Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking to myself, “I wonder who Will’s killing right now?”. To think I shook hands with and ate breakfast at EM9 next to that goddamn monster. *shudders* Continue reading
Show Re-Cap for Thursday 11/6/2014
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Show Re-Cap for Thursday 10/23/14
Aaaaaaaaand I’m back! Did you miss me? Of course you did. Continue reading
Show Re-cap for Tuesday 9/30/2014
You know, I was writing the post title for this recap and I wrote and erased Thursday three times before my fingers and brain could agree that no, Jenny, it is not Thursday, it is Tuesday. And oh, what a Tuesday…but…enough about my life (for now) and on to what I haven’t had the opportunity to do in wayyyyyyyy too long which is to listen to the oh so wonderful Jason Ellis Show and write a recap for you fine folks. And you know, I won’t be exclusive…this recap isn’t just for all the fine folks out there, it’s for the assholes too. Enjoy it, assholes, you’ll get yours in the end :D The sweetest dude ever, Jason Ellis opened up the show today letting us all know that after taking a successful cocktail of what I will assume were prescribed drugs by a doctor, he was able to get a good night’s sleep and man, what a difference that makes in a man’s life. He imbibed a trifecta of liquid melatonin, gabapentin, and trazadone and that shit packed a punch way harder than good old Gabe Rudiger and actually managed to knock Ellis out. He’s feeling a bit better and thinks that it’s a great day to be in the studio and to be the man that he is and hey, by the way, Ladies (and possibly gentleman) he is single. But not really. But open. Or not. He may be closed. He’s not gonna advertise. Except for that whole thing where he just announced it on international Satellite radio, but SiriusXM is all kind of small potatoes…right? No, no, don’t get it all twisted, He and Katie are still going strong (I mean, seriously, have you seen Katie?) but she is away for the week and instructed Ellis to have fun and she really meant it. She gave him a full on Hall Pass to have fun while she was away and Ellis is feeling kind of old and all ‘whatever’ about it. Tully himself doesn’t know what he would do if he were ever granted a Hall Pass from his dear wifey, and Ellis told Tully that he should call him so Ellis would be able to talk him out of it because it is not a good idea because there is no way that Wifey is actually okay with it. Unless we’re talking about alternate reality Tully and Wifey, in which case, Ellis advises him that it’s something that has to be done with the right kind of chick because it needs to be known that this is a One Time Just For Fun I Don’t Love You kind of sex, not a Let’s Do This Once and Then Keep Doing It and Not Tell Anyone kind of thing. All Tully really knows is that when his chick goes away, things get weird…but Ellis doesn’t think he’s going to get weird, and it doesn’t really seem like he’s going to look for things to get all sexy either, but if it falls in his lap he sure won’t be saying no.
Ellis then goes a bit off Hall Pass talk because he is not a man to say no to a tangent and he begins talking about how he isn’t on Drew On Call tonight because it was revealed to him that ‘they’ didn’t think that the subject matter would be good for him to talk about. Ellis wonders what’s up with that and what they may be discussing on the show that he wouldn’t be able to talk about because he’s awesome and has something to say about everything and he is by far the most famous and wonderful and awesome person who is on Drew on Call except for, of course, Drew himself. But whatever, that just leaves him with a free afternoon and since people on Official Jason Ellis has been requesting that he goes on the site live more often he has contemplated just going live from inside the studio after he gets a sammich from downstairs. And, yeah, that’s just what he’s going to do. Today at four thirty (which in internet recap land translates to- earlier today at 4:30) Ellis is going to be live of OfficialJasonEllis.com. Boom. Go. Or went. Or whatever. And for all of you out there who don’t know, 4:30 PM Pacific is 7:30 PM Eastern Standard Time and all of you guys in the middle who aren’t in either of those time zones, just figure it out on your own. You’re not important enough for Ellis or Tully to run down the list, you’re not on the coast. But not really, you’re important, and probably very used to having to figure out the time difference as you listen to the show in the first place and because everything is advertised in terms of the coasts. Which is weird, because if the US were a sandwich the coasts would be the bread and the Mountain and Central Time zones would be the meat and the cheese and those are the things that everyone is into the sandwich for. Only weirdos are all excited about the bread (or so Hubbs tells me when he watches me make a sandwich for myself because he will never understand my love for carbs). Anyway….Chicago is in the middle and Chicago is pretty cool so, shout out to you Chicago for not sucking terribly!!!!
Tully brings up that later in the show there’s a guest on the roster and it’s someone who, upon reading his history, Tully feels shares a lot of similarities with Ellis in terms of how they got into the whole skateboarding thing. Oh, did I mention that the guest is a skateboarder? Well, he’s a skateboarder, and I mean that in every sense of the word- including tense- because even though he and Ellis were skating at the same time, Geoff Rowley is still a professional skateboarder in today’s world. Not ‘just’ a radio host of the best show on radio like Big Daddy J. Speaking of skateboarders and radio, right after TJES today there is going to be a super big special and exciting Demolition Radio with Tony Hawk because it is the Ten Year Anniversary of Demolition Radio, and in case you didn’t know, that is kind of a big deal. Ellis is even going to be on it so hopefully you listened because you don’t suck and got to celebrate yet another milestone in Tony Hawk’s Illustrious career. Yay Birdman. Ellis shared a little preview of what was going to be in store on the show from his own perspective because he talked about how, while taping, Tony said to him that he always knew that he was going to do big things in the Radio World, but he can’t believe that Ellis quit skateboarding. Ellis looks at it from the point of view where he wanted to be the best in the world at Radio, and the only way to be the best in the world at something is to devote absolutely every part of yourself to that thing, which, for Ellis, meant bye bye pro skateboarding, hello SiriusXM please let me talk a lot. It apparently was apparent to Will, Tony, and Tully from the get-go that Ellis was born with the gift of gab and basically from the first time that he opened his mouth behind a mic they were all pulling for him to get his own show and to be able to talk more and some of the issue with making that happen, at first, was that the bigwigs in New York were scared to take Ellis off of Tony’s show and give him his own show because The Birdman is a scary motherfucker who may kill people and eat babies in his downtime. After Ellis was given his own show (when Will asked tony if it was okay) Will made the pull for Ellis to be given more time on air for talking after a comment from Tully about how he just couldn’t understand why Ellis wasn’t allowed to talk more and play less music (a comment which Tully absolutely does not remember ever making). So, it really was a group effort that got Ellis his own show and helped evolve his show into the glorious thing that it is today. Yay Team.
Oh, hey, by the way, all you hundreds of millions of thousands of tens of people who are reading this…know what’s coming up? Buncha shit. That’s what. First of all, on October 17th, The Jason Ellis Show will be broadcasting from the Hard Rock in Vegas and you are all invited because it’s free. Stop on down to the one and only Hard Rock in Vegas and check out the show, and while you’re around, check out the after party that will be going down (presumably after) at Body English where you can also check out the debut performance of Horse Force cause FUCK YEAH!!!! Ellis says that he will be around and he will be available so come and check it out because it’s Vegas and Horse Force and possibly some Moto on Saturday. And that following Monday, October 25th, Ellis and Tully will be waking up in New York City because they are the Radio Show that Never Sleeps going to the City That Never Sleeps because, synergy man, SYNERGIZE. All week long, Monday through Friday, Ellis says that he is available. All he has to do is the radio show and Katie (he will be washing his hands in between) and if you want to meet up for coffee or lunch or whatever in The City during that week, hit him up on twitter or instagram or whatever and he will be there. I am already checking my schedule to see which day I have off of work during that week so I can tell Hubbs to take off and we can hang with The Man. Wooo!!! And not only that, east coasters, let Ellis know through the same social media means mentioned in the previous sentence and Friday he will get your passes to go to the SiriusXM building in NYC where Horse Force will be playing in the Fishbowl during the show. And hey, if you have the time I would recommend it because the SiriusXM building in NYC is pretty sweet, and Ellis even says that you never know, you may run into Real Celebrities like Martha Stewart or Howard Stern or Opie…or Jim Norton (who is arguably more famous that Opie). And then Saturday…well, well, well, Saturday, there is to be cricket and Ellismania Mini/Ellismania 9.5 or whatever because Ellis is bringing a little bit of Ellismania to the East Coast since we’ve all been bitching about it. Boom. Fucking show up. Party. Enjoy. Aside from Ellis and Tully, Will, HotDog, Dingo, and a bunch of other cool famous people will be there. I’ll be there with Hubbs. It’s gonna be a party!!!!! Buy your fucking tickets now!!!!
And then, right about at this point in the show I got a call from my Mother in Law that My Father in Law was having a medical emergency and she wanted me to go with her to the hospital because she was bugging out and I didn’t get home until 8 o’clock and even though I paused the show I still missed a part in between here and the next part that I listened to so there is a small chunk of time missing, but, shit happens, fuck you, I’m hot, and #sorrynotsorry I have to be there for my family. Also…as I gotta be there for my Ellisfam :winks for days: the recap continues…
Amanda Bynes has been arrested again for being crazy and driving under the influence and it’s sad. I mean…it’s just sad. As soon as she gets released from conservatorship from her parents she’s back to doing crazy shit, and it seems it was a little too much to hope that she would keep her shit together and get back to being successful. In other crazy news, a flight to Israel was recently delayed because a whole buncha Jewish guys from a particularly strict Jewish Sect called the Haredi refused to sit next to female passengers and is was a whole big hullabaloo. And man, did that news piss Ellis off. He was offended on behalf of women because wtf kind of nonsense is it that they were refusing to sit next to women, he was offended on behalf of being an American (albeit transplanted) because if you don’t like it, this is America, leave motherfuckers, and a whole host of other things. He basically took issue with the fact that the rules are the rules, those are the tickets that they had purchased, and maybe they should have looked into this beforehand, seeing as how obviously they are super-into their religion and have to have had to deal with things of this nature before. I mean, women are kind of everywhere. Existence kind of depends on vaginas. Sorry guys. They took a lot of calls, where a lot of people had good points, some people had bad points, and some people were racist and intolerant, but Ellis was fair about the whole thing. He just doesn’t buy into people being able to bend the rules to suit themselves by playing the ‘I’m Religious’ care, because the rules should be the same for everyone all of the time, and Ellis does not buy into anything that breeds hatred or intolerance.
Next up, Geoff Rowley, pro-skateboarder, mountain lion hunter, and knife maker is in the studio and wow are some of those credentials kind of surprising. Geoff’s interview struck me as kind of weird…part of me felt like he was vibing Ellis a bit, but it could just be the fact that he’s English (from Liverpool) and sounds extremely laid back, but at the same time is obviously a very passionate person. Extremely laid back and extremely passionate hits the ear kind of weird sometimes. But, whatever, Geoff is currently working on a skate video for Vans and has already had 4 surgeries as a result of injuries while filming in addition to lacerating his kidney after falling stomach first onto a chain link fence while jumping in between roofs. But he loves it and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. He’s 38 and still going strong in the skating game, and is the kind of street skater that Ellis really likes and respects, because he is just good at skateboarding and would be good at any kind of skateboarding that he would go for. And as much as he is a pro skateboarder he is also really passionate about hunting and that is a big topic of conversation for much of the interview because Geoff also has a company and designs knives and hunting tools and hunts Mountain Lions (for population control purposes). He also keeps a knife next to his bed because he is going to be ready for a home invader, motherfucker, and he doesn’t buy into the fact that Yellowstone was saved by wolves. That’s some bullshit propaganda in his humble opinion. They talk about coming to America to skate, how donuts were available by the dozens and how Cannolis are fucking awesome and how it’s all about making your dreams come true in America. It was an interesting interview…I’m still not quite sure how I felt about it overall, because there was something about Geoff that kinda put me to sleep, but I told Hubbs to check it out at some point because he’s into knives and hunting and guns and I thought he might find it more interesting that I did.
Rounding out the show there were final calls as well as a call from Bert who runs Drew on Call on HLN explaining that he still loved Ellis very very very much (and kept telling Tully to shut up because he called the show to talk to Ellis) but he just didn’t think that Ellis was the right person to talk about Hannah Graham (a college student who was abducted and murdered) and a real estate agent who was abducted and murdered, and that’s cool, whatever, Ellis is available and Ellis is the best. Ellis was also not too pleased about how he looked in his pics with Geoff because he’s still sick and he’s getting older and his face looks like it’s falling off normally and adding being sick on top of it is good for no one. But, at least he’s not a girl, because time is not nice to females for the most part, and no one really cares if a guy’s face is falling off as he gets older, but everyone is super critical of women aging, because people tend to be super critical of women about absolutely motherfucking everything. Oh, and, btw, the CDC has confirmed the first case of Ebola in the United States down in Dallas, Texas, so we may all be fucked, but, then again, probably not. We have way better healthcare and government and water than West Africa does. A bunch of final callers did call in to share their stories of love and how TJES has resulted in marriage and relationships and that made Ellis happy to hear, because to him, we fans are all a part of his family and he’s glad that he’s spreading some happiness in the world.
And folks…that’s all I have for today. Big shoutout to @shit_toboggan!!! Good luck!!!
Show Re-Cap for Wednesday 9/24/14
If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably wondering, “Who the fuck is Cody and why is this asshole putting words on my screen?!” Well, let me enlighten you: I’m your mum’s favorite play thing, your new step-daddy, and the newest Sherpa to lead you on the journey of debauchery that is TJES. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the show. Ellis starts off by mentioning how slick his back is and that being slick means being more aerodynamic, which in turn means being more on-point and awesome. Ellis also mentions that we’re all fish people since we came out of the water (which is technically true. Score one for Ellis). Tully is back from playing doctor with his family, who I presume got some of that dang ol’ Ebola going around these days. DAMN YOU, AFRICA! Wolfscrub, the coffee-based body scrub that Katie’s friend made, is now available for purchase so you too can rub coffee grounds all over yourself like a deranged barista whose had to make one too many pumpkin spice lattes to fuel the endless horde of white girls in yoga pants and Uggs that ravage the land during Fall. It’s OK, buddy, it’ll all be over soon. You can purchase the scrub at etsy.com/shop/wolfscrub.
Ellis was on Dr. Drew last night and had a little accident on his way there. Ellis arrived a little early to CNN and decided to hang outside and soak up the sun, but his stomach was still bothering him from a bug he contracted from Tiger. After wandering around for a bit, Ellis stopped to lean against a pole and felt a rumble in his stomach, a signal that can mean one of two things: either you fart and it’s no worries or you shit your pants like a filthy animal. Unfortunately for Ellis, it was the latter. With a fresh serving of butt-butter in his pants, Ellis ran over to a sports bar (where he used to fuck a chick on a bar-stool because he’s Ellis and that’s not the least bit surprising) to address his now soiled undies. After cleaning himself up and throwing his boxers away, he headed back to the CNN building. Ellis wanted to avoid being called out for any potential shit smell that might be lingering on him, so he decided to hang out on the green room couch. All the girls on the show decided to surround him for a photo, unaware of the atrocity that had befell him mere minutes ago. Poor Ellis.
The UFC put some footage of Connor McGregor’s visit to the show in a video package promoting the upcoming fight, much to the delight of Ellis. Will stopped in to mention the Tony Hawk event that’s happening soon and a chance to win tickets to it. Go to siriusxm.com/faction for more info. Ellis is going to Australia for his Xmas vacation while Tully is going to Hawaii. How do you say, “Come at me, bitch!” in Hawaiian?
After the break, Hot Dog revealed that he also once shit his pants. He was watching TV and let out what he thought he was a fart, but it turned out to be a “soupie poopie”. He cleaned himself up and went back to watching TV. A few minutes later, he felt another fart coming and shit his pants yet again. Back-to-back pants shitting is about as rare as seeing Will run any distance for any length of time. It’s like a double rainbow or some shit. Ellis mentioned his TeraCross races being on CBS Sports in the coming weeks and Tully revealed that he will be crying like a little bitch on Sunday when he watches Derek Jeter play in his final game. Don’t worry, Tully, I cry over sports too because I’m a man whose comfortable with his feelings and FUCK YOU, I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO! Tully made-up a new game for Ellis and Hot Dog to play where they have to determine whether a crime was committed by legit gang members or Faygo-swilling Juggalos. Turns out Juggalos are pretty hardcore and are willing to carve letters into someone’s chest and tie-up their grandma, beat her with pots and pans, and steal her car to prove that they’re down with clown. WOOP! WOOP!
The true face of crime.
Horse Force’s show in NYC was brought up and Ellis invited fans to hang out with them while they’re there for the week. Just don’t follow them to dinner or something like that, you fucking stalker. Ellis confirmed that Ellis Mania 10 will be happening early next year in Vegas, but no official date or exact location can be revealed yet. The guys took some ideas for the fight that’s happening at the Horse Force show and decided on tying bungee cords to the fighters waists and feet, which can result in them toppling over like a drunkard trying to throw a punch. The best two fighters will get to fight at EM10.
We came back from the break with Heidi and Frank in the studio to play a game of Password. I’ll be honest, Heidi annoyed the ever living fuck out of me and sounded like a frat guy with her obnoxious laugh and painfully unfunny attempt at humor, so I wasn’t really listening too intently. Heidi and Frank ended up winning the game and everyone started talking about shitting their pants (a common theme on today’s show). Heidi said she pooed in her vag and got a UTI as a result. Women, am I right? Apparently some chick “dropped a clot” in Frank’s truck one time and he didn’t know it until he opened his truck and smelled it after it had sat in the sun all day.
The Ultimate Fighter was mentioned and Ellis is behind the Ozzy chick (of course) while Tully is a fan of the “Scottish Care Bear”, as he put it. AC/DC is losing one of their founding members, Malcolm Young, to retirement and will be replacing him with Malcolm’s nephew. Good luck playing those same three riffs over and over. New “Faction with Jason Ellis” bumpers were reviewed with mixed results. Will came in and decided to quiz Ellis and Tully on current world news. Turns out Ellis doesn’t know shit. Shocking. Oh, and apparently the White House likes to keep the front door unlocked. Great plan, guys. What could go wrong? More Wolfknives names were handed out and some lucky bastards saw their hard-earned money pay for names such as “Mr. Dead Uterus”, “Infected Shuttle”, and “Chitty-Chitty Gang-Bang”. Cullen stopped in for final calls and the show wrapped.
So there we have it, my first recap is in the books. Normally, this is where I’d say “thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it”, but fuck that. The only fuck I give is the one I give to your mum on a nightly basis. Later, bitches!
Show Recap for Thursday 9/11/2014
Hey there Lads and Ladies, and hopefully black people who are also Lads and Ladies, but, like Ellis, I’m just gonna throw the specification out there and hope that you are part of the audience of The Jason Ellis Show and are also here reading this wonderful recap on this fantastic site…and, really, no matter how many times I tried to write that sentence, it still feels kind of racist, so I’m just gonna throw out there that my Great Grandma’s name is Xulema and she was from Louisiana and I have booty for days and hold on to the dear hope that I am more than just the whitest of the white. God…still kind of racist. Whatever. Today’s show was not, in fact, a Best Of, which Hubbs and I may have been the only people who thought that for three seconds before we realized we were tuned into the Jason Ellis Channel (SiriusXM 713) rather than The Jason Ellis Show on Faction with Jason Ellis (SiriusXM 41) and Jason opened up the show with a big welcome to all of us listening and his sincere desire to have more really black friends because he doesn’t have close black friends, not to offend any of the acquaintance type friends he has that are black, and he thinks life would be better if he had one. And somewhere, Sal Masekela was probably listening to Ellis say these words and I imagine a single solitary tear rolling down his cheek as he was referred to as a ‘cream pie’ because…HA motherfucking Ha.
Anyway, HotDog wanders his wonderful boob touching self into the studio and he gets to talking with Ellis and Tully about what he’s been up to as of late and he says that he’s been loafing it pretty hard the past few days, which sounds really offensive to me, but he really just means that he’s been up to a whole lot of nothing but getting high and watching television. Which, consequently seems to be on the menu for da Hubbs and I since we have managed to find ourselves unemployed (and no, it’s not because we got caught having sex on a roof somewhere), except for the whole getting high thing since neither of us do that, and not really so much of the watching TV thing since we don’t really do that either. I’m actually fully over How It’s Made…I don’t think they make new episodes anymore (the Dream Cars don’t count because I don’t care about them) and I’ve seen every existing episode about a thousand times. Yeah, I inserted my own personal tragedy there. Fucking shithole douchebag scumbag asshole boss was like “Consider yourself unemployed because I need to blame someone for my mistakes that I make running my own business,” and I’m a little bummed, but also really mostly over it. On to bigger and better things and more time for recaps…am I right? But yeah, so Ellis, Tully, and Hotdog talked about working out, which is something that HotDog does not do, but thinks about from time to time and it seems like he might be taking some lessons from Ellis at his Garage Onnit Gym because HotDog can get his hands on a Tractor Tire, probably. Ellis and Tully also find out that HotDog has an apartment in LA (which I have no idea how they missed that the 100 other times he mentioned it) and learn that his favorite foods are pizza, doritos, and popcorn. Tully pegs HotDog as one of the luckiest people alive because he is one of those people whose life’s ambitions and pleasures are all relatively simple, as he is a young man who has never owned a pair of jeans in his life. I think Tully is kind of jealous of the happiness that HotDog finds in simplicity, but we all already know that Tully would kind of love to be one of those kinds of people, but in reality would probably hate it unless he managed to get a brain transplant so he could have the kind of personality to be satisfied by the simpler things in life.
Today is the HotDog’s first actual day back for his second round of interning for The Jason Ellis Show (which means all those boob grabs were freeloader boob grabs) and Ellis and Tully talk to him a bit about what he’s learned about the Radio Industry considering it is what HotDog wants to do with his life. He replies that he’s learned a lot about call screening and that he’s learned a lot about behind the scenes stuff from Will and Tully, and credits Ellis with teaching him how to work with people. Which is kind of funny since Ellis can come off rather volatile at times (because he cares, no hate here) but he clarifies saying that Ellis puts a premium on having everyone work together as a team to get things done. Then Ellis kind of puts HotDog on the spot and has him host a bit to try out the ‘Radio Host’ aspect of the biz and puts him on for Dude, Am I A Slut. HotDog only got to take two calls from two sort of sluts but sort of not sluts and I had my finger on the call button on my phone to call to have HotDog tell me that I am a slut because I felt bad, but I was behind a couple minutes in listening and by the time I got through they weren’t doing it anymore. Ellis gave HotDog a few pointers on what he can take away from the experience (other than being bad at it, but I don’t think he was that bad) and also let him know that over the course of this internship he’ll be given a few more shots at running bits to see if he gets any better, which is pretty cool.
After HotDog goes back to the Dungeon (or Green Room, you know, whatever you wanna call it) Tully brings up the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter last night, and what Ellis thought about it. Ellis didn’t think all that much about it other than the house seemed cool and he noticed Justin Bua’s artwork on the walls, and the girls all seem like good fighters, but since there’s only been one episode he didn’t really have a handle on who he would pick to be a winner at this point. He talked a bit about the fight that took place on the episode and how, in the after show, the girl that lost was very steadfast with certainty that she shouldn’t have lost the fight even though she was on the ground most of the time, and Ellis said he’s starting to kind of understand that angle, which is an angle he previously took issue with. Ellis also said that he was kind of into the whole aftershow since he was more interested in watching the girl and host talk about the fight than he was in watching whatever drama occurred during the show itself when the girls were crying about who stole who’s makeup. It makes more sense than there being an aftershow for Teen Wolf, anyway…sorry short lived member of DDD! TyPo! (Lol, jk I’m not sorry at all, I don’t give a half shit about that show).
A Happy Birthday is in store for The Backbone, Bryan Cullen, the man behind the scenes and across the country from The Jason Ellis Show, so…Happy Birthday!!!! And yeah, it really blows that your birthday will basically forever be overshadowed by the fact that a National Tragedy occurred on this date in more recent history because thousands of innocent people lost their lives…and there’s no other way to end that sentence. It is also September 11th, which is a date that no one will ever forget, and a day where I hope everyone takes just a couple of minutes to remember the lives lost, and the lives that continue to be lost not just because of the terrorist organization responsible for the WTC and Pentagon attacks, but because of Terror Organizations everywhere…with all this ISIS stuff going on, with the unrest in Syria…wars are still being fought whether they are called wars or not, and there are still Americans overseas losing their lives as well as the innocent people in those countries who are subjected to horrific things every day. I don’t think there can ever be world peace, but, I think that there is a more peaceful world we can be living in and I think it’s important to remember. There are a lot of people who think we should forget, who don’t want to remember, and I understand that…but it’s like saying all those people don’t matter. I’m a New Yorker, September 11th is a big deal to me…I know people who died 13 years ago today and I know people who are still overseas fighting these battles. It’s a sad day, like Ellis said, but Happy Birthday Backbone, you’re a great man to us all!
On to….equally depressing things…Ellis is headed to Australia for the Holiday Season. Like, really. Had to talk about booking flights and stuff and it occurs to him now that he is actually going through with it and he is going to be in Australia for the first time since he was married. That’s a long time. It’s kind of messing with him a bit because there’s a lot of unresolved shit back home in Koala Land and as much as he wants to deal with it, he doesn’t want to deal with it, he just wants to be past it and…he says he feels like he’s ready but…oh ellipses, you’re such a brutal fuck sometimes. Ellis has issues with his Mum and how she reacted to him trying to talk to her about things from his childhood and he has a lot of resentment for her and doesn’t really think that she did the best that she could with him considering the cards that she was dealt. Ellis wants her to have a relationship with his kids and his kids want a relationship with her, and he doesn’t want to let his kids in on the info that screwed his relationship with his mother in the first place. This part of the show was super sad for me. I dunno…there were a couple of callers with some really good advice and a lot of encouragement and Tully suggesting that maybe he should just write his mother off in his mind (until his kids are grown and he can write her off for real) and it was just sad. I mean, really, Ellis’s mother didn’t even text him back when he was going in for Heart Surgery. That shit is colder than cold.
Back from the first break, Women, Am I Right? If you were listening yesterday then you knew this was on the menu for today and after a long break between crazy lady stories…let’s see what antics the female population has been up to, shall we? First off there’s the lady who crashed her car while shaving her vag on her way to see her boyfriend…which is just…amazing. I mean…I get touchy shaving my vag in the shower because I’m scared that one false move will disfigure my very very beautiful vagina…but holy, shit lady…what happens if you hit a bump in the road? Or you know, like another fucking car?!?!?!?!?!?! But, I guess she thought she had all her bases covered since she had her Ex-Husband in the car with her and he was working the wheel while she had her feet on the pedals and her hands and eyeballs on her vaginal area, so I can see how she felt a little more confident in this FUCKING INSANE ENDEAVOR. And, also lady, hi five on getting your ex to help you drive to your boyfriend’s house while you shave your vag #classyasfuck. Next up, there’s the lady who performed a home invasion and bit the face of her female victim and claimed it was part of a zombie game and had nothing to do with her being high as fuck, and I’m just over here being like, The Walking Dead isn’t even back on TV for another month you dummy. Although it did make Ellis think that he should start a zombie game on Instagram, which I kind of look forward to cause, you know, Zombies rule. That kind of pales in comparison to the Florida Babysitter who stabbed a man she babysits for because he refused to have sex with her. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Isn’t the Dad supposed to be all creepy and try and seduce the babysitter? And on and on it went because…Women, Am I Right?
Speaking of New York (which I was earlier and so were Jason and Tully) The Jason Ellis Show is performing a Tour de Horse this October and will be coming to New York for a week and topping it all of Saturday, October 25th with a HorseForce performance and hopefully some Ellismania Fight Prelims cause HELL YEAH!!!! Ellis wants to take some calls for ideas from fans for some new fight ideas because NY is gonna be a test run for whichever fight seems like it will work the best and then that is going to be a new fight at the long anticipated Ellismania 10, prolly in Vegas. Ellis is still backing his Master Blaster idea where two people are strapped to him and Kit Cope and they all duke it out and there are some other promising ideas put forth by callers including a Blindfold Fight, A Bouncy Castle type Fight, a T-Rex Fight, a Fight with weighted Boots, and some other things which I missed because shit happened and I lost 5 minutes…but it was only five minutes so…deal with it. Tully also brought up an idea for Shock Collar Charades performed by fans which I think sounds like an amazing idea and I fully volunteer to don the shock collar and act out charades for Hubbs to guess…because that’s sexy, because I’m a freak. They’re also thinking about bringing the punch pad out here and letting fans throw some punches, and having HotDog judge him some East Coast Boobies…which, again, I volunteer myself for, because my boobs are awesome and Hubbs is cool with it because it’s for a good cause.
Back from another break Tully and Ellis are talking about a statue in Vancouver that is a giant Satan where the penis was taken off for being offensive. There is a petition going around to have the Satan statue re-endowed and the police up there are all ‘hey, come on down and get the penis’ but no one has fallen for that one yet. They go on to talk about all manner of statues that could be lewd and crude and offensive and wonder if they would be forced to take them down or not, and if the same size statue, but of Jesus or something Christian were around, if people would have a problem with it. This gets transitioned into a veryveryveryvery long segment where Tully wonders if there’s any other Celebrity/Public figure that deserves to be taken care of/given a job a la World’s Greatest Wednesday Hulk Hogan. And…honestly…I was not a big fan of the segment. It went on for like 45 minutes longer than it should of and my mind constantly wandered to, “huh, I guess they didn’t have much planned for the show today” and if I pumped it up and was all, ‘best segment ever’ I’d be a liar and I am not a liar. I enjoyed it for the first 15 minutes, approximately, but then it got all draggy and I continued taking notes but not being too happy about it. There are several celebs who Ellis and Tully think are deserving of the Hulk Hogan treatment, like Marilyn Manson, Cindy Lauper, Pamela Anderson, Danzig, David Lee Roth, and Mr. T…and they should be showered with small apartments or farms in Minnesota, but there were tons of celebs offered up by the callers that got the big ‘hell no’ or the less offensive, ‘no, they don’t really need any help, they’re doing good’ like Tomg Green, Pauly Shore, LT, Ralph Macchio, and Vanilla Ice. Like I said, I didn’t really enjoy the segment and it fell kinda flat, so I’m not going to subject you to reading about it because in this case, I HAVE ALL THE POWER SO YOU GOTS TO BE SUBJECTED TO MY WILL NIETSCHE-STYLE.
Rounding out the show, amidst final calls, Tully brings up that Ellis will be on with Dr. Drew tonight and one of the things that he will be discussing is the lady who decided to give her child some Fireball Whiskey, post a pic of it to Facebook, and subsequently was arrested. Now, Ellis and Tully seem to agree that this woman was very stupid to post the picture to social media given that in these wonderful times we live in, there are whistle blowers everywhere, and she may generally not be the best mom ever…but criminal? They go back and forth on the difference of if it had been a sip of beer, if the kid had been older than 7, if it was a shot as opposed to a sip…and I just think that we’re in different times. Things that our parents did to us or for us, are things that get people arrested today, for better or for worse. No…you probably should not give a 7 year old a sip of whiskey, but you should definitely not do it and then post it to Facebook. I don’t remember when I had my first taste of wine, but I was prolly around 9 and my parents didn’t make a big deal about it. I don’t really worry about it with my stepson because he thinks that Daddy’s beer smells really bad (probably because he thinks anything that isn’t water is disgusting). Do I think the lady should have been arrested and that she should go to jail? Not really. If anything, yeah, maybe get CPS to pay her a visit and make sure everything is going okay and at most she should have been given some sort of citation…but prolly having her arrested is insane. There was a caller that suggested that maybe there was something more going on behind the scenes since she experienced something similar and DSS asked her a couple questions and everything was okay…but I don’t even know about that. Social workers are people, they have to rely on their own instincts to make judgment calls and sometimes they can be overly cautious…also, considering the amount of scrutiny that Social Workers are under nowadays some may operate under the ‘better safe than sorry’ policy that can lead to traumatic experiences for families who haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever…just some thoughts.
What we learned on TJES today:
Ellis wants more black friends
HotDog gets the refillable bucket of popcorn at the movie theater so he can bring it home for snacktime
Caller Holly is a Slut…and she knows it
Ellis is going to start Transcendental Meditation with Katie
Don’t shave and drive
Sluggo Hurt his back
Leave Danzig Alone
BJ Baldwin is kind of a superstar
Minnesota has plenty of room to give some celebs free farms
Burt Reynolds > Ocean’s 11 cast
Ellis is going to see Sam Tripoli perform some comedy tonight
Good Comedy is way harder to find than Good Tits
Thanks for listening to me blather on, guys!!! Love you xoxo