Show Re-cap For Friday 5/4/2012

We’ve made it! It’s Friday my friends, and I guess you can give 1 fuck today but only if you are a Beastie Boys fan. Will Smith might be who the bitches wanna go balls deep with now-a-days. He’s a pretty wholesome guy, probably doesn’t beat Jada or even drop loads on her face. Ellis had a hot blonde walk past him and he was searching for one of the pickup lines from yesterday’s show but couldn’t think exactly how they went. He was checking Twitter and boom, this same chick mentions how she just saw Ellis. So he DM’s her and says he was going to hit on her, she says “you should’ve, don’t be scurred” and he in turn said “I’m not, you should go out with me sometime” and then digits.

We might be seeing a new game in the near future, Cry Challenge. I’m not sure if there’s one signature move you could pull to edge out a victory, I think it will have to be based on how much you actually fall apart. I know what I’d try for though, I’d get that bottom lip quivering like a naked bitch in a blizzard, then get the water works breaking the dam, I’m talking snot dripping, slobber, tears, standing in a puddle of my own piss – you won’t be able to fuck with that kind of breakdown. Cumtard came on the show today, like as in was on the show, he didn’t seriously cum on the soundboard or anything. Now that that’s clear, he was there to play a game they’ve played before, Stinko De Mayo, where they will be blindfolded and have to smell some stuff and try to guess what it is. The exciting part about today’s game? Pendarvis will be participating! Pendarvis almost immediately flipped the fuck out when he took his first sniff and asked if it was cum, which was really 4 day-old scrambled eggs. I think Will ended up guessing 2 of the 4 items and amazingly, he didn’t vomit though it sounded like he was close to it. Rawdog was the next contestant, and ended up guessing 1 of the 4 items, also no puking even though it sounded imminent on the 3rd item. Super-Dad Tully was up next, he’s used to smelling baby shit and vomit so he might be immune to smells, he ended up going 0 for 4 – and again, no hurling.

Rawdog’s sister Gabi (@GabrielleRich) also stopped by the show today, with the idea of promoting her boyfriend’s new bar / barber shop or some shit. Rawdog got to put some of the pickup lines to use on his sister. Awkward. And then we got to play “Ask a bitch”, featuring Gabi Richmond, an admitted bitch. There wasn’t much to this one, except the one caller who had half his dick blown off in some god forsaken country. At first, I thought the dude was lying, but his story and descriptions matched up way too well so sounds as if it’s true. Poor dude, but he had a really great attitude about it so that’s cool. Oh yea, Rawdog arm wrestled his sister. You all know how this is going to end, Rawdog lost. And that about covers it, stay safe and have a good weekend all y’all. And make sure you’re mom stays safe too, make sure she has plenty of wire hangers around the house so she can keep performing her own abortions. OH!

The CEO of Faction (History)

In honor of May the Fourth (AKA Star Wars Day) let’s take a listen at one of the Jason Ellis show staple bits for a time, making fun of Will Pendarvis III with “The Imperial March”. This is the bit that got me hooked onto the show many moons ago. Enjoy!

6/1/10

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6/15/10

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6/17/10

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6/18/10

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6/25/10

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7/12/10

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7/13/10

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7/16/10

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7/26/10

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8/4/10

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8/10/10

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8/17/10

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8/24/10

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Bonus:


If You Could Ask My Wife One Question, What Would It Be?

For better or worse, I asked all you weirdos a simple question: “If you could ask my wife one question, what would it be?” I let her choose which questions she wanted to answer and I didn’t alter any of her responses. So, let’s see what you had to ask and what she had to say about it.

@_Buggs: What pickup line did he use to get your pants off?

@bitchPimps: There was no pick up line needed. After we watched Smokey and the Bandit in a cheesy run down hotel room, I was nothing but wet.

That’s true as shit, it was pretty fuckin’ awesome.

@AZ_RedDragon: What made you fall for Bit? #WasItHisColorfulHair

@bitchPimps: The same thing that makes all you chumps fall for him, his gentle and sensitive demeanor.

I cried once, motherfuckers! ONCE! I think I was like 0 years old.

@AZ_RedDragon: If you could change 10 things about him, what would they be?

@bitchPimps: ONLY 10?

Hardy fuckin’ har. That was a fake laugh by the way.

@AZ_RedDragon: Do you prefer thongs, G strings, boy shorts? #MothersDayIsComingUp

@bitchPimps: Honestly, bit looks best in a Speedo.

That can’t be true. My nuts would be hanging overboard, port and starboard side.

@cogdeth: How do you stay sane?

@bitchPimps: Laugh.

Doesn’t matter if you laugh or cry, I’m getting a boner.

@NCcrushinonRJ: Do you want a divorce? … just kidding ;)

@bitchPimps: And miss all THIS?

Fuckin’ evil. I like it.

@AZ_RedDragon: Were you scared the first time he drive you around in his van?

@bitchPimps: No but the hooptie piece of shit truck he drove me around in made me hide on the floor.

That motherfucker was built like a brick shit-house and is still running. WHAT? WHAT?

@itswillbitches: If you could wear a strap on and fuck one guy in the ass, who would it be?

@bitchPimps: I think the “if you were a lesbian” question would be much easier to answer.

DING!

@itswillbitches: If I paid you 5 canadian dollars, can i sit in the corner all creepy like while you slowly eat a banana while watching 2 elephants have sexual relations on animal planet with a random passer by peeking through the window?

@bitchPimps: Sounds like a family friendly Friday night.

This has clearly been thought out. I admire the dedication. A+ Would masturbate again.

@bwstrangler: Who would be involved in your dream Teradactyle?

@bitchPimps: Ewww.

Yea, dude. Have some class for christsakes.

@sharkchucker: Who is your free pass celebrity, that if you had a chance to bang, bit would let you? And who is his?

@bitchPimps: Funny how I could answer this for him but not for me. Jessica Alba or Selma Hayek. Good thing I resemble both of them.

See? My wife knows I’d ruin my life to bang either of those bitches. So in a sense, you could say we have the strongest understanding and relationship ever.

@NCcrushinonRJ: At what point did you think you wanted to go from my ho to my wife?

@bitchPimps: Is there a difference?

Probably Smokey and the Bandit. I’m a catch.

@AZ_RedDragon: Lets just say for sake of argument, does @bitPimps prefer evening gowns or sun dresses?

@bitchPimps: Neither, he prefers short shorts with Juicy written on the ass.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

@AZ_RedDragon: Whats it like being with a guy who has 6 pack abs, and does @bitPimps know about him?

@bitchPimps: That was fucking hilarious dude, I don’t even have a response for that one.

WHORE!

@itswillbitches: Would you fuck me?!?!? I’d fuck me!!

@bitchPimps: Bit says that all the time, even has the creepy voice down perfect.

What can I say, I’ve got game.

@AZ_RedDragon: Have you ever seen @bitPimps dad naked? Would you like to? #IHavePhotos

@bitchPimps: Good God, NO and NO! But thanks for the almost nauseating mental picture.

I’m telling my dad what you said!

@bwstrangler: Mimosa or bloodymary?

@bitchPimps: Neither, flavored martinis or just a nice cold beer.

Women, am I right?

@bwstrangler: team Edward or team Jacob?……………. #NoHomo

@bitchPimps: Seriously, you’re a fucking homo.

OH, BURN! lol

@bwstrangler: Favorite Doritos?

@bitchPimps: Enchilada and Sour Cream. Good luck finding them.

Where the fuck did those things go? It’s like David Blaine sent them into the Cumtardian System.

@itswillbitches: If you were a full on butch lesbian, what kind of job would you call your career?

@bitchPimps: Fucking awesome.

I’m not sure how to take that.

@sharkchucker: Does bit scare you sometimes, and why? #clownsarescary

@bitchPimps: Just once. Before we met and before webcams, he had me convinced he could see me in my house and we were 1500 miles apart.

Seriously, that was a crowning achievement. Absolutely classic! She was scared shitless.

@itswillbitches: Do you have any canadian in you? want some?

@bitchPimps: Been there, done that. I’m all American now.

‘MERICA, FUCK YEAH!

@AZ_RedDragon: Does @bitPimps still cry after sex?

@bitchPimps: Only if we forget to take out the butt plug.

Those were tears of joy!

@bwstrangler: Are u game for cannibalism if it meant survival?

@bitchPimps: I say no, but with my love for food, my fat ass would probably dive right in.

Guess who has two thumbs and is gonna survive? This guy! HEYOH!

@itswillbitches: Would you let me fuck @bitPimps using @AZ_RedDragon as the condom? #nohomo

@bitchPimps: Only if I could watch, record and reserve the right to distribute.

It’s already on PornHub.

And there you have it, she answered way more questions than I expected! Hope you had fun, I think she did, I heard her laughing a few times – and I didn’t even have my dick out.