Show Recap for Tuesday 10/21/2014

I’m gonna get right into it just like Big Daddy J did today and, oh, Hey there Adam Snyder of the New York Giants in the studio today. Can you say #boomsfordays? At least that’s what i think one who follows football and likes the Giants would say….i mean… would it kill them to get a hockey player on? Whatever, anyway,  Adam Snyder has a huge face, but that’s prolly because he is a huge guy and huge people would look really weird if they had stopped tiny faces. Neil Diamond is at the SiriusXM studios in NY today which means that TJES has been displaced from the studio where they broadcast from yesterday, and occasionally treats them to the Diamond man walking past every now and again and Ellis and Tully shouting questions at him as he walked past for super quick and impromptu interviews.

NY pissed Ellis off today… he woke up early from a nightmare and was awake for an hour before falling back asleep and then waking up and deciding to get breakfast with Katie, and got sent to Shit Fuck Puke Potatoes Continue reading

Show Recap for Thursday 9/11/2014

Hey there Lads and Ladies, and hopefully black people who are also Lads and Ladies, but, like Ellis, I’m just gonna throw the specification out there and hope that you are part of the audience of The Jason Ellis Show and are also here reading this wonderful recap on this fantastic site…and, really, no matter how many times I tried to write that sentence, it still feels kind of racist, so I’m just gonna throw out there that my Great Grandma’s name is Xulema and she was from Louisiana and I have booty for days and hold on to the dear hope that I am more than just the whitest of the white. God…still kind of racist. Whatever. Today’s show was not, in fact, a Best Of, which Hubbs and I may have been the only people who thought that for three seconds before we realized we were tuned into the Jason Ellis Channel (SiriusXM 713) rather than The Jason Ellis Show on Faction with Jason Ellis (SiriusXM 41) and Jason opened up the show with a big welcome to all of us listening and his sincere desire to have more really black friends because he doesn’t have close black friends, not to offend any of the acquaintance type friends he has that are black, and he thinks life would be better if he had one. And somewhere, Sal Masekela was probably listening to Ellis say these words and I imagine a single solitary tear rolling down his cheek as he was referred to as a ‘cream pie’ because…HA motherfucking Ha.

Anyway, HotDog wanders his wonderful boob touching self into the studio and he gets to talking with Ellis and Tully about what he’s been up to as of late and he says that he’s been loafing it pretty hard the past few days, which sounds really offensive to me, but he really just means that he’s been up to a whole lot of nothing but getting high and watching television. Which, consequently seems to be on the menu for da Hubbs and I since we have managed to find ourselves unemployed (and no, it’s not because we got caught having sex on a roof somewhere), except for the whole getting high thing since neither of us do that, and not really so much of the watching TV thing since we don’t really do that either. I’m actually fully over How It’s Made…I don’t think they make new episodes anymore (the Dream Cars don’t count because I don’t care about them) and I’ve seen every existing episode about a thousand times. Yeah, I inserted my own personal tragedy there. Fucking shithole douchebag scumbag asshole boss was like “Consider yourself unemployed because I need to blame someone for my mistakes that I make running my own business,” and I’m a little bummed, but also really mostly over it. On to bigger and better things and more time for recaps…am I right? But yeah, so Ellis, Tully, and Hotdog talked about working out, which is something that HotDog does not do, but thinks about from time to time and it seems like he might be taking some lessons from Ellis at his Garage Onnit Gym because HotDog can get his hands on a Tractor Tire, probably. Ellis and Tully also find out that HotDog has an apartment in LA (which I have no idea how they missed that the 100 other times he mentioned it) and learn that his favorite foods are pizza, doritos, and popcorn. Tully pegs HotDog as one of the luckiest people alive because he is one of those people whose life’s ambitions and pleasures are all relatively simple, as he is a young man who has never owned a pair of jeans in his life. I think Tully is kind of jealous of the happiness that HotDog finds in simplicity, but we all already know that Tully would kind of love to be one of those kinds of people, but in reality would probably hate it unless he managed to get a brain transplant so he could have the kind of personality to be satisfied by the simpler things in life.

Today is the HotDog’s first actual day back for his second round of interning for The Jason Ellis Show (which means all those boob grabs were freeloader boob grabs) and Ellis and Tully talk to him a bit about what he’s learned about the Radio Industry considering it is what HotDog wants to do with his life. He replies that he’s learned a lot about call screening and that he’s learned a lot about behind the scenes stuff from Will and Tully, and credits Ellis with teaching him how to work with people. Which is kind of funny since Ellis can come off rather volatile at times (because he cares, no hate here) but he clarifies saying that Ellis puts a premium on having everyone work together as a team to get things done. Then Ellis kind of puts HotDog on the spot and has him host a bit to try out the ‘Radio Host’ aspect of the biz and puts him on for Dude, Am I A Slut. HotDog only got to take two calls from two sort of sluts but sort of not sluts and I had my finger on the call button on my phone to call to have HotDog tell me that I am a slut because I felt bad, but I was behind a couple minutes in listening and by the time I got through they weren’t doing it anymore. Ellis gave HotDog a few pointers on what he can take away from the experience (other than being bad at it, but I don’t think he was that bad) and also let him know that over the course of this internship he’ll be given a few more shots at running bits to see if he gets any better, which is pretty cool.

After HotDog goes back to the Dungeon (or Green Room, you know, whatever you wanna call it) Tully brings up the season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter last night, and what Ellis thought about it. Ellis didn’t think all that much about it other than the house seemed cool and he noticed Justin Bua’s artwork on the walls, and the girls all seem like good fighters, but since there’s only been one episode he didn’t really have a handle on who he would pick to be a winner at this point. He talked a bit about the fight that took place on the episode and how, in the after show, the girl that lost was very steadfast with certainty that she shouldn’t have lost the fight even though she was on the ground most of the time, and Ellis said he’s starting to kind of understand that angle, which is an angle he previously took issue with. Ellis also said that he was kind of into the whole aftershow since he was more interested in watching the girl and host talk about the fight than he was in watching whatever drama occurred during the show itself when the girls were crying about who stole who’s makeup. It makes more sense than there being an aftershow for Teen Wolf, anyway…sorry short lived member of DDD! TyPo! (Lol, jk I’m not sorry at all, I don’t give a half shit about that show).

A Happy Birthday is in store for The Backbone, Bryan Cullen, the man behind the scenes and across the country from The Jason Ellis Show, so…Happy Birthday!!!! And yeah, it really blows that your birthday will basically forever be overshadowed by the fact that a National Tragedy occurred on this date in more recent history because thousands of innocent people lost their lives…and there’s no other way to end that sentence. It is also September 11th, which is a date that no one will ever forget, and a day where I hope everyone takes just a couple of minutes to remember the lives lost, and the lives that continue to be lost not just because of the terrorist organization responsible for the WTC and Pentagon attacks, but because of Terror Organizations everywhere…with all this ISIS stuff going on, with the unrest in Syria…wars are still being fought whether they are called wars or not, and there are still Americans overseas losing their lives as well as the innocent people in those countries who are subjected to horrific things every day. I don’t think there can ever be world peace, but, I think that there is a more peaceful world we can be living in and I think it’s important to remember. There are a lot of people who think we should forget, who don’t want to remember, and I understand that…but it’s like saying all those people don’t matter. I’m a New Yorker, September 11th is a big deal to me…I know people who died 13 years ago today and I know people who are still overseas fighting these battles. It’s a sad day, like Ellis said, but Happy Birthday Backbone, you’re a great man to us all!

On to….equally depressing things…Ellis is headed to Australia for the Holiday Season. Like, really. Had to talk about booking flights and stuff and it occurs to him now that he is actually going through with it and he is going to be in Australia for the first time since he was married. That’s a long time. It’s kind of messing with him a bit because there’s a lot of unresolved shit back home in Koala Land and as much as he wants to deal with it, he doesn’t want to deal with it, he just wants to be past it and…he says he feels like he’s ready but…oh ellipses, you’re such a brutal fuck sometimes. Ellis has issues with his Mum and how she reacted to him trying to talk to her about things from his childhood and he has a lot of resentment for her and doesn’t  really think that she did the best that she could with him considering the cards that she was dealt. Ellis wants her to have a relationship with his kids and his kids want a relationship with her, and he doesn’t want to let his kids in on the info that screwed his relationship with his mother in the first place. This part of the show was super sad for me. I dunno…there were a couple of callers with some really good advice and a lot of encouragement and Tully suggesting that maybe he should just write his mother off in his mind (until his kids are grown and he can write her off for real) and it was just sad. I mean, really, Ellis’s mother didn’t even text him back when he was going in for Heart Surgery. That shit is colder than cold.

Back from the first break, Women, Am I Right? If you were listening yesterday then you knew this was on the menu for today and after a long break between crazy lady stories…let’s see what antics the female population has been up to, shall we? First off there’s the lady who crashed her car while shaving her vag on her way to see her boyfriend…which is just…amazing. I mean…I get touchy shaving my vag in the shower because I’m scared that one false move will disfigure my very very beautiful vagina…but holy, shit lady…what happens if you hit a bump in the road? Or you know, like another fucking car?!?!?!?!?!?! But, I guess she thought she had all her bases covered since she had her Ex-Husband in the car with her and he was working the wheel while she had her feet on the pedals and her hands and eyeballs on her vaginal area, so I can see how she felt a little more confident in this FUCKING INSANE ENDEAVOR. And, also lady, hi five on getting your ex to help you drive to your boyfriend’s house while you shave your vag #classyasfuck. Next up, there’s the lady who performed a home invasion and bit the face of her female victim and claimed it was part of a zombie game and had nothing to do with her being high as fuck, and I’m just over here being like, The Walking Dead isn’t even back on TV for another month you dummy. Although it did make Ellis think that he should start a zombie game on Instagram, which I kind of look forward to cause, you know, Zombies rule. That kind of pales in comparison to the Florida Babysitter who stabbed a man she babysits for because he refused to have sex with her. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Isn’t the Dad supposed to be all creepy and try and seduce the babysitter? And on and on it went because…Women, Am I Right?

Speaking of New York (which I was earlier and so were Jason and Tully) The Jason Ellis Show is performing a Tour de Horse this October and will be coming to New York for a week and topping it all of Saturday, October 25th with a HorseForce performance and hopefully some Ellismania Fight Prelims cause HELL YEAH!!!! Ellis wants to take some calls for ideas from fans for some new fight ideas because NY is gonna be a test run for whichever fight seems like it will work the best and then that is going to be a new fight at the long anticipated Ellismania 10, prolly in Vegas. Ellis is still backing his Master Blaster idea where two people are strapped to him and Kit Cope and they all duke it out and there are some other promising ideas put forth by callers including a Blindfold Fight, A Bouncy Castle type Fight, a T-Rex Fight, a Fight with weighted Boots, and some other things which I missed because shit happened and I lost 5 minutes…but it was only five minutes so…deal with it. Tully also brought up an idea for Shock Collar Charades performed by fans which I think sounds like an amazing idea and I fully volunteer to don the shock collar and act out charades for Hubbs to guess…because that’s sexy, because I’m a freak. They’re also thinking about bringing the punch pad out here and letting fans throw some punches, and having HotDog judge him some East Coast Boobies…which, again, I volunteer myself for, because my boobs are awesome and Hubbs is cool with it because it’s for a good cause.

Back from another break Tully and Ellis are talking about a statue in Vancouver that is a giant Satan where the penis was taken off for being offensive. There is a petition going around to have the Satan statue re-endowed and the police up there are all ‘hey, come on down and get the penis’ but no one has fallen for that one yet. They go on to talk about all manner of statues that could be lewd and crude and offensive and wonder if they would be forced to take them down or not, and if the same size statue, but of Jesus or something Christian were around, if people would have a problem with it. This gets transitioned into a veryveryveryvery long segment where Tully wonders if there’s any other Celebrity/Public figure that deserves to be taken care of/given a job a la World’s Greatest Wednesday Hulk Hogan. And…honestly…I was not a big fan of the segment. It went on for like 45 minutes longer than it should of and my mind constantly wandered to, “huh, I guess they didn’t have much planned for the show today” and if I pumped it up and was all, ‘best segment ever’ I’d be a liar and I am not a liar. I enjoyed it for the first 15 minutes, approximately, but then it got all draggy and I continued taking notes but not being too happy about it. There are several celebs who Ellis and Tully think are deserving of the Hulk Hogan treatment, like Marilyn Manson, Cindy Lauper, Pamela Anderson, Danzig, David Lee Roth, and Mr. T…and they should be showered with small apartments or farms in Minnesota, but there were tons of celebs offered up by the callers that got the big ‘hell no’ or the less offensive, ‘no, they don’t really need any help, they’re doing good’ like Tomg Green, Pauly Shore, LT, Ralph Macchio, and Vanilla Ice. Like I said, I didn’t really enjoy the segment and it fell kinda flat, so I’m not going to subject you to reading about it because in this case, I HAVE ALL THE POWER SO YOU GOTS TO BE SUBJECTED TO MY WILL NIETSCHE-STYLE.

Rounding out the show, amidst final calls, Tully brings up that Ellis will be on with Dr. Drew tonight and one of the things that he will be discussing is the lady who decided to give her child some Fireball Whiskey, post a pic of it to Facebook, and subsequently was arrested. Now, Ellis and Tully seem to agree that this woman was very stupid to post the picture to social media given that in these wonderful times we live in, there are whistle blowers everywhere, and she may generally not be the best mom ever…but criminal? They go back and forth on the difference of if it had been a sip of beer, if the kid had been older than 7, if it was a shot as opposed to a sip…and I just think that we’re in different times. Things that our parents did to us or for us, are things that get people arrested today, for better or for worse. No…you probably should not give a 7 year old a sip of whiskey, but you should definitely not do it and then post it to Facebook. I don’t remember when I had my first taste of wine, but I was prolly around 9 and my parents didn’t make a big deal about it. I don’t really worry about it with my stepson because he thinks that Daddy’s beer smells really bad (probably because he thinks anything that isn’t water is disgusting). Do I think the lady should have been arrested and that she should go to jail? Not really. If anything, yeah, maybe get CPS to pay her a visit and make sure everything is going okay and at most she should have been given some sort of citation…but prolly having her arrested is insane. There was a caller that suggested that maybe there was something more going on behind the scenes since she experienced something similar and DSS asked her a couple questions and everything was okay…but I don’t even know about that. Social workers are people, they have to rely on their own instincts to make judgment calls and sometimes they can be overly cautious…also, considering the amount of scrutiny that Social Workers are under nowadays some may operate under the ‘better safe than sorry’ policy that can lead to traumatic experiences for families who haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever…just some thoughts.

What we learned on TJES today:

Ellis wants more black friends

HotDog gets the refillable bucket of popcorn at the movie theater so he can bring it home for snacktime

Caller Holly is a Slut…and she knows it

Ellis is going to start Transcendental Meditation with Katie

Don’t shave and drive

Sluggo Hurt his back

Leave Danzig Alone

BJ Baldwin is kind of a superstar

Minnesota has plenty of room to give some celebs free farms

Burt Reynolds > Ocean’s 11 cast

Ellis is going to see Sam Tripoli perform some comedy tonight

Good Comedy is way harder to find than Good Tits



Thanks for listening to me blather on, guys!!! Love you xoxo

Show Recap for Thursday 8/14/2014

It’s what we’ve all been waiting for since Ellis signed off on Tuesday, guys, it’s time to find out what went on in New York City in the big contract meeting of doom that may or may not have been all that doomy and equally may or may not have involved lots and lots of use of the Daddy Voice!! As you probably know there was a ‘Best Of’ in place of the regular show for Wednesday as Ellis took a trip to NYC (we over here on the East Coast just call it The City because we all know that, really, it’s the only city that matters) to talk contract with SiriusXM big-wearing wigs…or maybe the wigs are big and the guys are small…or the wigs just look big but they big bosses have small heads…whatever…SiriusXM BigWigs were Daddy Voiced into submission by Ellis and then he returned to California to be the voice on the radio that you didn’t listen to today (I assume since you are here reading this lovely recap on this even lovelier website) and he is happy to be back under the California sun and probably even happier because all of the bullshit is over and done with. Ellis informed us that it was sunny in NY as well, which actually surprised the hell outta me since I woke up yesterday morning and my car was floating down the driveway, just about, thanks to the twelve inches of rain that fell a mere 45 minutes east of Manhattan…but no one really cares about me, everyone wants to know what’s up with the contract!!!!

not gonna tell you yet though cause before Ellis talks contract he needs HotDog to get him some coffee and by the way HotDog, do you ever go out in the sun and OH NY GOD YOU NEED TO SERIOUSLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR BACK OF THE NECK HAIR BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS AT LEADT THREE LEVELS OF OFFENSIVE! Back of the neck HotDog hair (and btw saying hotdog hair in my head as I write this has made me never ever want to eat a hotdog again cause…ick) was exposed when HotDog was telling Ellis that he does go out in the sun and yesterday while Ellis was negotiating his still hairless balls off, the Hotdog and family were at Universal Studios doing it up Gangster Style with a VIP ultra inclusive behind the scenes tour- so take that!!

On to the juicy- Ellis stayed at The Night Hotel in NYC which he explicitly did a shout out for because of how much they fucking sucked!!!! Ellis laments that he was late to all of his meetings because his key card to get into the room was constantly faulty and he didn’t know why he bothered anyway as he was only traveling with a backpack and he only used the room to shower because the bed in his room was 5yo race car bed sized. Total bust. Ellis then went on to say that he wasn’t a fan of NYC in general to which I said, “whatever,” but he was more interested in the grassy bits he had to pass to get back to the airport where he hung out for four hours to unwind rather than try and figure out something to do in THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD. But, whatever, kept you hanging on long enough so I’ll get to the contract. WIN. Ellis is soon to be signed on (cause no actual signing has taken place as of yet) for two more years at SiriusXM, though he is not contractually obligated to continue broadcasting in the event of some tragic untimely death in those 2 years. Ellis wasn’t completely handed over control of his own channel but Faction is going to be Faction With Jason Ellis and Ellis has control over 10 solid hours of Faction in addition to being able to add a one hour show, and also he, Tully, Wilson, and Backbone will have more day over what is played on Faction with Jason Ellis. Also, Rawdog Channel will soon commence playing TJES replays on the weekends and one weekend per month there will be a TJES takeover on Faction. To the behind the scenes stuff…starting Monday the show will have an engineer on staff to help with any I that pesky microphone buzzing or spun issues or computer issues or whatever an engineer does to help prevent a wide array of technical difficulties. TJES will also have a Real Producer who has all kinds of credentials and radio street cred who can book fancy guests that don’t want to be on the show now because they communicate with Cumtard. Sorry, love you Cumtard. The show has also been given a bigger budget and approval to do more remote shows and things like that to let them interact more with all of us wonderful fans!! Ellis is pretty happy with the whole thing and says that it’s probably better he wasn’t really given his whole own separate channel at this point in the game because he never really realized how much went into all of this shite and he doesn’t really want to be aggravated about what’s going on on the radio at two in the morning with some stupid DJ doing something moronic that doesn’t involve doing kettle bell swings between playing songs. Ellis talks a little bit about plans for October since there will be no Ellismania this year and it seems there will be some sort of event going on in that terrible New York City place October 18 – 26 involving HorseForce, maybe a cricket game, and an EMX qualifier fight. I got bummed a little bit cause I have a wedding to attend on the 19th…but then I was like ‘weddings are for getting drunk (such a romantic, I am) so who’s gonna care if I show up hungover and proceed with some Hair of the Dog type cure?!?! Fucking no one.

After that talk turns quickly over to the fact that Ellis is going to be racing UTV’s Saturday and Sunday at Lake Elsinore (thank you google for spelling assistance on that one) and everyone and anyone is invited to check that out. Ellis is a little wary because he has to bring the kiddies and he knows Devin isn’t going to be all that into it, but you know what, tough shit. Sometimes being a kid means doing things and going places that you don’t. Tully is quick to agree with this because he has suddenly found himself being a parent who goes to the park every night because that’s what his kid wants to do and he doesn’t really want to go to the park every night but not he’s caught in the vicious cycle of routine. They talk back and forth about the good old days before portable computers that fit in your pocket where you had a grand old time playing with sticks and rocks and the magic substance created when you added water to dirt. Ellis thinks kids today are nowhere near up to the snuff of kids of yesteryear and if he were five years old today going up against any of the five year olds of today, he’d be able to shit whip any of them. To subject you all to my own perspective, Hubbs and I are currently knee deep in the whole issue of having a kid used to his iPad or going to fairs and festivals or bounce houses every weekend and, now that he’s five cannot stop telling us how bored he is if we are not constantly entertaining him. Ugh. Seriously he tried telling me the other day I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to leave him in our fenced in non-pool backyard for two minutes the other day while I ran inside to gets his nerf gun. I dealt with this by laughing, telling him I’m sure he would be alright standing on the porch alone for two minutes and taking my sweet ass time finding new batteries for the nerf gun. Ellis took a couple of calls from fans congratulating him on the contract and electing themselves for a one hour show and we got to hear from OxyCotten John whose idea for ‘Sober Hour with Oxy John’ is a decidedly terrible one.

Back from the break there is a guest in studio who looks like Ellis, is from Australia, and has no idea what TJES is just that’s he’s heard that he looks like the guy who hosts the show…his name is Paul de Gelder and he even sounds a lot like Ellis except that Ellis has that twinge of American in his accent that reveals that he has sold his soul to America. Paul de Gelder is a former Navy Paratrooper/diver kind of guy, which he explains is like the equivalent of being a US Navy Seal who is a current Motivation Speaker and Shark Weeker and Shark Attack Survivor. In other words, he is Ellis’ future Aussie Bestie. They went through Aussie Bro-downs throughout the interview- talking about drinking beer, where they grew up and went to school (which from the way they talked was pretty close to one another), and Ellis expressed a lot of envy over Paul’s robot arm, robot leg, and shark attack story. What was the shark attack story? Well, to try and nutshell it, Paul was swimming in Sydney Harbor for a training exercise and was on his back when a shark came swimming along, thought he looked enough like a seal and chomped into his right thigh. Paul said his first instinct was to do what, by now, we’ve all heard is the thing to do and try and poke it in it’s eye and punch it’s nose, but he wasn’t completely able to because the shark also had his right hand which had been at his side and he couldn’t quite reach it with the left hand. The shark pulled him under the water and started in on the death shake which ripped out his hamstring along with other thigh meat and destroyed his hand. He gets out of the sharks mouth and goes to swim towards his safety boat when he realizes that he can’t swim with his right non-hand and bitten leg and does the best as he can with his left side while trying to keep his right arm above his heart (which he credits to his army training). He gets pulled on to the boats by his friends and promptly passes out and they tourniquet his leg and awakes to his friend Tom-O punching his chest because he thinks his heart stopped and Paul was dying. Paul says this is when he started thinking “today sucks” and the seriousness of the situation sunk in because his friends could not stop swearing and he made the request to Tom-o to “get someone to look after my motorcycle” cause, Aussie Priorities, yo. He was given lots and lots of drugs for the pain including medical grade cocaine (Red Dragons) and after having his hand amputated and the Doctor telling him that if they saved his leg it could catch on fire and he wouldn’t even realize it, Paul recalls  telling the doctor, “Doc, just take my leg and turn me into a terminator.” This guy was really funny, I loved it. He talked about his robot hand and prosthetic leg a bunch, describing the different things his hand could do like ‘beer drinking mode’, ‘nipple gripple mode’, and ‘robot gentleman mode’, and demonstrated to Ellis and Tully a button the sir that made it go all floppy. They talked a bit about fighting and training and how they have twin floppy noses from being broken and Ellis catching punches with his nose as a fighting tactic, and then they talked sharks. Paul holds no Ill will towards the animals and, in fact, loves them and is up to his eyeballs in Shark Activism to save the sharks as they are being killed off and as Apex Predators (aka the things at the top of the food chain) killing them has very far reaching effects that would come to harm humans as well. He mentions that he’ll be going in Shark After Dark that night for Shark Week on the Discovery channel (he was awesome, I watched ye replay of it at like one in the morning and he was super funny and charming and didn’t let Chelsea Handler’s epic plastic surgery face spook him) and he talked a bit about the special he filmed for shark week called Great White Matrix which will air on Saturday involving studying Great White Pups and how they learn to be Great White Predators. All in all he was a great guest and will hopefully be back as a guest in the future after he moves from Australia to Los Angeles with his Beauty Queen girlfriend. He was a great, very entertaining and charming guest and if you have On Demand I would definitely recommend checking out Paul de Gelder on TJES, and in the meantime check him out on social media he is pauldegelder everywhere.

Back from the break following the Aussie Bro Down invasion Tully brings us some random news stories which included some guy who was a caretaker at an old house and found a bunch of whiskey from 1912 that was valued at over a hundred thousand dollars and proceeded to drink it all and then die before he can get prosecuted (from something that probably wasn’t related to drinking all of that whiskey). Also some old lady managed to fly on a plane without paying for a ticket but she won’t explain to the media exactly how she dd it because she’s an American and doesn’t want the terrorists to know. In other news more directly related to The Jason Ellis Show, Ellis has been challenged to the ALS ice bucket challenge by Sam Schacher and he wants to make it really awesome because he’s been challenged a couple of times and this time he really has to actually get it done. They toss ideas back and forth and take calls from listeners where Ellis thinks about doing a Moto jump through a sheet of ice, but eventually settles on getting a bucket of ice water dumped on his head after being punched by Keith Jardine since they’re sparring in the morning anyway. And Ellis is gonna make the $100 donation to ALS research as well.

Next up Tully has a clip of yet another weird and disturbing Canadian PSA which featured puppets singing a song about not putting things in their mouth. It was cheery and prolly should have been remixed to include a ‘that’s what she said’ after every line and I got a good tweet out of it involving me sucking Hubbs’ cock so it didn’t bring me down. Will comes in to get some Wolfknives names out of the way and they only do a couple because Mike Catherwood showed up (leaving me wondering what happened with the whole Heidi and Frank versus Ellis and Tully password game that was discussed on Tuesday) so welcome to the pack Pool Hogan, Gamma Gangster, Wet Blowjob, El Guzy, and Shark Dick!!!!

Mike Catherwood is in the studio for yet another show within a show, but this time it’s a different show within a show with a sick into called Fuckline. So, you know, it’s like Loveline except with Dr. Ellis and Dr. Tully cohosting and a lot more cursing and a lot less beating around the bush using sciencey sounding words. It was a great, hilarious segment that was not lacking for calls from fans looking for advice in their sex lives and we mostly learned that most sex acts can be made successful with the use of poppers and vicodin. It also comes out that you either have sexual chemistry with someone or you don’t and if you’re wife just wants you to whore fuck her all the time there are deeper issues in the relationship, but if you masturbate so much that you no longer want to bother with the whole intimacy thing thn you should just whore fuck her and get it over with. A call comes in from a girl looking for advice as she’s been getting sexually suggestive picture messages from a coworker at in opportune times, but Mike calls out the caller ‘Tiffany’ as Sam Schacher and tells her it’s alright if she’s really calling about the anal sex problem she and her husband have because he’s hung like a horse. Another female caller who wanted to suggest having a female cohost for Fuckline gets brought in on the call and advises Sam to reach for the tequila and feel lucky that she has Luxury Problems. Fuckline was really hilarious an was interspersed with conversations about what could be making Ellis’s jaw all cracky and painful and what he should do about it. They settle on the fact that it’s probably TMJ caused by chomping down on too much Beave…and talk about Luxury Problems! Haha…I’m sympathetic to the whole TMJ thing because I suffer from it and it really does hurt and it’s really annoying and it was always mildly embarrassing getting it treated because I got the treatment from my boss and another coworker and they would routinely advise me to refrain from sucking so much dick…and I think we all know how well that worked out.

And that’s about all folks!!!! A great show this Thursday, sorry for the delay in posting the recap!!!! Xoxo