Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Shhh don’t tell them it’s really Columbus Day, silly Canooks. The Jason Ellis Columbus Day Memorial show began with Dingo in the studio. Nothing says America like two sick cunts from Australia. Ellis started off talking about the movie Money Ball with Dingos bestie, Jonah Hill. Okay, maybe not besties, but they would probably jack each other off if they were trapped in an elevator for a couple hours and got really bored. Ellis’s birthday is coming up and he is going to have it a strip club, he didn’t specify the exact club but it’s probably at Crazy Horse, Paris, France, Body Shop, Marble Arch, Tropicana’s where I lost my heart GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. Whoa, sorry, got trapped in Crue World for a second there. Where was I, oh yeah, something about old balls in the gym getting blow dried while Blasko meat gazes, but it’s not gay unless you say “What the
fuck homie!” I’m not sure when exactly Blasko entered the Swinghouse but none the less it was one hell of an entrance. Ellis went to the Tony Hawk Foundation Benefit Something Something and saw a bunch of celebrities and otherwise awesome dudes. One of those was Dana White whom Ellis spoke with for a bit and they both had a good laugh over Gay Breudiger’s Ellismaina facial reconstruction. Do you want to know how to spike up your sex life? Just as Rawdog, all you have to do is get your girl a vibrator for her birthday and dress as a firefighter. That gets all the chicks all hot and bothered!
Unsigned Bands with Blasko was a huge success, or tragic failure, depending on if you are one of the unsigned bands or not. I took the liberty of quickly briefing my opinion of each band for you. Cuddle Crew started us off and was hilarious with their song ABS (Ass Balls Shaft), Mullet Corpse sounded like cookie monster leading a troop of Marines in the middle of an insurgent attack, Crusty Mustache reminded me of the stoner bums that hang outside of Cheeba Hut, Not All There was like if NOFX, Bad Religion, and The Offspring took a collective dump and that dump fell on a guitar, The Kynd it was a small sample but Blasko summed it up perfectly with “pure shit”, Nonstop sounded like Dave Mustaine on Redbull and crack but it wasn’t bad, Kill Everyone a few words to describe it, sucks-corn, shit-corn, makes me wanna punch his mum in the box-corn, Shadowstalk is probably the best thing out of Canada since…I got nothing. But they’re video is on Youtube featuring Talyn Stone, your welcome, George Heywood reminded my of The Pain of Time acoustic version, Wolfknife member, Scream Stoner sounded cool but we never got to the lyrics, AMoss was a rapper but my opinion doesn’t count because I’m a white dude in the suburbs, and Super Stone sounded like he should be an opener for a Skynnard tribute band. The overall best was Shadowstalk or Cuddle Crew, both were winners in our hearts. To submit your unsigned band email Ellisparodies@gmail.com.
Magicians are gay for example, Chris Angel & David Blane. But they are gay because they
think that they really know magic and can do magical things. Penn and Teller are awesome because they know that it’s all tricks and plus they’re not fucktarded. A excape artist, Mike Scarpino, called in and told the guys about his “escape from a plastic bag” trick. Sounds lame until you actually watch his amazing abilities. Branden won the Big Fucking Mega Boat and after Michael “Danger Balls” Tully read it, I still had no fucking clue what it was about. The Reverse Awards are still being tallied so remember, vote now and vote often. MMA News the worst roomie ever convicted for eating shrooms and then eating some face. Its an old story so if you don’t remember it then your shot out of luck. Our little Bush Baby is finally single again, so ladies you better shave those legs and douche that cooch because the Tussin Wolf is back on the prowl! Rawdog and his girl got in fight over dinner because he wanted to grab a quick bite and then hand with Cum Tard and she got all PMSy and started bitching, but The Bangar stood his ground. All in all he said that there was too much drama in the relationship. Oh, she also wanted Rawdog to rawdog her non pill poppin puss so that she can get her grasp on the Richmond fortune tied up in the legendary trust fund, allegedly. The biggest bummer of this break up is that we won’t get to hear Jude do his impression of her and I don’t know what to do with these churros and McNuggets I got them for their anniversary. Final calls sucked, like usual. One of these times I would like to be surprised with at least 3 callers with something interesting to say. Speaking of surprises, I found the football that you lost when you were a kid, yer mum was using it as a filler for her massive cavernous vagina, OH!