Tag Archives: Rawdog

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/10/2012

Posted on by
Reply

I wrote for Love Connection, so neener, neener, neener!

Happy get your fuck on day, everybody! Mel Gibson might be a bit misunderstood, if not abusive, but he makes pretty great movies – such as “What Men Tell Women They Better Fucking Do, Or Else” – love that movie. Hey, it’s Ellis’ Australian birthday today, he’s 41. Did you wish him a happy birthday or even send him a nude photo of your boobs or moobs? Chicks look awkward when playing sports or guitars, it’s just a fact of the world. Tully and Will found some more old CDs of the show from 2007 or so, they listened to some of it after yesterday’s show and it sounds like Tully will go through and pick out some things he thinks Ellis and everyone else may enjoy listening to. Maybe this will be part of the “Best Of” we’ll be hearing next week while the show is on vacation?

And then Sam Ruben left the show.

KTLA’s Hollywood gossip dude, Sam Ruben, came on the show today saying he exchanged emails with Tully. Turns out it wasn’t Tully at all, it was Pendarvis that he emailed back and forth with, he was trying to get Ellis on his show after several people canceled on him. Sam seems like he totally does not respect anyone on the show except Ellis, he certainly was coming off as an elitist of sorts – at least that’s how I took it. Okay, Sam finally fucking left, which left oxygen for the rest of the guys to breathe and have a moment to say something. Man, that dude can talk, right?

Batman approves.

And then we get New Music Wednesday. Talk about a dick punch. Lightening Train got his shot to make an intro button to the segment, it was pretty terrible but hey, they can’t all be winners. All we can hope for now is that The Jingleberries tear him a new asshole when they make fun of his grunt pump noises. Are you an aspiring comedian? Want to be crucified some constructive criticism? Send in a clip of stand-up routine to EllisParodies@gmail.com for a shot at getting your shit played on the show. Remember that story Rawdog started last week, where he was talking about walking around NYC after the show? He made butt sects with some dude that night, at his sister’s bar. Okay, that’s not true at all, the real story is that two people recognized him and said “hi.” Cool story, bro. Another cool story is how I tricked your mom into showing me her tits. I asked her if she knew what kind of bees give milk. Boobees. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/9/2012

Posted on by
Reply

You’re all wrong, it’s butt chugged piss!

It’s Tuesday and I want this stupid bitch client to get fucked with a Rambo knife, she’s such a stupid cunt. Okay, sorry. I just had to get that out. Look, nobody is gonna tell Ellis what to do, nobody is gonna tell me what to do, and nobody is gonna tell you what to do either. Fuck all that shit. Mayhem is flipping his shit? Duh. He’s gonna go through whatever it is he’s going through and hopefully he’ll pull himself back out of it and carry on. Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more. Shit, I did not mean to bust out some Kansas, that shit just happened. Sounds like Ellis might have gotten another book deal, it’s not 100% solidified, but it sounds like it might be close to that. Yelawolf was on Jude’s show sometime in the past, he left a bottle of his pain killers there – which Jude was ready to munch until Yelawolf came back to get them. We found out who the mastermind was behind Mayhem being completely fucked up at EllisMania 8, Jude. He gave him drugs. Can you believe Jude has never done coke? Me neither, that’s kinda fucking weird considering how into synthetics he is.

At least pretend to give a fuck.

That chick that sings with Death! Death! Die!, @lisadonnelly, was on the show today to hear her latest work on the “In The Water” song. She might sing about her alleged large dick in the song, but she’s unwilling to hump Ellis or Rawdog’s leg with her very real cookie. Ellis and Lisa sang an acoustic version of “Load” while Tully strummed the guitar, and I assume Rawdog just sat there being all sad while thinking about the load he shot on his now ex-girlfriend’s face. Ellis went into story mode and started telling of the time when his dad beat his ass because he wasn’t washing his car or something, that’s when everyone started chiming in to turn his story into song form – it was beautiful. More importantly, Lisa has a new album coming out soon, she’s unsure of the name of the album at this point, but you can pre-order or “pledge” to her album. Here comes a really cool thing, you can donate some money and do a song with her, or collaborate on song, etc. Just think of the possibilities, you could have your own “If You Love Me, Start Butt Chugging” jam or maybe something like “Dick Cancer Karate Chop”, you get the idea.

That’s not desire, she just needs to take a massive shit.

Multiple sex toy owner Adrianne Curry came on the show today, newly almost divorced and already with one boyfriend left in the dust. She said she fucked herself a lot while being married because Peter Brady (aka Christopher Knight) wasn’t fucking her, but maybe it’s because she’s a nympho and his old ass couldn’t keep up. She wants to have a monogamous fuckfest with someone, she’s not into multiple partners because she’s scared of catching a disease – so that would seem to strike Ellis off the list of a potential fuck partner. She’s also anti-butt stuff, including rim jobs – her words, “I know what comes out of my ass after all my protein shakes and Jager bombs, and it ain’t pretty.” She also claimed to have “swamp vagina” during her visit on the show. That is one classy broad, good to see all that charm school is paying off for her. Overall, she is a pretty good guest, she talks like “just one of the guys” and is pretty open when discussing herself.

America’s first and whitest Blood gang member.

Hey, you ever do any butt chugging? If so, get out of my sight. Wanna see an old guy holding a press conference about butt chugging? Well here you go! Guess who’s the new owner of www.fucktully.com? Nope, not some random fan, but Tully himself! He has no idea what he’s doing with it yet, but one could only be lead to believe that there will be some fuck Tully available at rock bottom prices. Everyone’s favorite, South African, racist, animal lover, and director of Big Fucking Mega Boat, Donald Schultz, stopped by the show today after doing the Bean and Playboy shows earlier. He says that he has been getting a lot of positive feedback from the movie, and after the release of BFMB, it’s unknown how long he can keep James Cameron and Judd Apatow at bay. Speaking of keeping cock hungry whores at bay, your mom is now all over Schultz’s tube steak smothered in underwear, which is weird because he’s not only racist, but white, and yet she wants him to “show her it’s true what they say about black men”, so he plans to stab her and steal her purse. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/5/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Wanna learn to say words? You need to get accepted into college, son!

It’s Friday, your mom’s a cunt, Ellis did her, and Rawdog shit in her mouth. Tully’s out sick today, but more importantly, what the fuck is up with people eating bone marrow? Have you ever shit on the floor, just because you can? Other people have, because they’re fucked up in the brain. Ellis is getting Adrianne Curry to come on the show Tuesday, so you can look forward to that. Rawdog can’t pronounce French words for shit, which isn’t really surprising considering he fucks up his own native language on the daily. But really, who cares about other foreign languages? They all suck. No phones again for most of the show today, AT&T needs a good snowballing and get their shit together. Did you know Kid Rock was around for like 10 years before his first big hit broke? Yea, me neither. The Ellis children are lucky, Big Daddy Rape Cakes went out last night and bought them a 4-wheeler.

When Morpheus tells you, it’s time to listen up.

Katie, Cumtard, and Fletcher Dragge came onto the show today to help out since Tully is gone and there’s no phones. Ellis found a bunch of old CD’s that were his brother’s, Stevie, and inside were also some audio of the show before it was ever even really a show and he was basically a DJ playing songs for a long period of time and talking for just a few minutes. It was pretty funny to hear Ellis, he sounded way younger – and of course we didn’t get to hear much of it because he never likes listening to himself. If you think callers now days are bad, you should’ve heard the callers from back in the day – it almost makes you feel sorry for the callers. Katie’s more rad than I thought, she was talking about Ellis jizzing on Tully’s guitar while he’s playing it – because it make a different sound. Will watched Big Fucking Mega Boat last night and he said it made him feel like he was on acid and he laughed until he cried. Katie made a judgement call about Rawdog Teenage Jeff Goldblum, low and behold she was right, her assumption that Rawdog ZZ Top Testie doesn’t groom his package was true, it’s been months since he’s groomed down below.

Hello, this is dog. Fletcher, you got some crazy stories.

Ellis is still trying to get Rawdog to put the fleshlight in between his legs and Katie said she’d lick his fake cookie if he did it. The verdict? Nope, he’s still not going to do it. Fletcher told a story of a dude that hooked up with some chick, he wanted her to go home with him and her girlfriends were not having and wouldn’t let her go. Next day she wakes up with a rash on her face and goes to the doctor, doctor tells her to not move, he has to go call the cops. The rash on her face is from a certain type of disease that is caused by cannibalism. DAYUM! Some roadie dude for Pennywise, who has Hepatitis C and HIV, stabbed Fletcher in the foot with this pen, trying to freak him out like he had just given him the gift of death. DAYUM, DAYUM! Fletcher doesn’t like TMZ and Harvey Levin, so he see’s one of the TMZ dude’s with long blonde hair around his town and wearing a Pennywise shirt, so he comes up with an idea to grab a pair of scissors and go up to the dude and cut his precious locks. His friend talked him out of it, knowing that he’d get sued to shit, but he still wants to punch anyone who is associated with TMZ and Jared Leto.

Hate Cumtard as much as you want, but he’s a team player.

Tera Patrick came in to play tits I mean a game, everyone filled out a questionnaire and based on their answers, she selects the one she thinks would be the most datable. Hey, did you know her tits I mean dad is a wine maker? Did you know she used to tits I mean bang Everlast before she married that dirtball, Evan, from Biohazard? Anyway, let’s get back to the tits I mean game. After going through all the answers and tallying up the results, the winner originally was tits I mean Katie, but she got booted from competition, so it ended up being Fletcher. The prize was Tera Patrick’s fleshlight, but Cumtard looked so giddy and drunk that Fletcher presented the prize to him. Some Canadian’s worked their beady little eyes into the studio, they’re fans of the show and I guess just stopped by to say hi and get their copy of “I’m Awesome” signed by Ellis. Guess who finally tucked their junk and took a picture with a fleshlight pussy between their legs? Not Rawdog, but Cumtard! So I heard one time that your dad walked into your mom’s bedroom with a sheep under his arm. Your mom was lying in bed reading. You dad said, “This is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got a headache.” Your mom replied, “I think you’ll find that is a sheep.” So you dad said, “I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/4/2012

Posted on by
Reply

‘Murica! Fightin’, fuckin’, arrestin’, smokin’, snortin’, shootin’ All that cool shit.

It’s 10-4, good buddies! Breaker, breaker, we got an ass shaker at mile marker fuck you. Ellis has been teaching Katie how to do a somersault off the diving board and into the pool, apparently she’s pretty bad at them. You know how Travis Pastrana wanted to fight Dave Mirra? Yea, well, now Pastrana’s wife doesn’t want him to fight Mirra because she’s scared for Mirra. Tully was going to enter FMX at X-Games, but his wife didn’t want him to because she was scared he would embarrass Pastrana. As Tully says, excuses are like assholes, they are delicious. Ellis had to call the po-po yesterday, he was picking up Snook from school and some little drunk Mexican dude came up to him talking gibberish. Dude was sketchy and trying to talk gibberish to other parents and kids, Ellis called the cops and told them what was up, 2 hours later the cops call Ellis and essentially were like, “so, what were you saying again?” Rawdog thinks it’s because the police like to fuck with people and cherry pick calls, but Tully feels like they’re just busy fighting crime and shit. Also, there was some debate over whether Superman could impregnate a chick or the chick could even have the baby.

I’ve looked into the faces of Hell.

Some professional boxer came out of the closet and announced he was gay, and then he came on his trainer’s face. Okay, that last part was a complete lie, sorry ’bout that. People are now able to watch Big Fucking Mega Boat on EllisMania.com, so go check that out if you wish. Lightening Train got put on the spot today, he’s charged with not answering phone’s enough, not correctly, and not at the right times. He had to come into the studio and take calls while the guys were there to witness, right away he fucked up the first call, which was about the movie “Gummo” and Ellis eating spaghetti in a bathtub. Remember the conjoined twins that were talked about yesterday? Of course you do, allegedly there’s a picture of them blowing a dude, and yes, it is photoshopped. Sounds like Shoebox really hated Rawdog at first, everyone gets along now way better, but nobody really bothers to disagree with Shoebox anymore because they don’t feel the ensuing fight would be worth it. Tully says he treats each D!D!D! performance as his last, because it has potential to be the final one.

Time for the reverse awards, listeners got to help suggest potential award categories and even some nominees for this year’s categories. There are a bunch of categories and a bunch of nominees, I’m not going to list them all out. Voting isn’t done, so you can still vote for all that shit until at least tomorrow’s show if not over the weekend. While drilling your mom one day, she wanted to get freaky and asked me to strangler her. I wasn’t really into it at first, but curiosity got the best of me. That’s when I found out which organ in the female body remains warm after death. My cock. OH!

Whatever it is that you are saying, it means nothing!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/3/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Young Rawdog playing the role of “The Kid” in his remake of Purple Rain

New Death! Death! Die! song before the show started today, called “In The Water” and it was a stone cold gas, my grandchildren. Ellis is ready to get his kids some motorized shit, like maybe a little 50 cc bike or a quad or something, he just has to find massive helmets for their massive domes. He wants them to be around moto, the outdoors, life, fires, animals, and nature and shit. I’m pretty sure all parents want their kids to enjoy being active outside in one way or another, I mean, except Rawdog’s parents apparently – because he can’t ride a bike. It’s hip to be square cool to be gay, and now people are waiting to see when kids will start pretending to be gay because it’s so cool, even though they are not gay – like how suburban white kids try to act all ghetto and gangster. Hey, are you into moisturizer and tight jeans, are you a metrosexual? Are you sure you don’t just want to watch soap suds flowing through the crack of a dude’s ass? DING!

Double rainbows make Wolfknives cry

We got to hear some Conjoined Twins-tallica, Double Rainbow-tallica, and I’m Gonna Cut Off My Mother’s Tits-tallica today – the consensus was that the overall best one was Double Rainbow-tallica. You know what all that spawned? Half a metric fuck ton of calls with the same two useless comments about the double rainbow dude, as well as other calls from bitch-ass ass-bitches with similarly shitty-poop poop-shit comments. Everyone on the show has seen the movie Death Becomes Her, but only Rawdog saw it in a weird way, it’s just the way he watches things… weirdly. Tully thinks I should start keeping track of how many times Rawdog complains because apparently I have nothing better to do. And he’s mostly correct, the problem is that I can only count to #FuckTully HAHAHAA! I’m a slayer of things that I make up and find funny but nobody else does! It’s a gift.

Somebody will be going to hell for this one, and it could be you

Hey, lucky us, we missed NMT yesterday. And that luck got ran the fuck over with a dump truck full of cancer and AIDs (otherwise known as CAIDs) when we got NMT on the show today. Rawdog did however throw us all for loop when he first stated that he was going to play a new Tragically Hip song, and instead he finally played a song from Tully’s album, Retrofit. But don’t let that fool you, Rawdog still hates Tully, Ellis, Will, the show, fruit, and all of us.

An impressively racist Canadian Mountie called into the show to share his super secret information on how he tends to racially profile people because of their color. It shouldn’t have surprised anyone listening, but I like to pretend there’s at least 1 person living under a rock that had their mind blown. Everyone would like to start smoking weed legally, which is nothing new, people have wanted this freedom for a long time. Hopefully we get to see it legalized in our lifetime, but I’m not holding my breath. I don’t trust people in general, much less the gubment.

An offer went out to Rawdog from some dude that supposedly works in corporate for McDonald’s. He’s offering Rawdog 1 year’s worth of free McDonald’s to take the fleshlight picture we’ve all been looking forward to for 2 days. If anything is going to convince Rawdog, I assume it’s 365 McNugget combo meals. Keep your fingers crossed. Just so you know, you’ll have to uncross your fingers at some point, because how else are you going to ram your fist into your mom’s cavernous pussy when she’s horny and has no other takers? OH!