Show Recap for Friday 8/8/2014

Disclaimer, I have been drinking all day and now refuse to use spell check so fuck you all. Enjou.

Ellis is giving up his hair battle and is just goin to go with his chrome fome and say fuc the fuzz. But no matte rwhat the hair situation is he saw Steven Tyler in som hoity toity furniture shop and said hi. Steven didnt recognize or remember him but still tired to get inot10593167_10202819847921980_7699789615471057597_n Katies pants like a trooper. Speaking of Steven Tylwer my buddy Tom Fine saw him also and Stenven bought a kite from his shop on Redondo Peier so shout out to your awesome bearded ass! Danity Cane broke up whoever the fuck they were. And in my notes I wrote Future ideas so that can only mean one thing, ideas in the future. Ellis thinks Cullen should take the channel because he pretty much does it anyway, there should be a girl DJ and lift weights so it sounds like she is taking a punding in the ol cock socket, and dick punch karaoke. Enough said.image (3)

White dudes in jail are racist or they’re taking dicks and braiding corn rows. Again, enough said. Some secret agent prison anti gay rape guard called in and said that it doeant happen often does happen often but when it does it’s a six dude ass tearing gang bang. ANd in the nature of the conversation  some 19 year old might go to prison for selling pot brownies. Sucks to be his butthole. I suggest he start learing to train his gag reflex to avoid serious anal trauma.Loser

After speakng of unwanteed butt sex and listening to music we heard Jetta, and Hotdog, and whoever the fuck else did it sing karaoke to Bon Jovi. It sucked but the got hit in the nuts so it was funny. nut shots are always funny, ALWAYS. After the hilarity of shots to the balls we hward some Wolfkine names. I dont remember them all so shout out to your annonomous asses. But not all is lost, in my notes i worte, “Whale penis video.” She says penis 8 times by the way.

Danity Cane singer Aubrey O’Day had some sort of statement abput the band but I stil dont know whot the fuck they are so fuck that fuckn shit. Christian came into the studio ath this pint and talked with the chaps about KISS Crüe football, richie sambora, and the greatest girl guitar player which really doesnt matter because the greatest gutiar playing girl stil isnt better than that dude in the mariachi band at your favorite mexican resturant. But what he’s really here for is to listen to new heavy metal music! We listened to Wolf, Death Angel, Carcass, Accept, Ghost BC, Dirty Tampon, Anal Seapage, Fetus Jesus, The Jack Rollers, Yer Mums Dildo, G-String Maxi Pads, The Oxycotton Johns, bitPimps and the No You Are’s, and finally, Slipknot who single handedly rocked the faces off everybody with their new single… ummm, I dont remember, Google that shit. But most of all, remember, love is a way of feeling.

A New Jersey man was arrested after four robberies netting $4. Dumbass. and speaking of dumbasses, welcome to You Sir Are A Moron. Her are the questions that the guys were asked, If you are offered the position of president would you take it? If every God of every image (4)religion fought who would win? Would you rather spend the rest of your like lookin like you’re 80 or 12? If you had to rob a bank who would your celebrity gang be? Who in your contacts would you least want to send a pic of your boner too? Under what circumstances would you adopt a child? What is the most likely corporation is most likely to take over the world? Would you rather have an ugly scar across your face or lose 15 IQ points?
And then my app crapped out so you sir, SiriusXM Mobile App, are a moron. Luckinly becore I posted this my secret admirer bitPims pisted someting that i can make you look at like a 13 year old boy in the girls locker room. actually you can listen to it like when you were little and you could still hear your parents bumping uglies in the other room. And I do mean uglies, yer mum has such an ugly vagina that faces of death featured it for an entire month, OH! So did deli meats daily, DOUBLE OH!

Show Recap for Friday 8/1/2014

We started the show off on a rather odd foot. Ellis seemed a bit down and not in the right frame of mind. But Jude was with him. Why you ask? Well because he was being all dave-chappelle-white-faceprofessional and shit by preparing questions for a new game that he’s hosting. What game? Why it’s the Whitest Guy On The Show game! After listening to Ellis talk about the surf movie party where he talked to three guys from way back the entire time, the game finally started. After answering a series of questions like “Have you ever gone to camp?” “Do you use a washcloth?” “How were you disciplined as a child?” and “Do you own a tent?” We found out that the whitest guy in the studio is Kevin after telling a story about fondling another boys willy at summer camp. The others followed with Jetta, Ellis, Tully, and Will and Hotdog tied for the least whitest.

There’s a Berlin hotel that has windows in the bathroom because windows are fancy in Berlin I guess. But they “accidentally” installed them where people can see guests making doodie. This really isn’t helping the whole Germany shit fetish stereotypes. Ellis and Tully talked about weekend plans. Ellis has the kids for a little bit but then they’re bouncing to article-berlin1-0731Catalinawith their mom, Mike Super Dad Tully is rolling solo with Linsanity with a weekend full of cars, playgrounds, snacks, and other shit little kids find awesome. Tully heard that they chum the waters off Catalina Island to keep sharks from the main beaches and this got Ellis talking about sharks. He talked about if sharks do or don’t like the taste of people, and a whole bunch of other false information that just irritates me. I would tell him to go read a few books before spouting off about shit he knows nothing about but let’s not forget who we’re allying about here. And for the record, no sharks do not prefer the taste of people, unfortunately the only way to find out is to taste us, and that hurts. At this point Ellis was getting his panties in a bunch and didn’t want to be on the show so they kinda played the Guess The Lyrics game, but shortly into it he decided to put on an old moto race from March. After the incredibly riveting radio they played more of the lyrics game.

After the break they watched more moto, talked about short attention spans or some shit, and a listener named Michael sent an email of why you shouldn’t be a Highlander. Basically when the earth blows up you will be radiated to death over and over for eternity. What’s will doing this weekend, he will be moisturizing. And maybe killing people. After interrogating Will, Jetta acted like a lady on the voice alteacation machine while Hotdog seduced her. They pretty much just talked about horse cocks and shit play. I’d write more about this segment but with the current state of enthusiasm in the studio I could give a shit on this end too. But wait there’s more!gogif12

The final hour of the show was a fucking masterpiece! Jetta doesn’t know shit about classic rock so what would be better than classic rock karaoke featuring rock superstar Jetta! For the first few songs he got a lyric sheet and just had to manage to sing the song right but after nailing a few he had to make up own lyrics, and this is where the magic began. My personal favorite was his rendition of Kick Start My Heart. Thankfully the Tupac Cobra of NYA, bitPimps, recorded them all for your listening pleasure. Trust me, listen to them all and I guarantee yer mum won’t be the only one throwing her skid marked undies at the radio, OH!jetta_crue

Here comes somethin comin down the street with a lightnin boldt over my shoulder

Drivin my car drivin real fast and I’m gonn break the law

Tryin to buy coke on the street but I can’t find a person to sell it to me

Do I look shady do I look like a cop don’t mind the moust-ah-asche

I’m lookin for drugs can anyone help me oh yeah

Lookin for drugs

someone help me out I’m lookin for drugs

I want to get high right now someone please help me

I’m really low and I’m really depressed so

Maybe get drugs and high as somethin

Sittin back home still not high-igh

My old lady don’t want to give me the pie-eye

you know what I mean by that she wouldn’t let me in crack

All I want to do is get (????????) but I’m sleepin on the couch

the couch, the couch, yeah

 

jetta-acdc

 

Show Recap for Friday 7/25/2014

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Unless you die after reading this, then it’s your last day. Thank you for spending it reading this nonsense. Ellis is still doing pirate radio because he hasn’t signed his new contract yet. This also means that he can bail out early today and start his weekend at Palm Springs early. If you don’t live in Cali then your

These recaps are so good, so so good, oh yeah

These recaps are so good, so so good, oh yeah

probably not familiar with the California rich people lane, it’s this special lane that you have to pay to drive in but nobody knows how. It probably has something to do with Scientology. The guys talked a lot about inhuman looking celebrities like Robert Downey Jr, The Rock, David Lee Roth, Tony Hawk, and bitPimps. After describing how all these people wouldn’t fit in at a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Saturday night after shopping at Walmart they got into UFC bets. I’m not too sure who all they bet on but if you want up to date MMA news I suggest you check in with NYA’s new UFC correspondent Shantanee. I should probably tell her that she’s now apart of the crew, my bad. Russia lost a geko sex satellite so if you were wondering how the Russian space sciences are going, they’re letting animals fuck in space. Russian science kicks ass. Speaking of kicking ass, what if you had to fight Rhonda Rousey? I’ll tell you what I would do, first I’d break her fists with my face, then I’d wear her out with multiple punches to my torso, and when I have her right where I want her, I’d poop myself and curl into the fetal position. It is my undefeatable self defense strategy.

In Aussie News more Aussies are pissing in their mouths, get it up in ya mates. KarateTard brought in chopping wood he got from “the hardware store.” I’m pretty sure I imagecan’t say The Home Depot for some legal reason. Kevin, Jetta, and Hotdog broke boards like board breaking karate champions and then for the final display of fighting mastery Kevin broke three boards at once and thusly proving himself a karate champion. So not if any 12x12x1 pine boards try to take over the studio we know who will be there to protect us all! We heard a new game today. It was a game where we had to guess if it was a tweet from one of the Smith kids or a quote from Charles Manson. It was an entertaining game and in the end we learned that one day the Smith kids will kill many people and get swastikas tattooed on their foreheads.

image

There is no way to defeat the Hundy defense.

In Ohio two guys got harassed by police for mentioning Nickelback, which proves that even in Ohio being a fan of Nickelback is an offense. Marky Mark came in to debut the new Wolfknife necklace because rings were too hard to launch because apparently people have different sized fingers. Imagine that. After Mark explained how he makes kick ass shit for really rich people and may or may not know mafia people, Christian brought us more stripped vocals. They were awesome, if you didn’t hear them you should have and now image (1)need to punch yourself in the taint for missing it. Here are the artists he brought us. The Beach Boys, Bruce Springsteen, Johnny Cash, Chumbawamba, Ozzy, Whitesnake, Alice In Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, bitPimps, and of course we can’t forget Freddie Mercury. Mainly because Christian won’t let us. Also in the middle of all that Jetta had to spin the wheel of doom and got the Electric Jesus and had to kiss Will. Will acted like he didn’t like it but his eyebrows, ummm, said differently?

A Guy visiting a Brazilian jail was caught with two phones, two batteries, pliars, nails, some puzzle pieces, a 63 Chevy Nova, to Picassos, a Sugar Glider, and bitPimps hidden inside his butthole. The show was interrupted with some Breaking News, Kit Cope isn’t pleased with Jason’s criticism of Kits performance of The National Anthem. Who would have guessed that Ellis didn’t think that the angelic voice of an MMA fighter would compare to the vocals of other top performers like Nick Diaz or Michael Bisping. Towards the end of the show we learned that Ellis doesn’t like being told what to do. And if you are a new listener, he also doesn’t like bee stings, dying, or assholes on the road. But the one thing he likes is yer mum, twice, while I wrote this, OH!

ZlOdAWl

Show Recap for Friday 7/18/2014

It’s Friday, the last day of the week. Like the last turd just hangin off your butthole, waiting for it to drop so you can get the party started, but be patient, if you wipe too soon then you’ll just have shit all over your back. And only losers have shit on their back and you’re not a loser. The guys kicked off the show talking about getting a proper shave and warm towels and other wonderful sounding things I will never get to experience because I’m apart of the unfortunate group that can only grow enough facial hair to be considered “molesty” and “rapey.” Mike Jasper is visiting today. He’s skinnier than Mary-Kate Olsen with AIDS, not because he caught the HIV but because he has weigh ins for a Muy Thai fight today. Then after weigh ins he’s gonna go tear up the Sizzler. They reminisced and Mrbean (3)spoke of a number of topics like national economics, social morality, geographic differences and the dynamics of cultures, and punching people in de face. They talked a lot about people punching people in de face, mainly in regards to alien Dana White and his UFC entertainment juggernaut. Then they talked way too much about being in style and having a stylist. A rather large leap from face punching. But then Will interrupted with Breaking MMA News, Gina Carrano will face Rhonda Rousey in December. This will be a massive battle of women with vaginas and will undoubtedly become a legendary tale among the gods in Valhalla.

Have you ever heard of Kickstarter? It’s a pretty fucking dumb idea where dumb fuckers come up with dumb fucking ideas and then other dumb fuckers give money to help develop their dumb fucking ideas. Here’s a few of those dumb fucking ideas, a dude wants to develop a key fob that links to your phone to help you bail from a shitty situation, invisible panties are pretty much a piece of duct tape to hide your beef curtains, a watch with a

Wanna see my little pony?

Wanna see my little pony?

downloadable and customizable face (it’s the most successful Kickstarter raising ten million dollars), a virtual world where you can date fellow My Little Pony enthusiasts, Spike Lee tried to raise 1.5 million to make a vampire movie, James Franko wants 750K to make a movie about stories he wrote about himself but nobody gave a shit. How strong is Hotdog The Intern? He’s got knees of steel that defeat even the cummiest of tards and arms like trees that cannot be bent by even the strongest of Beans! He might literally be the second strongest man in the studio right now, third if Jasper is still there.

Back from the break we finally got to listen to the long awaited burnout clip that we’ve all been chomping at the bit to hear for the last two days. It sucked. But what doesn’t suck is Christian Hand and his wonderful gifts of music. And today’s gift is music from celebrities that should never have been allowed to step into the studio. Some of these ear raping “artists” are, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paris Hilton, Eddie Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Bruce Willis, David Hasselhoff, Mr T, Kim Kardashian, and that’s all I got. My player skipped and the last thing I could go back to was Mastadon so I thank you iPhone. You have saved my ears once again. I was going to add a bunch of links but you don’t want to see any of this train wreck. Some things in the Internet are best left to die.

A dude gave his wife a spreadsheet of all the times he asked her for sex and all the excuses she gave for why not. He should have then given her a list of why his girlfriend is way better, and hotter, and younger, and fucks like a rabbit on Viagra. Speaking of fucking photomachines, the big gay friend of The Jason Ellis Show, Frank DeCaro came by. What better to do with Frank than hit the punch pad and other manly type shit like knee strikes, spitting, bare chested titty slaps, and accusations of self felating. And just as they were talking about being able to eat your own ass my player crapped out on me once again. Pun fully intended so laugh damnit. If you could eat out your own ass you know you would, I know yer mum would, she’s already trying her best to eat out everyone else’s ass so why not add her own to the long, long, long list of all the poopers she’s puckered up to, OH!

 

Show Re-Cap For Friday 7/11/2014

Ever get the feeling that you’re not being told the truth? Well I hate to burst your bubble but everybody lies. Your mom lies, your boss lies, everybody lies. Except NYA and doctors, we tell you how it is straight up, unless you’re a hypochondriac, then we’re gonna lie our asses off to you just so your crazy ass leaves. Tully’s cat has AIDS, it’s cat AIDS not

Lack of kitty condoms is the leading cause of Feline AIDS. Thant and their love of kitty anal.

Lack of kitty condoms is the leading cause of Feline AIDS. Thant and their love of kitty anal.

people AIDS so I guess that’s not as bad. Maybe now he’ll wrap his little kitty schlong before trying to stick it in all the loose pussy out in the streets. It’s Tully’s birthday tomorrow/today/yesterday, depending on when I finally get this posted. For his birthday he got a pack of Doritos, a bottle of Johnny Walker Platinum and black, and a blow-job machine. Kevin tried the blow-job machine out for Tully and crammed his limp noodle dick into it while watching ass gape porn and said he could see how this could be awesome of he was hard. My only question was how could he not be hard with all those giant holes up on the screen, ohhh yeahhhh, ssssssss, just like that, look in de hole, mmmmm yeah.

They talked a whole lot about Jetta’s unintimidating beard but I wasn’t able to hear enough to tell you why it’s unintimidating but some how they decided that if a guy can’t grow a legit beard in three months then he can’t grow a real beard.

Grow a beard and buy a life jacket so you don't drown in all the pussy.

Grow a beard and buy a life jacket so you don’t drown in all the pussy.

In Aussie News, Aussies don’t give a fuck about Robin Thicke. During the break the guys hired a male stripper to dance for Tully but apparently this dude was high as balls and refused to swing his meat in front of the birthday boy. We have audio of the hired dong disaster. Christian came in with the new music of the month and some of it was really awesome (Mastadon) and some of it was really really bad (J Lo). And then there was Pantera live at some English concert remastered on vinyl. Christian wasn’t able to play any clips because there’s no turn table in the studio but they did play a YouTube video of the concert and it just shows how Pantera was THE most kick ass metal band to ever walk out on stage. Some may argue but they can just walk on home boy.

In Pot News Berkeley stores now have to give out 2% of their total sales to the poor and “homeless” for free. Moronissey stopped in to wish Tully a happy birthday and sang him a little song. After this massive superstar left they did an impersonation contest, much the same as Stupid Tits used to do, and soon it turned into Hotdog and Jetta impersonating someone as they act out the scenario of having their asshole sewn together so they can poop into each other. This was hilarious but not as funny as the first time I heard someone request to be pooped into, at least it was funny until I realized that yer mum was serious, OH!