It’s Friday, the last day of the week. Like the last turd just hangin off your butthole, waiting for it to drop so you can get the party started, but be patient, if you wipe too soon then you’ll just have shit all over your back. And only losers have shit on their back and you’re not a loser. The guys kicked off the show talking about getting a proper shave and warm towels and other wonderful sounding things I will never get to experience because I’m apart of the unfortunate group that can only grow enough facial hair to be considered “molesty” and “rapey.” Mike Jasper is visiting today. He’s skinnier than Mary-Kate Olsen with AIDS, not because he caught the HIV but because he has weigh ins for a Muy Thai fight today. Then after weigh ins he’s gonna go tear up the Sizzler. They reminisced and spoke of a number of topics like national economics, social morality, geographic differences and the dynamics of cultures, and punching people in de face. They talked a lot about people punching people in de face, mainly in regards to alien Dana White and his UFC entertainment juggernaut. Then they talked way too much about being in style and having a stylist. A rather large leap from face punching. But then Will interrupted with Breaking MMA News, Gina Carrano will face Rhonda Rousey in December. This will be a massive battle of women with vaginas and will undoubtedly become a legendary tale among the gods in Valhalla.
Have you ever heard of Kickstarter? It’s a pretty fucking dumb idea where dumb fuckers come up with dumb fucking ideas and then other dumb fuckers give money to help develop their dumb fucking ideas. Here’s a few of those dumb fucking ideas, a dude wants to develop a key fob that links to your phone to help you bail from a shitty situation, invisible panties are pretty much a piece of duct tape to hide your beef curtains, a watch with a
downloadable and customizable face (it’s the most successful Kickstarter raising ten million dollars), a virtual world where you can date fellow My Little Pony enthusiasts, Spike Lee tried to raise 1.5 million to make a vampire movie, James Franko wants 750K to make a movie about stories he wrote about himself but nobody gave a shit. How strong is Hotdog The Intern? He’s got knees of steel that defeat even the cummiest of tards and arms like trees that cannot be bent by even the strongest of Beans! He might literally be the second strongest man in the studio right now, third if Jasper is still there.
Back from the break we finally got to listen to the long awaited burnout clip that we’ve all been chomping at the bit to hear for the last two days. It sucked. But what doesn’t suck is Christian Hand and his wonderful gifts of music. And today’s gift is music from celebrities that should never have been allowed to step into the studio. Some of these ear raping “artists” are, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paris Hilton, Eddie Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Bruce Willis, David Hasselhoff, Mr T, Kim Kardashian, and that’s all I got. My player skipped and the last thing I could go back to was Mastadon so I thank you iPhone. You have saved my ears once again. I was going to add a bunch of links but you don’t want to see any of this train wreck. Some things in the Internet are best left to die.
A dude gave his wife a spreadsheet of all the times he asked her for sex and all the excuses she gave for why not. He should have then given her a list of why his girlfriend is way better, and hotter, and younger, and fucks like a rabbit on Viagra. Speaking of fucking machines, the big gay friend of The Jason Ellis Show, Frank DeCaro came by. What better to do with Frank than hit the punch pad and other manly type shit like knee strikes, spitting, bare chested titty slaps, and accusations of self felating. And just as they were talking about being able to eat your own ass my player crapped out on me once again. Pun fully intended so laugh damnit. If you could eat out your own ass you know you would, I know yer mum would, she’s already trying her best to eat out everyone else’s ass so why not add her own to the long, long, long list of all the poopers she’s puckered up to, OH!