Holy fuckin hell it’s been a long time since I talked to you beautiful people. Where has the time gone, it’s like the sequel to your favorite movie. I don’t know where I’m going with this and to be honest, I’m a bit buzzed. Ahh, ‘ol times. Does your lady shit? If she does then she might also stand to pee. According to Ellis anyhow. We started off with proper poop etiquette and the survey says, courtesy flush. Basic rules for pooping are act like your not pooping, unless your doing an upper decker, then let the sweet smell of freedom ring. Some dude from TMZ recognized Ellis, check that off the bucket list. Who is a sore loser? Gabe is a sore loser, clap clap clapclapclap. He posted on his blog, http://www.gabegodzilla.com, that the fight was fucked up or something and that he didn’t get a fair chance and that there was sand in his vagina and his panties were in a bunch. I saw the fight just like many of you and this dude got knocked out like a sorority girl at a frat party, and then humped just the same. On the funnier side, Uncle Mayhem is trying his hand at stand up comedy. This shall be fun. Go to something something dot com to find out more info.

In Olympic News, DICK PUNCH!!! That is all. The guys came up with an idea for designer condoms and the ideas were flowing. I think the unanimous winner was the guy who suggested a condom that looked like a knife so you can bang your chick on her rag and it would look way less disgusting. Shout out to you, you Red Wing earning mother fucker! RawDog thinks he can shave his own beard and the only thing that i could think of is that this needs to be recorded to show the world that Josh really knows how to do something.

I am done laughing now so lets continue. In some places you cannot get a DUI while being on horseback, but here in Arizona, you can. Trust me. Super Jews made beer goggles to wear, however I still prefer the old fashioned method of just getting sloppy piss drunk. Rob Coddry was in The Swinghouse and talked about childrens, hospitals, coke, Jason Ellis’s third acting debut, speed dating, and the teradactle (however the fuck you spell it). Ellis will be on Childerens Hospital tomorrow night at midnight. Not tonight, tomorrow, before the day after, but before the other day on Cartoon Network or Adult Swim, or both. Are we clear? Good.

In Wicked Awesome Naked Celebrity News, Randy Travis was kickin ass and raisin hell in Texas. Who says that country music is all sad and shit. That sounds like a great fuckin time! Its just too bad we don’t have a pic of his sweet ride. I bet it’s a T-Top so that mullet can flow in the wind. Some dude made ultimate arm wrestling and it sounds like a pile of ultimate shit. Finals calls were not one to disappoint, and by that I mean  they were window licking, diaper wearing, short bus riding “special” folk. The last thing I recall was a dude wants to jack Jason off for some roids (don’t do drugs kids) and Chris Angel has mind lube. I heard yer mum tried steroids, she got so big that a team of mules had to tie her down, just before she let them have their way with her, OH!