How To Be a DJ On Shade 45

There’s a simple formula on how to be a DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel and I’m going to reveal that secret formula to you! Get this down and you’ll be just as good as most all of the DJ’s on that channel with the only exception being Jude (@rude_jude) Here are the “secret” steps:

  1. Play the same “popular” songs that have been played 3 to 4 times within a 12 hour period.
  2. Make sure you interrupt the song multiple times by pushing a button that says: “Warning. The drama king is in the building.”
  3. Push that same button at least 5 times in a row.
  4. Push that same button again after 10 seconds.
  5. Now push a button that sounds like an air horn.
  6. Push that same button 3 to 4 times in a row.
  7. Repeat steps 2 through 6 until the song is over, making sure the audience has only heard a maximum of 10 words. The rest should be button sounds.
  8. Repeat steps 1 through 7 for the remainder of your shift.

Congratulations! You are now a “professional” DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/6/2012

ElephantitisHey, it’s “Big Balls” Tuesday and that is no laughing matter. Elephantitis of the nuts is a serious issue affecting at least a handful of people in the world. Speaking of big balls, Rawdog revealed he almost choked to death on a butterscotch candy when he was kid and now he won’t eat them anymore, I assume because he’s afraid he’ll die. I think this is probably where his “small throat” excuse comes from considering he can’t swallow pills or even a mouthful of liquid. Thankfully though, Tully has attended baby CPR classes so should Rawdog start choking on his own spit, Tully can save his life. So naturally, it was time to get Rawdog over his fear of butterscotch hard candies. Will and Dan came in with some butterscotch candies, it took awhile but he was finally victorious over the candy and did not die! Shout out to that legend of a man, beating out a butterscotch candy. Fucking gangster.

Come at me eseTully, Rawdog, and Jude were trash talking and challenging each other to a book report-off. I think I’ve officially heard it all now, especially when Rawdog busted out an “ese” while tough talking Jude. I don’t know much about Jude and his reading habits, but if speech habits have any bearing on the subject, Rawdog’s “book wepowt” is going to be full of mistakes. Tully seems like the front runner on this one, I mean he did go to Oxford, not to mention he can now perform baby CPR. That has to add something to his book report skills, right? On the other hand, Jude just might come out with a masterpiece, especially if he does it while on ketamine.

Mauro RanalloThere was a whole metric fuckload of talk about the recent Rush Limbaugh “scandal” and what is right or wrong or acceptable, advertising, who’s a prostitute or not, etc. It was supposed to be “Dude am I slut? Rush Limbaugh edition” but instead it turned into a circle jerk discussion about freedom of speech. In other news, Bro Brogan (@joerogan) apparently tried to get hair implants and now has a scar from it. I think we can all agree that the “bald” or shaved head look is way more popular today than it ever was. By the way, have you seen Mauro Ranallo after he shaved his head? He looks fucking hilarious / horrible with a shaved head. He also shakes his head a lot when talks and kind of reminds me of Seth MacFarlane.

BellaEllisBelladonna was on the show today and she’s bald too, I mean she has a shaved head now. But her cookie is probably bald as well. She used to come in back when the show was first starting out, and she was always a pretty cool guest. The major topic while she was there was people calling in with strange things they found sexy or hot or whatever. There were quite a few “strange” ones, but I think the blockbuster of the bunch was a guy that called in and said after doing some coke and drinking, he would put lube on his dick, tie rubber bands around his cock to keep it hard, penetrate his ass, wash it off, and then suck his own cock. I think what made the story even better was how matter of fact and dead serious he was while discussing it. He sounded very believable as well, especially with all his cokehead pauses while telling a story.

In other big news, Pendarvis has cleared the way to move the Friday morning shows to it’s normal afternoon time. He says this should happen not this coming Friday, but the next Friday. And you know what that means, the move is probably gonna be delayed indefinitely. HAHAHAHAA Get it? No? Well, fuck you then. Alternatively, you could fuck your mom, everyone else has. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/29/2012

CreepyToday is Cumtard’s last day and since Jason was going to be late, he let Cumtard open up the show. Tully and Rawdog gave him the silent treatment and just let him tread on his own, in the end he actually didn’t too terrible. He ended his segment by explaining his position, what he did and why he can’t stay anymore. All that has been explained on here before so I won’t go into that. They played all the buttons dealing with Cumtard since it is his last day and once he’s gone, so will be all his buttons.

Cumfat Off The PhonesThat chick that Ellis made cry yesterday? Yea, she was supposed to go on Rude Jude’s show yesterday after Ellis’ show, but she bailed. In the end it worked out great for Jude because now he’s getting a shot at hooking up with Jenna (the other girl from yesterday.) Let’s see, what else… There was a lot of talk about Chik-Fil-A / gay marriage / religion, that’s one of those infuriating topics with everyone having a different opinion and trying to convince you that their opinion is better than yours. Fuck that shit. If we even touch on this subject, this re-cap is turning into a fucking fiasco of a novel. So, I choose to move on.

Scrotum McBoner FartWorld’s Greatest Wednesday for today, in honor of Cumtard’s last day on the show is, World’s greatest thing Cumtard should do now that he doesn’t have a job. Apparently there was a dude on Facebook that wanted to pay him $5000 to spend the weekend with him so he can fuck and cuddle with him, the whole boyfriend experience. Ellis set off negotiating for Cumtard and the conclusion was to clean the guy’s apartment naked wearing only a hat, Cumtard jerks off, and then leaves, for $800 a week. Without further ado, here’s the list of ideas from fans in order of their placement:

  1. Sip It Slowly, CumtardFreeway clown
  2. Shark dentist
  3. Dildo tester
  4. Play keytar for Smoked Out Clit
  5. Loaded gun cleaner
  6. Manage a prison snack bar
  7. Call everyone who calls the show regularly to tell them to fuck off
  8. Pube artist
  9. Jerk off on peoples’ ex-girlfriend’s car
  10. Become a roadie for Black Dahlia Murder

Cumtard was clearly and admittedly sad to be leaving the show, but he does plan to come back every now and again just as a friend of the show. Hopefully Sirius will eventually find a full-time position in some capacity for him.

And viola! That’s the end of the re-cap. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? I knew you’d pull through, you’re my little trooper! And now you’ll be swimming up to impregnate your mother! OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/28/2012

Is anyone even reading this garbage or just me? Okay, good. Let’s see what Rude Judesday had in store for us. Well for one, Rude Jude worked as a bathroom attendant at a gay bar for awhile to save up money to get out to LA. He also said he’s up for going to EllisMania 8, that would be pretty fucking sweet for the fans.

Rawdog Cool As IceRawdog turned a bit more gangster today, because he drinks a lot of water and that’s gangster, bitches. Rawdog was also in rare “I got game” form today, slightly hitting on some Penthouse sluts and just talking with more confidence than usual. *Giggle Snort* Maybe yesterday’s speed-dating game resulted in a new found swagger. Things got a little awkward when Ellis started grilling this Emily chick, she was clearly not liking it and started to get emotional, which made everyone else enjoy it more. When a caller chimed in and said she should stop being such a cunt, she left the interview all mad and almost tripped out of the studio. BOOM! Awkward interview badge achieved.

And of course, it’s new music Tuesday. Arguably the biggest story there was that there is a new dub-step style remix of Death! Death! Die! out now, and thanks to @CobraTits, you can hear that right now. Before I forget for another entire week, you can download some of the tracks and make your mash-ups to send into the show. There was also talk about clean and dirty fuel sources used by the world’s population. Oddly though, no talk about how much your mother is used by the world’s population. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/21/2012

According to Ellis and Rawdog, Cumtard is in fact leaving the show – unless maybe if Sirius XM can pay him more money. He said he can’t afford to live on a part-time wage (understandable) so he has to go get a full-time job some place to pay the bills. So look out for Scrotum McBoner Fart at your local sex shop or grocery store. This may be good and/or bad news. Cumtard has taken a his fair share of shit from both fans and the cast during his time producing the show, some with good reason and others with malice. The good part, Tully and Rawdog are going to have to help produce the show in the interim, and both of them are certainly more than competent to do so. The bad part is, believe it or not, Cumtard did bring some things to the show that really helped. I wish him nothing but the best and hopefully he is able to return in some capacity, he deserves his shot. Anyway, fuck that guy. (insert laugh track)

So today is Rude Judesday (@rude_jude), he was partying hard snortin’ lines of katemine last night, so much so that he hurled. Dude parties like a fuckin’ rock star and has the best drug fueled stories. I swear sometimes that dude sounds like a hip hop @oxycottonjohn, it’s fucking hilarious. Jude brought up how he would love to bang Sandra Bullock, Ellis got kind of got oddly silent for a second – that seemed kind of funny, make your own presumptions about that.

Rawdog went out on a date this weekend with some chick he wasn’t attracted to after seeing her in person (i.e. a fat chick) He thought she was cool and wants to hang out with her as friends, but doesn’t want to ever have a sexual relationship with her. So basically Rawdog friendzoned this chick, which is awesome because usually it’s him that’s been friendzoned.

Big Fucking Mega-BoatDonald Schultz stopped by the show and there was more talk about making the movie “Big Fucking Mega-Boat”. They were talking about celebrity cameos as well, many names were mentioned as well as many one-liners. The Twitter ledge @mike_in_canada came up with a hashtag (#CelebrityCameo) for possible one-liners that different celebrities making cameos in the film could use. Sounds like they’re getting pretty serious about filming this and hope to have it completed sometime in May I believe.

And that does it. I better stop and try to get this posted. My Internet has been going down more than your mom on freebie blowjob day. That’s still on everyday right?