Tag Archives: Amanda Bynes

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 6/13/2013

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interns

Yes, where are the chicks that wanna talk wad?

Holy shit! It’s Thursday the 13th! Wait. It’s Friday the 13th that’s supposed to be freaky, isn’t it. My bad. But for all we know, it could really be Friday and the man is just making us think it’s Thursday. Ever think about that one? You did? Oh, you did? Okay, well then fuck it. Ellis thinks he likes Frank Sinatra more now and might get some suits, go to night clubs and sashay to “Come Fly With Me”, and act like a completely different person. His therapist says he needs to get out there and get bitches numbers and shit, without doing a pillowcase full of cocaine and shitfaced on vodka. The knuckleball is an uncommonly thrown pitch in baseball, it is thrown to minimize the spin of the ball in flight, causing an erratic and unpredictable motion, making it harder to hit. Speaking of baseball, it was 43 years ago today that Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter while on LSD! A little intern rivalry on the show today as Anal Gay-Lewis spilled the beans on Jimmy Neutron, how he’s kind of stupid and doesn’t follow orders very well, specifically, his orders. Neutron started to give Anal the stink eye and began defending himself as he was having tremors in his fit of rage. The guys thought maybe Neutron was just blowing hot air, but he say’s he’s trained a little bit and thinks he can take Anal. Are you guys catching all these innuendos that are heavily peppered in the past few sentences? One thing both interns agreed on was that they both liked Team Jetta better than the each other, even though Team Jetta seemed like he had been partying with Jude before coming to work.

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Shout out to intern Jimmy Neutron!

Hollywood news times. Rapper 2 Chainz’s robbery was actually caught on video along with a dude that happily skips down the sidewalk during the robbery. So cute! NBA talk time, the Spurs put Tracy McGrady (aka T-Mac) in the game because they were kicking so much ass. Back to Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab, that’s neat. David Letterman likes to compliment guest bands on their drums and find out if the drums are theirs or not. Pal of Jason Ellis, Carey Hart, was on TMZ because a photographer was taking pictures of Pink changing their child’s diaper, so Carey and his friend assaulted the dummy. Amanda Bynes and Cher got in a small spat on Twitter, then today Amanda got into it with Miley Cyrus on Twitter as well, and all that is super neat. Reese Witherspoon accidentally showed her turd cutter on them skreets. There are fragrance foundation awards? What. The. Flower? Who cares. Gerard Butler was on some show in Germany to try and crack nuts with his ass and then pour ice water down the front of his pants. This prompted the guys to think this might be something the interns should do, which of course Team Punishment (aka Tito, aka Jimmy Neutron) thought was a dumb idea and didn’t want to do. What a team player, he pretty much isn’t into anything and he definitely seems to have a chip on his shoulder. Each intern was sent out to get the goods, 1 some walnuts, 1 a bag of ice, and 1 to get something else I can’t remember. First one back? Jimmy Neutron, with a sack of fucking trail mix. What a dumb-shit. The interns finally came back with all their supplies, but only Anal Gay-Lewis knew how to put fucking ice in his pants, the other 2 interns were just lost. One is fucking high on something and the other must be mentally retarded.

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I’m guessing there were no balloons in Sparta.

Some fool has invented cube shaped wheels for skateboards, you know, because cubes must out perform round fucking wheels. I guess he’s talking about traction, but still, it looks ridiculous. Hey, did you know most past civilizations are full of fantasy shit that never really happened, like vikings wearing helmets with horns? Well, not Sparta. Apparently it was pretty much exactly like the fucking movie 300 – but with way more insults and a lot less love. Your newborn look a little funky? Better abandon that little shit on a hill and hope some stranger takes it home to eat it. So you’re 4 and afraid of the dark? Guess what, you get to be isolated in a dark room, ya little pussy. Happy 7th birthday! No go learn how to hunt and be a soldier and be naked. Oh, you’re hungry? Better steal some food and hope your ass doesn’t get caught, or you getting the shit beat out of you. This sounds exactly the opposite of where interns are raised. Rawdog did his workout challenge on-air today and it sounds like he went hard in the paint like a champ. I assume he spent the next 10 minutes on a single, continuous yawn afterwards. Then it was time for his testosterone smoothie. The interns were put in charge of making the smoothie, and guess what they couldn’t do very well? Yup, use a fucking blender. Scratch that, he worked out until he started puking, so that’s pretty fucking hard in the paint – though I’m not so sure having to puke after every workout is a good thing. You can say what you want about Rawdog, and you can say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds. OH!

rawdog_workout

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/3/2013

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ooh_yeah

Your face now that Ellis back.

Welcome back you 4 or 5 other people! The longest 2 weeks wait of your lives is over now that TJES is back in action. We tried to keep you entertained with a massive contest, so hopefully that helped you get your fix. But now it’s time to get back to business as usual and see what happened on the show today. It’s like fucking an old horse for Ellis, he’s just gonna stick it right back in that horse socket and ride like he knows how. He’s also part Samurai, he is not any more Brazilian however, it didn’t fit into his schedule during the break. Dingo went to the outback for a little over a week and had some big news about Prime Minister Huge-Tits is touring and has had no less than 2 sandwiches thrown at her. Why sandwiches? I guess because she’s touring schools, and kids have sandwiches, and special kids like Rawdog, have “sammies”. Which begs the question, what’s the deal with school kids in Australia being into politics? Am I right?

blowing_kisses

Meet the new Rawdog!

Rawdog is looking for spas, specifically for a “couples massage” that he and that chick Karla, with the big areolas can go to together. Get this though, that other chick that had mushrooms to party with and never offered him any? Yeah, she likes Rawdog and they slept together, then all 3 of them went out to dinner and the 2 chicks made out with each other! WHAT. IN. THE. BLUE. FUCK?! In 2 weeks he’s banging to 2 bitches at the same time and swinging a three way? Champion! Ellis met somebody during the break as well, one that he was totally skeptical of, but it seems to be on the up and up so far. Tiger has become full on into moto now, while Snook has pretty much retired from moto. And his ex-wife has broken up with her boyfriend, so overall – the past two weeks have been amazing! Except for Tully, who did not get a new girlfriend, did not go to Australia, and did not make-out with multiple chicks. Instead, he went to the zoo and watched a bunch of chimps eat their own shit. Poor Tully. This spawn some discussion at length about eating shit, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around Rawdog being a god damned pimp now, so just let that marinade in your head for awhile instead of shit eating talk.

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Becoming a trash can isn’t normal. But on meth it is.

In crystal meth history news, Nazi’s were all on meth. They pretty much invented a precursor to meth and used it as a war drug and administered something like 35 million doses of it to the troops, including Hitler. Many of the soldiers had created suicide or died of heart failures because they were so wigged out. Speaking of Nazi’s, TJES gained 2 new interns today, one is 19 and the other is 23 and believe it or not, both are into music and radio, and one of them was on college radio – like PimpDog. The 19 year-old refers to people older than him as “kids” which is just as stupid as it sounds, and the other one tried to crack a joke, and we all heard how well that went with the last intern, Anthony (aka Anal Gay-Lewis). Sounds like Anthony has become the king of the interns as he’s already took it upon himself to tell the new interns to make sure the talent is well hydrated and to gaze into Ellis’ eyes with a look of longing. The interns were asked what they like about the show. Both agreed they liked that the word “fuck” was mentioned so many times, and they also like Ellis’ catch phrase “fuck yeah” – that apparently nobody in the world knew was his catch phrase, except them. Somehow, this led us into Amanda Bynes and how she looks like Andy Milonakis if he were to get into CrossFit training.

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Rawdog when he gets to read Justin Bieber’s name!

In case you missed it Friday, Little Miss Ellis Show winner @johnnywaffels had his fucking apartment burn down, he and his girlfriend are safe, but needed a place to stay and some help. Some kick ass EllisFam were able to come to their aid and help with what they could, so shout out to all them. Thankfully, both are alright and most of their import items were saved. TJES show replays will be starting up tomorrow morning, 6AM West coast time, and with that – Will brought in some promotional items he had order over a year ago – Jason Ellis jizz rags / bar towels! Hollywood news time and Justin Bieber was mentioned again for he and his friends speeding through the neighborhood in his Ferrari. In one of the incidences, Justin Bieber was chased by Keyshawn Johnson (in his Prius), who blocked his car in while Justin ran inside the house and wouldn’t come out. Handling it like a big boy, hiding and calling mom. Apparently his neighbors are banding together and plan to stop paying their home owner’s association fees in order to get something done about Bieb’s & friends. Michael Douglas says he got throat cancer from licking Catherine Zeta-Jone’s toxic box and also says the cure to his cancer was to continue licking her HPV pouch. Scott Weiland was kicked out of Stone Template Pilots again and replaced with Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame. And completely out of left field, Brad Pitt is set to star in a video game called Dark Void. He says so many people hate him because he doesn’t remember people, saying he’s face blind. Ray Manzarek, keyboardist of The Doors died recently on May 20th and according to Rawdog, he was the cool one from the band. Philip Seymour Hoffman said he just got out of rehab for heroin and pills, he had been clean for 23 years, started doing drugs for a week or so and decided he better get his ass into rehab before he started to become a real life version of his character Scotty J from Boogie Nights. Adam Levine got in a little trouble when he was heard off camera saying, “I hate this country.” Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a girl, fully grown, in a band, and with an eating disorder – or so one might suspect.

The new interns came back in for their rendition of Amanda Bynes news. They were quizzed by the guys about the news and basically presented all news items related to her in the past several months. But enough about them, we’ll get to know them more some other time. Welp, too bad. I made the mistake of installing a new battery backup unit after this weekends tornados and it caused me to miss the remaining 30-45 minutes of the show. But whatever, you’ve got all the important and most of the unimportant details. Basically, all that isn’t in this recap is some final calls and some discussions that weren’t nearly as important as Rawdog slinging cream on 2 different chicks – at the same time! Also, I think I might have broken a rib or two late last week, so I’m all mad over here. Have yourself a good night and you stay classy EllisFam. Speaking of classy, here’s fucking Tupac with fucking Kiss.

tupac_with_kiss

Fuck you, I’m out!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/20/2012

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Who gets tired of titties?

Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!

While you were talking about celebrities…

Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.

Kill me now, or yourself. Either way.

Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/6/2012

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It’s Friday, it’s Good, and nobody gives a fuck – actually, Jesus might give a fuck, and several hundred million other people too, but not us. Am I right, or am I right? Seriously, answer that question below in the comments. Ellis got himself a bad motor scooter today, it’s an Aprilia, and according to Donald Schwartz, it’s better than a Ducati. Sounds like it was given to him by Donnie Schwitz, or more likely on loan to him.

As most everyone knows, Ellis is going to be signing copies of his book, but now he’s going to sign a few with whatever he feels like or is a good suggestion from fans. Then people that order a signed copy of the book have a chance at getting one of these “specially” signed copies of the book. I think the best of the bunch were: 1 book has the VIP number, 1 book has Rawdog’s number – and he shat bricks so in a trade to get that book off the market, he wrote down the names of the 2 other guys he jacked-off with in the same book with the VIP number! Check out the #BookSigning for more awesome suggestions.

Someone is giving enema’s to people, made of other peoples’ shit – you know, to cure some kind of bacterial something or another. Which is weird because I was always told that 2 shits don’t make a right. There was talk about old people driving, I think we all know what’s up with that – old people are dangerous drivers. Sometimes I think they’re more dangerous than a teen driving drunk.

The rest was jibber jabber about all sorts of little topics such as; Australia’s fucked up animals, Russia’s new anti-gay law, some chick supposedly misplacing her winning mega-millions ticket at a McDonald’s, some dude got drunk at a wedding reception and went around challenging everyone to a fight, Amanda Bynes getting arrested for DUI, some dude wanted to know how to meet women because he’s on the road a lot – apparently he hasn’t met your mother yet, and that major whore you call “mom” has perfected her latest sexual maneuver – called the minivan. OH!