a good way. One of the toppers at the ending was a guy saying he just took a big fat Brad (a shit, named for another previous caller) and sure as shit, he got one. I thought those were pretty fucking funny, so you better have god damned laughed too! There must have been fifty fucking people calling in today asking for a “Red Dragons” for doing this, that, or some other thing but I digress. The big story here is while your mom was on vacation in Detroit, she was walking to the store for cigarettes and blunt wraps as a car pulls up. The guy in the car could tell your mom was ready to make a few bucks and asks her if she’s “working”. Your mom responded “as always honey” and turns on her charm and says “Tell me it’s true what they say about black guys” He then proceeds to stab her 37 times and steals her purse. And that’s how she met your father, Leeland. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 6/1/2012

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Rawdog’s plight

It’s June 1st and it’s #WGAFF, coincidence? Probably not. I mean, there’s no significance to it at all, it is what it is. Who cares, let’s get into some shit shall we? Don’t everybody answer all at once! If you answered “yes” to that last question, you’re in for a treat, and if you answered “no”, well you’re still in for a treat! See, it’s a win-win situation all the way around for you lucky bastards, and it’s all because I love you. Ellis says he fucks ugly chicks all the time, he had gotten a prostitute a few weeks ago who was apparently pretty fugly and he wasn’t even sure she wasn’t a dude, but she pulled out titties so… yeah. Ellis is going camping this weekend, as it turns out, I too am going camping this weekend. The difference? He’s looking forward to it, and I’m not. I’ve camped enough in my life and now I like my creature comforts, plus I won’t be jet skiing so that’s a fuckin’ downer. Rawdog got recognized while he was at the bank today, the teller chick (Meredith) asked if he was “Rawdog” and said she listened everyday. I don’t even need to say this but for posterity sakes, he didn’t hit on her or ask her out or anything.

Canadian protester in the wild

Some guy named “Richard” called into the show and said his testicle never dropped down into his scrotum so he had surgery on his ovary ball, oddly enough, he didn’t even sound Canadian. Apparently some Canadians are really pissed aboot all the Canada jokes on the show eh, and feel like they should get more respecky – but I think that’s just the Canadians that haven’t had a joke sneak into their igloos. New York banned the sale of soda over 16 ounces in some shitholes, what’s up with that New York Silly Nannies? Some pregnant chick was trying to talk her husband into going to EllisMania 8 before she poops a child out of her bearded clam, but the husband was saying it wouldn’t be a good idea. At least that kid has one parent with some sense. Another new call screener today, Cunt Mist, seemed to do a pretty good job on screening calls but a piss poor job on coming into the studio when beckoned. He works at a pretty famous night spot there in Hollyweird or some shit like that. He speaks well, got a good review from a caller or two, and he came up with a game for them to play. I mean holyshit, is this guy trying to get a fucking job as a call screener for the show or is he just @DanOD5‘s less pretty brother?

Old people smell? Who knew!

Ellis wants to go to Thailand and eat rice, which I think is totally doable because I’m pretty sure that rice, tobacco, crazy jungle viruses, and lady-boys are all they have there, right? @JoannaAngel was on the show today, Tully asked if she was getting “sultrier” and I think that made her moist – she’s always had a soft spot for Tully. She also participated in halftime pushups, she’s such a good sport – she’s usually up for anything really, and when I say anything, I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, hubba-hubba! There was talk about a hand-job reunion for Rawdog, remember – he got jacked off by 3 shoe talking porn chicks in a bathroom at a premiere party for one of Joanna’s movies. Old people smell is real, that’s not really fucking news though because I could’ve told you that fact back when I was 4 or 5. There’s just no way to confuse the smell of mothballs, musty underwear, and ointment. They played a game where they had to guess if the statement was an MMA move, a gay porn move, or both and the winner gets a lap dance. Rawdog ended up winning and got a lap dance from Joanna while she wore the Hulk Smash Hands and danced to Primus – Jerry Was a Racecar Driver. That might sound a little awkward, but let me assure you that it is far more awkward trying to have sex with your mother only to find all her holes are already filled with cum and raw oysters. OH!

The Many Nicknames of Joshua Adam Richmond

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What speech impediment?

Josh has so many nicknames, I feel like sometimes people may not know exactly who we’re talking about when we refer to him by different nicknames. So here’s a list of past, current, and possible future nicknames for the guy we all tease, but all love:

  • Rawdog / RawDizzle
  • Tussin Wolf
  • JägerBeard (Alter ego)
  • Bush Baby
  • Trust Fund Boy / Baby
  • ManBoy
  • Thunder Bird
  • Thumb Fucker
  • Chill Cock
  • The Illusionist
  • The Eliminator / MC Elimination
  • Knight Dog
  • Cujo
  • CordRoy
  • Jack Nippleson
  • Rumble McTumble / Rumble McTumbleBum / Rumble Tumble
  • Loadcamotion
  • Cum Barnacle
  • Radio Gold
  • Koala Joe (One off)
  • Jessica (If he was born a girl, his parents had chose that name)
  • Santa Claus (Alter ego)
  • Mel Gibson (Alter ego)
  • MachoMan (Alter ego)
  • Suge Knight (Alter ego)
  • Sara / Sarah / Samantha (Alter ego)
  • Rawdogalypse (One off)
  • Doc Banger (Alter ego)
  • GodWar (Alter ego)
  • MMGay Analyst (New possible nickname)
  • One Rubber Stunner (New possible nickname)
  • The Alienator (New possible nickname)

There are more nicknames that I can’t remember right now, most of them are not used and were very temporary. If you happen to remember any, post them in the comments. Don’t forget that the @Jingleberries have made numerous classic songs dedicated to our infamous friend!

Update: Thanks to @bwstranger, @CobraTits, @CptnSparky , @emilyInSD, @Lugoman34, @mike_in_canada,  @murray_terry, @MyMathGarcia and @TwistedMetalFab for the help, reminders, and suggestions!

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Show Re-cap For Friday 5/25/2012

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The original death metal cowboy

It’s Friday again and still, nobody gives a mother fuck, a hotdog, or a shit flower. Ellis wants a farm, he didn’t call it a farm, but that’s what it is – Rawdog might call it a menagerie, but still, it’s a fucking farm. Ellis has sore armpits, this stemming from what he thought was a rib being out of place. If there’s a big fat bitch, being a big fat bitch, and bitching at you like a big fat bitch, then odds are she’s a big fat bitch. There was talk about Ellis starting his own show on his website instead of waiting for TV to come to him. The guys came up with an idea to do country death metal, which seems like it would be pretty fucking funny if done right. Also, Rawdog’s country accent sounds pretty much exactly like his Aussie accent.

Nothing phallic to see here, move along

I had to take a second to check to make sure I was on Faction 41 when talk turned to women’s shoes and some dude that designs women’s shoes. I refuse to talk about women’s shoes so if that’s what you’re looking for, you done fucked up sister! Rawdog taught chess to 3rd and 4th graders, the more little details we get on this guy, the more I understand why he probably would rather be perusing a science fair instead of be on the radio. He also wouldn’t mind a back rub from Toby Keith, that seems extremely dangerous considering Toby Keith could hog tie him up in under 8 seconds. YEEEEEHAAAAAW! Rawdog believes that getting a blowjob and watching Freddie Mercury is not gay in the slightest, but getting a blowjob and watching UFC is totally gay. To be more clear, he thinks anyone watching UFC has homosexual tendencies and just don’t know that they are slightly homosexual. Moreover, he thinks everyone (including himself) is at least 5% homosexual and do things they don’t realize to satisfy their tendencies. Jessica’s skewed view on homosexuality ate up the rest of the show because people were absolutely floored at his logic. And low-and-behold he would not budge on his stance, even when presented with questions that used his same theories, but were totally contradictory to his logic. So according to Doc Banger, maybe I should be talking about women’s shoes and hot guys’ buns after all. Let’s move along and talk about the time your mother bought me one of those mood rings. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. OH!

Ever had a RawDart?

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/22/2012

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Swagg, bitches!

Ellis has bush, yup, we’re talking about below the belt – yet he is still the most hairless man, in the studio at least. He also finger blasted a chick in THC’s Porsche and has pissed in a chicks mouth (Katie? She seems nuts enough). There was a weird hissing or air blowing sound that was heard at the beginning of the show, it reminded me of the movie Commando when Arnold Schwarzenegger threw a pipe into a dudes chest and said “Let off some steam Bennett”. Good and/or bad news on the A6K, the West Coast Customs crew said whoever worked on it before, really fucked it up bad. Ellis figured out how to do a mellow version of what the infamous coked out, rubber bands around his shaft guy penetrating himself did. Chris Brown is stepping into the fun zone, I don’t really know what that means – it was just a quote from one of his songs. Let’s just pretend that didn’t just happen, okay?

Pft! I got swagga, bitch!

Shane Carwin (@ShaneCarwin) stopped by the show today with his biggest hands in the UFC, who Ellis has been terrorizing on Twitter like a mofo lately. Enter Carwin to have a tug-of-war with the entire band versus himself, so in case ya’ don’t know, now ya’ know, n-bomb. Turns out that the entire band of Death! Death! Die! is stronger than Carwin as they won the tug-of-war contest, but Ellis got drug around the parking lot when it was one on one time. It’s New Music Tuesday again… Whose pumped up about that? One of you? Anyone? Bueller… Bueller… Bueller. Well Slash had some new tracks out today, and I know I’m probably on my own here, but that dude Myles Kennedy? Yea, I don’t get what the big deal is, I don’t hear “spectacular” when I hear him sing. Oh well. Garbage had some new shit out today, remember them? At any rate, again, New Music Tuesday wasn’t nearly as bad as it used to be – so props to Jessica!

Blaaarrggghhhh!

Finally, there were a few semi-funny callers into the show today, including someone who claimed to be “Christopher”, a friend of Rawdog’s roommate. He said he had a great time a few weekends ago and was hoping they could pick up where they left off – with Rawdog passed out and his cock in “Christopher’s” mouth. Obviously this was fake, but kudos for at least a somewhat entertaining call. I guess overall, the callers today were a little better than they have been for awhile. I mean, except for the few callers that could fit more than 2 dicks in their mouth at the same time. Actually, there was one caller, Michelle, who brought the show to a screeching fucking halt by being a dumb cunt, so Ellis ended the show 10 minutes early. And finally, your mom went to the doctors again, this time she was complaining of stomach cramps. She got sent off for some tests and came back to hear the results. The doctor said to her, “Well, I hope you’re ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!” To which your thrilled mother replied, “Wow, you mean I’m pregnant?” The doctor said, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.” OH!