Tag Archives: EllisMania

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/3/2012

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What else can I say but, its almost Friday.  Not quite but close, so don’t get your hopes up, there’s still one day left.  At least today was one of the best shows I’ve heard in a while.  The decades long debate on how old is too old to date was discussed and Ellis decided that any age is appropriate as long as you like the other person.  This is a noble stance but I still follow the “half your age plus seven” rule.  Jason talked about his appearance on Hollywood Uncensored and revealed that he had sweaty palms and had butterflies in his stomach. However he said that everyone was nice and he is starting to know more and more TV people. The Hollywood take over is imminent.

Ellis has only a few days left with Thomas Hayden Church’s Porsche and decided that he needs to try and pick up chicks while filming.  As expected the EllisFam came through like champs.  I was laughing way too hard and there were way too many pickup lines to write them all down.  I will just say good job to those who participated.  We were, umm, granted with a game from the entertaining MumTard.  Contestants had to guess the Mumtarded Movie in MumTards Mumtarded Movie Collection. Damn, after writing that I might need a helmet.  The game was a smash success and hopefully we will see MumTard back again in the future, just as soon as the get the smell out of the studio and the stains off the chair. And Dan the Man had exchanged some heated words with Alicia.  Actually I should say Alicia talked shit on Dan while he just cowered in the corner and piddled himself.  I don’t see things going well for him at Ellismania, but we can all hope that as Dan gets his ass handed to him the crowd will be treated with a possible wardrobe malfunction from the beautifully busty Alicia.

And finally, what we have all been waiting for, WORLDS GREATEST WEDNESDAY  THURSDAY!  Today’s topic was Worlds Hottest Hollywood Milf.  There were some great contenders and the top 10 went as so:

10.  Milla Jovovich

9.  Kelly Rippa

8.  Sofia Vergara

7.  Belladonna

6.  Salma Hayek

5.  Mini Driver

4.  Gisele Bundchen

3.  DanOD5’s Mom

2.  Jessica Alba

1.  Britney Spears

Your Mom was also nominated for this list, but unfortunately she got a total of 0 votes.  Coincidentally that’s the same number of call backs she got after her many hours of pleasing dock workers.  Even MumTard, who got 1 vote by the way, said, “YOUR MOM BIGGER SLAM PIG THAN MUMTARD, OH!”

 

 

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/24/2012

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Rawdog’s computer

Today started off with a little bit of “Can You Feel Me Dog Center” because Ellis was about 15 minutes late to the show, and Rawdog’s computer is freaking so there was almost no “New Music Tuesday” for you – which I know some of you would be totally bummed about. But low and behold, he used Ellis’ computer and New Music Tuesday went ahead as scheduled. Rawdog however prepared a game to play, as long as they have a printer, but the printer is also throwing an error. Rawdog is literally losing his shit over his computer not working, which I can kind of understand. He does have another date tonight though! You have to love the Swinghouse Studios, what a shithole. Tully grew a massive set of tits today, he took sole control of his kid this morning at 7AM, did dishes, laundry, went grocery shopping, made lunches, and then took off his apron and bra to let the girls breathe. He actually called it being “Super Dad”, but I like to think of it as “I’m The Woman In This Relationship”.

There might be a new, massive fight at Ellismania 8, but it’s not confirmed yet and if the past date changes are any indication, this massive fight may or may not happen so Ellis isn’t mentioning anything more about it right now. Robby Gordon and Everlast called into to the show today, the more import conversation of the two is that Everlast is campaigning for Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, Great Strides National Walk Event. As you may know, his daughter was born with cystic fibrosis – hence the song “Sixty-Five Roses”. Next were people calling in for a “Get The Cock Off Your Chest” segment, for anonymity sakes we’ll give all the callers the name “Toshua Michmond”, and now here are the calls:

A Rawdog love story

  • Caller was getting ready to bang this hot chick but couldn’t get hard because he couldn’t stop thinking about his girlfriend and didn’t want to hurt her. He ended up quitting his job because he didn’t want to deal with the whole issue, and right there is where Ellis pounced on him and made him admit that he didn’t quit only because of this hot chick and their sexual tension.
  • Caller had called the cops on his crazy neighbor who would go out in the middle of the street and start yelling obscenities. The police came, crazy neighbor guy dropped on the street like he was making fucking snow angels, had a heart attack and died. He feels like he killed his neighbor and obviously the neighbor’s family is / was very upset.
  • Caller got a divorce from his wife and started to have an affair with this other married chick who was going through marriage counseling, she ended up getting a divorce but he’s not sure he’s totally into her. He feels like he might have helped in her decision to get a divorce.

  • A Cinemax story

    Caller went to a concert with his wife and their friends, went back to the friends’ house and got all wasted. Caller leaves and goes home to go to bed. He wakes up to what he thought was his wife on top of him giving him a blowjob, gets inside of her and dropped an internal load. She gets up and leaves and he hears his mother-in-law say “thank you for fucking me” (or something like that) – so yeah – he fucked his mother-in-law, and came inside the same hole that his wife came out of. Fucking gangster as fuck.

  • Is your husband cheating?

    Caller who is married says his wife has put on weight and he wants to tell her she’s fat and disgusting, but he doesn’t want to hurt her. He says they have really crazy sex, she treats him really good, and he doesn’t want to be with her just for the sex, so he feels guilty. The answer? Television is telling his wife that she is a big fat pig.

  • Caller says he came in his shirt a bunch of times and his mom had to hand wash it, which is pretty much nothing when compared to the other guy who came in his mother-in-law.

  • AOL chatrooms

    Caller used to go into AOL chatrooms where he met this chick. Caller met up with this chicks guy friend to make sure he wasn’t a whack job or something. The guy comes over, seduces him and asks if he had anything sweet to put on his dick. Caller busts out grape jelly and the other guy puts it on caller’s pecker as well as lathered up his ass with jelly too and then started blowing him, and ate the jelly out of his asshole. He never did meet the chick, and there probably never was a chick in the first place.

  • Caller said his friend is in the Navy and was on the same boat that dumped Bin Laden’s body overboard. Caller started sleeping with his friend’s girlfriend, his sister, and his mom. The brother of the guy in the Navy caught him on several different occasions. He also said the mother and sister used to babysit him when he was younger. I’m not sure how much I believe this one, I mean banging the guys girlfriend, sister, and mother? That’s a super rare trifecta.
  • Caller said he preferred to fantasize about his girlfriend getting fucked by his buddies so he can bust a nut. It’s also possible that one or more of his friends might have banged out his stripper / whore girlfriend. The caller claims that he just thinks of her being a dirty whore, but won’t admit what he’s envisioning – such as exactly what he’s looking at in his fantasy, which means he’s imagining cock sliding in and out. He may just have some sort of complex or something else, but finally admitted during one fantasy his friend had a bigger cock than he did – which seems to confirm what he’s probably envisioning the most

There were 2 or 3 other calls at the end that I don’t really remember, so they must not have been too entertaining – I think one had something to do with a guy, a whore, she kept leaving him and coming back and she was pregnant and it wasn’t his kid. In preparation for tonight’s date, Toshua (I mean Joshua) went and got his shitty car washed, being Jewish (I mean thrifty), he got the middle priced wash. By the way, did you ever hear about the brother you never had? No? I’ll tell you. Your mom successfully gave birth after several hours of labor. The doctor took the baby and left the room to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returned with the baby in his arms and then suddenly began to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. Your mom screamed, “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!” To which the doctor replied, “April Fool’s! It was already dead!” OH!

And that’s when your mom started hooking

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/13/2012

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It’s Friday the 13th fuckers, oooooohhh, spooky dooky! Talk started off with people who look horrible but try really hard to keep up their really horrible looks. Such wonderful specimens as Danny Trejo, Garry Shandling, and Jason Voorhees fit well into this category. Apparently some people are really passionate about Rob Lowe, I’ve never met anyone infatuated with him, but I’m willing to bet someone has some fan fiction about him, not to mention Rule #34 is still in full effect. Ellis claims that instead of washing your jeans, you can just stick them in the freezer and viola, their magically clean and do not fade. I guess this works if your jeans aren’t dirty, but what about when you go around doing slides into first base everywhere? You could spread dry ice on them bitches and they ain’t coming clean. Rawdog masturbates to Rihanna, allegedly (purely my own speculation), he was defending her hotness pretty hard.

You can now submit and view pictures of you and others doing push-ups during halftime in America to: itshalftimeamerica.tumblr.com so botch your balls and get ready to do your push-ups, or masturbate, whichever is on your to-do list. Sounds like the guys are taking ideas for another possible fight at Ellismania 8 – which by the way, you can now purchase tickets to. There were tons of ideas from a bunch of fans and the guys, but most everything got shot down in favor of a centaur fight. Mayhem came on the show, and the fight ideas discussion took the remainder of the show, I couldn’t possibly list all the ideas so, I won’t. However, what I can do is tell you that if you purchase a large pack of condoms, several gallons of lube, and some meth – a mysterious, dark, large, smelly figure will appear waiting with a gaping ass. You will know it when you see it, because it’s your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/12/2012

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Today is going to be a short one folks, I missed portions of the show (thanks work) and to be honest, I’m just feeling particularly lazy today. But that’s okay, there’s only three of us reading this anyway. According to Tully, Hall from Hall & Oates fame is a total cocksucker and he would tell him to his face. All this came about because Dr. Dre will be performing with a hologram of Nate Dogg at this years Coachella festival, he said he would rather see Hallogram & Oates – HEYOH!

Errbody is full of pharmaceuticals these days, there is a pill for pretty much everything now, but we already knew that. People are getting into the whole halftime America push-ups, quite a few people sent in photos of them doing push-ups in various locations. I wasn’t one of those people though. Tully coined a new term today, “cunting up”, like instead of manning up or womaning up. I like it, it rolls off the fist so easily. Tickets for Ellismania 8 go on sale tomorrow, so if you plan on going – I highly suggest purchasing a ticket, because you know, you’ll need a ticket to get in ya dum-dum. Welp, that’s all I got for you today. I know MOM! I’ll try to do better next time, stop calling me names! It hurts my feelings and sometimes I don’t think you love me very much. NO! Because I don’t want to and because I’m 37! I wish I was never born! Sorry guys, my mom was being a real bitch, cunting it up. I know you all understand, I mean considering how your mom makes you leave the house when she gets fisted. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 3/15/2012

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Jager BeardHey, hey, hey, it’s fuckin’ Thursday! Did you read that in Fat Albert’s voice? Because I typed it in his voice, so I hope you did. Otherwise it’s just not as funny, it’s like being barefoot and stepping in a fresh dog turd. Today is the day Tully and Rawdog (aka JagerBeard) get plastered on the show in preparation for tomorrow’s show, where they test out “Forgiven”, a supposed hangover cure by TJ Lavin. Tully said he’ll drink later tonight, understandable since he does have a new born baby at home. I mean, it’s way more fun to drink and juggle children than it is to just hold them in a sober state. (<= That’s a joke right there, and for the record I would like to say that I am against drunken baby juggling. Paid for by the committee for more bitPimps in your rectal area.) Today is also the @DanOD5 show, he produces the entire show, coming up with ideas, bits, games, etc. for the guys to do on air.

Jager BeardIn other news, EllisMania 8 is still June 23rd, and I assume will not be live on HDNet, I hope you’re happy everyone who already scheduled your vacations and purchased your hotel rooms, I won’t be able to see it live. I see how it is, fuck me – that’s real nice, real nice. So one of the segments was to take Dan’s phone and call someone in his contacts list, apparently he had some lovey dovey texts to someone he called “poopy face” or “mud butt” er wait, yes, it was “poopy face”. Dan’s cute-o-meter just exploded, all over the place with glitter, streamers, and party hats. Another number was labeled Wang Kong – sounds like a powerful name, but we’ll never know because it went to voicemail. I’m just going to pretend that he was busy fighting Godzilla or buying black market shark fin soup.

Jager BeardJagerBeard, being the gnarly pirate that he is, needed some pudding to take the “Forgiven” pills. Yes, this is the same man that creepily whispers “pussy” to the audiences of the world and calls Tony Hawk’s ramp “rickety” right to his face. Hard. Core. Mother. Fucker. Tully made a spot on observation, claiming he looked less like JagerBeard and more like Slick Rick! That fucking Tully guy, he’s hilarious and if that didn’t make you laugh, then you’re dead on the inside. Poor JagerBeard. The ChexMix chasers caught up to him and he started feeling pretty ill, they had to get the emergency puke bucket but there was no real hurlage, just a bit of a squirt of vomit. If you’ve never heard JagerBeard before, you’re life is incomplete, no words can describe how awesome he is.

And… no, we’re not done here just yet… starting tomorrow, and every Friday from here are on out, in the morning there will be a 2 hour (I believe) “best of” hosted by Rawdog and Rawdog only. Then, at normal afternoon time, the show will be live! That’s right errbody, wipe the stank off your hang down and polish off your ball gags! Seriously, do it! If you do it, I’ll do it. I’m going to be having my hang down de-stanked and my balls gagged on by your mom. OH!