Tag Archives: Shoebox

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/6/2012

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Oy Mate, It’s me Jason Ellis! I shit in your mom’s fishtank, Red Dragons ya cunt.

A set of double D tits is better to have for a year than a set of dog’s balls on your face, fact!  Oh, and its Thursday, also fact!  From here on out its total bullshit, so lets get to it.  Ellismate is still doing his home jail house workout, but is stuck in between ripped and Rawdog.  Meanwhile, at the Ellis estates, #burgerellis got his first x-ray today, Red Dragons to you my puppy friend.  Hey, if your ever in Vegas at Drais Afterhours, be sure to look for Jason Ellis, catching VIP treatment and taking photos n shit.  Turns out Kit Cope has a friend who was in Vegas this weekend, and saw Ellis there, high on ecstasy with some Asian chic.  Only Ellis wasn’t in Vegas, so what the fuck – We have an imposture!  Of course Ellis hit Kit up on the air to try and get to the bottom of it, and Kit quoted a line from the fake Ellis “I am Jason Ellis and I make lots of money talking on the radio”.  Cumtard tried to get in touch with Drais, but everyone’s still sleeping so it remains a mystery.  Dogs are dumb, babies are dumber, and baby dogs are dumberer than all.  Not this dog yo, he be riding it til the wheels fall off.  So naturally that video led to Tully, drunk off his ass of course, verse a dog in a race to the death.  Sounds cool, but not sure about the legality’s of that.  If we were in Thailand though, game fucking on! Sounds like Ellis wants to take the show there for a few weeks, and maybe get a group salad tossing with Josh to bond as brothers.  Tully did point out the 3-7 AM time frame, but again, game fucking on!  Its not likely to happen though, as they can’t even get out to Ellis, Kansas let alone friggin Thailand.  One Day!

 

Rawdog just misses his McGriddles…

Mike Dolce joined the show to talk diet and health n shit, and if you listen to the show for health and to get good advice about it, you want to go back and check this out.  Mike’s a trainer for a shit ton of UFC fighters like Vitor Belfort, Johnny Hendricks, Quinton Rampage Jackson and many others.  He helps them cut weight, but not by starvation, rather a good diet and discipline, fucking sucks I know.  Dude knows his shit, which is as basic as eating earth grown stuff every 2 to 4 hours while awake, and til your satisfied not full.  Sure you gotta change up your lifestyle, but you don’t have to be nuts about it.  Mike on the other hand carries a book bag with a day of food and supplies n shit, such as almond butter, oat bran, and hemp hearts (What the fuck is a hemp heart?).  He’s written a few books on it, which Ellis and Rawdog each plan to try out.  For Josh, he will be checking out Living Lean, while Ellis is more of a 3 Weeks to Shredded guy.  Of course Rawdog is the Darth Vader of nutrition so we shall see how he does.  Other cool shit we learned, just cause its 100% natural don’t mean shit, bleach can be 100% natural and ain’t good for you.  Alcohol is a poison anyway you slice it, but weed is mellow as long as ingested not inhaled, since its better than any prescription drug you can get.  Also you need 9 hours of sleep a night, and avoid Crossfit all together as its gayer than you are my homo friend.

 

                 Oh yeah, DING!

 

Dana White, the man the myth the legend, called the show to shoot some UFC breeze with the wing.   I wonder if Dana owns a $450 Starbuck’s metal card?  Not sure, but I can guarantee you he own’s quite a few assistants, all of which are hotter than Ellis’s new assistant Ryan.  Ryan’s a happy dude who loves the Dead Kennedy’s and is from Vancouver.  Back to Dana White, so he’s “friggin’ awesome” and he loves Ellis, thinks the wing is the coolest.  So anyways, which fight is Ellis most pumped to see asked Dana, how about the Cain Velasquez/Junior dos Santos fight which ain’t even this weekend.  FUCK, stupid brain say dumb things go DUH!  Rawdog fed him a few of the fights on this weekends free UFC on FOX5, and Ellis is siked to see both the Benson Henderson/Nate Diaz and the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald fights, calling Benson Henderson a ‘freak horse human’ so check it out.  Ellis also was a bit pissed at the final on this season’s Ultimate Fighter, but its Team Carwin no matter what happened for him.  Ellis added he was going to go check the videos from the weigh-ins, which Dana reminded him haven’t even happened yet.  Moral of the story kids, if you like to hear Dana White, go back and check this out as you may never hear him again on TJES after today!  In other meaningless news, Snakes on a Plane ain’t just a shitty movie anymore.  This other dude blamed a cat for the murder of a lawyer.  Last but not least, Rory MacDonald dresses like a French Canadian fag, and Tully’s wife is madly in love with Manny Pacquiao.

 

Well no fucking wonder….

Not much today in the way of Hollywood News, just the grammy’s.  Rawdog played a bunch of gay award-winning gay music to show Ellis what was hot this past year.  Maybe Death! Death! Die! can be in next year’s Grammy nominations, I mean shoebox knows a guy.  Just record a clean version of Big Funky Mega Boat and its on like Donkey Kong.  If I may be serious for a second, #fucktully for reminding us about Ghost Dad, i mean really dude.  But not for beating Linsanity with pillows and thundersticks, thats just fucking cool and necessary. Cats kill babies, its all true, and all over the internet.  They literally will “take the breath” of your infant, so watch out.  Stars too will literally take the Ellis show, and just fuck it up to beyond recognition, or so thinks Ellis. He’s fucking done with those assholes, they don’t care and can’t get it right.  His original intention for even being on that shit station was to fucking put it to Covino n Rich.  But those dudes turned out to be cool and care about radio n shit, and with all the fuck ups over the years, its just time to move on.  Will kill joyed any Faction replay ideas since too many people like punk and need a channel for it.  Whatever happens, we will always have our little noon to four on the west coast to look forward too, and Sirius on demand if we miss it, except in Canada I hear.  And your mom always has her Skechers and Crossfit training to look forward too as well, oh and like 13lbs. of shit and load we’ve been saving up for her, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 11/9/2012

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Shut it, yappy!

Hello ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that I don’t give a fuck, because it’s Friday. Let’s see, where should I start? How about with a good old fashioned falcon punch to the vagoo? Yes, yes, that feels right. Now we can begin our journey together, focused, void of any fucks in our way, and with a clean pair of underoos. Ellis feels like buying silver pants and wearing a furry vest. Tully had and wore silver pants, but Rawdog didn’t – it’s not silver pants time for Rawdog and I think he knows it. However, Rawdog is slamming a Go Girl energy drink. You know, man shit. Machine Head is supposedly not allowed to play in any Disney owned venues or on Disney owned property, which includes some House of Blues locations. But more importantly, how’s Cumtard’s butt doing today? Better than it was last night after trying to wedge a tube in his ass. He said the tube was cutting his asshole, so he tried just the funnel and it too was cutting his asshole, but eventually got the enema kit to work and squirted beer up his ass and all over his socks. You’ll be able to see Cumtard’s buttchugging and be able to access EllisMania.com on your smartphones in 5 days!

That sick track you’re making is only missing some sweet licks!

Moon news came back today, people are seeing UFOs eggs in the skies above the borders of India and China. Some poor kid that was forced to go into some gay conversion therapy basically got tortured by his family, wants to see his whack-ass family, but they don’t want to see him. Or something like that. It was a pretty long clip and started to space out. Gay conversion therapy. Seriously, people believe in this shit. Come to find out, this is more prevalent than I certainly thought, as several callers chimed in about their varying and unfortunate experiences with it. Rob Flynn from Machine Head ended up calling into the show, not about gay conversion therapy, but about the whole Disney vs Machine Head topic spoken about earlier. He cleared the air a bit about what went on, but the real news here is that he said he was open to helping Ellis with his personal track that he’s been recording. There was a quick semi-listing of all the things Rawdog has done over the year, such as losing his car, swallowing his own load, banging Sparky two times with one rubber, etc. Maybe we’ll get a full compilation of all his accomplishments before the end of the year.

He’s seen you driving ’round town with the girl he loves, and he was like haiku.

Hollywood news time, Jonah Hill and some Don Lemon who is a CNN news anchor are in a Twitter fight, apparently Mr. Lemon said hi to Jonah and he didn’t say hi back or something so now Mr. Lemon has a fruit cup up his ass. Mark Wahlberg will allegedly be replacing Shia LaBeouf in the forthcoming Transformers movie, which doesn’t have a name yet or I’m guessing even a fucking script. Robert Pattinson is crying about something or another, doesn’t matter – he looks like a foot. Cee-Lo was in the fucking news again, something about being in a brawl with some chicks, one of whom called him a fat motherfucker, or some shit like that. Again, who gives a shit. Somebody mentioned Lindsay Lohan and Storage Wars again too, but I was completely gone at this point and giving zero fucks. Rihanna said something about something else or someone else and then thankfully it was all over. I swear to shit, I hate writing about Hollywood gossip, it seriously has to be the worst fucking torture there is. I think from now on, anytime there’s Hollywood news, I’m just going to make up my own shit, at least then it might be a little entertaining. How much better would it be to read too? Like if I told you that Cee-Lo was caught buttchugging 2 cases of Schlitz and then went & bashed a store clerk over the head with a bat and pissed on their corpse, you’d be like “RED FUCKING DRAGONS!”

Noted racist and extreme falling enthusiast Black Africanakis (aka Donald Schultz) stopped by the show to talk about his show, saving animals, and of course extreme falling. Wanna see “The Ding” wasted, in a blue dress, and fighting other cunts? Of course you do, even though it’s not really Dingo, it’s just some drunken Aussie bitch being a sick cunt. Shoebox was in the studio as well, but he’s pretty much worthless, so fuck him. HAHHAAA Just kidding. He’s worth at least minimum wage. HEYOH! I guess congratulations are in order! I wanted to congratulate you, I heard your mom finally came out of her coma today! Just kidding. She died. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/8/2012

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Somebody’s gotta do it

OK people, we only have to give a fuck for a few more hours so lets roll!  If Ellismate had 75 dicks do you think his arms would get tired from the excessive jerking requirements?  Its a damn legitimate question, and so is Rawdog asking if he’d even have enough load to support them all  droppin’ loads.  Speaking of loads, Ellismate was listen to Kevin and The Bean this morning, and man those dudes fucking suck. There not really the same thing as The Jason Ellis Show, kinda like the difference between vert and street skating.  Ellismate compared the shit they spew to what he had to do while working on Octane, such as telling you how amazing Finger Finger Death Punch is.  “BLAHT”!  Haha, thats the drop of rawdog gagging yesterday while practicing for his big day.  Tully’s working on the details, but no date has been set yet to see Josh blow that dead horse cock.  Hopefully Rawdog updates his hairstyle before the big day to look his best.  Tully and Ellis threw around some possible looks like herpes infected David Beckham or maybe honest Abe Lincoln.  Tully has afro like hair, which gets all padded down from his scotch taped head phones, which piss on Rawdogs one ear only headphones, fucking swinghouse.  Turns out Will has more headphones, and the new Jason Ellis cum rags.  Right about then Cumtard walked in, and the kids going to be a huge star.  Check him out soon on Ellismania.com doing shit like putting hot sauce on his taint to see if he gets a boner to the obvious butt chugging video.  Ellis also mentioned making the Rawdog spinning by his ankles vid too, and this may be a new Thursday routine for the site so fuck yeah!

 

 

That ain’t a sword he’s holding

In Hollywood News, its fucking cold and rainy, wah!  Also Jermaine Jacksun is changing his name and thats not a typo.  Some hot crazy Ukrainian bitch said the ‘Call Me Maybe’ song is a fucking rip off of her smash hit ‘Hunky Santa’.  Molly Cyrus is getting married at 19 and good luck with that.  Lindsay Lohan is a dumb cunt and she may be getting her own ‘Lindsay Lohan News’ segment on the show.  Speaking of dumb cunts maybe getting new shows, Kate Gosselin and Kendra Wilkinson swapped kids for a week trying to keep their reality lives going.  In other Hollywood news, some lady from Kenya had twins and gave them shitty names, and this baby got pregnant in Saudi Arabia.  Apparently all of the shit above was fucking hilarious to Jizz Cult who about stopped the show pissing himself laughing, so be sure to check out @Deadletters on Instagram!  Also be sure to check out Rob Corddry’s new movie Warm Bodies, and Johnny Knoxville and Arnold’s new movie The Last Stand.  Speaking of Arnold, is that dude not the baddest mutherfucker of all time?  Tully pointed out to Ellis that this warlord has been the strongest man in the world, banged a Kennedy and became governor, banged every other woman that walked the earth, and can’t speak a lick of english.  Red Dragons to you sir!

 

Watch your pussy around this guy

In Aussie news, reporter Michael ‘Sick Cunt’ Tully read a list of Australian inventions that may blow your fucking mind!  From disposable syringes to vaginal cameras these kangaroo fuckers really hooked us up with some cool shit.  Big shits rule, just saying!  So we may be getting another new segment like once a month, ‘Period News’, not to be confused with ‘Women, am i right’.  And then girl on girl star Ryan Keely walked into the studio and she’s fucking smoking hot.  She talked about the new law that passed in LA county and how it was total bullshit.  That the use of condoms with such huge cocks and repetitive banging actually makes the woman more likely to catch a disease since her membranes are so destroyed.  Its all just to stick it to the industry rather to really help anyone in the end. Turns out she is retiring from the game anyways, and just in time as Ellismate is thinking of making his debut with his porn character The Cape-ist, aka The Pussy Burglar.  So what is Ryan going to do with herself besides shuffle her cookie ten times a day?  How about a career in radio.  She’s already got a podcast going and some sick drops on the Ellis show.  If so, she needs to tell her stories about her ex boyfriends.  This one dude used to wake her up by dropping his load on her feet while she was asleep, and he took it up the ass.  This other ex of hers used to line up a friend of his to show up at dinner, and try to convince her into a DP with the two fellas, he took it up the ass too!  I’m seeing a trend with the type of guys she dates, and if you were wondering, she’s fucked 4 dudes in the ass in her lifetime.  Rawdog, I mean Sarah joined the show to have a ‘Sexy Off’ with Ryan Keely which was kinda cool.  Ryan also took the time to offer her advice to Rawdog for his upcoming event.  Suggestions like relaxing his jaw and using his hands to work the shaft should be very helpful when sucking that dead horse cock.  She did fear that the dick may be too big for Josh’s mouth,  but that hopefully shouldn’t be an issue.  Ryan’s also an expert on butt chugging, and gave Cumtard a few pointers to help him, like using a room tempature beer and for it to be flat to avoid the fizz.  She also suggested getting a higher quality beer since it is going up his ass.  She then gave Rawdog a zerbert and made the little Bush Babies day, awww!

 

I never knew thats what it meant!

In ‘Cock News’, Chad Kroeger is a total dick but also kinda funny too for betting a roadie to put his dick in a fan.  Shoebox rolled into the studio to shoot the shit about Cumtard’s butt chugging plans.  They tried some more to figure out the best beer to put up Kevin’s ass, but maybe its not beer they should be using, maybe Zima?  Shoebox taught us what a ‘chilly willy’ is.  Its when you take a shot of vodka, followed by a bump of vodka up the nose, but don’t try that at home.  From there it was all about Rawdog and this massive horse dick he’s gotta blow.  They tried to figure out how much of the steak Rawdog took on yesterday’s show and Tully placed it somewhere between 2 to 3 inches.  Well, if it don’t fit in his mouth, Joanna Angel will just have to to preform dick tricks on him for a minute and 45 seconds.  Ellis then tried to figure out the best way to display this act.  Should the Dog be on his knees with his arms held back, or maybe tied up like a magicians assitant?  He could have wings and bra and come out as a victoria secrets model.  Maybe a jockey outfit is appropriate for Rawdog, but only if Joanna gets a horse tail butt plug too!  What about the background music for this?  Slinging Cream or Neutral Milk Hotel or how about some video messages from his family for moral support through such tough times.  Whatever happens, one caller was right when he suggested they get the dick stuffed for the walls of the Faction studios.  Sounds like something your mom would ask for, a taxidermied stuffed version of mine and all of EllisFam’s cocks for her walls…..her pussy walls, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/31/2012

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Boo motherfucker!  What else would you wanna do on Halloween but kill someone, but like for real!  Thats what Ellis is all about today, and Adrianne Curry equates it to tripping balls basically, well the whole hallucinogenic part of it anyways.  Ahhhh Adrianne Curry, makes me wanna go “Shazing”, which is the sound made when your dick goes into a perfectly fitting carnival or shitbox.  Always learning something on the Jason Ellis Show, like Jason wants a sex couch, Rawdog is a Beverly Hills Ninja for Halloween, and that Adrianne goes to strip clubs for a nice place to talk.  She also said its cool if you check out another chic, but no more than 10 seconds.  But if the nipples are hard, then its ok for at least 20 seconds.  But good ol’ Ellismate found the loophole, if your seeing if her ass is real or fake, you can stare as long as it takes.  Some other shit we learned, some dude called in with 2 dicks and its called Diphallia, and strippers fucking freak out when they see it.  Apparently dude can piss or cum out of either of them.  Gnarly!  Speaking of cool shit with dicks, Ellis can slap his dick and make a Spoon Man kinda vibe with it, which he later in the show recorded and played live!!!  We also learned that “Randy” in Australia means horny, and it gives RawDog’s ‘Macho Man’ voice a whole new meaning.  Then Adrianne found the shake weight and we all stopped and listened……..

 

 

The elections are almost over people, and this little girl is sick of Bronk Obama and this whole erection thing.  Then we learned more about rape, and how in some states dudes can claim rights of “their child” in situations of impregnating a lady they raped.  Fucking sick right – Adrianne said she take a crowbar to the thing if she wasn’t allowed to choose.  Shoebox said he got accused of rape his senior year of high school.  Some bitch put him through the ringer for a while, and then just admitted it was a lie = CUNT!  Speaking of cunts, Cee Lo has been accused of rape and of not skipping a midnight snack.  Best spot for a snack near Hollywood, Adrianne suggests Hatfield’s and Rawdog offered Grill ’em All.  Shoebox offered us the TV series ‘The Walking Dead‘, which Rawdog said wasn’t that good, so its probably the greatest show ever made.  Oh man, serious Halloween tip for you here, Adrianne reminded us if your going to fuck a zombie you gotta remember lube!  That goes for any ladies in their eighties too kids!  And if you somehow impregnate this zombie bitch and make a zombie son you can always name him either Chainsaw, Cannibal or Hannibal, all solid choices and Ellismate approved.  Seriously though people, if the zombies do come for real, Ellismate is heading straight for the jet skis.  Not bad idea, unless you follow @SharkPeople on twitter!

 

Nothing gay about this at all.

What is the World’s Greatest Thing Done While on Cocaine?  Could it be Lawrence Taylor or Michael Irvin, both of which won superbowls and did mad whores while on coke.  Maybe its Stephen King who wrote his best novels with a toot here or there.  And who could forget musicians like Eric Clapton or bands like Fleetwood Mac.  Oh fuck, how about that one dude who called in a while back and rubber banded his junk, contorted it until he got it in his ass, and literally fucked himself!  Possibly the winner was Elvis and his days of liquid cocaine, but we will truly never know who or what, is, the World’s Greatest Wednesday since they just gave up on it!   We did learn some key info though, like Adrianne once won a bet to sniff a bands name spelled out in coke, and that Stevie Nicks blew her nose out so bad she had to take lines up the ass.  And if your going to fuck while on cocaine, either get it hard first, or pop a cialis before the start of your night!

 

   “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!”

If you haven’t noticed Tully isn’t in today, so in keeping in the spirit of #fucktully, our good ol’ friend Jizz Cult laced us with his pics on Instagram, so be sure to follow @Deadletters on Instagram for all of Will’s hilarious photos.  Adrianne used to have a pet Tarantula, and it bit her, and she got really fucking sick from it, Woman Am I Right?  Seriously ladies, don’t ever drop a “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!” if you in bed with a dude, cause its a legitimate reason to hit a bitch.  Speaking of my homies, check out Tony Hawk’s RIDE Channel on youtube for todays featured video of Birdman and Ellismate, bon appetite!  Rawdog had a game for Shoebox, Adrianne and Ellis, all Halloween themed and shit.  The game was lame, but the voice Rawdog blessed us with was classic!  Think of it like a cross between Rip Taylor and The Monster Mash dude.  The rest of the show was spent on the the new segment, “What have you stuck your dick in?”  We’ve done this before, but with Adrianne in studio it seemed a good time to refresh our memories.  Of course we got the basics out of the way, such as a vacuum cleaner, warm shampoo bottles, and in between two mattresses.  Some dude called in about the time he and his buddy DP’d a calf-liver.  And how could we forget the guy who cut a hole in the wall and lost his virginity to it.  He goes back from time to time to visit his family and his ex.  Cans of corn beef, pie filling, trannies, basically anything slightly warm and gooey will do.  The winner for me, some dude fucked a bong and later his buddy took a bong rip from it, what a douche.  From there the show was bombarded with ‘Dick Sticking Stories’ from a ton of #EllisFam, all of whom are listed here, that have fucked your mom over and over and over!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/4/2012

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‘Murica! Fightin’, fuckin’, arrestin’, smokin’, snortin’, shootin’ All that cool shit.

It’s 10-4, good buddies! Breaker, breaker, we got an ass shaker at mile marker fuck you. Ellis has been teaching Katie how to do a somersault off the diving board and into the pool, apparently she’s pretty bad at them. You know how Travis Pastrana wanted to fight Dave Mirra? Yea, well, now Pastrana’s wife doesn’t want him to fight Mirra because she’s scared for Mirra. Tully was going to enter FMX at X-Games, but his wife didn’t want him to because she was scared he would embarrass Pastrana. As Tully says, excuses are like assholes, they are delicious. Ellis had to call the po-po yesterday, he was picking up Snook from school and some little drunk Mexican dude came up to him talking gibberish. Dude was sketchy and trying to talk gibberish to other parents and kids, Ellis called the cops and told them what was up, 2 hours later the cops call Ellis and essentially were like, “so, what were you saying again?” Rawdog thinks it’s because the police like to fuck with people and cherry pick calls, but Tully feels like they’re just busy fighting crime and shit. Also, there was some debate over whether Superman could impregnate a chick or the chick could even have the baby.

I’ve looked into the faces of Hell.

Some professional boxer came out of the closet and announced he was gay, and then he came on his trainer’s face. Okay, that last part was a complete lie, sorry ’bout that. People are now able to watch Big Fucking Mega Boat on EllisMania.com, so go check that out if you wish. Lightening Train got put on the spot today, he’s charged with not answering phone’s enough, not correctly, and not at the right times. He had to come into the studio and take calls while the guys were there to witness, right away he fucked up the first call, which was about the movie “Gummo” and Ellis eating spaghetti in a bathtub. Remember the conjoined twins that were talked about yesterday? Of course you do, allegedly there’s a picture of them blowing a dude, and yes, it is photoshopped. Sounds like Shoebox really hated Rawdog at first, everyone gets along now way better, but nobody really bothers to disagree with Shoebox anymore because they don’t feel the ensuing fight would be worth it. Tully says he treats each D!D!D! performance as his last, because it has potential to be the final one.

Time for the reverse awards, listeners got to help suggest potential award categories and even some nominees for this year’s categories. There are a bunch of categories and a bunch of nominees, I’m not going to list them all out. Voting isn’t done, so you can still vote for all that shit until at least tomorrow’s show if not over the weekend. While drilling your mom one day, she wanted to get freaky and asked me to strangler her. I wasn’t really into it at first, but curiosity got the best of me. That’s when I found out which organ in the female body remains warm after death. My cock. OH!

Whatever it is that you are saying, it means nothing!