Monthly Archives: April 2012

A Collaborative Twitter Story – Round Two

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This is a second installment of A Collaborative Twitter Story, where users help keep the story going by adding to it. Hopefully, eventually, we end up with a nice little cohesive story that helps ruin whatever is good inside of you. I’ve crossed out the comments that came in, but didn’t fit in with the current story position. It’s really hard to keep a story flowing and everyone on the same page when you consider how people can be posting a reply to the same line, at the same time. So without further ado, let’s see if this story fared any better than the last one.

@bitPimps So we’re at this Guns N Roses concert when I noticed…

@mike_in_canada …how fast Axl is now. That reminds me, I could use a…

@Wolfman812 …that I had a raging case of priaprism…

@AZ_RedDragon …beer and some smoke, I wandered to the tents where I met…

@RedJammieGirl …up with @Hollow_NorCal who was desperately still searching for midgets who…

@thegooser …that there was more pairs of sexy depends then Id like to admit…

@sharkchucker …the road crew plowing some slam-pigs for backstage passes when i said…

@mike_in_canada …any of you guys down for a threesome? I’m great at…

@AZ_RedDragon …the “asian whirly bird.” What? You’ve never heard of it, its where you…

@sharkchucker …put on a clown suit and fist a…

@bitPimps …Korean nun, the only problem was I only knew of one Korean, @herro_amy but she was…

@thegooser …doing the pterodactyl to the sound guys but…

@AZ_RedDragon …its where you dress like a Geisha and bow to your suitors, after which they…

@sharkchucker …busy shooting Axl up with smack. So I thought…

@bwstrangler …nows my time to take him out, blame it on the drugs but he…

@bitPimps …I didn’t care, because I had the biggest erection from all the…

@sharkchucker …naked midget’s in paper hats serving hot…

@bitPimps …bowls of vomit and shit. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and…

@thegooser …exchanged depend sizes because they were fucking…

@bitPimps …loaded down with shit, piss, blood, and cum. It was a night none of us would forget. Then GNR left. TheEnd

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/13/2012

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It’s Friday the 13th fuckers, oooooohhh, spooky dooky! Talk started off with people who look horrible but try really hard to keep up their really horrible looks. Such wonderful specimens as Danny Trejo, Garry Shandling, and Jason Voorhees fit well into this category. Apparently some people are really passionate about Rob Lowe, I’ve never met anyone infatuated with him, but I’m willing to bet someone has some fan fiction about him, not to mention Rule #34 is still in full effect. Ellis claims that instead of washing your jeans, you can just stick them in the freezer and viola, their magically clean and do not fade. I guess this works if your jeans aren’t dirty, but what about when you go around doing slides into first base everywhere? You could spread dry ice on them bitches and they ain’t coming clean. Rawdog masturbates to Rihanna, allegedly (purely my own speculation), he was defending her hotness pretty hard.

You can now submit and view pictures of you and others doing push-ups during halftime in America to: itshalftimeamerica.tumblr.com so botch your balls and get ready to do your push-ups, or masturbate, whichever is on your to-do list. Sounds like the guys are taking ideas for another possible fight at Ellismania 8 – which by the way, you can now purchase tickets to. There were tons of ideas from a bunch of fans and the guys, but most everything got shot down in favor of a centaur fight. Mayhem came on the show, and the fight ideas discussion took the remainder of the show, I couldn’t possibly list all the ideas so, I won’t. However, what I can do is tell you that if you purchase a large pack of condoms, several gallons of lube, and some meth – a mysterious, dark, large, smelly figure will appear waiting with a gaping ass. You will know it when you see it, because it’s your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/12/2012

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Today is going to be a short one folks, I missed portions of the show (thanks work) and to be honest, I’m just feeling particularly lazy today. But that’s okay, there’s only three of us reading this anyway. According to Tully, Hall from Hall & Oates fame is a total cocksucker and he would tell him to his face. All this came about because Dr. Dre will be performing with a hologram of Nate Dogg at this years Coachella festival, he said he would rather see Hallogram & Oates – HEYOH!

Errbody is full of pharmaceuticals these days, there is a pill for pretty much everything now, but we already knew that. People are getting into the whole halftime America push-ups, quite a few people sent in photos of them doing push-ups in various locations. I wasn’t one of those people though. Tully coined a new term today, “cunting up”, like instead of manning up or womaning up. I like it, it rolls off the fist so easily. Tickets for Ellismania 8 go on sale tomorrow, so if you plan on going – I highly suggest purchasing a ticket, because you know, you’ll need a ticket to get in ya dum-dum. Welp, that’s all I got for you today. I know MOM! I’ll try to do better next time, stop calling me names! It hurts my feelings and sometimes I don’t think you love me very much. NO! Because I don’t want to and because I’m 37! I wish I was never born! Sorry guys, my mom was being a real bitch, cunting it up. I know you all understand, I mean considering how your mom makes you leave the house when she gets fisted. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 4/11/2012

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Y’all motherfuckers here? How are yuns? Good? Good. I’m glad to hear it. Ellis wasn’t doing so hot at the start of today’s show. He’s feeling alone again, apparently he and Katie aren’t dating any longer and he’s been annoyed the past few days with other things going on his life. I’m looking at you FuelTV security guard! The fan that “stole” Ellis’ glasses yesterday? Yea, they didn’t. The sunglasses turned up, and that same fan said they weren’t going through the phone, he was just trying to put a picture of his dick on the phone. Sounds legit.

Mickey Avalon was on the show today, he plays President Queefer Sutherland or something in the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie. He sings better than he speaks, I heard the word “like” at least 783 times in the first 10 minutes. He painfully stuttered and stammered his way through a few stories. Even though it was torturous at times to listen to, overall he was an interesting interview – he certainly had some entertaining stories. I think the reason it was hard for me to listen to is because I have heard and told so many fucking wasted stories when I was younger that I just get frustrated now. Stories where just after starting a sentence, there’s seriously at least a 3 minute pause while everyone gathers their thoughts – and then you finish the sentence. That’s how all stoner stories end up going until 7 AM and someone says they should probably go to bed.

That was pretty much it. No “World’s Greatest Wednesday” happened today, Ellis is signing copies of his books everywhere but where you and I live, some 42 year-old chick would suck the life out of Rawdog’s penis, his mommy also cut the crusts off his PB & J, and a bunch of people love TJES. Some other caller said he got pulled over, said “red dragons” and the cop ripped up the ticket (liar), another guy is on his way to his first marriage counseling meeting (pussy), some other guy is totally training jiu jitsu and wants to fight for a living (sucker), some chick totally quit smoking because of Ellis and is like totally hot and stuff (ditch pig), and your mom has a new picture hanging in her bedroom (total whore). OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/10/2012

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Has everyone recovered from the bloody madness that occurred last night on Twitter? I hope so, because this train keeps-a-rolling, and we’re gonna chug right along into today’s show. Cricket is lame as all fuck, I think we can all agree on that – see, we already have that in common! Rawdog claimed that Michael Jordan came up with the baggy shorts look in the NBA because he would wear his old college shorts under his NBA shorts. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I suppose that it is plausible – and Tully said Jordan also has a big dick, so that seems to seal the deal.

Cumtard not last?Ellis won, in his group, at that go kart racing thing for the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie shoot. Rawdog finished second to last place, and the only thing surprising about that is he wasn’t in dead last place, that spot belongs to the illustrious Cumtard. However, Cumtard posted an image that seems to disprove that he was the worst driver, instead it’s speculated that Rawdog was indeed the slowest. A fan stole Ellis’ sunglasses, tried to gank Dingo’s sunglasses, and also was going through peoples’ phones while they were on the track. What a fucking dickhole. Also, bitches be trippin’ on shrooms and shit.

There was talk about how to make golf more interesting, and I’m not sure it can be done. Sure you can just get shit-hammered and cruise around in a golf cart, but even that has its limits. Tomorrow’s WGW might just be “World’s Greatest Man-Boy” with early potential front runners being Rawdog, Thom Yorke, Ellen Degeneres, and your mom. OH!