Welcome and please sit down by the fire, have a delicious cup of nog, and make yourselves comfortable as I tell you a holiday tale of adventure, romance, and fart jokes. We start our tale in the hills of Hollywood where our hero, Jason, reassures us that they will be back after the new year. Unless they die in an avalanche, poisoning, or are bored to death listening to a podcast by someone we once knew. School sucks, even when you don’t have to go to learn, it still sucks. Teachers bossing everyone around like we’re all five. I’m not sure where else to take this little rant so… Damn the airports are packed! Ellis is going to Grant’s, sorry, Grant Cobb for the rest of you not in the inner circle, Grant’s wedding where he’s gonna party like an ex-skateboarder radio host. Then he’s going to Vancouver for New Years and hang with Sluggo and David and something about rolling around in nacho cheese. While celebrating this New Year’s Eve don’t fire your guns into the air. It’s dangerous and you might kill someone. Al celebrar esta víspera de Año Nuevo no se disparó sus armas al aire. Es peligroso y podría matar a alguien. This has been a NYA public safety announcement. Do you live in Canada? Do you want The Jason Ellis Show to come to your town? Then just email Will’s balls and tell them why TJES should come to your igloo at WillsGotTheBiggestBallsOfThemAll@siriusxm.com. Team Rousey has one more new fan, The Rock! Unless there’s another chick out there named Rhonda Rouse in which case, my bad. Someone tweeted the guys telling them that Vagina, Canada has the worst strip club in the world and this sparked up some strip club stories. My personal thoughts are that the clubs either have to be really really nice and classy, or really really bad and scummy. There is no room in between, that’s just creepy. But no matter where you go just remember one thing, strippers just want your money. I know that is surprising to hear but trust me, they don’t care about any other bulge in your pants except the bulge from your wallet.

The Canadian government got rid of all anti prostitution whippidy doo’s. Basically prostitution is legal in Canada, congratulations to them for becoming that much more awesome. A couple dudes from Reptile Outpost came in today and like usual, they didn’t come alone. They brought a Mountain Horn Lizard, a crawfish, a scorpion, and a plethora of angry, bitey, pinchie, demonic pets of Satan. Ellis took it like a champ and showed his manly side. I’m lying he screamed and screamed and screamed like a man being torn apart by vicious animals. The guys from Reptile Outpost also helped Jason and Katie with the possible reasons Supercross the Dragon isn’t eating. He may be going through a hibernation cycle, could be the stress from the recent move, or he might have a sperm plug and just needs a good ol handy to relieve pressure.

Heather Mills is a Paralympic skier and for some reason she didn’t get an email about the proper boot and is now disqualified. Karma can be such a bitch but Heather Mills will always be a cunt. Utah just passed a law allowing gay people to get married so if this is true, way to go Utah, that almost makes up for all the Mormons. Are you looking for down loads from Tard That Tune? Well don’t say I never gave you anything. Some caller brought up the irony of Paul Walker dying in a car wreck and told the guys about a list of ironic ways for Hollywood stars to die. Oxy John called in and sounds great with his new liver. He’s just kickin it and watching The Matrix, porn, and poppin massive boners when his hot nurse scrubs his balls. From all of us at NoYouAre we’d like to say YYEEAAAHHHHH MOTHERFUCKER!

A lovely lady called in with a question for Katie but she wasn’t there so Jason and Tully fielded the question. What is it that she asked about, she wanted to know the best way of dealing with her larger than average clit. She is uncomfortable with it but the guys told her that men don’t care and that it is a part of her and she should just enjoy it. Every body is a little different and that is what makes us all special. Plus she can orgasm from just walking, REDDRAGONS! A very special Holiday Edition Of GetTthe Cock Off Your Chest was next and the first caller has a buddy that is banging this chick that is actually banging her dad so he will pay her bills and he’s not sure if he should tell his buddy. This is fucked up and the answer is yes, tell your buddy, tell the cops, tell the mother fuckin FBI if you have to! A guy called that said some disrespectful shit to his gay uncle when he was a kid and it was overheard by his cousin and he called to apologize. Among this segment there was also another new segment called, WHAAAAA. First up was will bitching about the pizza situation and somehow revealed that he sees Jason as his ExWife in the never satisfied type fashion. Next up was Shannon Schenannigans Guns Gunz and she doesn’t want to be on the show just to do push ups and exercises and saying creepy stuff. She wants to have a different role on the show and not just made fun of. Hmmm, sounds like another girl that used to be on the show. Girls are crazy. Now back to the regularly scheduled program. A dude shaved his balls with his buddies beard trimmer in revenge. Another dude broke up with his girl and wants her back, pussy. One guy called to apologize for tricking his buddy I to sticking his dick into a sea anemone but I think he was just bragging because that is the funniest shit ever. Well this is folks, the last recap of 2013 and I’d like to take this time to thank Jason Ellis, Mike Tully, Josh Richmond, Will Pendarvis, Christian Hand, Shannon Gunz, Katie, Kevin Kraft, Dingo, Jetta, Rude Jude, the interns, bitPimps, shit_toboggan, CrackerStacker6, wiz1010, Jenni Mazky, Wolfman812, Mike_In_Canada, SiriusXm, all of the EllisFam, and last but not least, yer mum. Happy holidays everybody.

So am I the only one that doesn’t like the new intro? Personally I’d rather they bring back the Pantera intro, that motherfucker would get me amped as fuck! Hey, Ellis was on Dr. Drew’s TV show again. He doesn’t think the co-host lady likes him even though they are text buddies and pass on funny cat memes to each other. Ellis had a good time and Drew thinks he would be a good co-host instead of the other lady because she just talks about cats and baby back shits. Good times were had. Tully also had a good time when he almost lost his friends kid. Hope that lady doesn’t read these recaps! Hahaha nobody reads these! Except Jillian Barbarie, she reads every single one during her morning poop. They talked more about Ellis’s appearance and the topics discussed but thanks to the miracle of science and technology I have a short clip from Dr. Drew’s show for you. The new Death Death Die album is still in the top five metal albums in America and Canada, but for some reason the songs aren’t being played on Sirius’s metal channels, I guess the songs are just way too awesome for them. With the massive success of the album the guys completely forgot to celebrate, and what better way to celebrate than with opium. Tully has never done opium but wishes he had and I’m pretty sure I’m on it because I could swear that Will just said The Wall Street Journal is going to do a piece on Jason. Happy Opposite Day. Even crazier than Ellis being in The a Wall Street Journal, Will is going to start doing yoga. Can’t wait to see him in those sexy stretchy pants. In case you want to see a moronic rich white woman be racist without even realizing it I give you the Megan Kellie Santa is white video.

Breaking MMA News, GSP is retiring so now some other dude is gonna fight the other dude. Something about Dana saying he’s got plenty of money and Ariel Hawanee was mentioned a bunch. I guess he was a dick or something during an interview. The sign language dude from the Mandela funeral is a raping, thieving, breaking, kidnapping, and attempted murdering crazy son of a bitch. Plus I heard that he doesn’t even know sign language. How dare you sir!

Kevin came in after the break and talked about how he’s getting back in shape and his workout schedule. He usually does shit that’s one step above walking the mall with old ladies but once he used a personal trainer, because it was free, and she made him do some Insanity Workout type shit and three minutes in he ran to the bathroom and puked. Ellis gave him a bit of a pep talk and told him to work out with him and Katie so he can get rid of his fat squishy man titties. Did you hear the one about a dude that got busted because he posted a bunch of guns and shit he stole on Instagram and the police got a warrant and busted him? It’s hilarious. Game time, Ellis and Kevin were head to head in a battle of wits and knowledge but a single wrong answer will warrant a leg kick from Mike Jasper (Ellis) and @colleenfights (Kevin). Ellis had to answer comic book based questions while Cumtard had to answer MMA questions. I’m not sure who got more questions correct but I definitely know who won, the listeners.

Here is a breakdown of the Women Am I Right segment: In Virginia a 71 year old woman hit a deer and the deer went flying and hit another woman that was jogging. Two women left The Shake Yo Booty Club, went back to house to rub cookies together, tried to wake bf for threesome, he said no, she stabbed him in the eye. Florida woman got pissed at bf after his dog are her weed so she stabbed him but claims he walked into the knife several times. Woman who was fired got busted stealing from ex bosses home. A NYC man went on three dates with a phylisophical editor and she slammed him on FB and made a blog saying he’s the most awesome man alive. Woman charged by Supreme Court for chemical warfare. Debbie and Steve Woods, lie detector. Woman runs over bf after break up caught on security camera. Woman fights man at octoberfest and tries to eat his face on video. Woman gets stuck jumping building to building video. The cotton ball diet video. And finally, the vaginal knitting video. That’s gonna be one nasty smelling scarf. Graham crackers were originally created to keep people from waxing the wood way back in the day. Now they are a delicious addition to chocolate and marshmallows. Final calls brought us bad connections, bad phones, bad stories, bad questions, just bad callers period. Speaking of periods, tell yer mum I said hi and I’ll see her in seven to nine days, OH!