If you’re not familiar, 中Jersey Mike中 (@jerseymike334) made quite a few parody songs for TJES, most (if not all) have been featured on the show – some are still in use on the show to this day. And he was kind enough to send them over to us so we could share them with the rest of you! Enjoy, this guy made some legendary shit – show him some love!
Come at me bro-ball!
The Olympics are over, and so is our Olympic coverage. Sure, we never actually wrote one damned thing solely about the Olympics, but that’s just a minor detail we can ignore. I’ll say this though, I bet there was more porn watched online today since the start of the Olympics. I mean, no more of that sweet, sweet, underage poon flipping all over your TV is going to make an impact. By the way, we don’t condone getting sexually aroused by watching that sweet, sweet, underage poon on your TV – that’s just fucking irresponsible and disgusting. I think. Pretty sure. Yup, I’m sure. Speaking of shit that’s just wrong, Cumtard was in the studio today in place of Rawdog – I assume Rawdog’s absence is because his “friend” Mr. X has fallen seriously ill due to all the snowballing he’s been doing lately, and not that he’s at a wedding in New York.
You’d smash that.
Cumtard went to a tranny party this weekend, everybody got naked, slipped into the hot tub, and started getting jacked off by one of the trannies. He claims he stopped it after 3 tugs because he was starting to get a chubby, but I think he’s the only person who actually believes that part. Judging by the picture and eye witness accounts – including from his current house guest, he was flirting all night with this girl and leading her on. I guess if you strike out with a chick because you shit your pants, you’ve only got so many other options. However, the best thing about fucking a tranny is reaching around and pretending it went all the way through. Ellis Staph Shaffington has staph infection on his dick. You read that right. He showed it to Dingo, who promptly flipped the fuck out and said it looked like an over-sized herp. That has got to be fucking horrible, for everyone involved with that pee-pee. In case you missed it on Twitter over the weekend, Mayhem and Dana White traded tweets back and forth. The exchange seemed to start off friendly but quickly started to take an uncomfortable turn. I’ll say one thing about all that, it was the most entertaining thing I saw on Twitter Saturday. Here’s the start of the whole thing. Fuck Kony2012, Mayhem2012, am I right?
That’s how we roll.
Not one to be outdone, Mayhem also got arrested today for being naked, inside a church, and fucking the place up. After hearing of this breaking news, Ellis immediately went to break and sounded bummed out. I’m sorry to say this, but after the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking Mayhem might be slowly losing his mind – and so far that just might turn out to be true, he sure seems to be acting out quite differently than his usual antics. I sure hope that dude turns his shit around before he goes completely off the deep end. On a lighter note and in another “Hey, me and Ellis have this in common” story, he was on a boat with Katie and his kids and got caught in a badass storm. Guess who else got stuck on a boat in a badass storm? Yup, this guy – last week. See? That’s like the 2nd story we’ve had in common, we’re connected now, right? No? Yea, you’re probably right.
Your dad.
And now, final thoughts of the Rawdog Memorial Show… actually, it’s more of a story. One day, guy goes to your mom’s house and tells her that he only wants to spend 5 bucks. She thinks for a bit, then says, meet me in the bedroom down the hall and on the left. The guy goes to the bathroom and then walks to the bedroom. He puts it in and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had on his dick, it’s like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. “Um. something’s wrong, can you do something about that?” She crinkles her face, then says, “Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks.” She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time. The guy puts it back in and now, it’s the complete opposite: it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, “oh my god… that felt amazing… what did you do??” She smiles, and says, “for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs.” OH!
Chick-fil-A. 8ft ducks. With all this ‘fowl’ talk I decided to resurrect one of my all time favorite WGW bits: The World’s greatest name for a cock fighting chicken. Enjoy!
Download (link to MP3)
Led Zeppelin needs to come back, or 80’s glam rock. One of them. Because older women need some shit to listen to and I guess reminisce about. Big, crispy hair, the Brat Pack, it’s all going to bring back memories of when they had a tighter box. Ellis had a couple meetings, some good news, some bad news, some hidden news, some mediocre news, and he can’t talk about any of that shit, so fuck it. It’s Friday. You know Tom Cruise? I mean, not know him, but know who he is? You do, right? He’s that chick that got married to that younger, taller dude? His full name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. It looks like Superman IV, and he just might be the Superman of skin care cream. Ellis is talking about getting on more channels, and I don’t care what you say, because that would be awesome like Blossom. Rawdog’s friend “Mr. X” had a question about after he came on his chick, she licked it up, and then wanted to kiss him. Sounds like it was all meant as a silly after sex joke thing, but Mr. X has to put a stop that shit if he don’t want it. Homey don’t play that snowball game.
Anne Hathaway. Tully will accept the fact that you may think she’s pretty, but he will not accept the fact that you may find her sexually attractive. And according to Ellis, she most likely has a smelly ass – he can just tell. And according to me, she’s the type of girl that would snowball her boyfriend as a joke. So it has been said, and now written, and so it shall be. It’s the law of the land. Who wins between a vampire, a predator, a liken, and aliens? Who gives a shit? Some bored dude thinks Google is racist because he thinks one of their Google Doodles depicts a black man running on a watermelon track. That’s fucking ridiculous. Google is racist because they depicted that same black man holding one of the “O”‘s in one Google Doodle, and then the next day that same “O” was missing.
Some chick that battled bulimia, which left her without a gag reflex, was demonstrating how she has no gag reflex and accidentally swallowed a butter knife. What makes this fucking whack is, this isn’t the first time she accidentally swallowed a goddamned knife. Women. Tully’s looking for a good, reliable opiate pill to take – which we all know Rude Jude could hook him up like a rock star – but regardless, as one might imagine, TJES listeners had tons of suggestions. I don’t even remember how this topic got started, but there was a debate on whether you’d rather fight a horse sized duck, or a bunch of duck sized horses. I haven’t started tonight’s pill poppin’ party yet so I can’t give a well thought out answer to that. But what I can give you an answer to is the question your mom is always asking – “hey baby, want some company?” And the answer to that is: Put your hands behind your back and get on your knees, you’re being arrested for prostitution. OH!