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Show Re-cap For Monday 6/25/2012

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Wisconsin Hooters Representin’

It’s Monday and Ellis still doesn’t have his truck back from West Coast Customs, maybe because Xzibit is trying to put wolves in Ellis’ woofers. Probably not though. Ellis is still making nice with Covino and Rich, he got interviewed by the wife of one of them while he was in Miami judging the hooters of girls from Hooters. He’s also publicly apologizing to Bubba The Love Sponge, Opiddity & Anthony, and others, but has yet to apologize to our mothers for shitting their fish tanks. Rawdog helped analyze Ellis’ dream of flying over houses and banging pots and pans, and claims that his dream means he wants to find a woman to fuck. Sounds legit. Since Rawdog lost his bet this weekend after Clay Guida lost to Gray Maynard, he gets to eat and drink some healthy shit today. As you can imagine, Rawdog was struggling through his green kelp shake (or whatever it was) and salad with salmon on it. The really impressive part? When Rawdog asked, with all sincerity, if you eat salad with a fork or your hands. Amazing.

Where’s the love?

Speaking of the Guida vs Maynard fight, apparently Dana White is pretty pissed about how the fight went and how it was judged. Blah, blah, blah, Guida monkey, blah, blah, points, blah, blah, put on a show, blah, blah, blah, and then Franklin knocked out The Axe Murderer, blah, blah, and people left the fights early. Get all that? Good, let’s move on. There’s a chance for three more listeners to get in on a fight at Ellismania 8 for the good ole’ blindfolded dog shock collar fight, as long as their names aren’t @cogdeth or @Dutch_RDS. Mayhem came on the show today and brought with him Big Daddy Mayhem Cakes. I don’t know if anyone else has caught this feeling or if it’s just me, but it really does seem like ever since Mayhem retired, he’s changed a little bit and so to it seems like the relationship between he and Ellis has as well. I don’t know, maybe I’m just reading into things. But you can’t deny the recent “n-bomb” fiasco, the excuse of “not kid friendly image” for Mayhem to go to the Hooters contest, and then Ellis ignoring the invite to Mayhem’s pineapple pool party.

While Rawdog’s dad may not have been proud to know that salad is so foreign to his son that he has no idea if you eat it with a fork or your fingers, I had a proud moment while writing this re-cap and my daughter was sitting on the toilet peeing, singing Any Way You Want It by Journey. Do you ever wonder if your mom has ever been proud of you? I mean I’m sure she has been at some point, though probably not as proud as she was of herself for breaking the most anal cream-pies taken in one day world record that she just keeps shattering. OH!

Oh yes she did!

No Re-cap For Friday 6/22/2012

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Ellis flew to Miami today to go judge some way over-rated restaurant’s employees and their titties. That’s right, Hooters girls bikini competition is in full swing, or more like full wing! HA! Anyway, no show today, instead we got a “best of rock stars” show. Shout out to everyone that helped get #EllisFamPetPeeves trending! Also, shout out to your moms for giving out free blowies on a No Panty Day!

Rawdog wishes you a good nights sleep

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/19/2012

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Look how adorable Shaq is!

Guess what’s happening today? Ellis is fucking your mom’s face, he’s fucking your face, he’s fucking my face, he’s fucking everyone’s faces off – like a Clydesdale. Speaking of horses, Ellis wants a bald dog, he doesn’t think Andre the Giant is adorable, and he says anything over 6′ 6″ isn’t adorable. This is where I disagree and show you a picture of Shaq on horse, that is adorable – in an inhumane sort of way. Some homeless guy knocked on the window of THC’s Porsche, asking for money, and he almost got that last tooth in his head knocked the fuck out when he was trying to play tough homeless junky guy. That’s not a good way to ask for charity, getting your dirty bum hands on a dude’s Porsche and telling him to fuck off. But enough of impoverished people talk because it’s a real downer, it’s Rude Judesday. He gave a pair of undies to Ellis, which makes for an odd gift, but hey – we’re talking about Jude here. Last Friday, Jude took himself an ecstasy type pill and went to get a rub and tug by a tiny Asian with braces, then when next door to eat tacos – thereby creating the best two hours of his life.

I wanna be the Wolf Knives too!

Breaking news, Grant “No longer duckin'” Cobb is back in the musical chair fight, but by backing out originally, he gave up his belt and @Butterballs_EM6 is still the interim musical chair fight champion. There is also talk of a possible appearance by MMA Barney The Dinosaur (@ShaneCarwin) at Ellismania 8! But you know that shit ain’t gonna happen, Carwin’s a working man and is probably too busy. We got to hear Ellis busting out his acting chops in the major, made for TV movie “Zolar“, as well as some behind the scenes extras from the DVD. Shout out to @CobraTits for providing audio and video for all your curious Zolar viewing / listening pleasures. More peeps were called up into the Wolf Knives gang ranks, it’s getting pretty big like your mom’s ass, so if you’re getting in on that shit, you should probably get on it like your mom does on the homeless cock. Whoa! Two mom jokes in a sentence? Is that a record? Probably not. Oh well.

These girls were pretty funny.

Rawdog thinks there are female comedians that are just as funny as the top male comedians. Clearly that’s bullshit because chicks can’t make jokes while they’re bleeding from their stink box. Honestly, comedy has historically been dominated by males, but I think that’s changing about as much and/or as fast as it can. Yes, there are funny females in comedy, but I’m not sure that’s really even so much of a goal of females as it is for males. There are tons of different theories on why there aren’t more women in comedy. I don’t know. Maybe in the future it will be dominated by women. HAHAHAAA Fuck. I’m sorry, I can’t even keep a straight face saying that. How can I laugh at you while I’m trying to picture what you look like naked? It’s just not that easy, as opposed to your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 6/18/2012

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Hells to the fuckin’ yeah!

It’s Monday, everyone have a good weekend? Good, glad to hear it. Nobody really cares though, they’re all waiting for a sweet-ass re-cap from yours truly (that’s me). See how that shit works? Yea, me neither. N E WAY, WUDINIT SUCK IFA LITL GURL DID THE RECAPS? God, I’m sorry. It sounded funny in my head, but I can’t even type like that without my eye and asshole twitching. Let’s just get into the show and forget all that shit I just typed, m’kay? Dingo the doggie nutsack toucher was on the show today and revealed a couple of his farts that he recorded on his phone, they were weak in the pants. Good news guys with little dicks, you may not realize it, but you’re probably better off because at least your whole penis fits inside, rather than hitting the stop sign and only being half way in. But I’m sure dick issues don’t apply to any of you. More dick talk, specifically Ellis and his dick on the Internet and that’s about all the dick talk I’m comfortable writing about in a single re-cap.

Love ’em & leave ’em, Rawdog

Rawdog went out on his date over the weekend, and apparently it showed because the guys could see he had some sort of sore on his mouth. Turns out it probably isn’t the herps, but was more likely from the chick biting his lip. The odd thing is that he hadn’t ever noticed the sore until it was pointed out during the show. So they never did get a chance to eat mac-n-cheese or watch Arrested Development, and when asked if went to bed hungry, his response was, “I got to eat a little bit, you can read between the lines” and it was also revealed that he got his pee pee sucked on! Our little Man-Boy is growing up right before our ears, I think I can hear cheering in the distance. Tully took some drugs this weekend, his wife’s pain killers because he had a boo-boo or something, right when the pills were kicking in he heard his neighbor yelling “HELP ME! SOMEBODY, HELP ME!” so Tully dialed 911. Cops went over there and took someone out on a stretcher, alive, but that’s about all he knows. As you could imagine, that was enough to kill his buzz and so he went and did laundry.

Dude, am I a horrible fad?

Some chick that has been harassing Ellis to get with him said she was going to come over to see him and he ended up getting stood up. But that seemed to be a good thing, because they traded saucy pictures and apparently she has a big-ole clithood and it’s being questioned if he actually knows this chick. It might be the girlfriend of a really good friend of his, but it also goes to show that he doesn’t know this chick very well at all. Sounds like a case of… Risky Business. YEEAAAAHH! During the “Dude Am I Slut?” segment, the one that stuck out the most was this chick that had picked up a guy at a bar and had sex for 36 hours. She carries around a bag full of sex toys, she squirts so hard it pushes cocks out of her vag, and claims she came around over two-hundred times. She had quite a few stories about all her fucking and sucking habits, toys, etc. and in the end admitted that it was all fake, she called in because the guys were bored. Even though the story was fake, I have to give her props for making up such a wild story that included pissing a dude’s cock out of her snatch. This story may have been fake, but this question isn’t… What’s the difference between your mom and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods. OH!

And that’s a wrap!

Show Re-cap For Friday 6/15/2012

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Sometimes it’s the innocent looking ones you need to watch out for

I apologize in advance for what I’m about to do to you. Kickin’ it in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday – Gotta get down on Friday! Okay, that’s far enough. It’s out of my system and will never come back to haunt you. Who will be taking Andy “Stay Duckin'” Bell’s place to fight Ellis? Gabe Ruediger (@GabeRuediger) will be, that’s who. This will be the third UFC fighter Ellis has gone up against and he says instead of just trying to survive like with the previous two UFC fighters he’s fought, he’ll be going for the win. Ellis is going to Miami next week, or two weeks from now, something like that. He’s going to be a judge at some Hooter’s Girls bikini contest, and I think he’s also going to try and party with Dexter. Ellis left the show for a few minutes to go take a shit and live tweeted, while taking said shit. Rawdog is going out on another date with the same chick he was recently making out with at the bar. She suggested go out dancing or stay home, eat mac-n-cheese, and watch Arrested Development. That sounds like she’s up for wearing shorts with no panties, sitting on the couch, and getting finger banged while Tobias Fünke wears the same short shorts as her.

I’m high as fuck man

Hey, some chick ate squid cum and had some squid babies all up in her mouth, yo. Yummy! If you eat seafood and/or sushi, you’ve probably eaten some cum too – or if you’re an asshole to your waiter, I guess there’s a good chance you’ve eaten sperm as well. Cumtard stopped by the show to get his mouthpiece for his fight at Ellismania and trash talk @shit_toboggan, which probably is only gonna make it hurt worse when he gets his ass handed to him. Speaking dicks (*cough*Cumtard*), you ever get nervous dick when you’re getting ready to bang a chick? That’s your body telling you to be weary, maybe she’s a massive hose beast, has STDs, or maybe you’re just a homosexual and with the wrong partner, I don’t know, I’m just sayin’. @FonzoBlunt showed up as well, he too had to get his mouthpiece all set – as you may have guessed, he was allegedly higher than bird pussy.

When I’m not busy being awesome, I’m busy being fucking kick ass

In “Women, am I right?” news, a fifteen year-old girl was unaware that the seventeen year-old boy that she met online and banged, was actually a twenty-four year-old woman. The old sea hag fucked her with a fake dick, through her zipper. Fuckin’ wang chung tonight! Some chick from my neck of the woods got caught shoplifting at a Walmart or some shit, they locked her in the bathroom until the cops got there, and by the time they did, she was up in that shit cooking up some meth. There was a ton more of stupid bitches and their stupid bitch stories, but I couldn’t possibly list them all. Ellis’ demeanor on the show changed in a heartbeat, he felt the show was “gay” and he wasn’t liking it. It’s supposed to be who gives a fuck Friday, but it seemed like he started giving a fuck immediately – it happened when he got a text about skrilla. THC called in to try and cheer up Ellis, he’s such a fucking cool dude, and he seems like he really cares. Props to that guy for being an awesome feller!

Your mom/dad is moist

Kids now-a-days, and around Rawdog’s age, don’t know what metal really is because they only got to experience bands like System of a Down and the like. One thing that bothered me about awards and all that shit back in the 80’s was they would put bands like Poison in a “best new metal” or “heavy metal” category. That’s just pure D bullshit, I remember thinking, “why the fuck isn’t Metallica or Slayer in there? Now that’s metal, not fucking Def Leppard!” Anyway, whatever, too bad for you youngin’s that get shit music these days. That about covers it for this re-cap, Happy Father’s Day to all you good dads out there, I hope you all have a great weekend and get a blowjob! You know your dad’s getting one, sure it’s from that stupid bitch with a bulbous baboon ass you call a mother, but at least she gobbles up the cock like a champion. OH!