Monthly Archives: February 2012

Hard Hitting Questions

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I know time is in very short supply for Ellis, Tully, and Rawdog, but I’m hoping they have enough time to field just a few questions. Let’s jump right in with the questions:

Ellis

  1. Say Sirius XM offered you everything you wanted, money, paid staff, your own channel, etc. How much longer would you do radio before deciding to retire?
    (Update 02/17/2012: During a phone call with Ken Block, he said maybe in 4 or 5 years. It’s not a direct answer to this question, but close counts I suppose.)
  2. All your recent life issues are over, everything is perfect. However, during sex you now cum out of your nose instead of your penis. Do you stop having sex or just put up with it?

Rawdog

  1. Ellis retires early and you still don’t have full access to your trust fund. What will you do for work?
  2. The power grid fails, no microwave, no restaurants, etc. What will you be eating during this tragic time? And no relying on other people, you have to feed yourself.

Tully

  1. How exactly did you start in radio? Were you an intern? Did Cullen get you hooked up with Sirius XM?
  2. You and your wife have adopted Rawdog. He finds a mysterious oriental skull that transforms you into Rawdog, and he into you – just like in the movie Vice Versa. Except there is no fixing it or going back. How do you handle this situation, do you just live with it, kill Rawdog (who is in your old body), or just punch Mark McGrath out of frustration?

If you are reading this, thank you for taking time from your day to do so.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/7/2012

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It’s Rude Judesday (@rude_jude) so he stopped by the show, as per usual it was pretty funny. He mentioned #WhitePeopleWednesday and #ThirdWorldThursday Twitter trends, which are/were hilarious. Jude went for some anime porn and got some of a black dog with a big ass dick going around fucking chicks and his doggy pecker got swollen and stuck inside a chick. Fuckin’ hell, Japanese people really know how to weird shit up. Dolphins have huge dicks and when they ejaculate, it can be dangerous. Ok, time to move on before we get people posting some dolphin fanfiction.

@DanOD5 has made tentative dinner plans with the hot Italian chick! He also met another chick in the motherfucking hot tub, this chick’s Austrian, which obviously means she could be into fecal play. I don’t get it, he’s here for a week and slaying bitches left and right but Rawdog (@RadioTFB) and Cumtard (@KevinKraftSucks) aren’t getting any play. This kid either has some serious game or a pile of roofies.

Iliza Shlesinger (@iliza) stopped by the show. She wasn’t funny (at least on today’s show) and she seemed to get upset / offended about a joke, which is weird because she’s supposed to be a comedian. I don’t know who this chick is or if she’s funny or not, but getting offended by jokes doesn’t bode well for someone in comedy. Ellis just went silent while Rawdog and Tully (@possiblytully) tried to keep navigating through the mine field of awkwardness that was her interview. If you didn’t like her, Dan Diablo said she left her powerbar on the couch in the green room – so you can laugh about that. If you liked her, Dan Diablo said she left her powerbar on the couch in the green room – so you can feel sorry for her about that.

Moving along, today was also New Music Tuesday and I know how much most of you absolutely love it! And since you do love it, I’m not gonna talk about it – so HAHAFUCKINGHA! Oh, alright. I can’t be a dick to you guys. Here’s a link to “I Fink You Freeky” by Die Antwoord. There was some new Van Halen, so you know, uh stay frosty? I was driving home from work and don’t remember the rest, so enough of that. Let’s keep moving along.

Talk eventually moved on to a popular topic that has been discussed before, and that’s prison rape. Is it okay or not? Is prison okay? Which crimes deserve prison rape, which crimes don’t? Obviously this is one of those types of discussions that has no real clear answer. It’s become one of those taboo discussions like God, Abortion, and Mac vs PC. So, I’m not getting into this – not because I don’t have an opinion or not because I don’t want you to know my opinion, but because this blog post will quickly turn into a fucking essay about 50 pages long – and let’s face it, you’re probably not even reading this far.

I’ll leave you with my parting thoughts:

  1. Do as I say, not as I do. Take that for what it’s worth. There could be a shit ton of wisdom in that, or none at all, it’s all what you make of it.
  2. Being vague doesn’t make you mysterious, but it does make me mysterious. I know it’s unfair, but life probably hates you.
  3. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. Life doesn’t hate you. It loves you, a lot. It caresses you, it kisses you, it gently humps your soul, and cums inside you. Basically, the opposite of pumping your face so hard you puke and then slamming it home in your asshole – which of course is how everyone treats your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/6/2012

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The Super Bowl is over and I ain’t saying shit about it, you’ve no doubt already heard everyone talking about it already. I think Cumtard might have been crying or at least emotional – and not the kind of emotional when you have to shit really badly. He said he didn’t feel that great, body hurts, eyes hurt, etc. He might be sad about that one slut he was trying to go out on a date with, apparently she just keeps turning him down and blowing him off. Surprise!

Demi Moore is still in rehab for whip-its. That’s about as gangster as getting gum stuck in your hair. Oh, and apparently at some point she’s had plastic surgery on her knees, you know – to give them a lift. Talk turned to whose hotter, Demi or Madonna. I’m gonna say Demi because Madonna is starting to look like the Cryptkeeper. It has also been revealed that the hot Italian chick @DanOD5 ran into in the hot tub, is in film school. I say she’s going to want to film them having sex and he’ll end up on PornHub in 30 to 60 days.

Roseanne Barr is running for President? I guess if you’re into cheese subsidies and fat old woman farts, then by all means – vote for her. This has to be a joke though, right? More interestingly, there was more talk about Jack The Cunt. Unfortunately there won’t be a release for any Jack The Cunt songs, but fortunately for us there is CobraTits! There you can hear Jack The Cunt and Aussie Country to your hearts content. And get this, Germany has bestiality brothels. Yup, you read that right – bestiality brothels. Way to push yourselves to the forefront Germany!

I think that about does it, don’t you? I mean really, what more do you want? Look, I try to satisfy you, but lets face it – we all can’t put out as much your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/3/2012

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Super-Big, Awesome Fucking Mega-Boat!That’s right, it’s Who Gives A Fuck Friday (#WGAFF) and guess what else? I don’t give a fuck, a fart, or a fucking fart. Let’s get into this quickly, very soon, like immediately, pretty much right this instant. Talk started off with a bit of hindsight about yesterday’s show and comments concerning Fred Durst. I guess a lot of people were hating on Ellis for not verbally kicking Durst in the nut sack. Ellis, Tully, and Rawdog think the interview went well and that they did what they were supposed to do (I agree.) Get the guest to volunteer information and then get them to volunteer a little bit more, which Ellis is good at. Although Tully did explain that he thought the interview would have gone very differently if they were interviewing him 10 years ago. If you think about it, that’s absolutely true. But enough of yesterday’s show, let’s move on. I SAID LET’S MOVE ON! Fuck, man – come on – try and keep up with me here.

Tully gave Rawdog a ride home on his birthday because he was drunk on dick Jägermeister and Rawdog didn’t give him a hand job or anything of the sort. How rude. I guarantee Dan Diablo (@DanOD5) wouldn’t have stood for that bullshit. Speaking of which, Danny went out last night but did not impregnate any sluts, get any chicks’ numbers, get his junk grabbed by a weird dude or anything like that. I don’t know how that happens, but whatever. You don’t question Dan Diablo’s decisions.

There was a “bad ideas” segment, which included:

  • What have you accidentally thrown away that was valuable?
    The winner here I believe was Christian Hand. He threw away the original trilogy of Star Wars on laser disc as well as several BMI checks worth a couple thousand dollars a piece.
  • Poetry readings
    I’m not sure there was a clear winner chosen here, so I’m just going to go ahead name Tully the winner because his poem was about taking a shit – and it was classy as fuck.
  • Jack The CuntAustralian country songs
    Ellis won this one hands down and not only because he was the only person singing. His awesome impression of Jack The Cunt with extremely homophobic and racist lyrics really made it shine. Sure it may have stuck out like a turd in a punch bowl, but that’s part of the beauty of it. It was fuckin sick, ya cunt.
  • World’s greatest tree
    The Rambo Tree squeaked out the win as a last minute entry, surpassing the Christmas Tree (in your face Rawdog). I mean, it’s name is fucking Rambo. That’s pretty badass and way better than a “rubber” or “maple” tree.
  • Screaming ContestScreaming contest
    Cumtard won this with his cookie monster scream even though Tully seemed louder to the ear. The best part though was when Will “Shiney Shins” Pendarvis gave it a shot.
  • What have you gotten through airport security
    This one should probably go to Rawdog and “Mr. X” because Mr. X got his shampoo confiscated at the airport, but not his weed – that was in his lost luggage – that took him 2 days to work up the courage to go and get. There was a dude that had a bunch of bayonets and M16 cartridges, but whatever. You make the call.
  • Milk news
    What’s going on in the world of milk. I don’t fucking know and I don’t think anyone does. We’ll just go ahead and give this one Jack The Cunt since he sang a short diddy about milk and cunts.
  • New character Barack Lesnar
    Tully wins this one too because he rattled off some shit that was a mix of Barack Obama and Brock Lesnar. Rawdog did too, but he sounded like a racist from the south while he read his. Fuck it, we’ll say both of them win.
  • Jesus BreakdancingBible stories with Rawdog
    Rawdog read a story of two kings or some shit. I don’t know. At this point I’m just thinking about what your mom is doing right now and it’s probably something really deviant.
  • Bobby Evil Aussie Magician
    This goes to Ellis as well because it sounded like Jack The Cunt’s cousin. And I’m still thinking about your mother.
  • Why are you so lame?
    This award goes to Cumtard. No explanation needed. However, how many loads do think your mom has swallowed by now? It’s like almost noon.
  • The ultimate chocolate bar
    You can’t really beat what is already out there so I’m just going to say Snickers won (I think Tully suggested it.) Why? Because I said so, that’s why! Don’t argue with me about it okay? Okay. Fuck, I really could use a drink right about now. Think your mom would make me one? She could use her asshole as the shaker and then squirt it out like she taught Sparky to squirt milk.

And that should just about do it. If not, it’s Friday and I don’t give a rats ass. But your mom does, she gives up her ass on the daily. OH!