Tag Archives: EllisMania

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/9/2012

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You’re all wrong, it’s butt chugged piss!

It’s Tuesday and I want this stupid bitch client to get fucked with a Rambo knife, she’s such a stupid cunt. Okay, sorry. I just had to get that out. Look, nobody is gonna tell Ellis what to do, nobody is gonna tell me what to do, and nobody is gonna tell you what to do either. Fuck all that shit. Mayhem is flipping his shit? Duh. He’s gonna go through whatever it is he’s going through and hopefully he’ll pull himself back out of it and carry on. Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more. Shit, I did not mean to bust out some Kansas, that shit just happened. Sounds like Ellis might have gotten another book deal, it’s not 100% solidified, but it sounds like it might be close to that. Yelawolf was on Jude’s show sometime in the past, he left a bottle of his pain killers there – which Jude was ready to munch until Yelawolf came back to get them. We found out who the mastermind was behind Mayhem being completely fucked up at EllisMania 8, Jude. He gave him drugs. Can you believe Jude has never done coke? Me neither, that’s kinda fucking weird considering how into synthetics he is.

At least pretend to give a fuck.

That chick that sings with Death! Death! Die!, @lisadonnelly, was on the show today to hear her latest work on the “In The Water” song. She might sing about her alleged large dick in the song, but she’s unwilling to hump Ellis or Rawdog’s leg with her very real cookie. Ellis and Lisa sang an acoustic version of “Load” while Tully strummed the guitar, and I assume Rawdog just sat there being all sad while thinking about the load he shot on his now ex-girlfriend’s face. Ellis went into story mode and started telling of the time when his dad beat his ass because he wasn’t washing his car or something, that’s when everyone started chiming in to turn his story into song form – it was beautiful. More importantly, Lisa has a new album coming out soon, she’s unsure of the name of the album at this point, but you can pre-order or “pledge” to her album. Here comes a really cool thing, you can donate some money and do a song with her, or collaborate on song, etc. Just think of the possibilities, you could have your own “If You Love Me, Start Butt Chugging” jam or maybe something like “Dick Cancer Karate Chop”, you get the idea.

That’s not desire, she just needs to take a massive shit.

Multiple sex toy owner Adrianne Curry came on the show today, newly almost divorced and already with one boyfriend left in the dust. She said she fucked herself a lot while being married because Peter Brady (aka Christopher Knight) wasn’t fucking her, but maybe it’s because she’s a nympho and his old ass couldn’t keep up. She wants to have a monogamous fuckfest with someone, she’s not into multiple partners because she’s scared of catching a disease – so that would seem to strike Ellis off the list of a potential fuck partner. She’s also anti-butt stuff, including rim jobs – her words, “I know what comes out of my ass after all my protein shakes and Jager bombs, and it ain’t pretty.” She also claimed to have “swamp vagina” during her visit on the show. That is one classy broad, good to see all that charm school is paying off for her. Overall, she is a pretty good guest, she talks like “just one of the guys” and is pretty open when discussing herself.

America’s first and whitest Blood gang member.

Hey, you ever do any butt chugging? If so, get out of my sight. Wanna see an old guy holding a press conference about butt chugging? Well here you go! Guess who’s the new owner of www.fucktully.com? Nope, not some random fan, but Tully himself! He has no idea what he’s doing with it yet, but one could only be lead to believe that there will be some fuck Tully available at rock bottom prices. Everyone’s favorite, South African, racist, animal lover, and director of Big Fucking Mega Boat, Donald Schultz, stopped by the show today after doing the Bean and Playboy shows earlier. He says that he has been getting a lot of positive feedback from the movie, and after the release of BFMB, it’s unknown how long he can keep James Cameron and Judd Apatow at bay. Speaking of keeping cock hungry whores at bay, your mom is now all over Schultz’s tube steak smothered in underwear, which is weird because he’s not only racist, but white, and yet she wants him to “show her it’s true what they say about black men”, so he plans to stab her and steal her purse. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 10/4/2012

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‘Murica! Fightin’, fuckin’, arrestin’, smokin’, snortin’, shootin’ All that cool shit.

It’s 10-4, good buddies! Breaker, breaker, we got an ass shaker at mile marker fuck you. Ellis has been teaching Katie how to do a somersault off the diving board and into the pool, apparently she’s pretty bad at them. You know how Travis Pastrana wanted to fight Dave Mirra? Yea, well, now Pastrana’s wife doesn’t want him to fight Mirra because she’s scared for Mirra. Tully was going to enter FMX at X-Games, but his wife didn’t want him to because she was scared he would embarrass Pastrana. As Tully says, excuses are like assholes, they are delicious. Ellis had to call the po-po yesterday, he was picking up Snook from school and some little drunk Mexican dude came up to him talking gibberish. Dude was sketchy and trying to talk gibberish to other parents and kids, Ellis called the cops and told them what was up, 2 hours later the cops call Ellis and essentially were like, “so, what were you saying again?” Rawdog thinks it’s because the police like to fuck with people and cherry pick calls, but Tully feels like they’re just busy fighting crime and shit. Also, there was some debate over whether Superman could impregnate a chick or the chick could even have the baby.

I’ve looked into the faces of Hell.

Some professional boxer came out of the closet and announced he was gay, and then he came on his trainer’s face. Okay, that last part was a complete lie, sorry ’bout that. People are now able to watch Big Fucking Mega Boat on EllisMania.com, so go check that out if you wish. Lightening Train got put on the spot today, he’s charged with not answering phone’s enough, not correctly, and not at the right times. He had to come into the studio and take calls while the guys were there to witness, right away he fucked up the first call, which was about the movie “Gummo” and Ellis eating spaghetti in a bathtub. Remember the conjoined twins that were talked about yesterday? Of course you do, allegedly there’s a picture of them blowing a dude, and yes, it is photoshopped. Sounds like Shoebox really hated Rawdog at first, everyone gets along now way better, but nobody really bothers to disagree with Shoebox anymore because they don’t feel the ensuing fight would be worth it. Tully says he treats each D!D!D! performance as his last, because it has potential to be the final one.

Time for the reverse awards, listeners got to help suggest potential award categories and even some nominees for this year’s categories. There are a bunch of categories and a bunch of nominees, I’m not going to list them all out. Voting isn’t done, so you can still vote for all that shit until at least tomorrow’s show if not over the weekend. While drilling your mom one day, she wanted to get freaky and asked me to strangler her. I wasn’t really into it at first, but curiosity got the best of me. That’s when I found out which organ in the female body remains warm after death. My cock. OH!

Whatever it is that you are saying, it means nothing!

Show Re-cap For Monday 9/24/2012

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Rawdog filling up his vagina to test his limits.

Monday. It can lick us where we shit, am I right? So let’s see what else Monday has in store for us, and let me just tell you this. If I hear talk about the fucking Emmy’s on today’s show, I’m wrapping this motherfucker up right then and there. Where’s Mayhem been? Why has he just disappeared? Oh wait, maybe it was because of that whole trashing a church while naked thing. Rawdog admits that he may be gullible, but he does not allow his girlfriend to tell him what to do. And if you believe that, you might also be gullible. Tig McPickles now knows how to ride a bike, without training wheels, and Big Daddy Rape Cakes laid down a $500 bet that his son could beat Rawdog in a bike race. A bet that Rawdog would not take. What would you do if you had a vagina for a day? Rawdog would see how many household items he could cram up there and gape himself, you know, for science.

Tiggy’s growing up right in front of our eyes!

Jon Jones beat the shit out of Vitor Belfort with a broken arm, hate him or love him – that’s a goddamned warrior right there. Fuck the other fights just because Bisping won and he’s a douche. Welp, guess what topic came up next. Talk about the Emmy’s. I told you what I’d do, and I was serious. So peace out. Later days and better lays, my friends.

Oh man, you guys are so lucky that I don’t want to make you pay for that Emmy talk shit. It didn’t last long at all, so that was a plus. Talk turned back to Rawdog vs Tiggy in a triathlon of sorts, hopefully you will be seeing that on EllisMania.com in the near future. Hey, Texas prisons are overflowing with prostitutes because apparently Texas considers hooking a felony or some shit. What if prostitution was legal? Would it help or hurt certain societal issues? Overall, it might make things safer for all involved. So according to JizzCult Pendarvis, he bought JizzCult.com, but according to the Internet, he in fact did not, therefore we can never trust Pendarvis again.

I don’t think they had salads back then, so would this be tossing someone’s fig leaf?

World Champion masturbator, Masanobu Sato tugged his lo mein noodle for almost 10 fucking hours! That has to be horrible, I mean if you jack off for that long without blowing a load, your balls are going to make you pay for that shit. Moral of the story here? You can now feel way better about your 4 times a day wank routine, you’re not even scratching the surface. According to Ellis (and maybe Jesus) you should have a girl in your taint region at least once in your life, because it’s glorious. Are you wasting your life away and have a terrible band that nobody wants to hear? Good news! You can still email EllisParodies@gmail.com and if there are enough shitty bands submitting their garbage quickly, they might be able to get a celebrity guest to help judge that nonsense you’ve been wasting so much of your time on.

Hold the fuck up, did I just see Burbank Dave?

Wanna see Rawdog with a little bit of product in his hair and looking like today’s modern terrorist? Sure you do! Sounds like he might be shaving that caterpillar off his face and starting to dress more like a Persian version of Tully. Whether Ellis saw him or not, everyone’s favorite and most consistent stalker, Burbank Dave, saw Ellis over the weekend. Dave’s all over Burbank and he can’t be stopped. You may be lucky enough to notice him if you’re ever in Burbank, he’ll be wearing a green EllisMate shirt that he hates. Back when your mom was still alive, we were driving down the highway and pulled on to a dirt road. We got out of the car and started walking into the woods. Clutching my arm, your mom said, “These woods are really scary.” I said, “Yeah, well I’m the one that has to walk back by myself in the dark later.” OH!

Mike Tully, Exposed!

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@bitPimps and @AZ_RedDragon get a chance to have a Q & A session with Michael Tully, who was smart enough to get into Oxford, yet New Jersey enough to work with fart jokes.

In an interview somewhere, it was written that you three don’t really have much in common and therefore don’t hang out much. Is that still or was it ever true? Have you all gotten closer and hang out more?
Five hours a day is plenty most days, plus emails, plus we do Death! Death! Die! together, make movies together, do website stuff together, etc. When we’re not working, we generally go our separate ways. That having been said, the experience and history of making the show together is a pretty strong bond.

Does your wife enjoy or share your sense of humor on the show? Does she ever listen to the show? And will we ever hear your wife as a quick guest on the show?
God bless her, she’s never listened for a second. I tell her the stuff that happens on air that I think she’ll find funny, but for the most part she’s far too cool to care about my job.

You have known Cullen for quite a while. Did you meet through work or were you friends before either of you started working in radio? Give the scoop the relationship between you two?
Bryan found an ad I placed in a music newspaper called the East Cost Rocker. It said (I kid you not) “14 year-old guitarist tired of the bullshit.” We were in bands together in our teens, then he got into radio and then helped me get started.

You like to cook. Some chef’s don’t like to reveal their secrets, but would you give us your recipe for your salsa?
Mexican is more my wife’s forte, so my salsa recipe is her salsa recipe. But sure: Grill red peppers until they’re pretty well charred, then chill. Remove the stem and guts and chop. Mix with chopped tomato, red onion, cilantro, kosher salt and one or two chopped chili peppers. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but that’s the basic thrust of it. (The Mexicans have gotten an amazing amount of mileage out of six or seven basic ingredients.)

If you could go back in time, would you: A) Puke on Carson Daly’s dick, B) Kick DanOD5 out of EllisMania 8, C) Start punching Rawdog in the dick during his internship, or D) Not masturbate on that bus The Jingleberries keep reminding us about?
A-C don’t really move me. Masturbation has been very good to me in general, but if I had to pick, I’d go with D.

Whether joking or not, has your wife ever called you “Round Eye”, “8 Mile”, “Gai-ko”, or “Baijo”? And have you ever called her “Yoko”, “Bomb Watcher”, “Godzilla Snack”, or “Bukakke Warrior”?
I’m glad you asked me this, because I often feel like, when we mention my ‘Asian wife,’ some people are picturing a mail order bride. She’s from Japan, but she was raised in Milwaukee. (To reiterate, that’s her salsa recipe above.) At one point or another, I’ve called most of the women in my life ‘Yoko,’ but that’s never been a race-based thing.

During the Barefoot Adventures of Tully, what was the craziest thing that you have ever done or encountered?
In retrospect, riding the NYC subway was a pretty deranged thing to do.

Were you happy during your break from the show, or did you miss it?
You know how, when you finish high school, or college, or however far you go in school, you realize that your last summer vacation is the last extended time off you’ll have until you’re too old for it to matter? Yeah…..No, I did not mind having nowhere I needed to be for a year. And besides, there were always reasons for me to stop by the show.

What moment stands out to you the most during your time on The Jason Ellis Show?
Hard to pick a single one. When I go home tired from laughing, or when we’re in the zone for an extended period of time, that always feels good. I like it when we’re doing something that the three of us find funny that I know no other radio show would ever be doing. And I liked the time Slash and I bonded over using the same guitar picks (Tortex extra thick).

What is your favorite memory from any of the Ellismania events?
I would be lying if I did not say it was one of the times when a roomful of people were chanting my name. That’s not something I ever expected to happen, under any circumstances. The first couple Taintstick shows at Wasted Space had a great ‘Is this really happening?’ vibe to them.

Are you still writing screenplays in your spare time?
Yes. I don’t have much spare time but, now that my album is done, other than the show and the new D!D!D! album, I have something I’m really hoping to finish up (sports drama).

Your CD “Retrofit”, is it something you’ve always wanted to do, or something you did because you currently have the resources available? And why is Rawdog so jealous that he wouldn’t play it on New Music Tuesday?
More about the resources. I had a bunch of old semi-finished songs, and I realized there was no reason not to have recordings of them. I’m so glad I did that, and so thankful to Christian for helping make it so great. It’s funny and minutely endearing that Josh has so much integrity about NMT. I hope everyone can tell that I don’t actually care about his (admittedly hateful) snub.

Sophies choice, Jason or Josh. Josh is young with his entire life ahead of him but Jason has kids and a radio career on the rise, or do you scrap them both and start The Mike Tully Show?
I’m not sure I understand the question. If you’re saying we hypothetically have to remove one guy from the show, then I hypothetically start writing a glowing reference for Josh right now.

Is there anything else you would like to say, shoutout, plug, or just get off your chest?
Really just thanks. Between the last Ellismania and my album release, I’ve had a lot of contact with listeners recently, and a lot of reminders of how much I really like 90% of them.

THE END

Shout out to @possiblytully for taking the time to answer our questions and for all the laughs he gives us on the radio! He’s smarter than you and he has his own album on the charts, what do you got besides a whorish mother?
You can buy Tully’s new album “Retrofit” on Amazon or iTunes.
You can listen to & download the free tracks “Auto-da-Fe” and “Will a Blank” on Tully’s BandCamp page.

Related posts: The Musical Mind of Mike Tully, interviewed by Nate Phillips
2012: This Year In Tully Images

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/20/2012

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Who gets tired of titties?

Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!

While you were talking about celebrities…

Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.

Kill me now, or yourself. Either way.

Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!