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Show Re-cap For Monday 10/8/2012

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Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Shhh don’t tell them it’s really Columbus Day, silly Canooks. The Jason Ellis Columbus Day Memorial show began with Dingo in the studio. Nothing says America like two sick cunts from Australia. Ellis started off talking about the movie Money Ball with Dingos bestie, Jonah Hill. Okay, maybe not besties, but they would probably jack each other off if they were trapped in an elevator for a couple hours and got really bored. Ellis’s birthday is coming up and he is going to have it a strip club, he didn’t specify the exact club but it’s probably at Crazy Horse, Paris, France, Body Shop, Marble Arch, Tropicana’s where I lost my heart GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. Whoa, sorry, got trapped in Crue World for a second there. Where was I, oh yeah, something about old balls in the gym getting blow dried while Blasko meat gazes, but it’s not gay unless you say “What the

And she said she couldn’t have an orgasm!

fuck homie!” I’m not sure when exactly Blasko entered the Swinghouse but none the less it was one hell of an entrance. Ellis went to the Tony Hawk Foundation Benefit Something Something and saw a bunch of celebrities and otherwise awesome dudes. One of those was Dana White whom Ellis spoke with for a bit and they both had a good laugh over Gay Breudiger’s Ellismaina facial reconstruction. Do you want to know how to spike up your sex life? Just as Rawdog, all you have to do is get your girl a vibrator for her birthday and dress as a firefighter. That gets all the chicks all hot and bothered!

Unsigned Bands with Blasko was a huge success, or tragic failure, depending on if you are one of the unsigned bands or not. I took the liberty of quickly briefing my opinion of each band for you. Cuddle Crew started us off and was hilarious with their song ABS (Ass Balls Shaft), Mullet Corpse sounded like cookie monster leading a troop of Marines in the middle of an insurgent attack, Crusty Mustache reminded me of the stoner bums  that hang outside of Cheeba Hut, Not All There was like if NOFX, Bad Religion, and The Offspring took a collective dump and that dump fell on a guitar, The Kynd it was a small sample but Blasko summed it up perfectly with “pure shit”, Nonstop sounded like Dave Mustaine on Redbull and crack but it wasn’t  bad, Kill Everyone a few words to describe it, sucks-corn, shit-corn, makes me wanna punch his mum in the box-corn, Shadowstalk is probably the best thing out of Canada since…I got nothing. But they’re video is on Youtube featuring Talyn Stone, your welcome, George Heywood reminded my of The Pain of Time acoustic version, Wolfknife member, Scream Stoner sounded cool but we never got to the lyrics, AMoss was a rapper but my opinion doesn’t count because I’m a white dude in the suburbs, and Super Stone sounded like he should be an opener for a Skynnard tribute band. The overall best was Shadowstalk or Cuddle Crew, both were winners in our hearts. To submit your unsigned band email Ellisparodies@gmail.com.

Magicians are gay for example, Chris Angel & David Blane. But they are gay because they

Magics not gay, only Magicians are gay.

think that they really know magic and can do magical things. Penn and Teller are awesome because they know that it’s all tricks and plus they’re not fucktarded. A excape artist, Mike Scarpino, called in and told the guys about his “escape from a plastic bag” trick. Sounds lame until you actually watch his amazing abilities. Branden won the Big Fucking Mega Boat and after Michael “Danger Balls” Tully read it, I still had no fucking clue what it was about. The Reverse Awards are still being tallied so remember, vote now and  vote often. MMA News the worst roomie ever convicted for eating shrooms and then eating some face. Its an old story so if you don’t remember it then your shot out of luck. Our little Bush Baby is finally single again, so ladies you better shave those legs and douche that cooch because the Tussin Wolf is back on the prowl! Rawdog and his girl got in fight over dinner because he wanted to grab a quick bite and then hand with Cum Tard and she got all PMSy and started bitching, but The Bangar stood  his ground. All in all he said that there was too much drama in the relationship. Oh, she also wanted Rawdog to rawdog her non pill poppin puss so that she can get her grasp on the Richmond fortune tied up in the legendary trust fund, allegedly. The biggest bummer of this break up is that we won’t get to hear Jude do his impression of her and I don’t know what to do with these churros and McNuggets I got them for their anniversary. Final calls sucked, like usual. One of these times I would like to be surprised with at least 3 callers with something interesting to say.  Speaking of surprises, I found the football that you lost when you were a kid, yer mum was using it as a filler for her massive cavernous vagina, OH!

 

The Musical Mind of Mike Tully, interviewed by Nate Phillips

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I’d like to thank Michael Tully for doing an interview with me – Nate Phillips (@DraXsiS_Rocker)

We know you are a guitarist but was that your first instrument?
Guitar is my first and (other than some half-assed drumming) my only. I broke my shoulder playing football when I was 12, then asked for a guitar for Christmas.

What album(s) influenced you the most to become a guitarist?
Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue, which also ended being the first song my guitar instructor taught me.

You grew up in an era of music where guitar was always the faster the better (in the undergroud scene)Did that deter you at all from wanting to play?
I tried to play fast. I really liked – and still like – Steve Vai, Eric Johnson, and Nuno Bettencourt. But I hit the wall pretty quickly. That’s the major reason I started writing music – so that I could have some songs I was able to play. Continue reading →

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/2/2012

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Hello my friends and thank you for joining me again. Ever wonder what God’s dick looks like? Me neither until Jason started talking about it today. What ever it looks like I’m sure it is shiny and can change shapes and sizes, you know, for her pleasure. Lightning Train got into an accident today. He’s okay and it wasn’t his fault, it was the woman’s fault. I’m not being sexist and blaming her because she is a woman, I’m blaming her because she is a woman and statistics show its her fault. Jason, Josh, and Will all have been in recent accidents caused by women, that is a lot of vagina wrecking cars. Rawdog explained his accident in detail where he described his reaction as being in “Matrix bullet time” which means he curled up in the fetal position and probably peed himself a little. Exciting news for the up and coming EllisMania 9, Travis Pastrana and Dave Mirra are going to fight each other! Both have told Ellis to hold them to this no matter what and I think that this is a fight that we all can count on. Street Bike Tommy wants to fight also and Andy Bell is offering to take his official position as the Card Girl. Fitting after he bitched out of the last fight. Baby, who doesn’t go to Vegas because his wife is having a baby?

Rude Jude was in today and was sporting a sick ass shirt according to Ellis. They talked about underwater boxing, surfer dick heads, helping the next generation skaters, a flying jet ski something or other, and Rawdog’s girlfriend. Everyone thinks that she should come in but the Dog doesn’t think that’s a good idea. What could go wrong, its just a little social gathering among friends, right? Maybe she really likes Gorgonzola Sauce on Pasta, maybe she likes watching hoarders, maybe she needs to be put into place. Which is what the guys brought up next, giving Josh relationship advise like foreplay is not always necessary and that he needs to show her who’s the boss!

A gym teacher is suing because a little shit head kicked his knee and the dude can’t whoop the little fucker to put his scrawny ass in place because of these “child abuse” laws. Maybe he needs counseling, maybe he needs to be scared straight, maybe his parents need a swift kick in the ass. There’s a lot of old people in government and soon those dudes will die and then a newer and fresher group of old dudes will be there that will be slightly cooler than the last. Uncle Mayhem is texting the boys and he “loves them more than vinyl!” Over and over and over again.

Kelly Shibari (@KellyShibari) came into the studio today. She is a porn star, but she isn’t the typical porn girl that most would think of. She is a plus size girl and gets tied up and all kinds of crazy shit. She likes her fans and has even done some scenes with a few. She likes oral, choking, face fucking, Rammstein, spring mornings, camp fires, and merkins. You can find her at (insert social media page)KellyShibari and at paddedkink.com.

hahahahahaha, I still cant stop giggling at this!

If you were wondering what scientists were doing with all that research money they get, well breaking news, they’re digging a fucking hole to see whats at the bottom. Final calls were brief, for me at least, my player fucked up and when I returned Tony’s show was on, but this is how I imagined they went. “Hey I want to ask Ellis something” “Hey what hello am I on the air/” “Lets go Marlins” “Fuck Tully” “Is it supposed to burn when I pee?” There was no New Music Tuesday also, and this made me happier than yer mum with a bag of dicks and a bucket of Vaseline, OH!

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Erika Ashley (@Erika_Ash)

  1. Where do you live? Scottsdale, Arizona
  2. What is your occupation? I’ve had a job in almost every industry, right now I am a bartender and server
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I try to love life and take every opportunity handed to me because I never know if it will present itself again. I work hard and play hard. I love the Ellisfam and the amazing people I have been lucky enough to meet through it. The opportunities I’ve had from the Jason Ellis show have been a blessing and my life would not be the same with out them.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? since ’07 or ’08. I was at Ellismania 3 in fortunes gym where the max capacity was 50 people. So amazing to see how far the guys have come.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Scott Green convinced me to listen once BTLS signed his BS contract. I was  hooked from the that show on.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? Several things. That way I know what is going on at each Ellismania and to keep up on the fam, the crazy antics, and I love that everyone from the show gives their real life experiences and struggles, that makes it so relatable and a sense of not being so alone in any one bumpy road in life.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted your life in any way? How? The show has given me amazing opportunities and experiences and has given me friends I wouldn’t trade the world for.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I hope to have at least one more “hot chick” fight for the hall of fame Ellismania! Harden the fuck up and red dragons! We are Ellisfam for life! xoxo

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/27/2012

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Welcome to a LIVE Thursday show, brought to you by Pressed Juicery and all their juicy goodness. Apparently some construction dudes accidentally cut the string that connected the two cans between the Swinghouse and New York causing the last two days to be without live shows. Rawdog came in with a new style that he ripped off from Tully but even with the new digs, he’s still not going to race Tiger in a simple bicycle course. The Lightning Train was late today, because of school or some stupid shit. He revealed that he too has kidney stoned and he probably got them from sharing the same drinking fountain

No Bacon shortage around here!

as Rawdizzle. He’s also diabetic and eats like shit 3 out of 7 days, so don’t get too attached to him. Lin Sanity fell out of bed and landed on his 90 percentile melon, but he’s okay. This led to the discussion of kids getting hurt and stitches and breaking bones and shit. I’m a dad and I know from experience, the dents in their head pop back out over time, and if not, just keep that part of their hair a little long. Oh yeah, there’s a bacon shortage, sorry fatty.

If your a Japanese billionaire with a lesbian daughter what do you do? Answer, give a reward to any dude that can get her to marry him. She is looking for a guy with a great sense of humor, loves the outdoors, likes sushi, and has a vagina. Ellis is having a Big Fucking Mega Party at his new house and your invited. Wait, nope sorry, wrong list. He was asking for ideas for things to have at this said party that you won’t be at and most of them sounded pretty awesome. Most of them. Other people should learn to punch themselves in the dick hard enough to prevent any procreation. Ellis suggested that Josh break up with his dominatrix and go stag to the party so he can get some stank on his hang low from some grade A poon. He declined, isn’t that cute. If you are one of the lucky few that get to go to the party, remember party rule #1, don’t put your dick in the chocolate fountain, EVER! This goes for any party.

Someday robots will drive us around so that we can do more important stuff like email or work or jack off while searching midget mermaids on Google. 50 Cent doesn’t want you to masturbate, because the bible said so. But I go to the Church of Hayden and according to Father Tully the 11th commandment says “Thou shalt jack thy dick like thee owes thy money.” Slash wants Jason to go to some show that he is doing because he “adores” Jason. How cute, bromeos. Dude is it gay? FUCK NO, its Slash, you’d jack his dick just out of respect let alone go to a show by request. A bunch of people said that the show went off air and those people were probably really stoked about that because right after they started New Music Tuesday, on Thursday. To my surprise it was mostly good. Rawdiggity played the new A7X, Black Label Society, Dokken, and his pick of the week, some shit by Dead Mouse. Fuck you I know that’s not how its supposed to be spelled but the dude makes the same music I did when I was 6 on my toy keytar, so fuck you. And in case you missed it because you couldn’t listen to the entire show, the new Death!Death!Die! song, Big Fucking Mega Boat, was debut today. Thanks again to Cobra Tits for having a clip of that for us to hear.

Don’t touch your pee pee yo!

The phones started working again just in time for Final Calls, and right at the beginning Jason’s old Australian buddy, Greg, gave us a bit of radio gold with a Gregtallica voice mail. A dude called in seeking advise because his marraige is shitty and his “crazy ass” wife wants to start going to church (I’m not touching that), Burbank Dave called in again with a solution to the phone problems (Maybe he could just let them use his phone), and a dude called in about some liquor that should sponsor DDD, he got through 5 times and each time he picked up where he last left off (my hats off to you sir). Don’t forget that tonight is Donald Schults and Allison Eastwood’s premiere of their new show where they help animals or something. Speaking of helping animals did you know that yer mum used to volunteer down at your local animal shelter? No, that’s probably because she got caught in the middle of a canine orgy, dog food and hair flying everywhere, and that was just from her cunt, OH!